Title: Start Again (Skyscraper & I remember sequel)
Pairing: Junseung
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, romance
Summary: Will they be able to start again?

 
Hyunseung grabbed his keys and opened the door to his house. He welcomed the warmth from inside and walked straight into the bathroom to get rid of his soaked clothes. He started to think about his previous meeting with who was his lover. He didn’t know how he ended up accepting Yoseob’s request to meet him alone, but the meeting went better than expected. At first Hyunseung was really nervous, he knew about Junhyung the last years by what their common friends told him, mostly what Yoseob told him. Doojoon didn’t really talk about Junhyung since that night and Kikwang only pronounced himself from time to time giving his opinion on what Yoseob was telling. But now he felt like it was time to see by himself what Yoseob had meant with ing mess and auto-destructive behavior. Those adjectives came over and over again during the last years.
 
In the beginning, when Hyunseung left Junhyung, all of his friends sided with him, even Yoseob even though he was known for being Junhyung’s best friend. All of them stood by his side in those difficult moments and none even mentioned Junhyung in a good while. Little by little they started to ask him about how he was feeling, they all probably knew about their destructive relationship, Yoseob probably talked with Junhyung about it the same way Doojoon talked with Hyunseung, but they never meddled with them, they never interfered or asked anything, the stepped in the sides just hoping for them to end up their mutual pain or to work out their relationship. Hyunseung never asked them about Junhyung directly, but he got parts of his current love, especially after Kikwang started to be around them more. Kikwang was the bartender of one of the pubs Hyunseung and Junhyung used to visit in those weird nights when the younger was in the mood to go out with his boyfriend, and he also was Doojoon’s cousin, so when they all knew of the connection they invited Kikwang to their meetings. He was probably the more objective of them all, he had seen Hyunseung and Junhyung relationship from behind the counter and had no previous relation or inner feelings toward any of them, so for Hyunseung his point of view was one of the most important.
 
Sometimes they only talked about the past, about the moments in which they were all friends and enjoyed the long nights drinking and laughing, but other times they actually told Hyunseung of how Junhyung was doing, or better said, how he was not doing anything at all. At first they kept the information short, only small details of how he was still living in the same house, how he stopped visiting the pubs and started to go clubs, not so healthy clubs. Little by little that information became for detailed, of how Junhyung was drowning himself in alcohol and drugs, on how he wasn’t dating anyone but his one night stands could be counted by dozens. Hyunseung couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart with each new detail about Junhyung’s new life, but his still fresh scars kept reminding him how he kind of deserved the suffering.
 
But more than Hyunseung it was Doojoon the one who felt more affected by Yoseob talking about Junhyung. He considered that Hyunseung didn’t need to know anything about his ex-lover and he always ended up arguing with Yoseob, which caused Hyunseung to end up more affected by his friends fighting than for the information itself. In the end Hyunseung started to meet Yoseob and Doojoon separately, he tried to stop knowing about Junhyung but it was proven impossible when after a couple of weeks he found himself calling Yoseob in the verge of tears after a nightmare because he was afraid of what Junhyung could have done in that time.
 
After that horrible nightmare he found himself really worried about Junhyung, he kept thinking of the younger every day and night, even when he was with Doojoon he kept thinking of the other and everyone started to notice the changes in the boy. That doesn’t mean that he was going to go back with Junhyung, he wasn’t even thinking of seeing him again, he was just worried about his well-being and he was starting to even think how, in fact, none of what happened was Junhyung’s entire fault, they both were guilty of how their relationship went and it was not fair for the younger to be the only one suffering. It was not like he was not suffering to, he might look like he was fine, like he was moving on, most people probably thought that he was even thinking on dating again and start again with his life. But that was only the shield he had built around his heart, that shield that was getting weaker and weaker with each new detail about Junhyung’s whereabouts.
 
He started to call Yoseob daily, to go see Kikwang at his bar more often since he knew Junhyung hadn’t appeared there in so long, he even started to meet Doojoon rarely since the older kept scolding him for being in his own world the whole time. But after a year the reports became less tragic, Junhyung stopped clubbing, he didn’t stop strop drinking but at least he dropped the bad company and spent almost all his time at home just going out for work. Hyunseung felt some kind of relief knowing that the older was not going to be found dead in any club or in jail but that didn’t stop his need of information.
 
So when, after 3 years, Yoseob asked him to meet Junhyung out of a sudden he replied immediately, he knew he was going to hesitate if he didn’t and it was about time for him to face his past so he could go on with his future. And, in a way, he wanted to help the other go on with his life again.
 
He didn’t want to admit that he really was missing the other’s smile.
 

