He was only twelve at the time.

Kangin stayed quiet as he stood amongst the white snow, his dark clothing contrasting against it, but was glad to be alone. He didn't want to be inside, to be watched. A poor kid with no real family, no food, no means to care for himself at all.

He may have personified it, but it didn't call for those pitiful looks.

"It's too cold."

He looked back in the direction of the voice, witnessing the same brilliant smile despite the blistering cold. Kangin merely turned away.

He looked from the corner of his eye, noting how the older boy continued to stand there, waiting impatiently.

"Please," He heard the other nearly beg, turning around to see his hands clasped together. "Come inside."

Kangin ignored the other's plead, making the older boy sigh heavily.

He tried to stay distant from most of the volunteers. He knew one of the mothers had assigned her son to watch over him. He didn't want to pressure the same boy to be forced to give a helping hand.

It was only when he felt he had enough did he try to walk inside past the older boy but then stumbled and fell into the snow head first.

He didn't want to face the laughter, hesitantly lifting his head, expecting the worst.

He was surprised to see a hand outreached towards him.

Leeteuk waited patiently, until Kangin took hold of his hand.

A first love that began simply because of that small act, leaving Leeteuk to be part of those strongest memories that he cherished.

The sounds of the camera flickered relentlessly in the present day, the scene before it remained unchanging and while brilliant, the photographer lowered the camera in a disappointing manner. Kangin glanced up at the skies, wishing for the autumn to end, but torn by the very idea. Every winter had been the same, a callous reminder of the past.

"This obsession of yours is unhealthy." Sungmin commented once on his behavior. Kangin smiled bitterly.

If fate hadn't intervened, his time at the community home would have stayed a distant memory. It should have stayed as such.

If Kangin hadn't walked into that restaurant by chance, he wouldn't have recognized the busboy who hurriedly cleaned each table, smiling as he always had. Kangin recognized him instantly, his name-tag confirmed his suspicions.

If their paths had remained apart, he would have played it off as a first love, as a memory worth reliving every once in a while. Now it had become a bitter memory that prompted him to pursue Leeteuk further, to demand his attention, to fuel these uncontrollable emotions that were once dormant.

For once in his life, he hated the money he was bestowed with, how it easily pushed away the person he realized he had always wanted.

For once, it was no longer the blessing he thought it was, but saw it clearly as the curse that ruined everything.

-

Yesung stepped inside the cafe, scanning around until they rested on the distant corner booth. "I'm here." He declared as he sat in the chair, he noted how the light above the booth flickered, close to giving out.

"Finally, I thought you were avoiding me." Yesung shifted his gaze towards Leeteuk and gave a playful smile.

"Now that you finally came back into the city, took you long enough." He commented lowly, earning a pursed smile from the other. He tapped his fingers as he prompted the conversation. "Your brother enjoying the university?"

Leeteuk shrugged, his eyes remaining on the table. Yesung flinched, bothered by the flickering lights of the light above them, closing his eyes to avoid the potential headache. He noted how his companion shifted his eyes, as if debating a question. He sighed, "Just say it."

Leeteuk's eyes continually to move around. "How is..."

"He's fine." Yesung replied. He heard Leeteuk sigh under his breath, partly from relief. "If you're that curious, you could go-"

"No," Leeteuk insisted, his arms retreating from the table and onto his lap. "Not like this."

Yesung opened his eyes, a solemn expression tracing his own as he gave a slanted glance. "It's nothing to be ashamed about. You know he won't demean you because of it."

"That's not what I'm afraid of."

"Then what?"

Yesung's phone vibrated and he quickly checked, recognizing the picture of the young man displayed on his cell.

He was tempted to answer out of habit alone, but he'd have return the call another time. Yesung's sole intent was to persuade Leeteuk, but instead cursed under his breath. The lights frustrating him, annoyed by the dozen spots he could now see in his line of vision.

It was fair to say why no one else bothered to occupy the booth before Leeteuk.

"What's wrong?" Leeteuk asked obliviously.

"Is there anywhere you want to go before I have to return to work?" Yesung asked quickly, hoping for a yes. Leeteuk merely shrugged. He took it as a confirmed answer.

