Myungsoo got another beer from his fridge, collapsing on Yongguk’s couch with a heavy sigh.

“Oh, so it’s one of those nights?” his friend joked, joining him with his own glass bottle in hand. “Not that I’m surprised; at the station all week you’ve been totally standoffish and spaced out. We didn’t even do lunch together.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’ve been taking my anger out on the wrong people and I shouldn’t do that. I just- I haven’t been able to go ten minutes without thinking about the break up and I get all fired up all over again.”

“So much for ending things amicably. What gives?”

“Everything! There’s so many things that went wrong, I don’t even know where to start!” Myungsoo took a swig of the bitter liquid, trying to mellow out.

“How about at the beginning? If you guys broke up then that means I get to know who the mystery man is, right? No more secret boyfriends?”

The detective shook his head. “No more secret boyfriends. We’ve upgraded to secret children.”

“What?!”

“Well, secret child. As in one, but still!”

Yongguk blinked, trying to process the new information. “Okay, wait. So your boyfriend has a kid? So he’s biual at the least? Where’s the mom?”

“I don’t know anything! I was seeing so much red when the truth came out I didn’t really stick around for explanations. I’m not sure I even want to hear any of them. And I think he knows that, considering he hasn’t texted me or called since we broke up last Friday. I haven’t even talked to anybody about all of this, despite Dongwoo’s many not so subtle hints to try. Not that I think he’s not capable of giving good advice, it’s just… how objective can you really be when your best friend has screwed up?”

“Dongwoo’s best friend? That also has a kid that you didn’t know about...” Myungsoo watched as Yongguk put the pieces together, his mouth opening in shock. “You’re telling me that the guy you’ve been dating all this time is Sungyeol?!”

“The one and only.” Myungsoo confirmed his friend’s suspicions, waiting in silence as Yongguk gathered his thoughts. After a few minutes he couldn’t take it anymore. “Well?”

“It’s just--” Yongguk shrugged his shoulders, unable to properly articulate what he was feeling. “Believe me when I say that I am on your side in all of this. I saw firsthand how much you struggled with keeping your relationship under wraps and I know you’ve wanted to go public since the day you made things official with him but…”

“There’s a but?” Myungsoo asked sarcastically.

“Yes! I’m sorry, but knowing that the guy you’ve fallen so madly in love with and have been betrayed by is Sungyeol… it kind of changes things. A lot.”

Myungsoo set down his beer with annoyance, crossing his arms. “See? This is exactly why I haven’t been talking to anyone about this! I’m the new guy here and every single one of my friends has way more history with Sungyeol. All of you are sympathetic to him and you think I should go easy on him, right? I should just forget the fact that he lied to me our entire relationship and forgive him because he’s such a great guy.”

“Sungyeol is a great guy.” Myungsoo looked away but Yongguk pressed on. “I know that right now that’s the last thing you want to hear, but deep down I know you agree. He hurt you… badly and I get that in this moment, the pain is the only thing you can focus on. But once your head is in a better place, I really feel like you should talk to him.”

“Why? So he can spin another tale to keep me going along with whatever he says? So I can willingly let him make a fool out of me?” Myungsoo sighed, leaning back into the couch cushions. “I just feel so stupid. There were so many moments… things that I couldn’t explain but I ignored all of them. Because I liked him so much and he was so sweet… so good to me. I can’t believe he was hiding such a big thing from me. And for the life of me, I just can’t figure out why.”

“Isn’t that more of a reason to talk to him? At least you could get some clarity on the situation… maybe you’ll understand him more than you think.” Myungsoo looked away, and Yongguk suddenly figured out his friend’s apprehension. “But that’s exactly what you’re afraid of, isn’t it?”

Yongguk looked into his friend’s eyes, trying to read his reaction. “You know that Sungyeol is a good person, and you know that lying about something like this must have been hard for him… you’re scared that if you talk to him that his reasoning will actually make sense. Right now you want to hold onto the anger, you want to be mad at him because that means you don’t have to sympathize with him. But if you talk to him and find out his motives, you’re worried that you’ll understand him. That you’ll want him back.”

Myungsoo stood up, pacing the room in his dilemma. “All of this so much, Yongguk. I’m madder than hell at him but at the same time… I miss him. I miss going to Sarang’s in the mornings, I miss hearing his voice. I miss the way he would look at me, I miss the way he felt in my arms. It’s like… even though he did this terrible thing to me and my head knows I shouldn’t just forgive him… my heart is another story. Even through all of this anger, I’m still more in love with him than ever. The day before we broke up, I was the happiest I had ever felt. We were better, closer than we had ever been. I thought I knew everything about him, I thought we felt the same way about each other. But now…” The detective paused, closing his eyes in thought. “All I can think about is how he was able to look me in the eyes, say the things he said, confess his love to me, all while he was keeping this huge secret. If he’s capable of doing something like that then… how can I really believe anything that he ever said?”

“Look, I get it. You’re wondering what else has he been dishonest about if he was lying about Jiseon--”

“Wait, you know her name? Have you met her?” Myungsoo interrupted him, his shock quickly morphing into disbelief when he saw the guilty look in Yongguk’s eyes. “Of course you have; so apparently everyone except Sungyeol’s boyfriend gets to spend time with his daughter. Just freaking perfect. The next thing you’re going to tell me is that you knew his wife or his ex girlfriend or whatever.”

