HANA

 

I felt numb. My sight is bleary. Where am I?

 

I saw light. A very bright light.

 

I heard voices, I heard sounds. But one of the voices is the voice that I love the most even though it sounds cold.
She's very cold. Even to me. Indeed, she's very good in hiding her feelings.

How can I forget about her first love?
She was adorable back then and I really envied her.
Who can resist this little bunny? I totally can't.

It supposed to be a blind date between her and her first love. She was fringing 13 that time!

I still remember how she dress up, how she apply makeup and how she twirl in front of the mirror.

It supposed to be as it plans. It supposed to be the best day of her life. And it supposed to be a wonderful day.

But, Kris…

He spoiled everything.

Since I tricked him to go out with me, I ask Haneun to wear a mask as disguise.
He confessed his feeling towards me at Haneun.Right in front of her face.

I saw the disappointment in her eyes.I felt it,too.

 

 

I step out from my hideout to stop Kris from saying any futher but then,

"You should be thankful because she's not here,Yifan" Smile crept over her face and she slowly took off the mask

Kris eyes widened.

"You're in confessing and gosh, are you shaking?" She raise one of her brow and pointed her index to his shakened hands

"I bet, there's a pool on your palms. Right?" She chuckled but it fade as soon as her eye landed on me.

She stood up and I expected a hard kick from the best player of hapkido.But, what she did next was nothing but suprised me as hell.

She whispered something to Kris and walk towards me.

"It was the best present ever,sister.Thank you"

I was speechless.
 

 

 

I felt someone tried to loosened my fist. No. I can't let it be.
I had to give it to her before it's too late. She should know everything.She should know that it was a mistake.
I tightened my fist as I felt they tried again.

 

"No..no.."
 Was the last word I heard before black take over the light.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Sun disappear and grey sky taking place in the sky.
Rain falls slightly on Earth as it was mourn too.
People starts to decreasing in the cementry.

 

Her eyes darting to the sky.She heaved a sigh.
It not supposed to be this way. She's not supposed to die this way.
She runs her finger through her silky gold lock.
Her eyes pierce at the tombstone.

 

'Angella Kim Hana. Born in glory. Died in dignity.Rest in peace'

 

"You've done your best"

A voice interupt her sweet time with her lovely sister while an umbrella covered her head from the rain.

"I know.." Her voice turn out hoarse as the result of her crying the whole night the day before.

"You should rest.You look hideous" His voice seems serious eventhough there's slightly joking manner in them

curved upwards a bit.

"But, you still love me.Right, Jonginie?"

"Ew, fish please noona.I hate you this much!" He then throw his arms to the air and she expected he to let go his umbrella but no. Jongin suddenly step closer to her and pull her in his embrace.

He chuckled as she felt his chest vibrated "How can I hate you,noona?You were the only one who love me for who I am"

"Do you hate her?" He asked as she pull herself away

She stiffened but then softened as her eyes landed on the tombstone.

"How can I Jongin? She sacrificed everything for me.She letting everything out of her hand just for me. Tell me,Jongin.How can I?"Her voice cracked and tears threatened to fall out from her lids but she held it.

He let out his sigh as he saw her struggled with her feelings. "Let's go.Aunt must be waiting you at home.She said you haven't eat since last night"

She slightly nod to him and they walk with the same rhythm to their car.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

"What the hell Kris?"
Kris snapped from his thought and confront with her not-so-happy face.

 

Well her face always like that,though.

 

But then he noticed that her face were too dejected.There's something off about her dress,too.
She’s wearing a black lace dress with black sneaker and black accessories. I know she’s been black-maniac but, she’s in the hospital dude! She’s not supposed to wear all in black. Or, is somebody died? Is she hoping me to die? Holy !

 

"What?" He lost

 

"I said, your backbone are fine and you can check out from the hospital tomorrow" She rolled her eyes as she pull out her pen to write something on my report.

 

Parker 0.03. Her favorites.

 

"You still have it" He eyed the pen along with her face. He realizes that her fingers were slender.

 

Feminine.

 

"Is it a question?" She asks as her eye still piecing on the report. When silent answered her, she continued, "No. Yours were already missing years ago. I bought a new one."

 

Ouch

 

“Ohh, okay..Um..May I ask something?”

