The white ceiling above him.

Why did even his favorite color turn dull and empty now?

Yet, he was still staring at it … the whole night …

His body was on the bed, lying still, without moving an inch …

But his mind was drifting here and there, leaving his body soulless …

Drifting mainly around his memories with Eric …

His days with Eric …

The places they had gone together …

The nights they had been together …

Everything about Eric …

Eric …

At the moment, he was just wishing to get lost from this world even for a few hours. He did not need anything more than a few

hours’ sleep without any dream … without Eric …

But the strongest sleeping pills could not help him at all now …

While his mind was running without stopping towards someone, how could he expect sleep to come to him?

All the past days with Eric kept playing like flashbacks in his mind, in slow motion mode. But the problem was they were just

playing in slow motion and they could not be paused. He wanted to freeze the good times in his memories but every time he did

it, they passed faster than ever and a smirk of Eric crashed them again at the end.

Reminding him all of them were fake.

They were never real and never serious.

Since the night Eric had left him in the studio, he cut all the contacts from the outside world. He had switched his phone off,

had changed his door lock code and had been hiding in his bedroom, ignoring banging sounds on his door.

The first day had gone by looking back at Eric’s photos at wedding, the first place where they had met and crying now and then.

In the second day, it was full with curling up on the bed after taking sleeping pills and waiting for sleep to take over him but he

had failed for the umpteenth time. Now, it was the morning of the third day and he was still on his bed, wide awake and mind

being blank.

Staring at the blank white ceiling, the salty taste appeared in his mouth. Instinctively, he raised his hand towards his face and

found a single trail of tear from his right eye ending in his mouth. Drying it with the back of his hand gently, he let out a sigh

finally.

This must be the end after all.

He lifted himself up and shifted his position into a sitting one, dangling his legs.

“Just end this now …”

He whispered to the air and raised his head, moving his gaze from the empty air in front of him to the cold and silent phone on

the bedside table.

Turning the phone on for the first time in three days, he found a lot of messages from friends and colleagues, mostly from Yumi.

He scrolled down all the messages, unconsciously finding one message he was yearning for.

There. He found it.

“Are you ok?”

Just those three words.

Sent from Eric in the morning after he had left him in the studio.

What did Eric expect him to reply to this question?

Only that one text and no more …

But it was fine for him … That only one text would do for him … for the rest of his life …

At lest, he could pretend like Eric did care for him at one point …

He absentmindedly touched the call button beside Eric’s name and placed the phone against his ear, listening to the seemingly

endless calling tone until it ceased by a familiar voice.

“Hyesung-ah …”

“Can we meet?”

Touching the rim of his coffee cup, he blankly stared at the brown liquid inside of it. Now he was here waiting for Eric to come

but he did not mind it. Since at least he knew Eric would come to the café surely, he could wait until forever till the latter came.

But he did not have that chance … he never had that chance …

Because he already knew Eric would never come into his life even if he might be rotten while waiting for him …

Then, with the sound of chiming bells at the door of the café, the man he had been waiting for finally arrived. Lifting his gaze

towards Eric, he at least could manage to flash a weak smile at him and received the same action from Eric.

“You ok? Where have you been in these days?”

After the waitress had placed Eric’s black coffee on their table and left, Eric started to break the ice.

With Eric’s questions, he closed his eyes and shook his head a little bit.

“Please … Eric … Don’t make me suffer more than this … I’m here trying to let you go … Please let me …”

After whispering those unheard words in his mind, he opened his eyes again to look at Eric properly again.

“Isn’t it time to end the game?”

After his words, Eric’s face got more serious than before immediately, staring right at his eyes and staying silent for next few

minutes. They just kept staring at each other without a single word and for him, the world around them suddenly got paused

and he knew himself being in half-denial and half-relieving state.

“You wanna stop this?”

Finally, those words got out from Eric and he could not help but let out a bitter chuckle, hearing those words.

Wanna stop this? Gotta answer honestly?

