IN HA'S SIDE.

Evening. 7:30 PM. Year 2013. SEOUL

 

It was as if the whole world turned its back against her. Fate was no longer by her hands. Was it even worth living now? Her world was suddenly clouded with misaligned thoughts... disconnected words...

Just because she opened this box.

 

Was it worth doing this?

On the first place, she doesn't even know why this kept on bothering her thoughts. There was this unknown urge to open it, no matter how she knew she wouldn't decipher these things. She had always kept them with her ever since... but why? Even other people could not understand.

Before that, she picked up the box. She carefully gazed on its soft-looking cover, and felt the strong impact of its presence. It was true that she tried to peek in to what was inside of this container years and years ago, but what was difficult for her was her inability to discern the things inside.

"Why have I kept these things with me? I know I could have thrown them away, but an indefinable force and deafning, distorted voices kept on telling me I'd be making a grave act. Why?" She told herself.

These things inside... these memoirs... they were somehow important to her in a sense she couldn't figure out. This was the main reason she cannot struggle from the curiosity that veils her.

Then when the lid was lifted, her eyes glittered upon the sight. She was once again perplexed and trapped, but this time she knew that it was her decision to see these things inside.

She fished her hand inside the box and took out a charm bracelet. It was decorated with gold and silver flowers, all in different shapes. It has this little fuschia heart by the hooks, which perfectly complimented the designs. All these years, it has been with her. She had always felt that having that around was more comfortable. Afterall, what would she loose in believing with luck? But she had always kept this one question in her mind: Why is this with her?

Putting back the bracelet, she took out a key. It was a peculiar one, its handle in the shape of a bear. Its teeth also looked as if the keyhole it's supposed to fit in is nowhere to be found in the whole country. She thought that maybe she liked this key that's why she has kept it with her, however her soul was half-accepting this, and recognizes it as an excuse for something huge. And she doesn't know what it is too.

She dropped the key and took out a ring. It was coated with silver too, and it shone as the light struck it. And this got her mesmerized. There was something strange about this, but again she isn't sure what. Is this my mom's ring? Is this my friend's ring? It would be impossible to be mine... I never owned a ring... right?  She couldn't get it right, but it was on the tip of her tongue. She just couldn't get it out.

She took another one after returning the ring to the box. It was a white, pure handkerchief with initials sewn on it. L.J.S.  Ofcourse, she knew this one. Her father said that it came from her mother, and that she shouldn't loose this one. She has always treasured this. But one thing she cannot understand was what the initials stood for. It isn't her mother's, or her's. It would be useless to think over something she knew she has got no idea, so she put it back and took the last item on the box.

 

It was a picture.

 

The photograph she had was unfortunately cut into half, with the other part lost. The only image she could see was her teenage self sitting on a bench, seemingly holding hands with someone. And right where her fingers were intertwined with that certain someone , the picture was cut.  This killed her hope of getting something out of these things. What chances do I have of investigsting? She thought of this, and afterwards she began to put them all back in the cabinet, deciding that all these thinking was making her head spin around. Why should she even bother to bombard her brain with every questions, when her life is as peaceful as the sky?

'Well, maybe because you feel a strong bond between you and these things.' said a little voice inside her head. Puzzled, she ignored it and turned around to grab some food. She didn't even notice that she has not yet eaten her dinner because of those things.

She yawned and stretched her arms out wide, and for the past few minutes it slipped out of her mind that she was inside her place, inside this cheap and renovated apartment. These past years, she has been staying in this cozy but compact room. In here, she had celebrated New Years and Birthdays, and almost half of herself is attached to this pad. This became her sanctuary, her safe haven when things would spoil her mood or when she gets weary and a little lethargic of her sacrifices. Although this wasn't much, seeing her mini living room, mini bed room and mini kitchen, her heart was already filled with satsifaction.

As she strode across her living room and to the kitchen, her phone rang. This made her stop on her tracks, and she turned around to get her phone on the center table of the living room.

"Hello?" She greeted, missing the ID on the screen.