 
That night he went to sleep soon with the head full of thoughts about the younger. He kept thinking about how he looked drained, there were huge bags under his eyes, his old chubby cheeks now were skinny and pale, his plump pink lips were white and that spark of smartness that always made his eyes glow were lost in a deep, black hole. Hyunseung was able to see with his own eyes what Yoseob meant with all the things he had told him and even though he tried to keep a straight face, he really tried to stay strong and keep the shield around his heart so he acted as a cold as he could. But once their short meeting was over and Junhyung acted like the boy he used to date in high school instead of the monster that turned his life into a nightmare, he felt how the cold walls around his soul and heart started to melt and without realizing he was already running in the same direction the younger went before.
 
He didn’t care about the rain or the cold that was freezing his hands. He didn’t even realize how he was crying and sobbing, he just ran as much as his legs let him so he could catch the other before it was too late. And thankfully he found him not so far. He was walking contently, as if it wasn’t raining, so Hyunseung grabbed his wrist and bring him under a roof, away from the cold, heavy drops. Junhyung looked so surprised, but he kept acting like he used to all those years ago, he acted like the friend that used to care when he forgot his jacket before going out of the soccer practice, the friend that scolded him when he spent most of the classes in his own world, the friend that gave him his first kiss, the friend that became the most important person in his life. And Hyunseung was confused, he was terrified and scare, the torrent of emotions that was flowing inside of his chest made him to break in tears again and Junhyung couldn’t help but look at him confused, not touching him but trying to console him with words.
 
All those thoughts made sleeping something impossible, he kept rolling on his bed and even got up a couple of times. He prepare himself some warm milk, hoping for the hot liquid to relax his body and help him with his insomnia, but even that was proved useless. He kept thinking that he had to do something for the other boy. He promised he was going to help him and give him another chance as friends but he didn’t really know what he could do. It was true that he had change in the last 3 years, he was emotionally stronger and independent, he was able to make his own decisions and he was not going to be abused by Junhyung ever again, but even like that he didn’t know if he would be able to stay by the other’s side long enough to help him. He wanted to try, he saw how the other had also changed after their time apart and really felt like giving him a second chance but there were moments when he wondered if Junhyung was really worthy of this. He wondered if his effort would be useful and if it was worthy the suffering and the pain that he was about to face. But then again, he remember how the younger looked, how he seemed to be 10 years older and so tired, so he regain his will and decided to get up from bed, he was not sleeping after all.
 
He took a warm shower trying to relax his tense body and started to plan how he was going to help Junhyung go on with his life. He knew where the younger was living and he knew that today it was his free day so he should be at home, according to what Yoseob said. So the plan ended up being so simple, just going to visit him at his home and ask if he needed something. He would try to establish a new connection with Junhyung through a new point of view, they both had to forget their past and forge a new bond if they wanted to be friends again. He came out of the shower and looked at the clock in the nightstand after getting himself dressed and ready to go out, it was already 6 am so he decided to go out and walk to Junhyung’s house, he needed to clear his mind if he wanted his plan to work out.
 
It took him an hour and a half getting to his old apartment building. He stood in front of the old building and started to reminisce memories long forgotten, how they didn’t like the building at first and how Junhyung opposed to them renting it. But Hyunseung insisted until the younger gave up. They worked hard but their small apartment ended up being quite decent in the end. They really enjoyed their first months in that house before everything started to go downhill. Hyunseung felt a shiver run through his spine before deciding on going into the building. He walked through the known hall and called for the elevator. He started to become more and more nervous by second, he even start to change the weight between his legs, wondering if he should just ran away and come back any other day. But before he decided on aborting the plan the elevator dinged announcing its arrival and the metal doors opened for him to step in. Once the elevator arrived its destination Hyunseung eyed the hallway and walked hesitantly until the well-known door. He stayed there, just staring at the sign with the house name as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. He sighed deeply and tried to gather his strength to knock at the door. It took a couple of breaths more but finally pushed the bell. He waited, and waited but nothing happened. He knocked this time, wondering if Junhyung spent the night out, and got the same response. He decided to knock one last time, this time harder, and go back home if he didn’t answer.
 
“Junhyung?” He called out and heard a noise at the other side of the door. “Yong Junhyung, are you ok?” He tried listening to the noises through the door but nothing came.
 
He was already turning around to leave when the door opened behind him. He looked back, hoping to find Junhyung’s sleepy presence, but it was an unknown guy who exited the apartment. He looked younger than Junhyung, but his aura was dangerous and fearful. Hyunseung retreat himself from the door and tried to avoid eye contact with the boy.
 
“I think he needs you” The strange said looking straight to Hyunseung.
 
“You…you know who am I?” Hyunseung asked confused still trying to avoid eye contact. ”Who-who are you?” He blurted in curiosity, regretting his words immediately.
 
“Just someone he won’t meet again if you help him, but you can call me Zico” He said walking away and waving goodbye to Hyunseung without looking back.
 
