As Jinhwan-hyung and I take the elevator up to Bobby-hyung’s condo, I think about how Yoonjin was just in this elevator. When her and the other guys got out of the car, I couldn’t do it. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her, or help her, or even look at her. When she turned around and looked at me, it felt like someone reached into my chest and pulled my heart out. Seeing her sitting on the ground, covered in paint and face swollen, I almost stopped breathing. This all happened because of me. If I hadn’t confessed to Yoonjin, no, if I hadn’t started talking to her to begin with, none of this would have happened. It’s all my fault.

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Jinhwan-hyung says, reading my thoughts.

“It is though,” I say, hurting from the guilt. “No one ever bothered her before I came into the picture.”

Without saying any words, Jinhwan puts his hand on my shoulder, and we are silent for the rest of the elevator ride.

When we enter Bobby-hyung’s condo, the guys are talking quietly on the couches. When they see me come in, they all give me a reassuring smile, and sit me down.

“Where’s Yoonjin?” I ask, and Bobby-hyung tells me that she’s washing up. I listen as the guys talk, and I start to pick up the sound of the shower from the bedroom.

After what feels like forever, I hear the water getting turned off. I start to wonder what is going through Yoonjin’s mind through all of this.

-

“Whoa it’s already 8PM.” Yoonhyeong-hyung points out, and we all realize how long we’ve been talking for.

“What happened to Yoonjin?” Bobby-hyung says, getting up and going up to the bedroom door. He knocks, but no answer. He carefully opens the door and peeks in. He lets out soft chuckle, and walks into the bedroom. A couple of minutes go by, and he comes back out, closing the door behind him. He comes back to the couches and sits down, all of us looking at him waiting for him to tell us.

“She fell asleep.” He laughs, and the rest of the guys smile. But I couldn’t.

“Can we go eat? I’m starving.” Donghyuk says.

“Let’s go. We should split off so some of us stay here and watch Yoonjin.” Jinhwan-hyung says.

“You guys go.” I say. My first words in hours. “I’m not hungry, so I’ll stay here.”

“Are you sure?” Jinhwan-hyung says, and I nod. As the guys are leaving, they all give my pats on the back or reassuring words.

“Hyung, I’ll bring you back some food okay?” Donghyuk says.

“Thanks, Donghyuk.” I say, and he flashes me his signature “feel better soon” smiles.

I hear the door close, and it’s completely silent in the condo. My mind flashes back to Yoonjin, and my heart hurts again. I start thinking about everything that’s happened in my life, and when memories of my mom flash by, the pain doubles. What would she say to me, if she were here to comfort me?

-

I thought I was just lost in my thoughts, but I must have dozed off because when I hear the turn of a doorknob, my eyes fly open. The bedroom door slowly opens, and I see Yoonjin peeking her head out. She sees me, and she walks out. She’s wearing someone’s sweat pants and one of Jinhwan-hyung’s t-shirts.

“Hi.” She says, coming towards me.

“Hi.” I say, not knowing what else to say. She sits down on couch beside me, and we’re quiet for several moments.

“How are you feeling?” I say, finally able to muster up the courage to say something.

“Better, thanks.” She says, “And thanks for stopping that girl back there.”

“We should’ve been there earlier. None of that should’ve happened. I’m sorry,”

Yoonjin turns to look at me. “For everything.” I finish my sentence.

“Don’t apologize.” She says, looking away and shaking her head. “None of this is your fault.”

It is my fault, I think to myself, but I couldn’t say it out loud. We stare into space and stay silent again.

“I thought you would’ve fought back.” I finally say, and regretting it right after.

“I would’ve.” She says, “But I didn’t. I don’t know, it just didn't seem to matter whether I fought back or not.”

“Of course it matters.” I say, not believing what Yoonjin just said. “You have to protect yourself.”

“I’ll just get hurt in the end, anyways. So why bother?” she says, without any emotion, and my heart feels another pang. I look at Yoonjin, and I can see tears welling up in her eyes, but she’s trying hard not to cry.

“Hey, whatever it is that’s bothering you just let it all out. You’ll hurt even more if you try to hold it in.” I say, trying to make it sound like how Jinhwan-hyung said it  to me. Yoonjin stays quiet.

We sit silently for a minute or two. I look over at Yoonjin, and tears are streaming down her face non-stop. I wrap my arm around Yoonjin’s shoulders, letting her feel that she’s not alone. She leans into me, and I hold her close to me.