"Is this Seong In Ha?" A deep voice bellowed. She has to inch the phone away from her ears to prevent her eardrums from popping.

"Yes, speaking." She paused, wondering. "Who is this?"

"Your father failed to give us the rental fee of the house. Your debts are filled up to the brim! I cannot let you stay a day longer! I'm sending your father out!" He replied. In a brief moment, She realized that it was Mr. Kim, the landlord.

"Mr. Kim!" She cried, her heart pounding like a hammer. "Please, let us talk over the phone."

"I have no words to say. Talk to your father."

There was this noise she heard, and then the next thing she heard was her father's voice and his heavy breathing.

"In Ha, my daughter." His voice sounded soothing to her soul, however it is not the case this time. His life is at stake. Where will he stay? We have no relatives in Busan. She is not sure if he can find his friends to stay with for the night. It is already night, and she doubted her father's vision would help him see adequately.

"Father... dad! I gave you the whole money for the debt on our rent last week, right?" She asked him, her voice tad shaky.

"Yes, but I'm sorry. I have to pay the electrical bill, and the food, and... and... there are so many things I have to use the money to, and the rental fee slipped out of my mind." His apologetic voice said, and for a moment it left her speechless.

"Dad..." Tears escaped her eyes. She couldn't help but to somehow ease those stabs inside her heart. No more suffering, please. No more. My sanguine side is no longer prevailing. I have to get out of this somehow.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, dad. I completely understand you. It's all my fault. If only... if only I have worked harder..."

"Don't blame yourself. It should be me. I am a reckless father. You should be happy living your life. I should not be a burden."

"Don't say that!"

Tears gushed forth like streams. She doesn't know what to do. She was confused. This made her remember all these facts, these memories... the reason why she came to Seoul in the first place. Her mom passed away from an illness when she was young and so she was left with her dad in Busan, her hometown. Because they were stuck with huge debts, her dad had a hard time working for the daily needs. His allotments from his small job were not enough, so after she graduated as a furniture designer, she asked his dad's permission to go to Seoul, with her hope as a fuel to seek an opportunity to knock. But at that place where she believed would change her luck, everything she put on seemed to be chimera. The enormity of hunting for a job has increased. The taunts of her doubts became virulent.

Day by day, she never ceased looking for companies with vacancy on her specialty. But fate has been playing with her, since she'd always miss those chances, or if not miss, someone was able to get it first from her. She figured out that it was no time for her to be idle, so she chose to handle different small or part-time jobs to save and earn money, even if they were under her profession. The jobs she applied for aside from being a furniture designer deemed her unqualified. Starting up a business would require a whole lot of money, and earning money would take a long time. She needed instant and fast, even though it was a solution. Going aborad to look for job would give her uncertainity, so she crossed out that option. And so, she became stuck with these low-paying occupations, keeping that fear that if she'd quit them, she'll have a hard time gaining money again.

Realizing these things, a thought made up her mind, although it didn't require her much thinking.

"Dad, listen. I'm coming there in Busan right now. Please find yourself a shelter for this night. I'm going to leave Seoul as fast as I could." She told him and hung up the phone. She knew that what she'd hear from him would be his opposition, and this time she doesn't want to hear them. I'm going to save him. I'm going to go there.

She hurriedly packed her things inside a small bag, since she doesn't need to bring much stuffs. With that, she rushed out of her room and ran towards the train station which is a walking distance, though it is a little bit far.

A commotion went to her mind. Her thoughts jumbled, littering her peaceful disposition. She just wished her sufferings will end. She just want to pause, rewind, and play her life. All of them. 

'Please... I beg to the Heaven to bring me back to the past and change everything, so that I could give my dad a new and better life... and so that I could also prevent the obstacles that might come.' She whispered to the wind, her tears unstoppable, her heart ripped apart.

As she ran down towards the subway, she unexpectedly tripped over, fell and rolled over the stairs. Blackness came to her sight...

 

Is this death?

 

And right at that moment, a gem sparkled among the stars. A shooting star came across the sky.