Partly relieved to be away from that booth, Yesung stood up and waited patiently, his eyes in another direction as Leeteuk took his elbow. Pulling him away as patiently as he could, glad to finally be away from those blasted lights.

-

Sungmin stepped once more into the small office, dropping files onto his desk. "Look over these in the meantime before father has a ."

Kangin attentively studied the various details of the dozen spreadsheets when Sungmin brought up the dreaded subject. "There's going to be another family gathering, mother wants us both to attend."

Kangin visibly cringed. "They already can't stand the thought of me, having me there is just causing more drama than necessary." He thought back to the past ones. "They're not afraid to say much how they hate me either. Loudly in fact."

"At least mother lets you leave. I'm forced to stay until it's over." His naturally discontent expression hardening as he settled into the chair adjacent to the desk . "If you don't go, I'm definitely not."

The other arched an eyebrow as he typed into the laptop. "But they're your flesh and blood." He noted how the other rolled his eyes.

"Don't remind me. I try to forget that I'm related to them."

"Bring Yesung with you then."

"He ignored my call, I refuse to bring him anywhere." Sungmin replied firmly.

Ignoring his brother's laugh, his eyes scanned the office until they rested on a black picture frame in the bookshelf. Squinting his eyes from the sun's glare and opening them in realization, he stayed quiet as he looked back, his silence hard to maintain as he noted the familiar watch that hung from his brother's wrist.

"I didn't think of you as the type to attach yourself to a first love."

The typing had paused momentarily, Kangin blinked until he resumed. "That wasn't my intention." He said, his tone light and casual. "I didn't think it would go any further."

"My greatest fear is that emotion." Sungmin said calmly. "I've seen too many composed individuals lose themselves to this."

"That won't stop mother from setting you up on those marriage meetings." Kangin taunted, ignoring a subtle glare from the other.

He could read Sungmin like a book despite his younger brother's often nonchalant appearance. His talent for deciphering emotions and thoughts was something envied, but he wished he lacked.

"I barely know you." Leeteuk had said, fighting a small smile, lowering the bin onto the table of the restaurant.

"Just one date."

"Why are you so persistent?"

Kangin smiled, able to use this new found courage easily, knowing Leeteuk was showing keen interest nonetheless. Not bothered in the least that Leeteuk hadn't remembered him as the poor boy he once sheltered. He was given a second chance, and he'd use it wisely.

"Whenever it involves you..." Kangin said. "I can't hold back."

To his delight, Leeteuk finally agreed.

And while he could study Leeteuk's emotions easier than others, he was too well aware of his subconscious looks when he gave him gifts, took him to expensive settings. Even in the comfort of his apartment, Leeteuk seemed unsettled.

As if he wondered why someone of Kangin's status would fall for someone beneath him.

"He can't ignore your background forever, it's what you were given." Sungmin said truthfully. "I'm glad he felt you deserved the best, but he should have known you didn't care."

Kangin remained lost in thought as Sungmin abruptly asked.

"Is he your biggest regret?"

His deadpan question hadn't affected Kangin, who glanced once more over the files, debating silently as he leaned back against his hair. Sungmin watched with a directed gaze at the man who at last, gave a constrained smile.

"I'm sorry to say, that even now... I can't say that he is."

-

The phone continually rang, forcing Leeteuk awake from his nap against the couch, he heard Siwon take the call.

Once he heard the phone click against its platform, he asked who it was.

"Mom wanted to see how we were doing," Siwon replied.

Leeteuk bit his cheek, knowing full well that it meant they were asking how he was doing.

"I want to go to the park." He said, he heard Siwon scurry to find his jacket but Leeteuk stopped him. "I'll be fine going alone... I've walked this neighborhood too many times to get lost now."

"That's fine." Siwon said cheerfully, "But are you sure?"

Leeteuk nodded as he tread across the room, "I won't go anywhere else but the park, it's the safest for me apparently." He murmured as he put on his jacket and reached for the item that hung by the door.

Once he stepped outside, he felt himself calm down, smiling at the cold air that enveloped him.

He preferred the winter amongst any season, even if it made it difficult to walk through, mainly because something about the cold had soothed him. As he reached the park, he listened to the serene silence the early nightfall had brought as he settled into the swing.