Without taking any glanced, she replied “You already did”

He rolled his eyes. “You really need heat wave to melt the ice in your voice. Tsk”

She clicked her pen and keeps in her blazer pocket. “Whatever. You need to sleep facing the ceiling tonight.If your backbone making any sound like, cracks while you move tomorrow, immediately call the nurse.”

“Why don’t you stay tonight? You didn’t come back after you left and I kind of^__”

 

XOXO, XOXO
Salmeossi ipmachun Xneun kiss,
Deorakaghe raneun Oneun hug,
Hoksi beolseo algo isseulkka, Oh~

 

“Hello? Yes, Jongin?” Her brows furrowed as soon as she heard the thing that came out from Jongin’s mouth
She heaved a sigh
“Alright. Meet me at usual place.” She hung up and glanced her left wrist

 

18.07 pm

 

“Who’s that?” Kris aroused from his current position as he saw Haneun hung up the call

“Jongin. He wants to meet me.” She already grab her sling bag and walk to the door but Kris managed to held her arm.

“Then, how about me?”

She heaved a sigh for the nth time. “I’ll be back before 9.Take care,Kris” She then pull her arm back to her side and walk through the door.

Kris heaved a sigh.

 

When she’s going to open up with me?

 

He then take out his phone and make a phone call. He fixed his position as to make his backbone comfortable

“Hey, buddy! I heard you’ve back from States?...” He said as the line connected to the other side

“…wow, I’m so offended, man. You didn’t tell me a thing about it...”

“...yeah? Oh man. I’m hospitalized. I fall from stairs…”

“..sure. Gangnam Specialist. Alright, see ya!”

 

It’s okay. I still have my buddies.

 

 

---

 

 

Dear Haneun,

If you read this letter, I might be died already. Wow, how cliché isn’t it?

Our last meeting didn’t went so well, I assumed, since you darting to the exit when you saw him.

I know you were angry at me. No. You are mad at me.

But, Haneun, my love.

Please don’t hate me. I won’t die in peace, knowing you hate me to the guts.

Haneun, my dear.

I’m sorry for ruining your dreams. I’m sorry for taking your right. I’m sorry for breaking my promises.
If not because of your half lung, maybe I have died earlier.

Yes, Haneun. I know about it. Jongin, however told me about it after I ran to his house.

He were mad at me, too.

How can I be so selfish? I’m curious too.

Did he told you that he was the one who held me on the aisle? Yes he did. I force him, though.

I know how selfish I am. But, who am I to be kidding? I am a human, Haneun. I have feelings.

I get envy  you and Baekhyun. I was tied with business and Kris. I hate it. I want to be freed.

And you have it. You got to go to college by taking your favourite subject while me, I was force to studied business and management. You know how much I love to be a singer, don’t you?

It was me, who gave the photos of you and Baekhyun at the pool party. I know and I’m sorry Haneun. But still, your relationship didn’t flinch a bit.

I’ve read your blog, Haneun. You don’t love him. You close your heart since that day. The day that was supposed to be your best day of the year. The day that had ruined by me, myself.

I know you still love him. I know there’s a place for him in your heart and it always be.

I’m willing to sacrifice everything to fix my mistake, Haneun. Even though being a substitute.

Substitute with benefit I may add.

That day, Haneun. Only God knows how happy I am when Baekhyun proposed me in front of mom’s grave. I know it wasn’t a sincere proposing, but still, I don’t care. He can use me as much as he want, as long as he stay by my side.

Marrying him is the only way to avoid marrying Kris Wu, Haneun. That is the only way.

He is my first love, Haneun. And he still is.

Do you remember, Minseok? The guy who I said I wish to marry with? He was a cousin of him.
Baekhyun went to the same college as me as a senior along with Kris. I always hang out with Kris just to see him. Pathetic, am I? Aunt misunderstood our relationship and so do Kris. And that’s where everything screwed up.

The way Baekhyun look at you, is the way you look at Kris. Almost the same. But yours, I can see the pain, Haneun. I caused it. And I’m truly sorry.

Letting you being a substitute bride was one of my plan at the beginning but, you being forced to quit your job, isn’t my intention, Haneun. Being a doctor is one of your dream and again, I’ve ruin it.

I’m such a dream ruiner, am I? And the worst is, I ruined the dream of my very own sister. My one and only sister.

Everything screwed up, Haneun, and I regretted.

I guess, God is granting my swear.

 

 

From Hana, with love.