Minhyuk hasn’t really left his room in days. He’s been wallowing in his bed, focusing on his rapidly decreasing mountain of coursework and feeling guilty whenever he spots his cameras in the corner of his eyes. He thought that things would be easier now since everything was final, but instead, memories linger around him like a smog, suffocating him. But Eunkwang is determined and resilient, drags him out to Changsub’s house party that he’s holding for his birthday, promising that it’ll do him good to go out and let loose. Minhyuk can’t see that happening, but Eunkwang isn’t giving him a choice, no matter how much he fights. So for the first time in months he dresses up a bit, does his hair a bit differently wishing it was a bit shorter. He has this strange gnawing feeling nibbling away in stomach. He’s feeling both nervous and excited; it makes him shake and feel sick.

Changsub lives in the same block as them just on the other side and up a couple of floors. Eunkwang introduces them ages ago before and Minhyuk has fond memories of Changsub being an hilarious idiot with a cute plump face. He’s fully prepared for a night of crazy antics, he tells himself. But he’s not.

Everything’s in full swing when they arrive, Changsub himself stumbling to greet them loudly. Minhyuk sees faces he sees on campus now and then and plenty of strangers. As he walks in, he spots a guy talking in English and laughing at his black-haired friend who looks suspiciously young. They’re lead into the kitchen by Eunkwang where they’re handed their first drink of the night. Eunkwang downs his with fervor, laughing with Changsub as they have a catch up. Minhyuk stares at his drink with mixed feelings. He didn’t want Eunkwang to leave him so early, but he’s a big boy. He can handle this. Sunyong was fond of a good party. He quickly swallows his drink, welcoming the burn down his throat before quickly topping up his glass.

That’s how he spend the night; in the kitchen, drinking himself into a mellow haze, trying to forget. He soon finds the courage to leave the safety of the kitchen and spots Eunkwang trying his luck on some pretty thing who has this ‘I’m too good for all this’ look about him. He sits himself down next to English Speaker who has fallen asleep whilst his young friend draws on his face, few people around them giving him suggestions. He watches the party goers, some are happy to talk in clusters around the room, others are dancing and there are few others plotting crazy feats since they’re drunk. He looks over to English Speaker who has been thoroughly defaced, Minhyuk can’t help but snort. He hopes it isn’t in permanent marker. Suspiciously Young guy catches his eye and smirks like some kind of predator and Minhyuk is his next target. Minhyuk gulps and decides it’s high time to escape.

As he stands, he bumps into someone and in his drunk haze, he doesn’t realise he has until moments later. He slurs out an apology before focusing on the poor soul he’s knocked into. Suddenly, he’s struck dumb, believing that the alcohol in his system is playing tricks on him. It’s the busker — no! Hyunsik.

Minhyuk suddenly feels… strange.

Hyunsik smiles dopey, looks like he’s a bit tipsy too. “Uh… Min — Minhyuk right?” He points at Minhyuk who is shorter, wobbling at bit. Minhyuk himself nods eagerly in reply, almost giving himself a headache in the process. That’s when Hyunsik laughs triumphantly and leans in for a ‘bro-hug’ and Minhyuk stops breathing. “It’s good to see you! How are you?”

He wants another drink before dealing with this and the undefinable emotions that come with it. It’s the only thing that will stop his head from swimming. He hope so anyway. His face falls and he suddenly find the way the floor blurs very interesting as he’s reminded about his turmoil and pain. “I’ve been better.”

Hyunsik slaps a supportive hand on his shoulder which prompts him to look up. The warm smile on his face makes him forget all about her. Minhyuk almost chokes on his own saliva.

They talk away into the night, finding out about eachother as they nurse the last alcohol in the flat. At some point, Minhyuk notes that Eunkwang has disappeared but he’s okay with that because he’s Hyunsik with him and he’s totally not got a huge crush on him. God, he’s so weird!

They’re sat next to eachother, shoulder to shoulder with very little space inbetween on the sofa next to sleeping English guy.

Minhyuk gets a crazy feeling swirling inside his chest telling him to do something crazy — and do it now! He’s not sure if he should. His knee bobs with the apprehension, his fingers fidgeted and he bites his lip. He really wants to. Maybe he just should. He’s allowed to go crazy once in a while right? Even if Hyunsik might hate him for it. But… The thing is, he’s never done this before — what he wants to do of course. He sneaks a glance at the musician whose chatting away with tipsy passion.

Now or never.

it!

Minhyuk leans over and surges forward, pressing his lips against Hyunsik’s messily. His hands grip tightly at Hyunsik’s collar of his fashionable top and he pulls himself half on top of the singer. The heated kiss last for what seems like several moments, and Minhyuk hasn’t missed that Hyunsik has kissed back just as fiercely despite being drunk.

When he finally pulls back, he’s a bit breathless, his cheeks might be a bit pink too, but Hyunsik’s in a similar state, his expression dazed with pleasant surprise.

“Sorry,” Minhyuk chuckles sheepishly. “Was that a bad move?”

Hyunsik blinks like he’s just said something really dumb and shakes his head, hands tentatively reaching to cup Minhyuk’s face.

“No! Not at all,” Hyunsik breaths huskily. Minhyuk smirks as he takes his bottom lip between his teeth and leans in for another kiss.

That night is full of rushed, heated pleasure, each getting lost and intoxicated by the other. It’s new to Minhyuk, this kind of feeling — this kind of pleasure.It’s on another level to anything he’s felt and the way they stumble through it makes it all the more endearing.

When Minhyuk wakes up, his first thought is that he doesn’t know where he is. Then it all comes flooding back to him in an almighty crash. He slept with someone last night! He sits up straight like a jack-in-the-box in a tangled mess of sheets. He spots him asleep next to him and on closer inspection, he finds out it’s the busker guy! The burn of steamy kisses lingers on his lips. He feels a bit sick now.

It’s then he remembers suddenly jumping on Hyunsik in a wild haze of desire and kissing him like his life depended on it. He’s crushed by guilt and feelings of uncertainty.

He couldn’t believe how selfish he’s been. He used Hyunsik as a vessel to forget about his pain and loneliness. Minhyuk doesn’t do things like that! He doesn’t use people!

He scrambles around in a frenzy for his clothes but tries his best to be quiet, there’s a headache coming on. He finds his phone in his jeans and discovers it’s one in the afternoon. ! He’s missed his morning lecture! The rustling wakes up his sleeping musician and he finds Hyunsik watching him in a sleepy daze. He’s reminded about how good and muscular his body is. Minhyuk has to leave now!

“Hey. What’s up?” His voice is gravelly but he can’t let it affect him. Minhyuk was weak last night, he will not be weak again.

“I’m sorry. I have to go,” Minhyuk slides on his coat like he’s breaking a world record and heads for the door. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t meant to happen.” And he’s gone.

No matter how much his thoughts stray to the musician he had a crush on but ed it up, he doesn’t let himself think about him. He goes back into his routine of work, work and more work. All because he was stupid and selfish. There’s no way they can be friends now!

He’s ruined it before it’s even started.

sorry for the wait, i forgot to put up on aff...