Myungsoo couldn’t stop smiling. Everything in his world felt so perfect, so right. His life was completely on track, and there was only one person he could thank for it.

Knowing that Sungyeol felt the same way that he did… that he loved him back just as much was so wonderfully freeing that he couldn’t bring himself to let go of that sense of optimism that had consumed him. Ever since he had walked into Sarang’s he had felt as if his life had shifted towards Sungyeol.

At first it was with friendship -- seeing a welcome face in a lonely big city made the world of difference. But then with each smile and each conversation, he had learned more about the pretty barista, and friendship blossomed into a crush. Having the courage to go for that kiss and ask for that Valentine’s date was one of the best decisions he had ever made. He found that he liked Sungyeol playing the role of his boyfriend far more than any other.

Their last night together had been amazing. Myungsoo never even dreamed that Sungyeol would be ready to take that step, that Sungyeol would trust him that much, but he did. Not only with his heart, but his body. He knew that wasn't something that Sungyeol did with just anyone; it mattered to him and he hadn't been with anyone else before. It made Myungsoo feel so special, knowing that he was the only person that Sungyeol had shared something so intimate with.

Making love to Sungyeol felt so different than it had with anybody else. Even if Myungsoo had thought he had been in love before, he knew now that it didn’t compare to what Sungyeol had awakened inside of him. They were connected, they had become one and he cherished that more than ever. He had been worried that he wouldn’t be able to live up to Sungyeol’s expectations, but Sungyeol had seemed more than satisfied if the repeat performance in the morning before work was any indication.

He loved seeing this new y and playful side of his boyfriend. He could tell that Sungyeol enjoyed it as well; that his confidence in their relationship was more solid than ever since they had made the decision to sleep together. He wished for nothing more than to stay in bed, to explore all the different ways he could touch Sungyeol’s body and make him feel pleasure. In fact, he had even contemplated falsely calling into work sick, just so he could indulge with Sungyeol for a little bit longer. Sungyeol had laughed off his desires, reminding him that Sarang’s wouldn’t open without its owner, but Myungsoo was still very pleased to hear his boyfriend say he wished he could call in too because he wasn’t quite ready to leave either.

After a lengthy make out session at the door, Myungsoo managed to let Sungyeol go, but only because time had demanded it. Work seemed to last much longer than usual, considering that Myungsoo wanted nothing more than to clock out and continue this morning with his boyfriend where they had left off. Thankfully today him and his partner were able to spend most of the shift out of the office, doing surveillance for their case. Myungsoo always felt that the work day passed by quicker when they weren’t stuck at the station all day.

Even Dongwoo seemed to be more antsy than normal, glancing back and forth between his watch and the area of interest. When it was finally time to call it a day, Myungsoo was more than happy to start heading towards the department.

“Actually, would you mind dropping me off at my friend’s place?” Dongwoo asked, rolling down his window to let some of the summer air in. “It’s Sungyeol actually; we’re supposed to hangout today and talk, so Hoya dropped me off at work this morning. He told me that he could come get me if I needed him to, but if it’s not too much trouble…”

“Of course not!” Myungsoo said a bit too excitedly, the prospect of being able to drop by his boyfriend’s place something he couldn’t pass up. He hadn’t pushed when Sungyeol always opted to spend their time over at the detective’s place, but he would be a liar if he said he wasn’t curious about where his boyfriend lived. He had just been so preoccupied with other things that he hadn’t given much thought to the issue. But dropping Dongwoo off was the perfect excuse to take a peek, and if he got to sneak a few kisses in with his boyfriend well then, that was just a bonus. “I’ve never been there before, so you’ll have to give me directions.”

“No problem! He actually lives close to the station so it shouldn’t take too long.” Dongwoo adjusted the radio, turning it up when one of his favorite songs came on. The two of them drove along, enjoying the music and the nice warm weather, the both of them anxious to get to Sungyeol’s place, but for completely different reasons.

“You should come say hi! I’m sure Sungyeol wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

You have no idea, Myungsoo thought to himself, but he was glad that Dongwoo extended the offer. In all honestly he was desperate to find an excuse to accompany Dongwoo to the door, even a small glimpse of his boyfriend was too much to pass up in his current state. Yeah, he knew that he was head over heels for Sungyeol, probably a little too far gone in all honesty, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Right now everything in his world was perfect, so he wasn’t going to ask questions or try to pick it apart; he was just going to enjoy being so blissfully happy.

Once they arrived at the apartment complex, the detectives pulled into a parking space and climbed out of the car. It was a bit of a walk from the visitor area, but Myungsoo still might have beat Dongwoo to the door in his haste, nervously pulling on his button up and straightening himself out. He was a bit rumpled from sitting inside the car all day, and he wanted to look good for his boyfriend.

Dongwoo rang the doorbell, tapping his foot on the concrete as they waited for Sungyeol to answer. He pushed his hands inside his slacks and made a surprised noise. “Oh! I think I forgot my phone inside your car.”