The older registered what the other said and dashed into the house, looking for Junhyung in every room. He stopped a second at the mess their old house was before going into the bathroom. The door was slightly open but the interior was so dark, the lights were turn off and Hyunseung didn’t dare to turn them on, afraid of what he could see inside. He entered the small bathroom and saw the younger sprawled in the floor. Hyunseung tried to see if the younger was breathing and sighed in relieve when he found out that he was apparently only sleeping. He tried to make him stand up to carry him to the bed so he took a hold of his arm and supported him against his free arm. Junhyung had become so light with the time and Hyunseung find that disturbingly worrying. But before he was able to step out of the bathroom the other woke up and pushed him against the sink. They looked at each other, Junhyung shocked, Hyunseung scared.
 
And they both thought that door should have remained closed.
 

 
 
After the initial shock Hyunseung stood up and faced the even more shocked Junhyung. They stood there for a whole minute in silence, surrounded by the darkness of the bathroom, the only source of light being the still slightly opened door.
 
“Go away” Junhyung mutered looking down, trying to avoid looking at Hyunseung.
 
“Are you ok?” Hyunseung was a little angry at how Junhyung had just pushed him, but tried to hide it for the sake of his plan.
 
“Just….”He sighed “go away, Hyunseung, you don’t want to be here” He exited the bathroom and walked straight into the living room, where he throw himself in the couch.
 
Hyunseung came out of the bathroom right after him, but instead of trying to establish a conversation with him as he first planned he started to clean up the house. He looked for a plastic bag to dispose the garbage and kept cleaning up the living room silently while Junhyung looked at him, he grabbed all the bottles and cans around him and tried to avoid looking intimidated by the other.
 
“Hyunseung” Junhyung called out for the busy boy, “yah…Seung-ah…listen to me. Why are you here? Why in the hell would you come knocking at my door out of a sudder?” He waited for the other to look at him or answer but Hyunseung kept cleaning up busily. “Hyunseung-ah…stop it, you don’t have to. There’s no way you can save me, I appreciate that you want to give me another chance, Seung-ah…I really appreciate it, but I have thought it over, I really have thought about it tonight and you should be running away from, not at my other and not inside this house cleaning up my garbage.”
 
But the older kept ignoring him so Junhyung stood up the best way he could without stumble and grabbed Hyunseung’s wrist. He yanked back at the sudden contact and looked at Junhyung with fear in his eyes. Junhyung took a step back and lowered his eyes, ashamed of the reaction he kept causing even all those years after their last meeting.
 
“See? I will only end up hurting you again. I don’t deserve the attention, I don’t deserve a second change, Hyunseung-ah”
 
But hyunseung’s stare softened and he grabbed Junhyung by the chin, making him look straight into his eyes. Junhyung feelt himself getting lost in those liquid eyes and forgot how to breathe. Hyunseung just stared at him with endless eyes and a tiny smile tugged the corners of his mouth.
 
Hyunseung dropped his hand and walked to open the window, looking for the warmth of the sunrays. He stood there, eyes closed, just enjoying the feeling and not thinking of how he was really feeling, not thinking about the fear that made the hair of his nape raise.
 
“You shouldn’t be here” Hyunseung heard Junhyung whisper by his side almost inaudibly once again.
 
“I know” Hyunseung said with a sad smile and his eyes still closed “but I won’t let you give up”
 

 you’re desperate to rewind
 
“We should really clean up this place” Hyunseung said after several minutes in silence just looking through the window.
 
He looked at the other, waiting for an answer, but Junhyung was just looking at him shocked, probably thinking that he had heard wrongly. But Hyunseung just chuckled lightly at his confused face and tugged him by his arm softly.
 
“Just take a shower and help me out here once you are more sober. You probably haven’t take care of this house for so long” The older pushed Junhyung inside the bathroom and closed the door. He leaned on the door and sighed, not really understanding what he was doing but there was no way he was leaving Junhyung alone like that. He came back from his trance when he heard the shower running. Hyunseung decided that he needed to look for the cleaning products first, he would probably have to buy some things so he decided that he had to do a list before Junhyung finish his shower. He started to look through every drawer and cabinet and wondered how the younger could live like that. He was known for being a little obsessive over cleanness, Hyunseung himself suffered part of that obsession and learnt to live with it. But his house, the house where they used to live, was more like a dumping site, food and alcohol bottles scattered everywhere, unknown substances and clothes mixed together in a weird composition. He tried not to look so much at his old house and just kept roaming around the kitchen and the laundry room.
 
After listing everything he needed he decided to leave a note for Junhyung. He went to the living room to look for a paper and a pen. He looked through all the furniture in the living room and found nothing useful so he walked to the bedroom, probably Junhyung had some of his old notebooks still stored in the same shelf inside the wardrobe. He opened the double wooden door and found the wardrobe almost empty, probably because all its content was around the house. But a box caught his attention. He opened it expecting to find something useful but he felt himself unable to breathe when the content was revealed: a bunch of pictures tied up with a silver necklace, a couple of t-shirts and some books. Hyunseung recognized immediately the content of the box, the pictures were take a long time a ago, a time when only love filled the lives, the t-shirts and books were things he forgot to get and he never was brave enough to retrieve. He felt his eyes sting and closed them, trying to avoid the tears from escaping. The noise of a door being opened made him panic. Not knowing what to do he exited the room, grabbed his coat and went out to the cold weather, while Junhyung just stood by the bathroom door looking as Hyunseung escaped from the house without a single word.
 