He liked being alone. He hummed to himself as he pushed lightly off the ground, his glove covered hands holding onto the blistering cold metal. The few who passed by didn't notice the man was any different.

His eyes looked like anyone else's. Only if one were to look closely would they realize the iris was wider than usual, the pupils moved on their own, the eyes roamed without his knowing or just out of habit.

The only signal they could all see was the thin cane, a plain white with a reddened tip that laid by his side.

-

Kangin leaned back against the couch, staring blankly at the Christmas tree in his large room, yet compared to it all, it was rather small. Few cheap decorations covered it, styled in a way that would make others cringe, but it made him rather nostalgic.

His memories formed an image that moved in front of him, placing a younger Kangin beside the empty tree, accomplished briefly at his endeavor when Leeteuk came up beside him and quirked his head.

"You've forgotten again, haven't you?"

Kangin furrowed his eyebrows when the other lifted up a box full of lights, the man's laugh filled the room as the other wallowed in embarrassment.

He blinked, snapping away from the memories as he looked at the present tree in his room. He steadily walked towards it, his fingers tracing the jagged branches, realizing he had forgotten the lights, as always. By habit, he turned his head to the spot beside him, but as before, it remained unoccupied. Waiting for that familiar reminder from the other, to smile brightly as he did before, to love him as he still did now.

Kangin glanced at the watch that he still held on his wrist.

He recalled the day when the other abruptly held out a small wrapped box. He had asked what it was, considering it wasn't a holiday nor his birthday but to no proper answer. Leeteuk had stayed quiet, awaiting his reaction.

Despite the price, Kangin knew Leeteuk had struggled to find money to pay for his gift. Leeteuk ignored it all as he gave a shy smile, proud the watch had fit.

"I hope you like it."

Kangin tore his eyes away from his watch, clearing his throat. The fact that it had been over a year since he last saw the other did nothing to lower his feelings, even now he couldn't move on properly. This characteristic of his hadn't changed at all since then.

At a loss, he the television, attempting to distract himself as he heard the news reports of how the snow was pushing the city's limits. Burdening the streets already early in the season.

Deciding he couldn't simply stay in his apartment, diverting his attention purposely away as he escaped the very place that prompted those memories.

-

Leeteuk nearly tripped as he stepped into the deep snow, realizing how much taller the layers had become as he continued about, his cane doing no justice to get by, taking too long to return home.

He wanted to do this however, get by in the city by himself without someone's help, without someone watching out for him.

Others had taken months to adjust. Already more than a year, and Leeteuk simply couldn't.

He had always been a slow learner, difficult to conforming to change. And while others had eased the transition after the loss of their sight a lot faster. He was still in step one after all this time.

He was trying however, there was no other way.

Yet as the hours progressed, he was starting to feeling that nagging worry increase. At a dead end, he reached for his cellphone when he realized it died, hating that he forgot to charge it as always, despite how often he was reminded.

He had no idea now, shifting his head at every direction, hearing the occasional honks but barely the sounds of pedestrians walking or speaking. All probably rushing to warmer places, but leaving him confused to where he was. He tried to obey his other senses, but he couldn't do as people had often advised him to do.

"What am I going to do now?" He asked himself, almost afraid as he crossed his arms, not enjoying the cold as he usually did. Standing there quietly, clutching the cane close to his side. He needed to adapt to this lifestyle, there was no other choice. He nodded to himself, deciding to take a determine step into the darkness before him.

The snow was too deep this time, falling head first onto a huge mound, mentally cursing himself for this, too embarrassed to even get up when a pair of hands lifted him.

Grateful for the stranger's help once he was on his feet, he brushed away the remaining snow. "Thank you."

He felt the hands withdrew from him, and he looked about, wandering if maybe this person had heard him, or maybe he had directed it to a random space beside him.

"What are you doing here?"

He stopped moving about, and instead froze completely, yet his heart skipped a mile a minute.

Of the many people who crowded this city day to day, the slim chances of ever coming across and he counted on, the very person he aimed to avoid entirely. It was a fruitless endeavor.

He could only stay quiet as Kangin stood before him.