“Here, just take my car keys and go grab it. I’m sure that Sungyeol wouldn’t mind if I say hi alone.” In fact, Myungsoo was thrilled for the excuse to have Sungyeol all to himself, prospects of hurried kisses and secretive looks before he had to leave already coming to his mind. Dongwoo trotted away, but Myungsoo didn’t have to wait long for the door to open.

“Hello! Can I help you, mister?”

Myungsoo was surprised at the light voice, dropping his eyes to take in the sight of a pretty little girl. “Sorry, uh-” He stumbled over his words, not sure what to say. “I think I’m at the wrong place. I was looking for Sungyeol…” Myungsoo trailed off, already glancing over his shoulder for his partner, wondering how Dongwoo could have made such a mistake. How could he not know which apartment belonged to his best friend?

“Sungyeol? You know my Daddy?” the little girl asked sweetly, and Myungsoo’s heart stopped beating in his chest. His brain couldn’t even formulate an articulate response, convinced that he must have been hearing wrong. No, he was just being silly. Dongwoo must have another friend named Sungyeol, the odds must have been very slim but it was the only explanation.

“Your dad?” he repeated dumbly, scratching his head. “Actually, I probably don’t-”

“Daddy, someone is here to see you!” the little girl called out, cutting him off before he could correct her.

“Jiseonnie?” His head must have been playing tricks on him because that voice… it sounded so familiar. It was coming from within the apartment, but surely it couldn’t be his boyfriend. No matter how similar the voice or sharing the same name, his Sungyeol definitely did not have a daughter. Dongwoo would come back at any moment, and they would laugh off this misunderstanding. Right?

The little girl looked back at him with a sweet smile, hiding behind her long hair shyly. “And he’s handsome too Daddy! Like Tadashi!”

“Darling, what did I tell you about opening up the front door for-” Sungyeol came around the corner and abruptly stopped in his tracks, the last word coming out strangled “-strangers.”

“Strangers,” Myungsoo repeated, looking between Sungyeol and his… his… daughter.  This… this didn’t make any sense. He knew his boyfriend, he knew Sungyeol and he didn’t- he wouldn’t… His heart broke right on the spot, the reality that with how much his boyfriend had been hiding from him, the description of stranger was fitting for their relationship. “That sounds about right.”

“Wait, Myungsoo, wait,” Sungyeol started, his mind spinning out of control. Myungsoo didn’t, turning to walk away without another word.

“Hey!” Dongwoo appeared, his smile immediately falling when he saw the look on his friend’s face. “What’s going on? Sungyeollie-”

“Watch Jiseon for a second, please.”

Dongwoo frowned at the serious tone of his friend’s voice. “Sungyeol, what-”

“Please, just do this for me! I’ll explain later!” Sungyeol chased after Myungsoo, leaving Dongwoo and Jiseon behind looking confused.

“What’s wrong with Daddy?” Jiseon asked, unable to comprehend what she was seeing.

Dongwoo squated down to get on her level, putting a smile on her face to calm her. “It’s okay cupcake; let’s go inside, yeah? Sungyeollie told me that you made some paintings at school?”

The little girl still stared out the front door, looking for her father. “Jiseonnie? Do you want to show me?” Dongwoo tried again to distract her.

“Yeah… yeah, okay.” She went back inside the apartment and Dongwoo safely shut the door behind her, shielding her away from whatever the hell was going on between his best friend and his partner.

Meanwhile Sungyeol had barely caught up with Myungsoo, reaching him just as he got to his car. “Myungsoo! Baby please, just wait-”

“Wait? You want me to wait?” Myungsoo yelled, spinning on the spot to confront Sungyeol. “I did Sungyeol! I did everything you asked of me, I gave you space and I didn’t push you because I wanted to be with you that badly. And all this time you’ve been lying to me!”

“I know that’s what it looks like, I swear I do but-”

“There are no buts Sungyeol!” Myungsoo cut him off, crossing his arms. “This situation is exactly what it seems! All this time…” Myungsoo pulled at his hair, the gears turning in his head. “Everything is starting to come together.”

“But Myungsoo, if you would just let me explain-”

“Explain what exactly? Because there are so many damn questions I have right now. But thankfully, there are a few that I do know that answer to. Like why wouldn’t you let me come over to your place and why you were always coming over to my apartment. You don’t have to explain anything about that Sungyeol, because now I know the truth! I know that you didn’t want me around, you were hiding me away because you have other commitments! You have a daughter, Sungyeol! What are you going to tell me next, that you have a wife?”

“No!” Sungyeol yelled. “No, I don’t, I swear! You have to believe that, please.”

“I don’t have to believe anything. I can’t trust you anymore. I don’t know what was real and what was a lie. How am I supposed to accept that anything that comes out of your mouth is true when you have been lying to me for months? Since the first day we met… since the first time I kissed you, you’ve been doing nothing but lying and it hurts.”

Sungyeol looked down at the ground, hardly able to meet Myungsoo’s eyes. He had never felt as guilty as he did in this moment, but he was determined to find a way to convince his boyfriend to understand. “Myungsoo, I know I kept secrets but everything I said, everything I’ve done… I love you Myungsoo. I would never lie about that and I meant it when I confessed to you last night. I love you so much and I don’t want you to ever question that.”