“You don’t know about Sarang?” Yongguk asked seriously.

“Sarang?” Myungsoo’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “As in the name of his freaking cafe? What the ! I can’t--” Myungsoo ran a hand through his hair, unable to comprehend this development. “You’re telling me that the place that I thought I met the love of my life was named after the mother of his child? Like, how is this even real? It’s like my life turned into a soap opera or something! What the hell am I going to find out next? So much for never being in love, so much for me being his first serious relationship when he named his freaking place of business after another woman!”

“Myungsoo.”

“What if he’s still in love with her? What if this whole thing was just an experiment for him? What if he’s not even into me, he just thought it would be fun to give the whole homouality thing a try?”

 

“Myungsoo.”

“No, he said he didn’t want to make our relationship public, but I thought that was because he was just uncomfortable with his uality, that he wasn’t ready to come out of the closet. But now I see that this was all some elaborate set-up, he was just hiding me away while he was playing house with Sarang--”

“Myungsoo!” Yongguk raised his voice, finally interrupting Myungsoo’s rant.

“What?!”

“He isn’t still with Sarang; he hasn’t been for a very long time.”

“And how could you possibly know that?” Myungsoo deadpanned, his mind running wild with all the possibilities.

“Look, I don’t know all of the details, you should talk to Dongwoo--”

“No, don’t do that! Don’t start to tell me something and then back out of it. You said you were in my corner, that you were on my side, now prove it! Tell me what’s going on, I’m sick of being the only one left out in the dark while other people play around and decide what information I get to know. Just please, tell me,” Myungsoo begged.

Yongguk sighed, unsure of what to say. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you Myungsoo, it’s just-- I can’t really explain it because I’m not sure of the full story.”

“Then how could you know that Sungyeol still isn’t with Sarang? That he still isn’t in love with her?”

“Myungsoo, you might want to sit down--”

“Why? Is what you have to tell me that bad?” Myungsoo followed his advice, sitting down and resting his head in his hands. “I just-- I feel so bad because I was selfish enough to want Sungyeol all to myself. It’s not right for me to want to beat the mother of his child in a competition for his affections. And how could I? How could I ever compete with Sarang, she’s Jiseon’s mother for god’s sake and she will always be more important than I could ever dream of being to Sungyeol and his family. Damn it, he has a family and all this time I’ve been a threat to that, taking him away and trying to steal his heart and I feel so terrible--”

“You shouldn’t feel that way Myungsoo. There is no competition between you and Sarang, and you never threatened his family’s wellbeing, I promise.”

“How could you know that for sure?”

“Because Sarang isn’t in the picture. She… she hasn’t been for years.”

“But why?” Myungsoo asked in confusion, unsure of how Sarang would be absent if Jiseon was still so heavily involved in Sungyeol’s life.

“Myungsoo… Sarang is dead.”

Sungyeol wiped down the last of the tables in the cafe by himself, having sent Minho home a while ago. Sarang’s was slow in the afternoon, only a couple of customers coming in after the lunch rush. He knew he could handle it on his own, and he knew Minho was stressing out about the his soccer game in the morning so he let him leave early so he could get some more practice in.

He was actually thankful for the unexpected slow spell; he could use the calmness as an opportunity to think. He had immersed himself in his work, completely devoting himself to making his customers happy, knowing that he had already failed those closest to him. He was thankful that Dongwoo was so forgiving, allowing him the opportunity to vent and cry on his shoulder, but deep down he knew he had hurt his best friend deeply with his secrecy.

As he looked back on his decisions over the past seven months, he couldn’t help but feel stupid. Even back when he made the decision to start dating again, he felt like he was tempting fate. But the blind dates weren’t going well and he felt as if maybe being single was what he was meant to be. But then he and Myungsoo started to grow closer and there was that kiss, late at night while Myungsoo helped him decorate his cafe, and everything started to change.

Myungsoo swept him off of his feet, romancing him on Valentine’s Day, and slowly making his walls of defense crumble with each passing day full of attention and devotion. It had been so long since Sungyeol had been cared for like that; sure he had his friends and he had Jiseon but… each time Myungsoo reached out to him, went out of his way to make him smile, he felt like the most special person in the world.

He knew that it wasn’t right, he knew that he was making a mistake but he let himself get caught up in his emotions, let himself drown in Myungsoo’s affections and now he was paying for it. He shouldn’t have longed for something he couldn’t have possibly gotten. He shouldn’t have let those kind of desires cloud up his head. And in the end, he didn’t have anyone to blame but himself.

Dongwoo had told him to keep his head high, but it was difficult. It was hard to hold his head high when everything seemed to be falling down. But when the door to his shop jingled to announce the enter of a customer, he plastered that smile on his face again as he turned to welcome them.

“Welcome to Sarang’s,” he said automatically, like it was a rehearsed script. But his fake smile soon disappeared into a line as he saw the man who had entered. He swallowed. “Hoya.”

Hoya stood at the entrance with Sooyong cradled in a baby carrier that was strapped to his chest. He smiled softly for Sungyeol. “Hey,” he said, walking towards him.

“Hi.” Sungyeol bit back a sigh as he bent over to wipe down a table. “What brings you here?”