 
He wandered the streets for a while, just trying to figure out the meaning of what he just saw and trying to find a way to understand everything that was happening. But nothing came to his mind. Why would Junhyung have some of his old things on his wardrobe after all that happened between them. He kept walking by shops and stores without even paying attention, thinking deeply about what to do and if running away was the best he could have done in that situation. But there was no way he was running away this time, he should have to go back to the house at some point and he had to think of something to say to Junhyung. After a good while he saw a sign that caught his attention, it was a painting store full of painting tools and pain cans. He didn’t know why but he decided to go in and look around. He started to look at the tools, paint rollers and brushes in every size and shape filled the shelves. He spent a little more of time looking at the wall paper, there were a lot of types and different patterns and he enjoyed his time there.
 
When he reached the painting cans shelves an idea hit him. He started to roam through the different patterns of color until he found one that looked perfect for him, a sky blue that would clearly help him to get rid of the horrible memories that house still harbored. He paid for a couple of cans and chose some tools too, the cleaning list already forgotten. He exited the store with a huge grin, clearly proud of his new idea, and started to walk his way back when he met a panting Junhyung running straight to him. The younger stopped just in front of him and Hyunseung tilted his head questioning the younger’s state.
 
“Hyunseung-ah, that box…I…can…I can explain it, I really can” Junhyung said after regaining his breath.
 
“There’s still a lot of work to do at home, stop wasting your energy and let’s go back” Hyunseung just chuckled lightly and kept walking, not even acknowledging what the other was saying.
 
They walked in silence, Hyunseung leading the way and Junhyung following a couple of steps behind and looking pretty confused with the other’s behavior. But Hyunseung was sure about what he was doing so he kept walking with the 2 heavy cans of paint in hand. He felt one of the weights being lifted and looked at his side just to find Junhyung grabbing the can and walking in front of him. Hyunseung couldn’t help but smile a little more while he tried to walk faster until he was side to side with the other again.
 
They reached Junhyung’s building and went straight into the elevator, which meant at least 5 minutes of awkward silence between the two boys.
 
“I never wanted you to see me like this” Junhyung whispered looking down.
 
“I never wanted to see you like that either. I probably never wanted to see you at all, but here I am” Hyunseung said without tearing his eyes apart from the metallic door in front of them.
 
Junhyung kept silent for a second, only their breaths and the noise from the elevator filling the small place. Hyunseung started to bit his lip impatient, he didn’t really like being so close to Junhyung without a way to escape, he had learnt to always have a way out and elevators weren’t exactly the definition of a safe place. He felt himself starting to shake without even realizing.
 
“Then why are you here?”  Junhyung looked up for once and Hyunseung was able to see the confusion in the younger’s eyes.
 
“I….” He started, trying to find an answer to the question. But he didn’t really know why he was there…was because of Yoseob’s request? Or was because he was worried about the younger?
 
Before he was able to find what to answer the loud ding announced that they had arrived to their destination. Hyunseung exited the elevator as fast as he could and went straight to the house door, where he waited for the younger to open the door. Junhyung walked slowly carrying the paint can and entered the door code. He let Hyunseung step in first and he followed soon after, closing the door with a click. Hyunseung flinched at the sound and felt a tense atmosphere set in the room. He started to wonder if he should really get away of that situation before it was too late, maybe he was wrong, Yoseob was wrong and Doojoon and Kikwang were right about Junhyung, maybe nothing had changed in the last 3 years and Hyunseung was starting to feel as useless and terrified as all those years ago. He felt Junhyung moving at his back and the hair in his arms raise in anticipation.
 
                He waited…and waited….and waited…. Breath held, eyes closed, fists clenched.
 
But nothing happened. Junhyung passed by him and walked straight to the living room, leaving paint can in the middle of the room and looking at Hyunseung expectantly. The older opened the eyes slowly and looked at the other, who was still waiting for him. Hyunseung breathed deeply, releasing the air on his lungs, and grabbed the paint can before heading towards the main room. He looked around the room thoughtfully before opening the paint can and taking out some painting tools from his bag.
 
“Are you painting my house?” Asked Junhyung stepping into the room.
 
“I bet you haven’t changed anything in this house since….since the last time I was here. Don’t you think it looks old?” Hyunseung said while pouring some of the paint in a plastic recipient.
 
Junhyung looked at him confused. He was probably not getting anything Hyunseung was doing, Hyunseung himself wasn’t understanding it either so he was not going to try explaining anything. He handed the younger a paint roller and started to cover the furniture with a plastic cover. Junhyung stood there, paint roller in hand and a dumbfounded face, while Hyunseung prepared everything for their work.
 
“Are you planning on standing like that the whole day?” Hyunseung felt weird ordering Junhyung around, but he knew he had to stay strong if he wanted something to change.
 