“Just stop-”

“Myungsoo, I care about you so much. We made love last night, we connected. What we have is real. Please, please tell me you still know that,” Sungyeol begged desperately, reaching out for Myungsoo. His heart shattered even more when Myungsoo stepped away from his embrace.

“Honestly… I’m not sure of anything. I look at you and… I don’t even know who you are anymore, Sungyeol.”

“Myungsoo, please--”

“It hurts, Sungyeol. It hurts because I thought you knew me better than anyone. With you… I really thought that being here in San Jose with you could be something that would last forever. It felt like I was living this real life fairytale… I thought I had that I finally found the one. The love of my life. But now it’s just turned into this nightmare where my boyfriend lies to me. And it so much because you were it for me Sungyeol, you really were.”
 

“I still could be. If you could just give me a chance to explain,” Sungyeol asked, his eyes wet from impending tears. But he could tell from the hurt look in Myungsoo’s eyes that their time had run out.

“Do you honestly even know where to start Sungyeol? How about explaining the lie about being a -”

“I never said I was a !”

“You implied it! You made me believe that I was your first! I was- God, to think that I was honored! That I was proud to be able to say that I was your one and only. I was so careful… so nervous, I thought that if I made one wrong move I would ruin everything. Little did I know that you had already been ruined, months ago before I even touched you.”

“Please, please don’t say that-”

“Are you even gay? Or was that a lie too?” Myungsoo questioned, crossing his arms.

“It has taken me a very long time to figure out my uality, and I have made many mistakes along the way. But you are not one of them.”

Myungsoo sighed, shaking his head. “Last night was everything to me Sungyeol. I thought I was making love to my soulmate… to my other half. I wanted it to be perfect because I thought that we could be perfect. And all along you’ve been deceiving me. What… what am I supposed to do with that?”

“Myungsoo-”

“Or let’s talk about the big elephant in the room. You know, your daughter. You never, not even once, made it seem like you had a child! A child, Sungyeol! A little girl who loves you and depends on you… you’re the most important person in her entire world and she’s your daughter and I don’t even know her name! Oh wait, I do. It’s Jiseon. And that’s not because you told me, but because I overheard you say it. And the saddest part is that if I hadn’t come over today, if I hadn’t listened in on what you thought was a private moment, I still wouldn’t know Jiseon exists. The man I’m in love with has a daughter, and he didn’t even think she was important enough to tell me about.”

“Jiseon is important… she was my whole world until you came along and I love her…. I love her more than I love myself and I didn’t… I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”

“So you just decided not to? You just woke up one day and came to the conclusion that your daughter wasn’t an important enough subject to bring up to your boyfriend? You determined that I wasn’t worthy of having that information but in the same breath said you loved me? I… I don’t know what that is Sungyeol, but that is not love.”

Sungyeol grimaced, Myungsoo’s words cutting him deep. “I know that I’m no good at this. I know that I’m the one in the wrong. That I am the one who ed up. Is that what you want me to do, Myungsoo? Scream that I’m the screw up, that I’m the one who sabotaged our relationship? Because I know that! I know I’m a up! I know that everything that is happening right now is entirely my fault and I have no one to blame but myself!” He tried to catch his breath, tried to show some sort of reasoning but he knew he was failing. “I know that I hurt you and I know right now it feels like there’s nothing I could say to help. But maybe with time… maybe if we could just sit down and talk things out I could make you understand.”

“Honestly Sungyeol,” Myungsoo shrugged his shoulders, the feeling of loss consuming him. “I’m not sure that I want to.” Myungsoo looked away from him, his body trembling as he fought back the tears. “I need to go Sungyeol. And I think deep down, you know that too.”

Sungyeol really did, he always knew that there was no chance that this could work out. That he could truly be happy with Myungsoo. That’s why he didn’t stop Myungsoo from getting in his car, that’s why he didn’t fight him when he asked to leave. As he watched Myungsoo drive away he felt any chance of being with him fade away into nothing.

He dropped to his knees on the pavement, unable to stop the tears falling down his cheeks. In a way he hated himself for ever pretending that he could have a real relationship, that he could ever be in love.

Even though he had tried to avoid the truth, it was inevitable that his romance with Myungsoo would fall apart. He had learned a long time ago that he didn’t deserve a happily ever after.

From the moment his best friend gave him Jiseon all those years ago, her devotion to him costing her own life, he had known that he never deserved to experience love. He didn’t deserve to be happy.

After what he had done to Jiseon’s mother and now Myungsoo, he felt like he didn’t deserve anything at all.  

“Where did Daddy go?” Jiseon asked shakily, her eyes wide in confusion. The paintings had only held her attention for so long before she starting asking questions. “Why did he chase after that man?”

Dongwoo held her close and her hair gently. “I don’t know,” he admitted, “but I’m sure he’ll be back in a second.” Actually, Dongwoo wasn’t really sure when he would be back or what was happening. But Sungyeol had looked desperate so he couldn’t decline. Not when that look in the other’s eyes had been so raw and frightened. Dongwoo needed to know what made him like that; what made him look so scared.  

