Son naeun always dreaded her firstday at a new school. There were big things, meeting new friends, the new teachers, learning new school. More than anything, she got the stares. She felt that everyone in a new place always stard at her. All she wanted was anonymity. But it never seemed meant to be.

Naeun couldn’t understant why she was so conspicuous. At five foot she wasn’t especialyy tall, and with her brown hair and brown eyes. She felt she was average. Not beautiful like other girls. At 18, she was a bit older but not enough to make her stand out.

There was something else. There was something about her that made people look twice. She knew, deep down, that she was different but she wasn’t sure how.

If there was anything worse than a first day, it was starting in mid-term. Today, this first day, in mid-october, was going to be one of the worst. She could feel it already.

Naeun stood outside her new school, a vast Seoul public school, in the freezing october morning, and wondered, why me? She was way underdressed, in just sweater and leggings, and not even remotely prepared for the noisy chaos that greeted her. Hundreds of kids stood there, clamoring, screaming, and shoving each other.

It was too loud. These kids laughed too loud, cursed too much, shoved each other too hard.. she would have thought it was a massive brawl if she didnt spot some smiles and mocking laughter. She closed her eyes and wished it would all go away.

She reached into her pockets and felt something: her ipod. Yes. She put her headphonesin her ears and turned it up. She needed to drown it all out.

But nothing came. She looked down and saw the battery was dead. Perfect. She checked her phone, hope some distraction, anything.

No new messages

She looked up. Looking out at the window of new faces, she felt alone. She felt alone because it was urban. She stood on concrete. A loud buzzer had rang to admit her into this “recreational area” and she had to pass through large, metal gates. Now she was boxed in-caged in by massive metal gate. She felt like she’d gone to prison. Looking up at the massive school, bars and cages on all the windows, didn’t make her any better. She always adapted to new schools easily.

Another loud buzzer sounded and she shuffle her way, with hundreds of kids, towards the entrance. She was jostled roughly by a large girl and dropped her journal. She picked it up and then looked up to see if the girl would apologize, but she was nowhere to be seen, having already moved on in the swarm. She did hear laughter, but couldn’t sure if it was directed at her.

She clutched her journal, the one thing that grounded her. It had been with her everywhere. She kept notes and drawings in everyplace she went.

she finally reached the entrance and had to squeeze in just to walk through. it was like entering a train at rush hour. she had hoped it would be warm once she got inside, but the open doors behind her kept a stiff breeze blowing down her back making the cold even worse.

two large security guards stood at the etrance, flanked by two Seoul policeman, in full uniform, guns conspicuously at their side.

"KEEP MOVING!" commanded one of them.

naeun couldn't fathom why two armed policeman would have to guard a high school entrance. her feeling of dread grew. it got much worse when she looked up and saw that she'd have to pass through a metal detector with airport-style security.

four more armed policemen stood on either side of detector, along with two more security guards.

"EMPTY YOUR POCKET" snapped a guard.

naeun noticed the other kids filling small plastic containers with items from their pockets. she quickly did the same thing, inserting her ipod, wallets, keys.

she shuffled through the detector, and the alarm shrieked.

"YOU!" snapped a guard.

"off to the side!"

of course.

all the kids stared as she was made to raise her arms, and the guards ran the handheld scanners up and down her body.

"are you wearing any jewelry?"

she felt her wrists then her neckline , and suddenly remembered. her cross.

"take it off" snapped the guard.

it was the necklace her grandmother gave her before she passed, a small, silver cross. naeun wasn't religius and didnt really undrstand what her necklace meant.

naeun lifted it from her shirt, holding it up, but not taking it off.

"i'd rather not" she answered.

the guard stared at her, cold as ice. suddenly, a commotion broke out. there was shoutings as a cop grabbed a tall, thin kid and shoved him againts a wall, removing a small knife from his pocket.

the guards went to assist, and naeun took the opportunity to slip into the crowd moving its way down the hall.

welcome to Seoul public school, naeun thought. great.

she was already counting the days to graduation.

***