Junhyung blinked a couple of times, not really getting what was happening, but before even realizing it he was already dipping the roller in the paint and covering one of the walls quietly. Hyunseung did the same with his brush and both stayed in silent for some time, but this time it didn’t feel as awkward as before since both were busy with their own task.
 
“So you are still in contact with Yoseob?” Hyunseung jumped slightly when he heard Junhyung talking just beside him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, I guess you were in your own world once again…” Junhyung chuckled slightly and Hyunseung looked around to see how he had ended up painting Junhyung’s wall instead of his.
 
“Um, sorry, I didn’t realize.” He said ashamed of his reaction “I will go paint that way” He was about to go to the other side of the room when Junhyung grabbed his wrist stopping him on his tracks.
 
“You…you don’t have to go away every time you are near me, you know? It’s not like…I…I won’t do anything anything. You know it’s only my word but it’s the only thing I can give you by now.” Junhyung said at Hyunseung straight in the eye for once.
 
“Haven’t you told me various times today that I shouldn’t be here? If you are so sure about yourself, why telling me to go? Hyunseung was sincerely asking this time in utter confusion.
 
“Well…It’s just that I don’t understand why would you give me another chance, I can understand you meeting me because of Yoseob, but why are you here out of a sudden, at my house and painting my room?” Junhyung asked without letting go of Seung’s wrist the whole time.
 
But Hyunseung didn’t reply, he just looked at Junhyung tenderly and smirked suddenly, a smirk that the younger hadn’t seen in so long. They stood like that for a while, Junhyung with his hand on Hyunseung’s wrist and Hyunseung brush in hand and smirking playfully like a kid about to steal some cookies. And without Junhyung even registering the moment he felt his eyesight blur and heard Hyunseung’s light laugh. He touched his eyelids and felt a sticky substance covering his upper face. He cleaned up the paint with the back of his hand and smirked back at the laughing boy.
 
“No….Yong Junhyung…don’t you dare….” Hyunseung stopped laughing immediately and tried to retreat himself but Junhyung secured his grab on his wrist while dipping the paint roller in the nearest paint can. “Yah, Yong Junhyung, don’t-” He was interrupted when the younger used the roller over his whole arm, leaving blue patches and dots all over the younger limb and his t-shirt.
 
This time it was Junhyung who laugh, hard and free, for the first time in so, so long he was laughing and he felt the knot on his stomach disappearing slowly, leaving just a million butterflies. They started an improvised painting war, blue spots could be seen in every surface and even more over the two fighters. They ended up panting heavily in the dirty floor, still chuckling and feeling a little light headed because of the smell of paint.
 
“You look like a smurf” Hyunseung said looking at the ceiling with a smile.
 
Junhyung looked at his side and admired Hyunseung’s profile. He noticed the other’s intense stare and looked back, humming a silent question. But Junhyung just stood there, looking, more like staring, smile wiped and a small frown placed.
 
“Junhyung?” Hyunseung asked, the smile falling a little.
 
“You look better than when we were together” He said simply before going back to look at the ceiling.
 
Hyunseung just stood silently looking at the younger with a surprised face, not knowing what the other meant with his statement. Junhyung stood up suddenly and hold out his arm to help the older standing up to. Hyunseung hesitated at first but ended up holding Junhyung’s helping hand and standing up.
 
“You can take a shower if you want, I will try to clean the room in the meantime” Junhyung said not letting go of Hyunseung’s hand.
 
“Ok, I think I need to wash my hair before the paint dries.” Hyunseung looked down biting his lip nervously, there was something he had to do if he wanted to help Junhyung, even though he was feeling his knees trembling and an urge of running away. “Can-Can I use one of the t-shirts I left here?” He didn’t look up, afraid of Junhyung’s reaction, so just focused his stare on his fidgeting hands before Junhyung placed his own painted hand over them.
 
“They are yours, right?” Junhyung said before going out to look for the cleaning tools.
 
Hyunseung walked towards the wardrobe and took the box of his things out. He grabbed one of the t-shirts and walked to the bathroom next to the bedroom, not realizing that he was going into a place full of hurtful memories. He didn’t stop by the mirror, that mirror that helped him take the ultimate step towards his own freedom, but walked straight to the shower where he opened the faucet and let the warm water run until the mirror was completely fogged. Only then the orange-haired boy start to undress and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wipe away the blue paint and the uneasiness that was filling his body since the moment his foot touched the floor of the dreadful room. He let the water wipe away what was left of his old pitiful self and Hyunseung found that he was the one actually coming clean with his past.
 
And maybe he had finally found the reason why he was in that house once again.
 

 
 
Hyunseung noticed how it was getting darker when he exited the bathroom. The house lights were already on and he looked for Junhyung around the house, only to find the younger passed out in the couch, paint still creating blue patches on his exposed skin and hair. He was so relaxed and Hyunseung found himself staring with a smile. He looked for a blanket in the middle of the chaos and covered the sleeping boy with it before kissing his forehead and going out of the house, wishing him a well-deserved sleep.
 