“We were in the area.” Hoya shrugged as if his visit was unplanned. He Sooyong’s head gently as he stood in next to Sungyeol. He watched the way he cleaned the table in swift, circular motions, even though it seemed that the crumbs and stains had disappeared long ago. “Sooyong wanted to check up on you… see if you were okay.”

Sungyeol’s smile was slightly bitter as his hands paused. “So Dongwoo told you guys, huh?”

“Did you expect him not to?” Hoya asked, a serious eyebrow raised.

Straightening up, Sungyeol shook his head. “No, I knew he’d let you know. You would want to know about it too. You deserve to know about it.”

Hoya nodded. “Thanks, Sungyeol. So, let’s talk about this, okay? You still haven’t answered Sooyong’s question. How are you doing?”

Sungyeol sat down in the chair and sighed, resting his forehead in his hand tiredly. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “I want to say that I’ve gotten better these past few days but I haven’t.”

“That’s alright,” Hoya told him, sitting down on the chair next to him. His voice was gentle and soft, like he was talking to Sooyong. “It’s okay to be upset. I would be more surprised if you were over it already.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I guess I’m faring at a normal pace then.” He chuckled humorlessly. “But if I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over Myungsoo. He was so amazing to me Hoya, and all I did in return was hurt him.”

Hoya listened intently and nodded. He kept a warm hand on Sooyong, who was sleeping peacefully on his chest. “It’s understandable, Sungyeol. He was your first real relationship.”

Sungyeol sighed through his nose, bringing his head up to rest his cheek on his hand instead. His eyes were sad as he stared down at the spotless table. “As much as I knew it wouldn’t have worked out, I wanted it to. Is that silly of me? To want something I can’t have?”

With furrowed eyebrows, Hoya asked him, “Why don’t you think you can have it? What would stop you from a real relationship?”

“I don’t know.” Sungyeol shrugged apathetically. “It just could have never worked out, Hoya. I can’t have a happy relationship. Sarang didn’t get one because of me and I just… it wouldn’t feel right.” He closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead. “But I hate it, because everything felt so right with Myungsoo. I shouldn’t have wanted it at all, not after what I did to Sarang. But I still wanted it, I still got it and I still messed it up.” He sighed wistfully.

“You shouldn’t talk like that, Sungyeol.” Hoya shook his head. “You really shouldn’t. I understand where you’re coming from, but don’t talk like that. You and I both know that Dongwoo wouldn’t want that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t--”

He was interrupted as Sooyong woke up and started crying. His high wails filled the silence and Hoya made soothing sounds immediately. He stood up, walking around with a bounce in his step to calm his child down.  

“Sorry,” he apologized, laughing slightly.

Sungyeol smiled back for the first time. “No, no -- don’t worry about it. I know the feeling.” He stood up to pat Sooyong’s head affectionately. “It feels like just yesterday that I had to carry Jiseon in a baby carrier. I remember thinking I looked ridiculous.”

“To be honest, I was skeptical about this at first,” Hoya admitted with a chuckle. “But it proved to be more useful than anything.”

Sungyeol nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”

“Speaking of Jiseon,” Hoya started, “how is she doing with all this? Have you been telling her what’s happening?”

“No. I know, I know -- I should tell her. But it’s not something she should worry about it. She’s only five. She may be smart, but this situation is still beyond her comprehension.”

Hoya pursed his lips but eventually said, “No, I think you’re right. Jiseon wouldn’t understand. But I think she deserves to know -- don’t you think?”

Sungyeol sighed as Sooyong calmed down. As the silence popped back up, he sat back down. “Jiseon is really smart, Hoya. She’s so perceptive for her age. She can pick up when somebody is upset; when I’m upset.”

“So you can’t show her?” Hoya asked. “Is that it? You don’t think you can be upset around her?”

“I really can’t though. If I do then she’ll instantly pick up if something is wrong. If I’m going to carry on for anyone now, it’s for Jiseon. Maybe someday I’ll be carrying on for myself too, but for now it’s just Jiseon. I can carry on for her. That’s enough reason to do so.”

Hoya paused and let his words sink in. He slowly sat down in the chair across from Sungyeol, making sure that Sooyong was in a comfortable position. It was quiet for a few moments between them. “You know,” he began, “if it were a couple months ago, I don’t think I would have been able to get what you were saying. But… I think I can understand where you’re coming from.” He leaned his head down to give Sooyong a quick peck. Sooyong giggled slightly as he opened his closed his fists.

Sungyeol smiled. “Yeah. Watching you guys take care of Sooyong is like watching me learn how to take care of Jiseon on my own. But with half the amount of stress,” he chuckled. His smile fell again as he grew serious. “But Jiseon is my world. And when Sarang had just left and she was a baby… I- I promised her the world while she grew up. A happy world. And a happy world is one where she doesn’t need to worry.”

“So that means concealing your sadness?” Hoya asked. He could imagine Sungyeol back then, young and naive. He could imagine him alone, promising the world to tiny Jiseon after the loss of Sarang. He could see it in his mind so well.

“It does,” Sungyeol said firmly. “It means that my baby girl comes first. I’m in a lot of pain right now, I’ll admit that. But I can’t let Jiseon see any of that. She can’t know that I’m hurting.” He shook his head. “I can’t let her see it.”

