March 2, 2011

Kim—or rather—Jung Hyunsu clutches a bundle of freesias, anemones and sunflowers to her chest, colorful and fragrant just as Jongin would have wanted. With the white of the snow thawed out and melted, the sun shone generously upon the fresh, green zest of the world that was once blanketed upon with long nights and ice. The woman’s skin, having been used to the recesses of shade and cold, felt warm under the beautiful, blue morning. She felt it odd though. Despite shunning the light, she has always known how the sun was like, how it blinds her for a millisecond, how its heat hovers about her skin, how she and Jongin spent most of their days under it, laughing and loving. But now it’s completely different.  

Days have passed since her return to the city but not once has she set foot out of the loft she shared with Jongin. The best she could do was open the front door and stare at it, pondering on hours’ end on whether she was ready or not to face the world again. Her brother had been used to it. Of his own accord, Luhan decided to stay with his sister for as long as he could, to take care of her and to watch over her. And through his stay, he would always come home to a sight of her at the door, all clothes, walking shoes and a satchel fastened in her arm, as though she was just about to leave.

At exactly five this morning however, the woman awoke with a terrible urge to finally (after long months, at that) visit her husband. It was like an incessant itch at her hard palate, the more she scraped her tongue against it the more it itched. She decided she could no longer ignore the pull and as a reaction, she leapt out of her bed and roused her brother, who in turn, awoke with much surprise. Now here they were, literally as silent as the grave. The woman’s knees together, eyes squinting with tears, throat bereft of speech while the man stood behind, quietly eyeing her.

Not much has improved since her homecoming until now. All she was interested in doing then was to stay within the comforts of home, to keep Jongin alive in her memory, to follow her medications and to sleep through a day. At least she has mustered up the courage left in her to make a change.

Luhan figured that dealing with a woman was one thing. The indomitable mood-swings, the sudden silence, the constant grilling—it was quite tol