I woke up a few times during the night; my head seemed to be spinning still from the amount of alcohol I had drank the few hours before. I had a few drinks of water and then would go back to sleep, it never took me that long to fall back into somewhat of a deep sleep but then not long later I would be up again.

I don’t know why I was so uneasy, it was as if my body really wanted to fall into a deep slumber but my mind would block the thoughts getting to my brain. It was as if my thoughts wouldn’t stop to let the sleep through. All I could think about was the night before, how Minho had took me home because I couldn’t walk on my own, how he sang to me when he carried most of my weight by holding me on the way home, when he tucked me in and made sure I had a glass of water before I went to bed. It’s all I could think about. No matter how many time I would try to avert my mind to another memory; it would always lead back to them.

When I got up in the morning, the rain was slamming off of the bedroom windows; the wind was beating off of the walls. The weather was awful. You could see people running by trying to control their umbrella’s as they would selfishly go inside out, people with newspapers over their head, children splashing in the puddles with their furious mother screaming at them to get out, they were going to get all wet and end up with a cold, followed with a slight smack to the back of the head.

It was a horrible day but gladly I had nothing to do but to stay in. I didn’t have work today as I had asked to switch my shift with another one of the workers as I didn’t have university the day that they couldn’t work so I asked if they could take my work hours today and I’d take theirs a few days later, therefore I would have a day to recover from my first night out and would have something to do when I didn’t have to go to uni.

I decided to spend the day studying, my head wasn’t as sore as I thought it would be and I had nothing else to do so I thought it would be best to test my brain and do some quizzes, just to make sure I wasn’t falling behind and keeping my mind active. Not long into the 3^rd question I found myself not able to think. My mind went blank; it was as if I hit a brick wall. I froze.

“Minho? Thank you”

“what for? Taking you home? That’s no problem haha you would have ended up lost or something with how drunk you are haha”

“No, not for that”

“whatever for then?”

“for existing”

I had forgotten all about that. The last thing I said before he left me.

“!”

I forcefully punched my hand on the marble table in front of me causing for my hand to go bright red and I guess it will probably bruise over.

“why did I say that? Why would I say that? He’s just a friend, someone I work with. What am I going to do? He might take it the wrong way and I will have to explain myself but I don’t even know why I said it”

I was thinking of excuses of what to say, how it was the alcohol that was talking or that I was just trying to say something nice but made it sound weirder than I was actually meaning it, or maybe I just won’t bring it up, maybe he has forgot due to also have been drunk as well or he just won’t say anything because he didn’t hear. I don’t know. We might be able to laugh it off?

I started pacing around the sitting room; up and down, up and down, up and down. I felt so embarrassed and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I don’t have any feelings for him so why would I say something like that? I could understand if I said something like “thank you for being my friend” or “thank you for taking me home and coming out tonight” or something like that.

Scratching at my head I finally flopped onto the sofa and sighed deeply

“ahh, I am not looking forward into going into work, will he have told people what I was like? What I said? Ahhh~ I can’t shake these thoughts” I pulled my hands over my face and rubbed violently at my eyes. I had a glass of water to calm my nerves as I was feeling a little tense as to how to explain myself and how to explain myself effectively where I won’t sound like a total moron.

“I just won’t say anything and just leave it at that” I said as I turned the page on my notebook. I might as well try and do some work for uni even if I had some time off. People in modern society, not the most exciting of classes but I needed to pass it to keep going with my studies in uni. I had already done well over a year of university work, so I didn’t have much time left. All my exams were all coming up in a big block; Everyone in my class were stressing greatly with the amount of time we had left to finish presentation, essays and prepare for our exams. They were also stressing about what job they would do after they leave of if they would come back to study something different because they couldn’t face the reality of growing up, getting a job and paying their own way of life. We spend so much time in a structured educational system that we end up being used to that structure. We would go to pre-school, then school, high school, college then university where at the beginning you just need to work hard to keep going up, pass exams and then you more onto the next level, then going for some interviews and such to get into college and uni. We have times to be in classes for so we set ourselves into routines and we become one with them. Get up the same time every morning, get something to eat, catch the bus, walk, drive etc, sit in class, take notes, go for break, more class, go to extra study, go home, eat, clean yourself and then go to bed and then you repeat but getting a job seems so much different compared to all the other things. This is something you might be doing for the rest of your life. This is something that so many people are going to be applying for and you may not get it, therefore you don’t have money to live and so on. It’s scary growing up but it something I have never feared.

I know once I finish uni that I will continue my job, I won’t need to worry about applying myself for a job that I couldn’t do during uni because there isn’t enough time. But luckily that’s because I’m smart enough. Side jobs from high school, college and uni are different from the real job you want at the end of your educational years. Side jobs are things that can be done easily, help you by a little. But for example if you were studying psychology and you were doing well at it, finish your studies but there isn’t too many psychology jobs out there and there is so many people that studying it, looking for the job you will want. When we studying things we just assume that it’s only the people we are in class with are the people that would go looking for them jobs but we never really think about all the other students that study what we do all over the world. Sitting the same exam as we are and are out looking for a job that we are looking for too.

The world is way too bizarre for my thinking. You get hardly any time to yourself and to enjoy your life because you’re out fighting for a job, money and things like that. I think it’s now even become hard to fall in love nowadays. You don’t have time to sit and talk to someone, you don’t have time for the butterflies and all the lovey stuff, you’re lucky to fall in love I think; that small amount of time during your life where you don’t think about education, money and working you actually get to look at someone and get to know them and fall in love, I don’t think falling in love is beautiful, I feel with how rushed life is and how intense and stressful it is, I think falling in love becomes a skill.

Think about it this way right?

You have a job, work full time, you’re what? In your mid 20’s and you’re a male. You’re going to be working a lot, fighting for extra hours to pay to put dinner on the table, pay for electricity, rent and so on, you then have to go to your military service and god knows how long you might have to actually go for. You need time to do paper work, keep up with family affairs. How much time does that leave you to fall in love and have a family? Not much. Therefore I see it as a skill.

As my thoughts started to get more in depth and complicated I heard a knock at my door. I sat up and went to go answer. It’s probably my mother coming to see me and ask how my night was which I would do the usual and not tell her anything that actually happened and just say it was a good night and then she’d move on and tell me some gossip that’s been going around all her friends.

“Hi mu-“ I stopped.

“you were about to call me mum there weren’t you? Still don’t check first before you address someone I see, still the same as I remember you haha”