“Sungyeol, you’ll only be able to hide it for so long,” Hoya told him gently. “I know you’re covering it up for the sake of your daughter but it’s going to take a toll on you eventually. That’s why I wanted to stop by today. I wanted to make sure you were okay because you need to be okay to take care of Jiseon.”

Sungyeol only blinked, not saying anything. He stared at his hands on the table and Hoya took it as an initiative to continue.

“Look, I know that it’s hard right now, getting over your first boyfriend. And I can’t guarantee that the mark Myungsoo left on you will ever fade. And the chances of talking with him are slim right now.”

“Yeah,” Sungyeol agreed. “He hasn’t tried talking to me and it’s been a week. Chances are less than slim.”

“Just remember that you don’t need to go through this all alone. Hiding from Jiseon -- you don’t need to be alone during that either. You’re surrounded by people that care about you. People like me and Dongwoo are here for you. I know you think you don’t think you can reach out to us, but please, please remember that you can.”

Hoya stared at him earnestly. Dongwoo had always told him that Sungyeol was the type to feel guilty after making a mistake that affected his loved ones. But Hoya knew that more than anything, Sungyeol needed to talk it out with people. The last thing he needed was to cut himself off from his friends out of guilt. He wouldn’t be able to get better from there.

“I’m here,” he said, “and Sooyong is too. Your actions might not be backed up, but you got a lot of people willing to listen. And it’s our job as your friends to listen so talk to us, okay? Let us listen.”

After a moment, Sungyeol nodded. His voice came out in a soft whisper. “Thank you,” he murmured. “Thanks for dropping by and talking to me.”

Hoya smiled. “It’s no problem. I’ll always be around so long as Dongwoo is,” he laughed.

“And I’m grateful for you two.” Sungyeol smiled. He gently touched a finger to Sooyong’s cheek. “And you too, Sooyong. I’m glad you’re all here.”

Dongwoo brushed the hair out of Hoya’s eyes, smiling at him from across the couch.

“What is it?” his husband asked, feeling the heavy stare in his direction.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how perfect you are.” He leaned over, giving Hoya a quick kiss. “It was really nice of you to stop by Sarang’s. I know Sungyeol is having a rough time, and I’ve been making an effort to reach out to him too--”

“But he feels just as guilty for lying to you about Myungsoo,” Hoya finished for him.

“Yeah. And admittedly, I was pretty pissed when I first found out. What are the chances that my best friend manages to date my partner from work right under my nose?”

Hoya shrugged. “Despite the odds, I think it’s clear that they both really cared about each other. Sungyeol told me that Myungsoo hasn’t tried to talk to him for a week. I think Myungsoo must be having a tough time trying to redefine how he feels for Sungyeol, given this new information.”

“But that’s just it; I know Myungsoo pretty well. We’ve worked side by side practically since the moment he got here. He’s the type that loves investigating because he has to figure out the answer to the problem, he has to find out the truth. It doesn’t make sense that he could just break ties with Sungyeol and never look back. At work I tried offering to talk but he shot me down.”

“Well, I understand that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re Sungyeol’s best friend. He’s probably thinking that despite your relationship, you’re not going to be on his side. Or that you’re going to sugarcoat the problem so that he’ll go back to Sungyeol.”

“I can be objective! Trust me, I have no problem saying that Sungyeol ed up. But I just think that Myungsoo is thinking that it’s for the wrong reasons. Not that Sungyeol’s motives were right, but since Myungsoo doesn’t know what happened back then, he is feeling betrayed over the wrong things.”

“We’re not really in the position to judge. Having to date someone when you have a child… things are immediately way more complicated. Especially since Sungyeol’s feelings about himself and Sarang are so complicated… it’s no surprise that this turned into somewhat of a disaster.”

“I’ve always told Sungyeol that he’s his own worst enemy. I just wish he would’ve came to me sooner. I could’ve helped him pick a different path…” Dongwoo said thoughtfully, snuggling into Hoya’s embrace.

“I think he was just feeling a bit blindsided. When love hits you out of nowhere… it kind of knocks your world off balance. Makes you question everything.”

“Is that how you felt? When you met me?” Dongwoo teased, lacing their fingers together.

“Yeah,” Hoya admitted honestly. “I mean, I used to judge everyone who started serious relationships in college. I told myself that it would just make them get distracted, make school more difficult. And then I became one of those people. You came into the ER and just… everything changed. I didn’t care about what other people thought, I didn’t care how much my parents disapproved; I just had to be with you.”

“I know it wasn’t easy for you. Your father has always been vocal about wanting you to be the best you could possibly be. I know that I wasn’t… his first choice for you by any means. But we are all making progress; he came to Sooyong’s half birthday and he was completely cordial. Five years ago if I told you that you would be married with a baby boy and your relationship with your father would be better than ever, you would have called me crazy.”

“I know.” Hoya chuckled. “You can never predict the future. I just hope that things keep going well for us, and for our family. But I have to admit; I don’t love you as much as I did back when I first met you.”

Dongwoo pouted. “And why not?”

“Because I love you so much more now. I love you more with each passing day.” Dongwoo giggled, tackling his husband to the couch. He hovered over him, a playful smile on his face.

“You’re so mean! Leading me on like that,” Dongwoo complained, getting situated between Hoya’s legs.

“I think ‘leading you on’ is something that I can never be properly accused of when it comes to you.” Hoya disagreed, running his hands down Dongwoo’s back.

