February 24, 2011

“Will I be alright?” Hyunsu asks her psychiatrist, Dr. Do Kyungsoo whom she feels a sort of fondness for. Ever since the day she came in, he had always been there, pacifying her and warding off her demons. He has played quite a role in her life and for that, she feels indebted to him, unsure how to eventually return the favor but genuinely grateful for his goodness. Distracting the voices in her head, she watches him who is seated across her as she waits. The doctor wore a cozy, mustard yellow sweater vest and beneath it, a well-ironed white polo shirt, his brown pants covering his lower torso. His legs are deftly crossed, his eyebrows slightly furrowed in the middle. For a minute there was nothing but silence.

Kyungsoo strongly believes that compared to his past patients whom he spilt not only tears and sweat but also blood for, she has a sort of passion for life that can never be quenched.  He once swore to have seen a glow in her that remained alight despite the bitter loss, which eventually was his drive to rectify her. The doctor removes his glasses and looks away from the clipboard he wrote his last observations regarding the patient on. Setting it down, he stands from his seat and kneels before her, “You’ve sat too long in the shadows, Jung Hyunsu. It’s high time you let a bit of light in.”

He’s right, she thinks. I need to be rid of this fear. But–“What if I go berserk again? You know how deranged I’ve become. How is my brother going to cope? What if I become a burden?” Through the year she had spent in this ward, she developed a mannerism: biting her lip and twiddling her thumbs, both done at the same time. She does this now, growing ever nervous, questions building up at the back of head, frightening her all the more. The woman had forgotten what it was like outside the walls of the ward. But as much as she was ecstatic to leave, so was she scared witless. Losing her faith in humanity and the world itself, she feels the uncertainty was too much for her to bear.

He takes her hand and looks at her straight in the eye, his beady orbs boring into he