I breathe out apprehensively as N is once again placing me onto the counter, the same spot I had sat it in the night before but in a much different state of mind. The situation at hand was one of a more complicated nature, and I can’t help but avert N’s orbs as they try to connect with my oaky ones.

When I am comfortably seated on the counter in Connor’s shop, I feel my hands jerk forward in reaction as N tries to take his hands away from me. He freezes as my fingers attempt to wrap around his wrists and I shake my head to tell him not to move.

As much as I was afraid of what was about to be talked about, I was more afraid of him leaving me. Two pulls in my mind and I wasn’t sure which one was right.

I lift my eyes from my lap to glance at him before moving quickly to Hongbin who had followed us here. His face is unreadable; no anger, no sadness, no happiness.

He is silent as N stumbles to begin the conversation, strangely at a loss for words.

“I… How… I really don’t know how to start this conversation,” He tells me nervously.

I feel my eyes twitch in nervousness before finding his face as I ask the first question that comes to mind, deciding I should start the talk of what I guess you could call my life.

“Am I who he says I am… a Princess?”

N nods hesitantly, “You were who he said you were; Ellin, a Princess with a family and a Kingdom… that my stupidity put under wraps.”

Tears begin to stings my eyes as I feel suddenly conflicted; sure, my family was not here, but it was certainly not his fault, in my opinion.

“That’s not your fault… You were following your heart, because you wanted to protect someone in the Royal family,” I tell him as eloquently as possible, “so please, don’t think I’ll hold it against you.”

N blinks in surprise and I make out a soft smile that seems to take over Hongbin’s picturesque face.

“You loved me; you did what any man would do…” I breathe with a somewhat pained smile.

There’s a part of me that knows whatever we had before, he was seeing from a different perspective. He saw me as the Princess I used to be, not as Fiana, the person who I perceived as myself.

His weight shifts awkwardly as his mouth opens, but Hongbin is addressing the earlier topic, interrupting N before he had a chance to speak.

“I would just like to say, your mother and father approved of him being with you.”

“Hongbin,” N hisses, throwing him a strange look before turning back to me.

“Really?” I wonder aloud.

Hongbin nods with the same smile as before, although changing the topic to one of a previous nature.

“And speaking of them… they also loved you very much, and would be happy to know you survived these past one hundred years.”

I in a breath as my chest tightens in melancholy and only nod in response as I try to understand the concept of family… People who loved me, yet I couldn’t remember a single thing about them.

“They would love even more to know that N is here to continue protecting you,” Hongbin tells me.

I nod again, this time tears falling from my eyes to work down a familiar path on my cheeks. How was it possible to be loved by someone like this…? Was it possible I didn’t have to be alone now?

“Anyways… you must have a lot of questions, which I’m sure N can answer. I need to see if Leo found this so called Gwydion,” Hongbin bows from his waist, “Princess.”

I nod slightly as he turns around to wander out of the shop.

The title was something I would have to get used to if I decided to keep it…

“Princess?” N asks meekly.

I turn my gaze to him and muster a smile.

“That’s weird… Being called that.”

He smirks at me but I can see the sadness in his eyes. I lift one of my hands from his wrists to place against his cheek as I try to get him to focus on the topic at hand.

His body stiffens as I make his vision lock with my own and I try to convey just what I was feeling.

“N, I don’t want you to leave me… Even as who I am now, Fiana, I don’t want you to leave and I find it funny really. How could I even want someone so badly I think I just met? But I’m scared you’ll want different of me.

“I don’t understand what Gwydion wants from this, nor do you, but he stole my memories and I’m scared of what will happen if I get them back. I could be different than now, different than Ellin… I’m not sure what to do here… Don’t royals get someone for this… a Royal advisor?”

I feel my eyes laden with tears as I contemplate my decision… Do I really want those memories back? Reliving the day my parents both died and the moment I forgot the love of my life, even if I didn’t really know him at this point?

“To be honest, you had one of those in your Royal Court, a lot closer than you know… But Connor knows about this situation, she was alive during that time.”

“She was…? Did I know her?”

N nods, “Yes, she was part of the Royal Court and very close to your Father. She’s incredibly knowledgeable and she knows the outcome of trying to implant your memories back in you.”

He mutters the last part of sentence, his eyes sparkling with tears.

“If she was to try the spell to bring your memories back… She basically would be splitting your soul into two, and it could be so painful you might die. It’s possible it would be successful, but there’s a chance it might not be.”

I nod slowly, trying to understand his words.

“I have thought of each outcome and its consequences for the past one hundred years and… Can I be incredibly honest with you?” He asks while laying one of his hands on my cheek, my tears soaking into the skin of his palm.

“No matter who you are from now on, I would love you no less than the day you lost your memories. The day you became who you are now.”

My breath hitches at his confession, tears seemingly pouring from my tree trunk coloured eyes.

“You may not love me like you did a hundred years ago, but I hope one day you might be able to.”

I nod quickly, “I think I could… I can try my best to be Ellin, to be someone who wants to restore the honour of my family even if I were to come to study it more, but I think loving you is such an easy and obvious option even as Fiana. That’s something you needn’t worry about.”

His face seems to take on that of the happiest I had seen it since meeting him a few days ago and he leans forward, my guess for a kiss, but he stops himself.

“Princess… Can I kiss you?”

I laugh for the first time today, nodding reassuringly as his lips peck mine for a few seconds.

“Just be patient with me N,” I beg slightly, “It will take me some time to get used to all of this.”

He shakes his head with a smirk while his fingers trace over bridge of my nose and various sections of my face.

“No matter how long it takes… I promise I’ll stay by your side for every step of it.”

“Thank-you,” I breathe as I pull my hands from their previous places to rest on his chest.

“When Connor comes back, we will have to talk about what happened today again… But for now, can we take a break Princess?”

N has a mischievous glint in his eye as his hand travels to the back of my neck.

“I think I need a bit of a break from all this seriousness to be honest with you.”

My hands tighten around the fabric of his sweater, pulling him forward to fill the tiny gap between our faces as my lips melt around his once again.

It may be strange that I am so accepting of what was going on, but N seemed to make me feel almost safe and light hearted about it all. The feeling would probably change when Connor would join us, but I can’t help but think my decision was one that was correct.

My thoughts begin to flicker as N slides his tongue against my lip to encourage me to open mine, and I do so with little hesitation.

Being who I was, I can accept the idea of my past and staying who I am. I lived as Fiana for a hundred years and I didn’t want to give up the hardships I had lived as this person. Of course I would accept my past as Ellin, but for my future I was certain I needed to be who I was now and what was even more glorifying was that N wanted this person too… Being loved was something new to me, and the idea he would stay by my side for the rest of time, was something wonderful. I had no such memory as of now and just as much as Ellin was loved, I needed to know Fiana could be loved by someone too.

My mind begins to dull as N’s hand moves up my side and I smile against his lips as I understand the new path for myself.

The future that was to come would be filled with learning of both love and the life I had left behind. Being a Royal and ensuring that those who died the day I became Fiana would be honoured.

His mouth leaves mine and are working their way down my neck as a different feeling from before, one connected to love, takes over my body.

“Tiger…” I breathe out to which he chuckles.

“Princess,” he mutters against my skin.

How was it possible my life could make such a change and for that of the better? One with N, a man who loves me… There was certainly much to look forward to.