“Yeah?” Dongwoo rested his weight on his elbows, bring his face closer to his husband's with that familiar twinkle in his eyes. “Then how about you prove it?”

“Sooyong is asleep upstairs; he’s pretty tired from running errands with me all day long, but you know how easily he wakes up.”

“Is this your way of telling me to be quiet?”

“You are never quiet.” Hoya abruptly flipped them over, smirking down at Dongwoo. “Especially when I’m on top of you.”

“Guilty as charged.” Dongwoo started to undo the buttons on Hoya’s shirt, his eyes bright with mischief. “So maybe you should figure out a way to shut me up.”

“That, I can do.” Hoya finally brought their lips together, kissing him deeply from start. Dongwoo met his lips just as enthusiastically, his hands all but ripping the shirt from Hoya’s body in his haste. The both of them had learned that they had the most chance of being successful during these heated moments when they didn’t waste their time. Hoya broke the kiss, leaning back just long enough to tug the shirt over Dongwoo’s head before diving right back in.

His lips travelled down the curve of Dongwoo’s neck, his hands urgently trying to undo the buckle of his belt as they moved together. Just as he pulled open his husband’s pants, the phone on the table started to buzz angrily.

“Ugh,” Dongwoo groaned in both frustration and pleasure when Hoya bit down on his shoulder with his sharp teeth. “Please just ignore it.”

“It could be the hospital.” Hoya’s voice was full of frustration, his hands stopping their task to reach over the coffee table, searching blindly for his phone as Dongwoo pulled him back into a kiss. He reluctantly broke the lip lock, his eyes darting over to his phone before tossing it away.

“You’re good? The hospital didn’t page you?”

Hoya shook his head, leaning his hips closer to Dongwoo could start working on his belt. “It wasn’t mine, it was yours. And we both know there’s no legitimate emergency at the station that would require your attention immediately.”

“You are so right. Now get back over here.” Dongwoo wrapped his arms around Hoya’s shoulders, bringing their bare chests together. Hoya moved his hands down, tugging on the edges of the blonde’s pants as he tried to moved them over his hips. The phone started to buzz angrily again, and Dongwoo let out a frustrated sigh.

“Did you see who it is?”

“No.” Hoya pressed kisses to Dongwoo’s chest, leaning back on his heels to make it easier to get rid of Dongwoo’s jeans. “Do you want me to?”

Dongwoo shook his head, lifting up his hips to help Hoya undress him, kicking his pants to the floor. “No; the only thing I want to focus on right now is you.”

“Good.” Hoya moved back down, delighting in the way Dongwoo’s smooth legs felt as they wrapped around his waist. Dongwoo’s soft lips were the best kind of addiction, stealing his breath away as they kissed.

Dongwoo effectively ignored his phone, focusing on the sounds of their heavy breathing as they rocked together. Just as he slipped his hands underneath the waistband of Hoya’s underwear, there was a sudden knock on the door. The both of them froze, looking at each other in confusion.

“Are you expecting anyone?” the blonde asked, and Hoya shook his head. “Damn. It’s probably Sungyeol.”

“Why does he have the worst timing?” Hoya complained, trying to kiss him again but Dongwoo evaded him.

“I told him he could come see me whenever he needed. Let me just go talk to him really quickly--”

“And then you’ll come right back, so we can finish what we started?” Hoya pressed, managing to sneak in a few more kisses. The knocks started up again and Dongwoo reluctantly pushed Hoya off of his body.

“I’ll be quick; I promise.” Dongwoo had trouble zipping his jeans back up, and Hoya gave him a proud look. “Shut up,” he chastised, and his husband gave him a wicked smile.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. And you’ll be taking care of this later.”

“Very much looking forward to it.”

“You are insatiable,” Dongwoo quipped, leaning down to give him another kiss. “Be right back.” He pulled his shirt back on somewhat haphazardly as he walked, not really caring about fixing up his appearance; it wouldn’t be the first time Sungyeol interrupted him in a less than opportune moment.

He whipped open the door. “Yeol--” He stopped, his eyebrows raising at his visitor.

“Yeah. Not Sungyeol.” Myungsoo kicked the ground, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Sorry, I called but you didn’t answer. I had to come over. Sungyeol isn’t on his way here, is he?”

“No, I just--” Dongwoo tried to smooth down his messy hair. “I didn’t look at my phone and I just assumed it was him calling. We don’t have any plans tonight.”

“Good. Well, not good like I’m glad you aren’t hanging out with him, like you guys are best friends so of course you spend time together and everything, I was just--”

“Myungsoo.” Dongwoo cut off his rambling, putting a smile on his face to put his partner at ease. “I get it. You’re not ready to face Sungyeol yet; especially unprepared.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Myungsoo bit his lip, shuffling his feet nervously. “I know I came over unannounced but I was really hoping we could talk?”

“Oh.” This was the first time that Myungsoo had shown any initiative to talk to him about what was going on with Sungyeol, and Dongwoo couldn’t be selfish and pass it up; no matter how much his body was screaming for him to get back to what he was doing with his husband before Myungsoo had interrupted them. “Yeah, of course. Come on in.”

“Thanks.” Myungsoo stepped inside, following Dongwoo into the living room. As they walked in Hoya was buttoning up his shirt, standing sheepishly by the couch.

“Hi Myungsoo.” He looked at Dongwoo, who shrugged behind the other detective.