No. He never wanted to stop this … but …

“If not, what else can we do? You can’t go forward … and we can’t stay still like this forever … at least you can’t do this … I know

you’ve already shifted your eyes to another one … So, I guess it’s time to cease my time with you …”

Surprisingly, he managed to speak out all those long sentences without his voice breaking or stuttering. Even Eric got a little

shocked with his soft yet firm tone and it could be seen on his face.

Eric fixed his eyes on him for another few minutes without replying back. Maybe he was wondering he was serious or not? But

when had he fooled around when it came to Eric? And Eric knew it better than anyone else.   

“I admit I didn’t expect to hear those words from you … at least that soon …”

Eric let out a chuckle after those words but his chuckle lacked of his usual teasing or arrogant tone.

Well. He also had not expected himself to have the heart to say those words out loud first.

But at least, he wanted the final bit of his dignity at the last minute.

At least, he wanted to leave Eric first, instead of being left with regrets and broken dreams.

He had started all of this first … so let him end this also …

“I’ll end this … Eric …”

His sudden outburst made Eric’s eyes waver for a split second and although it disappeared almost instantly, he could catch it

perfectly.

“If you say so …”

That was all Eric said.

He had not expected too many words from Eric but still, that short and easily-accepting reply made his heart sink, he admitted.

Finally, he let out a deep sigh and voiced out the question that he had never asked the other but he already knew the answer.

“Have you ever loved me … even for a second … throughout this time?”

Eric went silent again after his question and just kept staring at him his deep brown orbs. He wondered if he ever could have a

chance to know what was behind those eyes.

After a long and tiring moment, finally, Eric’s voice appeared.

“Hyesung, you’re a good boy … and I like you … I like spending time with you … but …”

He could expect what was coming ahead since he was not that naïve and dumb. But still, he foolishly wanted to hear it out from

Eric’s own mouth.

“I never love anyone … anything … I don’t believe in love … You know me … It’s not only you but everyone who’s around me … I

never love them … never …”

Each of those words punched his heart with deadly force although he had expected those kind of answer.

After all, as he had understood since the beginning, he was just another episode in Eric’s love series. He did not hold any special

position and he was a mere partner among hundreds of them for Eric.

“Eric …”

His voice cracked at the end of that single word and he realized finally, his façade started to fall apart. Eric seemed to notice

that and his eyes went cold and emotionless again.

“Don’t blame me … Don’t beg and … Don’t cry … You  knew what kind of person I am … and I warned you since the start … Still,

you wanted to play this game … willingly … and now the game’s over… So … accept the result … like a man …”

He sub-consciously nodded once at the end of cold words from Eric while he felt a single tear falling on his left cheek.

Yes. Just treat him coldly. Then, he could forget Eric more easily …

If he ever succeeded to do that in the remaining years of his life …

“Good bye … Hyesung … I really had a good time with you …”

With those words and a gentle squeeze to his hand, that man left.

Eric left the café …

Eric left his life … forever …

He walked and walked after leaving the café. It seemed like the roads were endless in front of his eyes. He did not know where

they were leading him to and he did not care at all.

People say “Time heals everything” …

Maybe someday, he could come over and move on from Eric …

He did not know how many years it would take but …

He did not want to hate Eric at least …

He still wanted to keep the memories with Eric in the deep side of his heart …

Even if he met another good person who was truly meant for him …

He might be like a bad person, being with another person with someone else in a place of his heart …

But still …

He did not want to erase Eric … from his past …

Even though he had already understood Eric was trouble …

Then, a voice entered his ears.

“Waah! First snow is falling!”

Feeling the wetness on his hand, he lifted his head to the sky, letting countless droplets of first snow of the year land on his

face.

Should he wish at the first snow?

He closed his eyes slowly and let out a small sigh to calm his heartbeat. Then, he whispered to the snow with a single drop of

tear.

“Please … let Eric know the true love … even if it’s not me …”

A/N: Ok. Finally it has come to an end! This fic is different from my usual cheesy and fluffy ones and many of my usual readers even avoid to read this … But I understand this because angst is not for everyone’s heart … But still there are 50 readers who stayed with me through all these depressing and bitter scenes and I thank you all for this! Because of all of you, I can successfully finish my first angst fic and I never forget these times ….

Bye for now and hope I can see you again in my two ongoing fics …