Jiseon looked upset also. Her eyes were big and misty with doubt and unsureness and Dongwoo did his best to keep her calm like she always was. Sungyeol had rushed out in a panic so suddenly, it was no surprise that Jiseon was put a little on the edge as well.

Jiseon gripped Dongwoo’s fingers tightly. The way her eyes moistened reminded Dongwoo of how Sungyeol’s eyes had looked when he had pushed past him and asked him hastily to watch Jiseon. Dongwoo needed to know why all of this was happening -- why Sungyeol had suddenly panicked when he saw Myungsoo. The last he heard the two of them were friendly; he knew that his partner often visited Sarang’s so they had to run into each other often. This wasn’t the first time he brought over a co-worker to Sungyeol’s either, so that didn’t explain Sungyeol’s sudden panic. Frankly he couldn’t come up with any theories to explain what was happening.

But Dongwoo was promised answers today so he would wait until Sungyeol told the whole truth to him. And he expected nothing but the whole truth.

“Daddy!” Jiseon exclaimed as Sungyeol came wobbling back through the doorframe. She jumped off of Dongwoo’s lap and ran straight for her father, leaping into his arms. She held him tightly, as if she was afraid he was going to leave again.

Sungyeol didn’t say a word, only reaching up a hand to hold onto her with just as much might. His eyes squeezed shut as he pursed his lips and buried his face into Jiseon’s small shoulders. Tears fell down onto his cheeks as he gripped onto her as if she was slipping away. But after everything that had just happened, it really did feel like everything was slipping away.

“Sungyeol,” Dongwoo murmured, his eyebrows furrowing at his friend’s state. “What’s going on?”

He couldn’t speak -- not when his voice was so ready to betray him. Instead he sniffed loudly and opened his wet eyes slowly. “I...” he began softly, “I have some things to explain…”

“Daddy?” Jiseon asked, pulling away to look at Sungyeol’s face. Her eyes grew misty and worried at the sight of her distressed father. “Daddy, what’s wrong?” Her voice shook in anxiety.

“N-Nothing,” Sungyeol replied unsteadily despite the few tears running down his face. “Daddy’s okay, Jiseon. He just made a mistake is all.”

Jiseon seemed to be panicking, her eyes growing wet as she clutched onto her dad. “Daddy…” she whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Sungyeol set her down and wiped at his face. He forced out a smile for his daughter and bent down to accommodate her size. He looked up into her wide brown eyes and her hair. “There’s nothing for you to worry about, okay honey? Absolutely nothing.”

“But who was that man?” she asked. “Why did he make you cry?”

“He didn’t make me cry, baby. I’m fine.” Sungyeol forced his smile some more and he just hoped that he didn’t look to be grimacing. “Everything is okay, baby girl. Everything.”

Dongwoo stepped in at that moment, much to Sungyeol’s relief. “Jiseon, honey, how about I call Uncle Hoya so he can take you somewhere? Hm? Does that sound like fun?”

Jiseon looked up at Dongwoo unsurely. “Is Daddy going to come…?”

Sungyeol caught the glance Dongwoo sent him and shook his head. “Daddy and Uncle Dongwoo will go to join you later. We have some… adult things to talk about first.”

“I don’t want to go without you, Daddy,” Jiseon murmured, shuffling her feet.

“It’s okay to go without me,” he reassured her. He his thumb over her cheek. “Uncle Hoya can take you to one of those dollar movies. You can watch Inside Out with him and Sooyong.”

His words seemed to coax her little by little until she was nodding. Dongwoo called up Hoya, who had agreed to come over quickly. There wasn’t much talking during the wait for Hoya’s arrival -- just soft exchanges between Sungyeol and Jiseon. Dongwoo paced around the apartment nervously, clearly on the edge.

To be quite honest, after his meal with Sungyeol yesterday with promises for the truth, he didn’t know what to expect. He had figured that Sungyeol was keeping things from him but this? All the tears, all the dramatics -- he didn’t even know what this all was. All he had known was that he and Myungsoo were innocently going over to Sungyeol’s apartment and somehow, in the midst of it all, some things snapped and the atmosphere had gone tense. Dongwoo wasn’t sure what Myungsoo said to Sungyeol when he wasn’t there, but he had a feeling that it had something to do with the wet stains on Sungyeol’s cheeks.

It wasn’t long before he got a message from Hoya, saying he was outside. He breathed a sigh of relief but at the same time, his heart seemed to double in speed. “Jiseon, Uncle Hoya is outside,” he said.

“Okay,” she replied, nodding. Sungyeol helped her into her shoes and walked her out to where Hoya’s car was waiting.

Dongwoo followed them outside and waited as Sungyeol fastened Jiseon into the car and told her to have a good time. He headed back to the apartment first as Dongwoo took a little more time to give Hoya and Sooyong a few chaste kisses.