Myungsoo looked between the two of them, putting the pieces together with their disheveled appearance. “Oh wow. I totally just-- wow.”

“Myungsoo, it’s okay.”

“No, I interrupted you guys. I should have taken the hint when you didn’t answer your phone. I’ll go--”

“You’re already here Myungsoo. You might as well make the trip worthwhile.” Hoya directed his gaze to his husband. “I’m going to go upstairs and check on Sooyong, that way you two can talk in private. Nice seeing you again Myungsoo.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Hoya smiled politely, walking past him to give Dongwoo a quick kiss goodbye, but not before leaning in to whisper in his ear. “You so owe me for this, and you will be making it up to me once you come upstairs.”

Dongwoo nodded, his lips at the prospect as he watched Hoya walk away. He schooled his features back to normal before turning back to his partner, a blush on his cheeks.

“Seriously man, I’m sorry--”

“No need for apologies. Like Hoya said, you’re already here. I’ll grab us a few drinks from the kitchen; we can talk outside on the porch, that way we don’t have to worry about waking up Sooyong.”

“Okay.” Myungsoo followed his directions, making himself comfortable in one of the chairs outside, taking the drink and the offered blanket when Dongwoo joined him outside. It was a nice night, but there was a slight chill in the wind. It was weird to realize that summer was drawing to an end, and September was already upon them.

“So.” Dongwoo sat down in the chair across from him. “I feel the need to repeat myself. What I told you at the beginning of the week hasn’t changed. Sungyeol is my best friend and I will always have his back; but that doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge when he has done something wrong. I’m your friend as well and I know that you are the one who got hurt in this situation. I promise I will try to be as unbiased as possible, especially if you have some questions. There are some things that I believe that you should give Sungyeol the chance to explain himself, but I’ll try to help you as much as I can.”

“Thanks. I know I’ve been kind of giving you the cold shoulder all week, and it’s not because I’m mad at you. Hell, if anything you should be mad at me for hiding the fact that I was dating Sungyeol from you.”

“I’m not mad at you Myungsoo. Sungyeol told me that you never wanted to hide your relationship; he admitted that it was his idea.”

“He told you that?”

“Does that surprise you?” Dongwoo asked.

“I- I guess it does. I don’t know, I figured that he wouldn’t tell you that part because he wouldn’t want you to be mad at him too; especially after the way I blew up on him,” Myungsoo admitted, taking a sip of his water.

“Listen, I know you’re probably not going to believe this but… Sungyeol isn’t really the type of person who lies. Keeping this secret from me and hiding Jiseon from you has been weighing on his conscience. These past couple of months… I’ve known that something was wrong with him but I just couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was. But then after… what went down on Sungyeol’s apartment, a lot of things started to make sense.”

Myungsoo nodded, looking away. “I know it’s hard to keep your feelings to yourself. I’ve been going crazy all this week, bottling up everything inside. I’ve just been so angry with him for what he did, and I’m not sure I know how to move past that. I was hanging out with Yongguk tonight, finally trying to get some of the burden off of my chest, but I found out something that I just couldn’t ignore. I had to come see you.”

“I’m listening.”

“I guess... the thing that I’ve been struggling with the most isn’t the fact that Jiseon exists, it’s the fact that I was intruding on a family. I felt like suddenly I was the other man, the person Sungyeol was hiding away because he was cheating or something. I kept imagining this woman in his life that was more important than me, because Jiseon’s mother should be more important than me. But then Yongguk told me--” He cleared his throat, looking away. “He said that Sarang… he told me she died.”

Dongwoo sighed, rubbing his temples. This was probably the last thing in the world he wanted to talk about, but he knew that Myungsoo deserved the truth. “Yes; Sarang has been dead for almost six years now.”

“Could you tell me more about her? Is it… weird that I want to know? It’s just that she must have been so important to Sungyeol and I don’t know anything about her.”

“Sure.” Dongwoo gathered his thoughts, deciding to start from the beginning. “I actually knew her first. Sarang is the reason that I became friends with Sungyeol.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She was an amazing person. She was the type that decided what she wanted and did whatever it took to get it. She was beyond driven; captain of the cheerleading squad and the debate team. She was our student body president and naturally she won homecoming queen. Everybody loved her; she was beautiful and smart, but most importantly, she was kind. She had that… inherent kind of goodness in her heart, she was always willing to help someone if they needed it. And I guess that’s what made her notice Sungyeol.”

“How so?”

“Well, this might be hard for you to believe but… back in high school Sungyeol was totally different. He was super shy, didn’t speak up in class, didn’t really have friends that he spent time with. He always kept to himself, kind of faded into the background. Our school was pretty decently sized, about a thousand students, so it was easy to go through unnoticed if you wanted to. Sarang and I were at lunch one day on campus when she noticed him sitting by himself at a table. I remember her asking me if I knew him; if he always ate lunch by himself. I knew his name cause we had a class together, and next thing I know she’s dragging me over and we’re sitting with him. The look on his face… it was totally like a deer in the headlights.” Dongwoo laughed at the memory, thinking wistfully of the past.

“And the thing was it could have totally been awkward but Sarang… but she just treated him as if he was this long lost friend of ours that just came back. She was so… natural about it. Getting him to open up and talk to us. And then it just became a thing; we made an effort to sit with him everyday and get to know him. And as time went on he started to open up; he blossomed into this funny, sweet guy and it was all because of her.”

