While I was at university I started working where I work now, I was 19. Even thought I was pretty young still; no one treated me like a child, I was given more than enough work to get on with and people didn’t mind giving me a hard time about it either. For the first three weeks I was endlessly getting shouted at for doing things wrong. I was almost ready to leave, I couldn’t bear going into a place where I was doing nothing right even if I tried so hard to do so. And that’s when I met him for the first time.

His name is Minho Choi, he was born on the December 9, 1991 making him a year and a few months older than me. Apart from him being rather tall, overly handsome and very well spoken he just seen himself as an about average guy, his father had a good job and connection with this company we were working at, which helped him get this one, his mother was a lovely woman that always spoke highly of her son.

We first met when I was yet again getting yelled at for taking down the wrong details during a phone call, even as I tried to explain that the person on the other side of the phone was talking so fast and even as I asked her to slow down she just went on and on with what she was saying so I couldn’t catch everything she mentioned, he still didn’t listen to a word I said. As I was about to explode and tell him exactly how I felt about this worthless waster of a time job, Minho walked over

“Hyung why are you shouting so much as this man? He explained that the woman was talking to fast, you know how people on the phone can get, back off him a little, he’s only been here a short time, leave it to me yeah?” the man shrugged, and mumbled something as he walked away.

“I’m really sorry about that Mr Lee, he gets annoyed really easily, please forgive him”

I looked over in the direction in which the grumpy man went and then looked back at Minho, sighing I told him it was fine and that I would forgive him. Smiling Minho looked at me and pulled his hand out in front of me as a hand shake gesture

“I haven’t introduced myself yet, my name is Choi Minho, my father owns parts of this company so somehow I have a job here so he can watch over me haha, you’re the new guy, Lee Taemin right?”

I leaned my forward as I reached out to take a hold of his hand and bowed “it’s nice to meet you, yes I am Lee Taemin, the new boy”

Still smiling he shook my hand.

“it’s nice to meet you too, lets work hard together and have great success”

Then he left, walking over to talk to another member of staff. He was the only person that took the time out to actually tell me their name, even though I’m not the person to actually have credit towards people’s names, but still; it’s common courtesy. But his name became essential to me. No one’s had ever done that before, when people tell me who they are and things about them, I’ll listen but I’ll never feel the need to remember it but even from that moment I met Minho, I never forgot his name, I never wanted to.

The day after I first met Minho for the first time he invited me into his office for some coffee and a talk about how I feel about things so far. He asked me all kinds of stuff like how I felt about my place in work, the people who work there, how much files I go through a day, why I wanted to work here, what I did before I came here. I felt as if I was in an interview to get the job but I still answered all the questions he asked and as much as I could. I respected him for standing up for me the day before and for not treating me like I know nothing, so the least I could do was give him the information that he was seeking from me.

He took a short sip of coffee from his mug and then sat back, looking right at me, as if he was looking for something that my words couldn’t explain to him, I asked “is there something wrong?” still looking at me for a good few seconds he answered

“yes, I want to ask you something but it is a little personal, would it be okay to at least just voice my question, you don’t have to answer, it’s just a matter of interest”

I nodded.

“have you ever felt like you belong somewhere? Like have you felt crucial to someone or something?”

I didn’t know how to answer; it’s not something any one has ever asked me before, not something I had thought about. I was the kind of person to rid myself of thoughts that didn’t benefit me in any way because they just seemed utterly useless to have them running around taking control of my head. After a while he laughed then leaned forward

“Ah! Ignore that, you obviously don’t want to answer, that’s fine, I was only curious”

“Can I ask why you want to know?”

