2. 

The next morning consisted of studying nonstop for three hours; Kyuhyun was none to scruple and laze around with assignments and homework. He had always wished to get outstandingly good grades; also something he had promised his parents since he was little, and he wanted to live by those words.

His scheduled vocal training even went past him as a gust, and it wasn’t until Donghae almost broke down his door that Kyuhyun woke up from his haze, realizing that he had spent four hours excluding himself from the real world.

“Don’t you have practice or anything?” the older said, and Kyuhyun immediately palmed his face, cursing under his breath for forgetting his schedules.

“Vocals…” He mumbled, and Donghae shuffled from the opening.

“You late? Better hurry, Kyuhyun-ah.”

The maknae nodded in his hands, but as Donghae disappeared, he just remained with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands, realizing that he didn’t want to attend vocal coaching at all.

Is my dream failing on me?

He still pushed through it however, forcing away the strange thoughts that kept him doubting his will to perform his duties.

The vocal coach gave him a good scolding for turning up 20 minutes late, but figured soon enough that their time would be awfully wasted if he kept going, and so, Kyuhyun was let go a bit easier. He usually didn’t turn up late – he always made sure to be on time when he could control it himself – so he supposed the vocal coach had been understanding enough to cut him some slack even though the only honest excuse he had was that he had studied too hard.

He pushed through vocal practice, insisting that it was all for his own good and to make him improve in what he loved.

He strained his mind, making it clear to himself that whatever had gotten into him was just temporary, and that all could be fixed with a bit of time.

He claimed positivity, thinking that someone would be there for him when he got back.

Who he hoped that someone would be, however, was another conflict.

Kyuhyun felt unusually tired when that day ended. He hadn’t done a lot, just morning studying, over-day vocal practice and some evening dance practice together with Hangeng, Donghae and Hyukjae. But there had been so much going on in his mind – so much that it hurt just to think back at how hopelessly absentminded he had been during the day. And Kyuhyun had never expected himself to fall into such a sudden pit.

It was like he was suddenly drowning; he didn’t know how he got there or what was holding him down: but he was drowning, and it was happening quickly and painfully.

Sungmin appeared at the doorstep just as Kyuhyun felt ready to break down – legs disobeying and head pounding – and without thinking, just using his eyes as guidance, he ran up to the raven-head, threw his arms around his calm and soft form, and pressed his lips against the other without even a word beforehand.

His hand travelled up to the elder’s neck as he felt Sungmin respond to the sudden violent kiss, and without looking, Kyuhyun fumbled to close the bedroom door and leave them to privacy. There was a feeling in his stomach he couldn’t explain, and when the door had been roughly closed, the younger pulled back for breath.

He didn’t know what or why, when or where. And apart from that thought, he noticed that he couldn’t read the look on Sungmin’s face when their lips had parted.

So he kissed him again.

The elder’s body was pushed against the wall as Kyuhyun tried to find what he was searching in the dark of the room.

His bangs were drawn back as Kyuhyun looked into the loving, brown eyes, silently calling out – into them.

Time flied away for both of them, when the bystander had only counted a couple of seconds – they couldn’t find a perception of what they wanted to consider real.

His breaths had increased a couple times already – body heating up from quick movements and caresses – when Kyuhyun fell back beside him on the bed, realizing again that he didn’t know what he was searching for from the beginning.

“Kyuhyun-ah…” The older half-whispered, turning to the right to slightly caress the younger’s cheek. Kyuhyun was staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry, I…”

Sungmin’s eyes widened a bit, but his lips remained pouty as always.

“Sorry about what?”

“For jumping on to you like that, I…” Kyuhyun paused in his somehow flustered mood, and pouted before relaxing his lips again. “I think I missed you.”

A short silence occurred, Sungmin glancing at the little space between them with his eyebrows slightly lowered, and Kyuhyun still looking at the soulless ceiling.

But no matter how much silence there was, and would ever occur, Kyuhyun wanted it to be just like that.

“But sweetheart…” A cute, playful voice echoed close to his ear, and he could feel Sungmin’s presence draw closer and his breath hitting the younger’s cheek and neck. Kyuhyun glanced at him.

“You can’t be sorry for that, I mean, we’re together after all…”

The elder’s faint laugh made Kyuhyun smile, and he lifted his right arm to put it around Sungmin’s waist.

“I missed you,” Kyuhyun repeated, pursing his lips, inviting the other to get back to the previous connection of warmth radiating between them.

When Sungmin wished him goodnight with the three magical words, Kyuhyun felt a knot in his stomach.

He drifted off before he could reply.

Something was off during the performance next day. Kyuhyun didn't feel his bones carrying him the way they used to, and looking out over the sea of blue light sticks, he couldn't seem to find any comfort. The music echoed in his ears; he sang with what he thought he had and moved in synch with the other members. But something was hindering him from doing it with his heart and being fully present.

His head felt hollow apart from the thoughts about his physics homework and social studies assignments. Emotions were clasping the walls of his head, but there was nothing close enough to what he always had felt and wanted to feel while performing. The headlight dimmed his vision and he squinted; for a moment feeling more lost than he had ever been, wondering why he couldn't see a path. Any path. Something to walk and rely on.

Before he tripped over his own feet, Sungmin was there beside him; as if he had sensed Kyuhyun's falter, as if he could read him from tip to toe without words. The raven head put his arms around the maknae's body; arms trapped in the embrace, and nearby crowd shouted.

KyuMin. Kyuhyun and Sungmin.

For a moment, Kyuhyun thought that everything would be fine. He believed that there would be (at least) a temporary happiness flooding over him as one he loved was near. But not even the touch of someone he would like to call his world aided him. Not the crowd; yells of joy; applause: nor the music soothed him.

But he did what he had to, and he forced himself to do it well. However, when 13 satisfied, sweaty and heavy breathing guises tumbled into the dressing room, he was already surrounded.

"What happened out there?"

Their main manager tilted his head, and Kyuhyun knew it was disappointment.

He knew that he had wanted to give it all; feel all the emotions he was used to, and sing with his heart. But it hadn't worked out.

"I don't know." Kyuhyun looked down. Worried glances were thrown between the members, but he cared less. The manager kept a stern face but soon clasped his hands together, lifting his head and glancing over at the other members. Despite Kyuhyun's mishap, the concert had been a success.

"Good job today. Keep it going."

He dismissed the group, but when Kyuhyun was about to turn, prepared that the members would want to grab him again, and prepared to push them away, the manager stopped him again.

His eyes radiated strange emotion that Kyuhyun couldn't read.

"Whatever it is..." he said, gaze travelling between Kyuhyun’s eyes, "Don't let it affect your performing, okay?"

Quality

Kyuhyun nevertheless nodded. "Yes, hyung."

Technique

But it wasn't just about that. It was about emotion.

How could people pull through anything without having a setting for it? What would dedication be without emotions attached? What would freedom be without will to break away in the first place?

i have more inspiration for this than year of rainbow so i'll just go with the flow :)
how do you like it so far~? ^-^