Myungsoo leaned closer, enraptured by the story. “That’s cool, that you guys all grew so close.”

“Yeah. She got us a job at her parent’s cafe that summer; it wasn’t called Sarang’s back then. Some of our best memories are in that place; the three of us laughing together, trying and failing to bake desserts, attempting to learn how to use to all the fancy coffee machines, taste testing all of the random recipes we could come up with. That whole summer was a dream.”

“And is that… Sungyeol fell in love with her then?”

“Not exactly.” Dongwoo sighed, looking away. “The thing is… Sungyeol has always struggled with his uality. Back then, he used to be really interested in my love life. I kind of assumed it was just because he was being a good friend but looking back… I think he was just curious about what it was like to be gay. I was never in the closet, once I knew what I liked and who I wanted, I went for it. Sungyeol and I never dated or anything like that but he always knew who I was with and what I did with them. I think he asked so many questions because he wanted to know for himself.”

“But he didn’t date anyone? Not in high school or after you graduated?”

“No. I figured that it was because of his shyness; even if he grew close to me and Sarang, he was still kind of nervous around other people he didn’t know. I thought he just hadn’t built up the courage to date yet.”

“So how did he get together with Sarang?”

“Well, remember how I told you that she always got what she wanted?” Myungsoo nodded. “One day we were at the cafe and Sungyeol was in the back; he was working on a new cupcake recipe and he wanted to surprise us with the results, so he didn’t want us to see any of the ingredients. She just turned to me and said I think Sungyeol would be a great boyfriend. And I agreed, because I knew he would be, but then I realized she meant for her. He came out with the cupcakes and she just kissed him right then and there, and told him he should date her. He just said yes and that was that.”

“So he did like her?”

“I think… that he thought his life would be easier if he did. I don’t think he was ready to face the truth about his uality and Sarang was so lovely; he did love her, but as a friend. I think he thought that if he tried hard enough he could ignore that part of himself that was gay, that he could fall in love with her. But I don’t think he truly ever did love her in a romantic sense.”

“So what happened then?” Myungsoo asked curiously.

“The three of us started college. I could tell that Sarang was falling harder for Sungyeol but that it wasn’t mutual. When he finally came clean to me about thinking about guys in a non-platonic way, I tried to convince him to break up with Sarang. But he was so terrified of hurting her; he didn’t want to break her heart. He told me that he thought he could make things work with her, that if there was a woman that he could be with forever that it would be Sarang. We argued about it because I thought he was essentially settling, and I didn’t think that was right.”

“He wasn’t being true to himself.”

“Exactly. We had this huge fight during freshman year, got mad enough to say some things the both of us couldn’t take back.”

“What started the argument?”
 

“I found out that they had . I just felt like he was going too far, trying too hard to be straight and it wasn’t fair to either of them. We stopped talking for a couple of days, and Sarang literally locked us in our dorm room and told us we weren’t allowed to leave until we worked it out. She was definitely the Hermione of our trio.”

Myungsoo laughed at the reference. “And obviously you guys worked it out, considering you’re still so close.”

“Yeah. I finally got him to see the light and he agreed that he needed to end things with Sarang, to start being to himself. But then Sarang found out she was pregnant, and he just… he couldn’t bring himself to leave her. He felt like it was his fault that she was even in the situation, that if he would’ve had came clean about his uality then he wouldn’t have ruined her life. She had so much ambition, so many goals and getting pregnant at eighteen definitely was not in her plan. But she was so happy about it; she was the type of person who saw it as an unexpected blessing, not a mistake. So he manned up and decided to do everything he could to be a good father to his child, and to him, that meant giving his child a home with two parents. He told me that it was okay if he was never truly happy, as long as Sarang and his child were.”

Myungsoo frowned, his heart hurting for Sungyeol. “So he was okay with never falling in love?”

“He had to be. The baby was coming and nothing was going to change that. I agreed to leave the issue alone, because I too thought that the child was now the priority. And then suddenly- everything just fell apart.”

“You don’t have to tell me, if it’s too hard--”

“No, no I want to.” Dongwoo wiped away the tear from his cheek. “The baby was due early October. She was so close to being done with her pregnancy; she was one of those women that just absolutely glowed with it, she was even more beautiful when she was expecting. She just had this aura… this happiness that was contagious. We were all so excited for the baby to arrive. The three of us got a little apartment together, I was going to help with the baby and we had everything all planned out. And then one night in September, she just started feeling tired. She was getting so big, I told her it must have just been the fatigue from still going to school full time, and studying so much. She agreed and went to lay down for a nap. And then in the middle of the night we just hear this scream- so loud and so full of panic that we instantly were pulled out of our sleep and running to help her. She was in the bathroom and there was so much blood. I couldn’t even ride in the ambulance with them, I had to meet them at the hospital. But by the time I got there… she was already dead.”

Myungsoo leaned over, giving his friend a hug as he cried at the memory of her loss, his own eyes welling up with emotion. He couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to lose someone like that, especially so close to such a joyous occasion.

“Hoya explained her condition to me later, once we were together. Apparently, her placenta detached from the wall of her uterus, so she was bleeding on the inside. By the time the blood started to make it’s way out, she had already lost too much, and they couldn’t save her.”