“Hey,” Hoya said, his voice low so that the children couldn’t hear him. “I saw Sungyeol’s face. Is he okay? Did you guys talk yet?”

Dongwoo pursed his lips. “I don’t know if he’s okay. And we haven’t talked.”

Hoya didn’t ask anymore questions and they left it at that. Heading back to Sungyeol’s apartment, he walked in with purpose and turned around to lock it, as if it would keep their conversation more private. When he turned back around, Sungyeol’s eyes were cast onto the floor guiltily. “I’m ready to talk,” he muttered.

“Good,” Dongwoo replied, walking towards him. “Because I think I deserve some answers.”

“You do,” Sungyeol agreed solemnly. “And I haven’t been giving you any. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Breathing a sigh through his nose, Dongwoo sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him. “We’ll see if you’re still sorry by the end of this. Sit down.” His tone was stern and Sungyeol knew that there was no room for jokes or beating around the bush.

As he sat down next to Dongwoo, Sungyeol took in a deep breath through his nose. After crying, he felt so empty -- so lightheaded. He hoped it would help him get through his story. “I have a couple confessions to make,” he began.

Dongwoo silenced his phone and placed it down, turning his body completely towards Sungyeol. “I’m listening,” he prompted.

To tell the truth, Hoya was feeling more than worried. Today was his day off from the hospital at home with Sooyong while Dongwoo was at work. Everything was going normal until he received the call from his husband, his words calm but his tone frantic. Dongwoo was usually the more calm one out of the two of them, so Hoya knew things were getting serious.

Truthfully, when his husband told him he was anxious about his soon to be talk with his best friend, Hoya thought he was being a little too skeptical. He didn’t really think Sungyeol was capable of hiding anything too exciting, but now he was second guessing his assumptions.

He was happy that Sooyong was being agreeable so it didn’t take long for him to strap him up in his carseat and drive over to Sungyeol’s apartment. Unfortunately he didn’t get to ask too many details from his husband once he arrived; Dongwoo had given both him and Sooyong a quick kiss before promising to explain more later when he returned home.

Sungyeol had look a mess when he saw him, guilty red eyes and wet cheeks as he made Jiseon promise to have fun on their outing. He wasn’t sure what was going on with his friend but he was determined to do his part. He would take Jiseon out and make sure she had a great time; it wouldn’t do for his favorite little girl to be upset for the rest of the day.

“So how many times have you seen this movie?” he asked from the front seat, his eyes darting to the rear view mirror to look at Jiseon.

“I don’t know,” she murmured, picking at the seat absentmindedly.

“Well it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen it, because this is your first time seeing it with Sooyong! So we gotta make sure he has a great time, so you can’t cry! Not even when…. you know what happens to Bing Bong. You think you can be a big girl and hold in those tears?”

“I can! I want Sooyong to like Inside Out, it’s one of my favorite movies ever! But isn’t he too young to watch it? What if he falls asleep?”

“That’s okay. Even if he can’t watch it, he’ll still be able to hear it. So we have to make sure we laugh a whole lot so he can tell how much fun we’re having.”

Jiseon nodded, approving of his plan. “Okay! But I think I know what will make me enjoy the movie more.”

“And what’s that?”

“If I can have popcorn, and sour watermelon gummies, and a blue raspberry slurpie! Then I’ll laugh a whole bunch and Sooyong will have the best time ever!” Jiseon finished smartly, smiling in seat.

Hoya couldn’t help chuckling, admiring the little girl’s persuasiveness. “Sometimes I think you’re too smart for your own good, Jiseonnie.”

“A girl can never be too smart! Knowledge is power! That’s what Uncle Dongwoo taught me.”

The doctor grinned, pulling into the movie theater and parking the car. “Well, Uncle Dongwoo is almost always right, so let’s trust him on this one. Now come on, we’ve got to buy your treats and get to the good seats before they are all gone!”

Jiseon unbuckled her seat belt and let Hoya help her out of the car. He decided to keep Sooyong in his carrier, figuring it would be easier to move around this way. True to his word, he bought Jiseon her promised snacks and the little trio got settled in their seats. It was early in the afternoon and the movie wasn’t new, so they were lucky enough to be the only ones in the theater.

Hoya was pleased to see Jiseon having so much fun; reenacting the scenes and breaking things down into simpler forms that she thought Sooyong would better understand. She hid her face in his arm when that fateful Bing Bong scene came, doing her best not to get sad. He was proud of her; sometimes people forgot how perceptive kids could be, and if Sungyeol was feeling down, it was more than likely that Jiseon had noticed. He knew better than most that Sungyeol tried to carry the burdens of the world entirely on his own shoulders; he could only hope that back on his apartment, Dongwoo was helping him figure out that he wasn’t in whatever predicament he was facing on his own.

Dongwoo was always the solution to Hoya’s problems; whether he was having a bad day at work or feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities of parenting, his husband always knew exactly what to say to make things better.

He could only wish that Sungyeol was finally smart enough to let Dongwoo in, so his best friend could give him the help he so desperately needed.