===

I can feel Hanbin’s warmth as I lean into him. He holds me tighter, and I continue to bawl my eyes out. Hanbin doesn’t ask for an explanation, and consoles me silently. I realize, for the first time, I’m not trying to keep myself together, and I can just let whatever I’m feeling take over. The more I cry, the better I’m starting to feel.

After what feels like forever, I’m all cried out. Although the sadness is still there, it feels like the huge weight that has been on me has become lighter. Realizing that Hanbin has been holding me this whole time, I move a little bit, and sensing my movements, Hanbin quickly lets go of me.

“Thanks.” I say, my voice slightly cracking.

“You feeling better?” Hanbin asks quietly

As I nod in reply, not really knowing what to say next.

“Here.” He says, pushing the box of tissues towards me, as he stands up and heads to the kitchen. I quickly grab a couple of tissues, and wipe away any remaining tears off of my face. So this is how it feels to cry in front of someone, I think to myself. I’ve never cried in front of anyone besides my parents before, not even Sunghyun-oppa. The thought of him makes me feel like heart is about to cave in again, like it did before, but this time it almost feels easier.

“Hope you’re okay with tea.” Hanbin says, coming out of the kitchen holding two mugs. “It’s the hot drink that Bobby-hyung has here.” He hands me one of the mugs.

“Tea is fine, thanks.” I take the mug from him, and he sits back down beside me. I put both hands on the hot mug and feel the warmth from the tea. I take a sip, and practically burn my tongue.

“Careful, it’s hot.” Hanbin says, noticing my reaction.

“It feels nice to drink it when it’s hot though.” I say, taking another sip, when a thought comes to my head. “I don’t want to sound pretentious or anything, but you haven’t asked me what happened.” And I mentally beat myself for saying that without any thought. Hanbin turns to me, taken off guard.

“Oh my god.” I say embarrassed, covering my face with my hand. “Pretend I said nothing, that did not go through my conscience before I said it.”

I hear Hanbin chuckle, and I look at him.

“Don’t get me wrong, I was curious.” He says, amused, “I just thought you might not want to talk about it.”

“Oh.” I say, still embarrassed.

“Well I guess while we’re on that topic, do you mind if I ask what happened?” 

I take another sip of tea, thinking about how I should tell him, or where to even start. “How far back should I start?” I ask him.

“Wherever you wanna start.” He says, reassuringly. I start my story, and throughout the whole thing, Hanbin listens intently.

“And then I found out that he cheated on me.” I tell Hanbin about seeing Sunghyun-oppa and that girl together.

“Ah.” He says.

“You don’t look surprised it happened.” I say, noticing his reaction. I’m about to continue talking when it hits me. “You knew didn’t you?” I ask, barely audible, even for myself.

“I did.” He says.

“When did you find out?”

“That night I went the manhwa café to see you.” I think about what happened that night, and everything starts to fit together.

“You wanted tell me…” I say, and Hanbin nods.

“I’m sorry I didn’t” he says sincerely.

“Don’t be sorry.” I say, “I should thank you for not telling me. Finding out myself gave the rude awakening that I needed. Actually thinking back on it, there were a lot of signs, but I was just too blind to see them.” My memory goes back to night we went to the theatre and he suddenly pushed me to walk in a different direction. We must’ve almost bumped into the other girl, and he didn’t want to be caught.

“That .” I curse at him under my breath. Hanbin chuckles again and raise his mug.

“Cheers to that.” He says, and then takes a sip. We sit in silence, when another question pops into my head. This time it doesn’t slip out, but I ask Hanbin anyways. Something about talking to him, I don’t feel like I need to hold anything in.

“Why have you been protecting so much? It seems like every time something happens to me, you’re there to get me out.” I say, looking over at Hanbin, and he’s looking down into the mug.

“You know why.” He says quietly, and my mind instinctively goes to the day he said he liked me. My face burns up. “And well…just because you don’t feel the same way, doesn’t mean I stop caring.”

My heart starts to beat faster, and I feel so embarrassed for asking that I could dig a hole and curl up into it. I try to think of something to say, but the only thought that comes into my head is that it’s not completely true that I don’t feel the same way. I keep finding words to say, when the door beeps several times and the door swings open.

“Hyung, we brought back food.” Donghyuk calls from the door, and he sees me. “Oh. Noona you’re awake!” 

=============

Man...I wanted this chapter to be a lot cuter than it turned out haha. (Please forgive me!) And as usual, thank you to my readers and subscribers! Reading all of your comments gives me a lot of encouragment to keep writing whenever I'm stuck with certain parts! It really means a lot to me to actually have someone read my material! *cyber hugs*