“I’m sorry; I’m so sorry for your loss.” Myungsoo said earnestly.

“Thank you.” Dongwoo took a few moments to gather himself. “As you can imagine, Sungyeol was hysterical. One minute everything was fine and the next Sarang is dying right in front of his eyes in the ambulance. They managed to save the baby but she was premature, so he couldn’t even hold her before they were securing her in the NICU. Even when the Sooyong thing happened, Sungyeol couldn’t bring himself to visit him with me there; the pain was still too fresh.”

“I… I can’t imagine what that would have been like for him.”

“He was devastated. All of his plans, everything that he thought was going to be his future changed in a second. Sarang was gone and he had this newborn baby who they weren’t sure was going to make it. He couldn’t even leave Jiseon alone in the NICU, terrified that if he wasn’t watching out for her that she would die like her mother. The only time he left her side was to attend Sarang’s funeral.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah. He ended up dropping out of college; he had to in order to take care of Jiseon once she got out of the hospital. Sarang’s parents were too crushed by her loss, they ended up leaving San Jose and moving to Santa Cruz. There were just too many memories of her for them here. They decided to leave the cafe to Sungyeol, he developed a knack for the business while he was working there and they knew it was a good option for him to help raise Jiseon. He named it Sarang’s in her honor, so Jiseon would have a good place to remember her mother.”

“I… I never imagined that he had dealt with such loss… such heartache. He told me he was hesitant to fall in love, to open up to the idea but I didn’t realize why he was so afraid.”

“You want to know what I think?” Myungsoo nodded. “I think that Sungyeol hiding Jiseon had absolutely nothing to do with you. I think that Sungyeol fell in love with you and for the first time since Sarang died, had a real chance of being happy, of giving Jiseon the type of family that he wanted, but he doesn’t believe he deserves it.”

“But why? He’s a good person, even if I’m upset with him right now I would never deny that!”

“Myungsoo… Sungyeol… he thinks that he killed Sarang.”

“But that’s ridiculous! No one could have foreseen that this would happen! He never meant to hurt her, you said that!” Myungsoo said passionately.

Dongwoo smiled sadly. “I know that, and now you do too. But Sungyeol… all he can see is that the cost of loving him is too high. He thinks that Sarang died to give him Jiseon, that her love for him was her undoing. He’s too blinded by his guilt to think of it rationality. Sarang’s death was a horrible, horrible thing for everyone that knew and loved her. But no one is to blame for this. I think… deep down he knew that you would be great with Jiseon. I think that maybe even subconsciously, he sabotaged himself with the secrecy, that he kept things from you because he doesn’t think he should be allowed to have both Jiseon and you after what happened with her mother. I think it was almost easier to keep the two most important things in his world separate, instead of facing the reality that he has moved on from Sarang.”

“So you think… that he really loved me?”

“Myungsoo, I know that he loves you. Just hearing the way he talked about you… I know that his feelings were genuine. The look in his eyes when he says your name… it reminds me of the way Hoya looks at me. And I know that he never looked at Sarang like that. I know that he hurt you badly but… I can’t deny the fact that his heart is hurting just as much, if not even more.”

“I… I need to talk to him, don’t I?”

“It’s up to you what to do with this information. Hiding his past with Sarang to me is just as important as hiding Jiseon, because it defines and explains his behavior so much. The truth is that he was hiding parts of himself from you, and he was dishonest. But I don’t think his intentions were malicious; I think he hates the fact that he hurt you. So yes; I think you should talk to him and give him a chance to explain, even if you don’t want to continue having a relationship with him, you deserve to get some answers.”

“Yeah. Yeah I do. Thank you for talking to me tonight and opening up to me. You’ve given me a lot of clarity already.”

“You’re welcome. Good luck with everything.”

Myungsoo smiled weakly, standing up to gather his things.

“And Myungsoo?”

“Yes?”

“When you talk to him, and we both know you will, please just… be gentle with him. His heart is already broken so… he’s insanely vulnerable right now. He’s my best friend and after everything… I just want him to be able to be okay again someday and if he walks away from your conversation thinking that you hate him… I’m afraid he never will be.”

“I don’t-- I couldn’t hate him, no matter what has happened between us.” Myungsoo looked at the ground, his voice sounding small in the stillness of the night. “Let’s just say… Sungyeol isn’t the only one who is still in love, even when he thinks he shouldn’t be.”

Dongwoo rose his eyebrows at the admission, but didn’t comment. He showed Myungsoo out, giving him another hug before watching him drive away. He stood at his front door, leaning against the frame and letting his thoughts consume him.

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him, a head resting on his shoulder. “Everything okay, baby?”

Dongwoo held onto Hoya’s arms, leaning into his embrace. “Yeah. I actually think everything will be.”

For the first time since he had learned the truth about Sungyeol and Myungsoo’s relationship, Dongwoo finally felt the tendrils of hope growing in his heart.

A/N: So did the truth about Sarang break your heart? We told you that Sungyeol had very serious reasons for being afraid to love someone. The truth is he hasn’t gotten over the unexpected death of his friend, and he doesn’t believe he should get a happy ending. Here’s hoping that Myungsoo can find a way to forgive him, so he can make Sungyeol realize that he deserves a chance to be happy and in love!
Please comment and let us know what you thought about the update!

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