Sungyeol’s head fell down into his hands as he breathed out heavily, unsure of where exactly to start. He felt Dongwoo’s impatient gaze burning through him and he knew that there wasn’t time to waste. Not after he had kept Dongwoo in the dark for so long. “I… I haven’t been completely honest with you these past few months.”

“Months?” Dongwoo repeated, skepticism creeping into his voice. “How many months?”

“Since February?” Sungyeol murmured softly. “I’ve been hiding something from you for a long time. And I’m so sorry, Dongwoo -- I really am.”

Dongwoo had the worst feeling in his gut, telling him that whatever Sungyeol was about to admit would surprise him too much. He felt like he needed to prepare himself for whatever Sungyeol was going to say. “Tell me, Sungyeol. We can decide how sorry you are once you tell me the truth.”

“Just… don’t freak out, please,” the other asked, his begging soft and pleading. “Please.”

Pursing his lips, Dongwoo only sighed. “We’ll see. Now enough wasting time. Jiseon isn’t here, it’s just you and me. Tell me what’s been going on. I like to think that if there’s anyone that you can be honest with, it’s me.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Sungyeol mumbled. He breathed in deeply through his nose and straightened himself up. “I should tell you. These past seven months… I’ve had a boyfriend.”

It took a lot more strength than Dongwoo imagined to not stand up and start hammering at Sungyeol with questions. He knew Sungyeol could see all the anger, confusion and hurt flashing through his eyes so he opted to stay quiet. “A boyfriend,” he repeated.

Sungyeol nodded nervously. “A boyfriend.”

“For seven months already.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed.

Dongwoo breathed in sharply through his nose before turning back to stare at Sungyeol sharply. “So that’s why you rejected all of those dates I set up for you? Because you had secretly had a boyfriend?”

“No, it’s not like that,” Sungyeol said quickly, panic beginning to set in his eyes at the thought of a misunderstanding. “We weren’t dating while you were still setting me up, I swear to you. We were only just talking then. I promise, I went on those dates earnestly, Dongwoo, I did.”

Dongwoo still seemed sceptic. “Okay,” he agreed slowly. “So when did you two start dating?”

“Sometime after Valentine’s Day? We became boyfriends then.”

“Then why didn’t you ever tell me?” Dongwoo asked, his voice low. “Sungyeol, you haven’t dated in so long! You’ve never had a real boyfriend before! What made you think to keep that kind of milestone from me? Why wouldn’t you want me to find out?!”

“I didn’t intend to keep it from you for so long!” Sungyeol replied honestly, his eyes begging for Dongwoo to understand. “In the beginning, I thought the same thing -- this is my first boyfriend, this is my first time dating since so long. I didn’t know how long it would be until I messed it up, or until it ended. I didn’t… I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

Dongwoo furrowed his eyebrows, calming his anger down for a moment. He knew all of those words, all of those insecurities that Sungyeol kept bottled up. He knew them as soon as he heard them. So instead of saying anything back, he motioned for Sungyeol to keep talking.

“I didn’t want to make myself believe that I was going to have a future with this guy. Because even after all the romancing, there was always that bitter voice in my head telling me that it wouldn’t end well. So I just kept it to myself in the beginning because I wanted to just… try it out. I just wanted to be on my own and fall in love on my own. Without anybody or anything else influencing me.”

“Did Jiseon know about it?” Dongwoo asked. His eyes widened further as Sungyeol shook his head. “Sungyeol, you didn’t let your own daughter know that you were dating someone?”

“I know,” Sungyeol forced out. “I swear I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand. I didn’t mean to keep everyone in the dark. I wanted to do this on my own, I didn’t think I was ready for having a public relationship with a man just yet. I just wanted to test the waters out in the beginning, I didn’t know how long I would be with him.”

“Okay.” Dongwoo prompted for him to continue.

Sungyeol shook his head, as if he was trying to make sense of it himself. “I just wanted to date on my own, Dongwoo. I genuinely felt so great when you told me that you would let me figure my romantic life out on my own-”

“But that didn’t mean to hide it from me,” Dongwoo replied sharply, his gaze burning hotter. “Sungyeol, you can’t let yourself get in the way like that. Hiding your first relationship -- your first boyfriend from me? Because of what? You were afraid of expecting too much? Because you were afraid of letting yourself down?”

“But I didn’t mean for it to happen!” Sungyeol exclaimed, his tone desperate. “The time got away from me and everything just kept… going. Nothing ended, instead things got more intense and before I knew it, seven months were up! I hadn’t expected my first real relationship to go so well, much less last so long. I was planning to tell you, Dongwoo, I promise.”

“I believe that,” Dongwoo told him earnestly. “I believe you. I know you always mean well and that you’re always getting in your own way. I don’t think you meant to keep your relationship from me with intentions of deliberately keeping me in the dark.”

The tips of Sungyeol’s ears turned pink as he looked down guiltily. “Well… part of that might be untrue.”

Blinking in confusion, Dongwoo continued, “What do you mean? You said time got away from you while you wanted to do this own your own. What am I missing?”