He walked out into the cold night and breathed a couple of times before taking the elevator again. Once outside the old building he started to wonder if he was ready to go back home, and the answer came out quickly, he was emotionally exhausted and his body ached after the paint fight but he couldn’t go home, he needed to talk with someone and Kikwang was the only one that could help him in this situation. That was his free night at the bar but he found amusing how he was going to end up going there anyway, the list of places to go after his break up with Junhyung became almost zero, not that he felt like going out so often either.
 
When he opened the door of the known bar he was welcomed by Kikwang’s smiley face, as always. He noticed that there were a couple of clients, a brunette young boy sitting in the bar and sipping calmly his drink and a blonde girl in the furthest table listening to his ipod and drinking her soda eagerly. He walked towards the bar and seated on a stool in front of Kikwang.
 
“Busy night?” Hyunseung asked mockingly.
 
“Rough day?” Kikwang shot back and Hyunseung couldn’t help but sigh.
 
“I went to see Junhyung…He was all wasted and passed out in the bathroom” Hyunseung smiled at Kikwang when he saw the bartender offering him a cocktail “I think he has started to meet bad people again, there was a guy, I think he said he was called Zico or something like that, anyway, I don’t think he’s as bad as some years ago, but I’m afraid he could do something dangerous.” Hyunseung was really worried for Junhyung’s well-being and Kikwang noticed it in the older’s look.
 
“Zico is not really a bad guy…he’s just….he has a difficult life” Hyunseung looked at his side and saw the young brunette boy looking straight with a frown.
 
“Excuse me?” He said confused.
 
“He’s not really a bad guy. Didn’t you think that maybe Junhyung needed someone to rely on and Zico was there at that moment? I know he’s not a saint, but you should ask Junhyung about it before judging Zico” The stranger said not tearing his stare from a blank point in the wall.
 
“Don’t you think that you shouldn’t talk about other’s people lives?” Kikwang said getting angry at the intrusion.
 
“You know them? Who are you?” Hyunseung ignored Kikwang and asked the boy straight.
 
“I know them because Zico is my boyfriend and I almost lost the most important relationship of my life because of the problem with Junhyung. Zico risked his relationship with me to help Junhyung, so I really know what I am talking about. And I know that Junhyung stopped meeting Zico 2 years ago, but only 2 days ago he came back and it seemed like we were back to 3 years ago when he entered Zico’s club for the first time. I don’t know what happened between you two, I don’t want to know it either, but I don’t like you bad-mouthing my boyfriend when the only thing he has done is helping Junhyung when he needed you.” The boy looked at Hyunseung this time with two endless eyes that seemed to swallow the older’s soul.
 
“You are…Zico’s boyfriend?” Hyunseung looked at the younger boy and noticed how he was so different from the dangerous Zico.
 
“Yeah…I know, but there’s something I want to tell you. I don’t know the details of your relationship, I don’t even know you and I don’t know Junhyung that much. But if there’s something I know is that he loves you, he has always loved you, every minute and every second you have been apart. I don’t know why you two stop being together, but I can tell you that he’s nothing without you and he won’t be able to move on until he comes clean with you.”
 
“Come clean? What do you mean? I think everything was pretty clear between us after he ran away.” Hyunseung was more and more confuse with that conversation.
 
“Do you really believe that you came clean with him? He didn’t assume that you two were over until 6 months later, he kept repeating that you were going to come back, that you were his and he was yours and nothing could make you stay apart for long. When he assumed you were not coming back he started to every human being who looked beautiful enough, he didn’t mind boys or girls, he always said that he only needed the contact, the heat, he felt cold and empty inside and needed a way to keep living. You two need to talk and you need to decide what you are going to do, you can’t stay in the middle forever, you have to choose a side or another, it’s your choice now since he won’t be able to do it. I only hope you choose what your heart tells you and no what your brain says, only the heart can decide what to do in this situation.” The boy stood up from the stool and left some bills in the counter before going out waving at Hyunseung the same way Zico did some hours earlier.
 
Hyunseung stood there, dumbfounded and not knowing what to do. If what the kid had said was true, he really needed to come clean with Junhyung. But was he going to do? He also knew from the start that they couldn’t stay as friends, after their intense relationship being friends was impossible. But what to do? Was he going to be able to stay away from him once again or would he be able to face his own fear and give the younger a second chance? He looked at Kikwang, who was dead serious, and knew immediately that the younger wasn’t going to help him this time.
 
“It’s up to you, hyung, this time is entirely up to you” Kikwang said before disappearing behind the back door, leaving Hyunseung alone in the bar sipping his drink absentmindedly. And he remembered how Junhyung looked so hurt and weak today and how he still cherished all his things inside a box inside his room. And he also remembered how he looked so vulnerable sleeping. The pang in his heart was the last sign that made him make up his mind, there was no way he was leaving Junhyung alone and his heart ached so bad thinking of the younger going back to his old self.
 