“Of course you can, you already asked anyway didn’t you? It’s just when I look at you and I look at your records I get from it that you are a smart young male that studies hard, you dress well, you tell things exactly how they are when you are asked, but I don’t feel a sense of importance in yourself. You come to work, you don’t talk unless spoken to, you don’t go out your way to become anyone’s friend and you don’t add general chit chat in conversation, as I said you just say things they way you are. So I was just wondering if you have ever felt important, when we become important to someone they give us a gift that opens up a lot about ourselves, we start to see ourselves as who we are because they tell us, they recognize things about ourselves that we don’t see because we don’t need a reason to, when we become important to someone or someone becomes important to us we gain a sense of belonging and we then accept things about ourselves and the things that are around us, for example, when someone talks to us we like to add on useless information about ourselves, even though it won’t make a difference to anything we have said previously we still want people to know about us because someone has taken our interest about who we are and who that person is, it’s hard to explain but it’s like we want people to know who we are because someone has noticed you. And when someone becomes important to you they make us want to talk about ourselves so that when we talk to the person that is essential to us we have something more interesting to talk about, you know what I mean?”

I glared at him, I had no clue what he just said, it was if he was speaking in a foreign language.

“maybe I just haven’t explained it well? Ah~ sometimes I find it so hard to put into words things we don’t ever study at high school or do at work, feelings aren’t something we get a class for haha, well I will let you get back to work, please drop in for a coffee whenever you want to, even though you don’t talk much about stuff, I like talking to someone around my age, everyone else here is either older or talk too much haha”

I left his office and went back to my own desk. Not moving for a good while; thinking about what he said, I just couldn’t wrap my head around it, it’s like it all went over my head. Have I ever felt important to someone? I don’t think so. My past girlfriends I think liked me but I wasn’t exactly vital to them, I was just there. My friends didn’t really go out their way for me, mind you I didn’t exactly go out my way to please them so that would only be fair. I guess I am important to my parents, I am their child but it must be a different kind of important but I don’t know. I shook my head to get the ideas and thoughts out of but as I continued working they just seemed to come back.

Instead of going to my parent’s house I went straight home, I left them a text massage I was doing so, my mother usually worries when she doesn’t know where I am. I didn’t have the patience to sit with my parents and hear them ask me about work and wait for me to answer back how it’s going okay. My mind has been completely stressed out with the thoughts of that coffee break that I need time to take my mind off it and being with my parents talking about it won’t help. Plus my older brother is coming back home soon and I don’t want to hear them being excited about it, don’t get me wrong. I look up and respect my brother more than most people but he does so much better than me when it comes to being around people. All my weak points; he amazes people at and my strong points he does just as well or even a little better so it does become somewhat frustrating.

As I got home I threw my briefcase on the floor next to the door and walked into the sitting room and stared at the wall. All the rooms in my apartment were plan, all painted white with a few pictures hanging up of some places around the world that looked nice and it made me think it would cheer things up a little, they didn’t really but they made things look a lot nicer than and not as boring as they would be. The couch was pretty small but no one ever really came round, my mother would to see if I was keeping it clean and sometimes my friend from uni would come round and we would play computer games and sometimes he would bring round a few others but that was really it.

I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t have work tomorrow but I had afternoon classes, I couldn’t miss them because I didn’t want to end up getting told not to come back, I valued having something to do all the time the most, I liked that if I wasn’t at work I would be at uni and if I wasn’t at either of them I would be dancing/singing but I had such a work load so I couldn’t go out to dance, it was already 10pm, I had to be up for 7am at the latest so I didn’t miss the train. So I decided to sleep, I turned my phone off after making sure my alarm was set for the right time and went off into some kind of deep sleep.

I didn’t dream that night which I thought was pretty weird. With all these thoughts going around my head I thought all I would do would toss and turn but nothing. I didn’t move at all, didn’t dream, just slept. I usually had really strange dreams, like there was this one time I had a dream that I could change things with blinking, if I didn’t like someone, I could blink and they would be gone, if I didn’t want to wait in traffic, I blink and there is nothing in my way, if I didn’t want to do paper work, blink and it’s either done or no longer there. I wish I had this power, I wish I could just blink and gone, everything I wish everything I wanted to avoid would vanish but in the end I don’t think there isn’t that many things that I hate so much that I would want it to disappear forever apart from myself.

But that night I had no dreams, I desired to dream, it would distract me when I woke up, because it would be the thing I think about but not one dream, only meaningless sleep.