He watched Sungyeol swallow nervously as he fidgeted in his spot. “Dongwoo, um. There’s no real easy way to say this but… I think I partially wanted to keep you in the dark, but I did have other motivations.”

Dongwoo’s eyes narrowed at the statement, the anxiety flaring up in his chest. “...And why is that?”

“Because… well, because my boyfriend… you know him.”

“Sungyeol.”

“Hyung, I’m-”

“Sungyeol, I know him?” Dongwoo exclaimed in shock. “You made him keep a secret from me too? Sungyeol!”

The younger winced at the scolding tone in Dongwoo’s voice that he knew he deserved more than anything. “Yes…”

“Who is he?”

“Dongwoo-”

“Who is he?” Dongwoo repeated, his voice unwavering. “It’s too late to hide anything anymore, Sungyeol. It’s too late to start regretting anything because everything is falling apart! It started falling apart as soon as Myungsoo showed up at your door-” Dongwoo paused, the name triggering his thoughts. “...Sungyeol.”

Sungyeol didn’t dare to look up to meet his gaze. He could already hear the wheels in Dongwoo’s mind turning, connecting all the pieces.

“Sungyeol,” Dongwoo repeated harshly.

Without looking up, he lowered his voice down to a whisper. “I’m really sorry I kept this from you.”

“Sungyeol, tell me that I’m wrong.”

“Dongwoo, please, I- I didn’t mean any harm. I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

“It’s Myungsoo?” Dongwoo asked him in disbelief. “Kim Myungsoo? The new junior detective I work with?! The one I talk to nearly everyday?! My partner that I am trusting to watch my back and keep me safe has been lying to me this entire time?!”

“Yeah,” Sungyeol responded with shame. “It’s that Kim Myungsoo. The one you work with.”

Dongwoo shot up from the couch, his hands wringing themselves into his hair. “I can’t believe this,” he muttered. “I don’t believe this. This can’t be true, Sungyeol. I know you better than anyone, you wouldn’t pull this kind of thing.”

“Hyung, I’m sorry.” Tears were welling up in Sungyeol’s eyes again. He felt that there was nothing he could do but apologize but the more he said sorry, the more insincere it felt by the second. He was truly sorry, he felt nothing but the remorse that was eating away at him. But it seemed that he had said sorry so often today, people were starting to doubt him.

“Sungyeol, your first boyfriend!” Dongwoo shouted in frustration. “Your first boyfriend and it’s my co-worker?! My partner? And you didn’t even think to tell me until recently?! Why would you hide it from me, Sungyeol?! What kind of benefit would that give you?!”

“I-I don’t know!” he responded back frantically. “I didn’t know what I was thinking! Everything was just happening so fast-”

“Seven months fast,” Dongwoo stated sarcastically.

“I don’t mean it like that. My relationship with Myungsoo… one day it was a flirtation, then it was a crush, and before I knew it I was falling for him. I wasn’t prepared for how serious things were going to get! I just got so caught up in my feelings for him and I was too scared to rock the boat… with him and with you! I knew that the both of you would feel betrayed by my secrets so I just kept trying to do everything on my own-”

“But you don’t need to do it on your own!” Dongwoo exclaimed, turning back to stare at his friend incredulously. “You can’t do this on your own, Sungyeol. And do you want to know why? Because me, Hoya, Jiseon -- we’re all part of you! I know that part of what makes you you is us. So how did you expect Myungsoo to be able to love you completely without knowing all the parts of you?”

Sungyeol was crying again, his lips pressed into a line as he held back his sniffles. But the tears fell down his cheeks relentlessly as he gripped on his pants tightly.

“Sungyeol, you can’t just exclude parts of your life -- no, parts of yourself -- you can’t expect to hide away parts of yourself and believe that things will be alright! If you’re going to put the effort into a relationship, you should put the effort into being one hundred percent real with your partner. And you haven’t been doing that, have you?”

“No,” Sungyeol agreed through his bleary eyes. “I haven’t, Dongwoo. I haven’t and that’s what got me into this mess! I knew it couldn’t have worked out, I was so stupid to even think it would-”

“Don’t,” Dongwoo warned him sternly. “Don’t say that Sungyeol. Don’t you dare blame this on your insecurities. You can blame it on your poor decision making, but don’t you dare pin this on yourself like that. You’re not going to get anywhere like that.”

“But look at what I’ve done!” he cried. “There isn’t a version of this story where it’s not my fault, Dongwoo! I was trying to do help myself but all I did was hurt others in the process. You, Jiseon, Myungsoo -- all I’ve done at this point is hurt all of you! You’re mad at me, and rightfully so. I can’t even think of a single thing you’ve told me tonight that was wrong. You’re right, Dongwoo, you’re right. I’ve made stupid decisions and now I’m stuck in this giant mess I’ve made for myself.” He choked on his tears, wiping them away forcefully with his hand. “I should have told you sooner, I should have told Myungsoo sooner -- I should have done a lot of things but I didn’t, Dongwoo, I didn’t.”

“You didn’t,” Dongwoo repeated, crossing his arms.