He was going to keep those old scars healed, no matter how much he had to reopen his own.
 
But there’s a way out of here
Just follow my voice
 
He ran for his life. He ran until his legs couldn’t take it anymore and he had to slow down to a slow stroll. He was panting, his sides aching painfully and his vision blurry. He was walking by heart, not really paying attention to the path he was following. There was just one thing on his mind, he needed to bring Junhyung back, he needed to make the younger remember the times when they were happy, when they enjoyed each other’s company so much, all those times before their relationship started to become something dark and dirty. He knew it was hard to forget the painful moments, the moments he wished to be dead, the moments he wanted the other to be dead. It was hard but he needed to try for him and for Junhyung, they both deserved a better life. Even though Junhyung broke him over and over again, Hyunseung still felt that he loved him and he was ready to give the younger a second chance. He was not the weak kid who didn’t know how to live by himself, he was not the little kid who depended on Junhyung to keep living, that kid was nothing but an empty shell that was discarded the moment he stood up in front of his abuser and decided that it was enough, that he needed to be out of there.
 
And he was determined to make Junhyung realize that time can heal everything, but scars were meant to learn from them, that’s why they remained forever. He was going to teach Junhyung that even though their past was dark and it was awful, they would be able to learn from it, to stand up again and realize that everything can be fixed but death, and he was ready to fix their relationship. He knew it would be hard, he knew Junhyung so well and the guilt the younger had been feeling for three years became a shield between hard to destroy, but he was not going to give up, he was going to fight until the end to fix everything, because they both deserved to be happy.
 
After a long walk he finally managed to get to the apartment where Junhyung was probably still sleeping. Hyunseung noticed then that the spare key was not where the used to leave it so he ended up calling for Junhyung. He noticed how the lights were on inside, even though he turned them off before going out, which meant that Junhyung had woken up and was probably around the house. He called again, this time he even knocked and called for Junhyung without an answer. Hyunseung started to become anxious, not knowing what Junhyung was capable of in his current state and unable to get into the house.
 
He kept calling for the younger, trying to hear something inside, but everything was silent, dreadfully silent. He then tried opening the door and he felt so stupid when the doorknob made a click revealing the interior of the house he left a couple of hours ago.  He walked in cautiously, straight into the bathroom, but it was empty. He went to the kitchen and everything was the same way it was when he left. Only the bedroom was left so he walked quietly, containing his breath and trying to not disturb anything on his way. He opened the door that lead to the main room and everything was dark, with the lights turned off and the curtains shut. But he managed to see a lump under the covers, a shaking figure mumbling something inaudible. Hyunseung walked towards the bed and tried to see what was happening with the covered man. He looked intensely and saw Junhyung sleeping, or at least trying, but moving so nervously and mumbling incoherent words. Hyunseung tried to pay attention to what the other was saying but it was hard to get the full messages, leave, stop, love, I… and even his own name could be heard, but nothing helped him understanding what he was dreaming about.
 
“Junhyung…” He said shaking the younger slightly “Junhyung, wake up, it’s only a nightmare” He started to the younger’s hair, trying to soothe the pain the other was clearly suffering.
 
Junhyung then took his hand out of a sudden, causing Hyunseung to yelp in surprise, and opened his eyes, still clouded by the drowsiness.
 
“Don’t leave me…” He said with the voice still affected by the sleep. “Please, Seung-ah…don’t leave me” Tears started to roll down while he closed his eyes, falling asleep immediately, if he was even awake in the first place.
 
Hyunseung realized the other was not conscious and just kept his hair, face and back, trying to calm him.
 
“I’m not going anywhere, babe, I’m staying by your side as long as you need me. Can you hear my voice? Can you see that I’m staying with you? But please, follow my voice, come back to me, come back to your real self and stay with me forever, let’s go back to our happy selves, let’s go back to who we used to be” He said taking away one of the tears rolling down the younger’s cheeks while he felt his own threatening to escape.
 
 
You’re still holding a broken heart
But if you let me in, maybe you could start again
 
Hyunseung woke up with a pained neck and his right arm numb. He tried to get rid of the drowsiness blinking before trying to find out where he was and why his body ached so much. He looked up and found a pair of tired brown eyes looking straight at him. Neither of them move, they just looked into each other with a serious face, not moving a muscle.
 
“How long have you been looking at me?” Hyunseung questioned in a whisper, not daring to tear his stare apart.
 
“I don’t know…a while?” The other replied as quietly as he could.
 
They both felt like they were still dreaming and the smallest disturbance could break the bubble, sending them both back to their own hells.
 
“Can I…”
 

 
They said at the same time and blushed like two teenage girls caught staring at their crushes.
 
“You first”
 

 
They laughed slightly at their stupidity, it was not like the first time they were together, so what was wrong with them out of a sudden?
 
