Sometimes Minseok thinks too much.

It's not like he wants to be buffeted with turbulent thoughts flying around in his mind.

He would love for the his thoughts to disappear, he'd enjoy not thinking for once.

But that hasn't happened.

His thoughts are swirling and writhing around.

Minseok wonders why they won't stop.

They tell him things.

You shouldn't eat that.

Do you want to gain weight again?

Wow, you are ugly.

Why can't you look in to the mirror and be happy?

Maybe it's because you're as ugly as . Haha.

You'll never be as good looking as Luhan.

You'll never be like Jongin.

You are pretty ing pitiful, you know?

Why do you exist, Kim Minseok?

He shakes his head in an attempt to silence them, but only succeds in dulling them to a soft roar.

From across the van, Luhan looks over at him.

"Minseok, you okay?"

Minseok gives a curt nod.

Kyungsoo stares at Minseok with worried eyes.

"Hyung, you didn't eat yesterday. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Yes. Totally. Don't worry."

Kyungsoo's eyebrows crumple into tiny caterpillars as he absorbs Minseok's concise answers.

Tao gently pats Minseok's shoulder.

"Ge, are you tired from dance practice?"

Minseok tiredly smiles at Tao.

"Yes."

To be honest, he can barely hear anyone right now.

Minseok can only hear his thoughts screaming at him.

Pfft, dance practice.

Can't even dance well, fatass.

Even Kris can move his awkward limbs better than you.

Maybe you should throw up your dinner.

That'll lighten your load for sure. You want to be skinny, right?

He doesn't want to think, so he dreams instead.

His dreams are his his attempts at organizing his thoughts.

Minseok is a dreamer.

I. The Hole In The Face

He looks around at all the pictures littered around the room, one fluttering carelessly to the ground.

He hurriedly rushes over to pick it up, his movements quick and jerky, but strangely smooth and lethargic, almost as if he didn't want to move towards the picture.

He picks it up with pale, calloused fingers that seem out of place in comparison to the delicate paper.

He chokes back a bitter laugh when he registers what picture it is.

The one picture he tried to lock away in the back of his drawers resides in his fingertips.

He tries to tear his eyes away from the laughing faces, but he can't stop looking at one face in particular.

Just like always.

The other five boys are dingy looking in comparison to the one Minseok's eyes are drawn to.

The face shines in the sunlight, even though it has long since faded away.

Big doe eyes stare back eagerly into Minseok's fiery glare.

His burning gaze practically sears the picture.

Someday, he swears that he'll accidentally burn a hole in the face.

II. The Memory

Minseok is sitting alone in a coffee shop.

Everything is black and white, almost like he was sitting in an old film.

He stares at the wall, where faint images seem to be displayed.

He can spot himself if he squints, but he can't really make out the other face.

Minseok thinks he recognizes some features, but he doesn't know for sure.

His concentration is broken by his phone.

The familiar ringtone dully resounds in his ears, making it sound as if he was underwater.

His hand darts out to answer it, but before he touches his phone, he snatches his hand back as if he had been burned.

He calmly puts his hands into his lap.

He sees a pink head go down the street.

He springs to his feet and rushes to the door, but Minseok forces himself to sit back down, planting his feet firmly to the ground as if he wanted to make sure they wouldn't accidentally move on their own.

Minseok's tired, but he isn't moving from the spot.

The sun goes up and down and the coffee cup in front of him slowly grows colder.

Minseok has a vague feeling that he shouldn't be here, yet he can't bring himself to get up.

He sits there and waits, doing nothing but waiting.

And he waits and waits and waits for someone to return.

III. The Man In Charge

Minseok wasn't sure why he was running down the road, he was pretty sure that he had never seen it before.

He arrives at a corner, to a scene taped off by yellow tape and sees 6 pitch black body bags, waiting to be carted off to the hospital by an ambulance.

One of the bags has a hand sticking out, a grave reminder that the person inside was walking and moving not even a couple minutes ago.

A small bracelet adorns the fragile, almost inhumanely thin wrist.

He's in a midst of a bumbling crowd, stuck in the middle of the nosy, curious people.

Minseok sees one of the bags moving, the person inside weakly struggling to get out, to escape.

He tries to run out of the crowd and alert the medics that someone is breathing, something in there is still alive.

He screams, but nothing leaves his mouth.

Instead, he feels a constricting grip on his wrist.

A smiling man holds him back.

"I have to let them know," Minseok pleads.

The man continues to grin and starts to speak.

A shockingly deep and hoarse voice comes out of his curved lips.

"You don't have to do anything for anyone except for me. You are mine."

The man disappears in a flash but Minseok is still unable to move.

The people close in on him and he's drowning in the crows as the body bags are taken away.

He can't breathe and he scratches at his neck desperately.

He feels a weight on his hand and he looks down.

A small bracelet twinkles back at him.

IV. The Necklace

A long, thick necklance seems to shiver in Minseok's trembling hands.

He stands alone on the stage.

Everyone around him smiles back in encouragement.

He forces a strained smile onto his face and drops the necklace over his neck.

It tightens as he lets whatever was under him be kicked away.

Minseok can hear someone screaming.

He can feel the air in his throat get cut off.

The coiled rope is a harsh brown necklace against his pale white and bruising skin.

Off to the side, someone's teeth are blindingly white in the darkness.

There are shouts of shock, disbelief, and amusement.

The stage lights are exceptionally pretty on the ruined flesh.

Minseok shakes himself from his reverie.

Luhan stands in front of him.

"Minseok, are you really okay?"

Minseok gives a small smile and gets up, walking away.

Good job, you dumb .

You did hella good, walking away from the greatest thing you had.

He pushes the thoughts away again and finds himself dreaming again.

V. The End

Minseok can only see flashes of things.

He's on the ground, laying in crumpled heap.

Luhan is running towards him, screaming,"No, please, I love you."

Blood surrounds him.

Dark spots fill his vision and he can't see anymore.

His rapidly slowing breathing starts to stop.

3

2

1

No voices. No thoughts.

A smile starts to move across his cracked lips.

It stops abruptly.

After he drifts into darkness for the last time, it suddenly occurs to him that he isn't dreaming.

A/N: unedited atm.

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Update: I will put up an explanation for anyone who did not understand the fic, just lemme know if there's any confusion!