Sungyeol sniffed harshly, his cries starting to edge into getting hysterical. “I slept with him last night, Dongwoo! We took a giant leap together last night and I- I haven’t even been able to be one hundred percent honest with him. And I was going to, Dongwoo, I swear! I was going to tell him yesterday. After I had dinner with you I was prepared -- I was ready to start coming clean. But in the end I got sidetracked,” he murmured bitterly. “And he ended up knowing every part of me without really knowing all of me. Without really knowing about you or Hoya, and most importantly, about Jiseon.”

Dongwoo shook his head, a harsh sigh coming from his mouth. He sat back down next to Sungyeol, the disappointment blatantly apparent in his eyes. “I still can’t believe this, Sungyeol. I can’t believe you would do this to us. I knew you were hiding things from me, but this? This was beyond anything I expected. Way beyond anything I was expecting. And I think it’s an understatement to say that you are in way over your head.”

“I know,” Sungyeol repeated for what felt like a hundredth time. “I know I could say that a million times, but I know. Dongwoo, I know. I knew this whole time and I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted what I knew I couldn’t have.”

“Hey.” Dongwoo’s words cut his sentences short. “Come on, Yeol, don’t do that to yourself. I told you not to pin it on yourself that way. That’s not what I want. That’s not what Sarang would want either.”

“Dongwoo-”

“Listen to me. I know I’m pretty mad at you -- in fact, I might be a little more than pretty mad. But don’t doubt for a single second that my anger would come before your well-being. Because damn it, Sungyeol, I could be mad as hell but if you’re not okay, I need to be there. And you’re not okay.”

Dongwoo pulled him close and embraced him. It was warm despite the tense atmosphere and he could feel Sungyeol’s muscles slightly relax in his hold. But Dongwoo just stayed quiet and rubbed his back comfortably as Sungyeol cried a little more. And so maybe Dongwoo was angry, but even if he was angry, Sungyeol deserved a shoulder to cry on. After all this, what he needed was a shoulder to cry on.

“I’m just so sorry,” Sungyeol murmured into his shoulder, his hands gripping tightly at Dongwoo’s back. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. I should have turned to you for help or advice, Dongwoo.” He sniffled loudly. “I shouldn’t have done this on my own.”

Dongwoo’s voice was soft and gentle as he murmured, “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”

Sungyeol’s voice dropped low bitterly. “What if this is just karma? What if this is my punishment? My punishment for not loving Sarang the way I should have. For not taking care of her like I should have-”

“Hey.” Dongwoo pulled away, holding Sungyeol tightly to stare into his eyes. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. Life’s full of would-haves and should-haves and could-haves but those don’t matter. You can’t let those bother you, Sungyeol. Don’t forget, Sarang was my best friend too. And I know for a fact that she would kick my if I sat here and let you beat yourself up for things that aren’t even your fault.”

“But Dongwoo, if I had-”

“You’re at it again, stop that. No more with the ‘if I had done this.’ What’s important now is if you know what you’re going to do. You can’t go back to the past to fix things, Sungyeol, and I think you know that. But you can always try to fix them up in the future. For your future.”

“But how would I do that?” he asked miserably. “How would I even start to apologize to you? Or Myungsoo. He wouldn’t listen to me, Dongwoo. He said- he said he didn’t even know me.”

“It’s going to take some time,” Dongwoo told him. “It might take a lot of time. But there’s going to be a point where his anger will eventually run out and you can try to mend your mistakes. There’s no guarantee he’ll forgive you, but you’ve got to try.”

“I will,” Sungyeol promised. “I’ll try my hardest to fix things. And if I can’t fix it, I can at least apologize.”

“You can. But keep your head high, okay? I know you think you have a million reasons to keep your head down, but keep it high. That’s what we’d want from you. So keep looking up and things will get better.”

Sungyeol sniffled once more and Dongwoo hoped it would be the last. “I will,” he promised one last time. “I will.”

After letting out a soft sigh, Dongwoo finally pulled a gentle smile onto his face. “And if things work out, remember to make sure he knows all of you first before you take it any farther. Every single little part of you.”

Sungyeol sighed, cuddling closer to his best friend. “Honestly, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Just think of it this way; no matter what happens, tomorrow can’t nearly be a bad as today.” That managed to pull a laugh out of the both of them, and Dongwoo knew that as long as he could still make Sungyeol find the humor in things, there was hope.

But he also knew his friend, and unless someone gave them the right push, it wouldn’t be far fetched to assume that Myungsoo would hold onto his anger instead of talking things out with Sungyeol.

Dongwoo had an idea; it wasn’t a guaranteed solution but he knew Myungsoo pretty well and his partner wasn’t the type to not search for answers. He could only hope that when Myungsoo heard Sungyeol’s explanations, he would be willing to give his best friend another chance.

A/N: everything is angst and everyone is sad.
we are sorry! we told you this day would come!
do you think myungsoo can forgive sungyeol? do you think he should?
and you all have figured out who sarang is, right?
comment and let us know what you think!

♥rayquin×