“Can I climb in?” Hyunseung said after another silence “My body kinda aches” He looked down embarrassed while trying hard not to think about the rejection. There was no reason why Junhyung could accept him again, it didn’t matter how much he was told that the other missed him and still loved him, he knew Junhyung better than anyone and he knew that once his heart was closed there was no way he could open it again so easily.
 
“I was waiting for you to ask” Junhyung said while moving to the other side of the bed, making room for the shorter.
 
Hyunseung looked shocked at first, not expecting that immediate reaction. He was shocked and surprise and didn’t know how to take the step since his mind was already outside, probably in the kitchen preparing breakfast or simply in the couch trying to find out how to open Junhyung’s heart since he knew he couldn’t leave before accomplishing his mission. But he didn’t expect in this universe to be accepted back so easily, to see those welcoming arms calling for him so soon. He stood there, looking confused, tilting his head cutely, making Junhyung chuckle at the gesture, for what seemed like eons until Junhyung crocked an eyebrow and Hyunseung found himself climbing in by instinct, doing it if it was yesterday the last day he was embraced by Junhyung, like those years of darkness, emptiness, pain and loneliness were long forgotten and only the good feeling remained. He was welcomed by strong arms and a warm chest that he felt like home, he had missed the feeling so much, even more than he thought he could. He thought he was over all that, over Junhyung, over their relationship and over the feelings his heart had keep hidden all this time, but he was proven wrong the moment he felt all the familiarity hitting him back. He hugged Junhyung by his waist and sneezed the cotton t-shirt he was wearing, feeling relaxed and calmed almost immediately.
 
“You changed your clothes” He mumbled against Junhyung’s chest.
 
“Did you think I was going to sleep with all that paint over me” Junhyung said dreamily, still not ready to leave the bed.
 
Hyunseung nodded and hugged Junhyung tightly.  They stood like that for a while, just hugging each other, the steady sound of breathing the only sound surrounding them and their hearts beating hard against their ribcage. Hyunseung tried to think what to do next. Nothing was going as he thought it would go, he expected Junhyung to do something reckless or dangerous and on the contrary he was sleeping soundless, he expected Junhyung to reject him but he was welcomed without hesitation. So now his entire plan was discarded and he needed to find out what to do. Should he try talking with the younger? Or should he wait for the other to open up by himself? He was trying to think really hard what to do when he felt a soft pair of lips against the crown of his head and a sigh.
 
“You are thinking hard, right?” Junhyung said against his head.
 
“How did you know?” Hyunseung was surprised, it really looked like the past 3 years never happened.
 
“You have been sighing for the past 10 minutes and you always sigh when you have your cute head full of unsorted thoughts.” He said while taking Hyunseung by the chin and liking their stares. “Why are you here, Hyunseung?”  He asked with a straight face and something hidden behind his dark orbs.
 
“I…” He started talked but stopped not knowing exactly what to say.
 
“Don’t hide anything from me, Seung-ah. I really need to know why you are here” He caressed the older cheek and Hyunseung leaned against the touch.
 
“I don’t want you to go back to hell, Junnie…I…I don’t want to lose you again” Hyunseung didn’t even know what he was saying, but the words said by the boy in the bar resounded.
 
A single tear rolled down.  Why was he crying so much when he was supposed to be strong and help Junhyung out of his hell? Why was he so weak again, why every time he was around the younger he was so weak and useless? He was completely useless, he knew why he was there, he knew he was supposed to be strong and to stand up for both, but instead there he was, being comforted by Junhyung and crying. He got rid of the tears threatening in the rim of his eyes and looked up at Junhyung, face full of determination.
 
“Are you doing this for me, Seung-ah? Do you really want to save me? I’m not someone who deserves salvation, I only deserve Hell, and you know that better than anyone. So why are you here, Hyunseung? Why are you giving me a second chance after everything I have done? After everything I did to you in….” He was really confused at why he was getting a second chance with someone like Hyunseung but his thoughts became incoherent when he was stopped from talking by Hyunseung’s soft lips crashing harshly against him.
 
“I…” Hyunseung panted and looked flustered at Hyunseung “I know your heart is broken, I know they pain you have been feeling…because it’s the same I have in here” He took Junhyung’s hand from his cheek and put it on his chest, where his heart was. “That’s why I want you to start again, I don’t mind if it’s with me or by yourself, but you have to start again Junhyung, you have to go on with your life and try to learn from the past. But I will understand it if you don’t want to…”
 
This time it was Junhyung’s time to stop Hyunseung from talking, but this time the kiss was more passionate, a kiss that contained all the feelings they have been keeping inside their hearts for so long, probably long before they even parted ways. They knew their relationship started to be unhealthy a long time before the real break up. Junhyung knew it was mostly his fault that their relation ended, Hyunseung knew that if he had been stronger they could have sorted their differences and they could have go on loving each other, they both knew they needed to fix themselves before fixing their relationship, but having each other by their side was enough by now, to have the other near was enough to try fixing their lives and they would work hard to forget the past and start again.