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“… What are you doing?”

Jongin flinches, his muddled and heavy and regretful and anguished thoughts temporarily leaving him to let him briefly how long he’s been lying there, as lifeless as a fallen tree, and then focus on the wary-sounding voice coming from somewhere above him.

Absentmindedly, Jongin thinks that he recognizes the voice, but it isn’t until he looks up from the patch of baby-grass he’s been staring at that he’s able to place it.

Do Kyungsoo.

And now Jongin’s convinced; Life must be bullying him, toying with him and laughing at him as it throws him into situations where he either s up royally or where the only person that matters sees him at his absolutely worst. And if it isn’t Life that is playing with him, there must be some sort of conspiracy against him that exists solely for the reason of throwing curveballs at him that he isn’t prepared to deal with.

At least the initial part of the panic attack is over (now Jongin’s just feeling somewhat numb, fingertips cold and eyes heavy), so he’s spared of some embarrassment at least. So really, it could have been worse, he guesses.

“Well?” Do Kyungsoo squints at him, expression torn between hostile, wary and curious. He adjusts the strap of his bag hanging on one of his shoulders, and Jongin follows the movement with his eyes.

“Nothing,” Jongin swallows, pushes himself up from the ground a little bit and tries to brush of stray straws of grass that has gotten stuck to his clothes. His voice is raw, a little bit scratchy, and he coughs as silently as he can as his cheeks colors a little.

“… really.” Do Kyungsoo does not look convinced, only even more wary, and Jongin realizes that his position on the ground like this isn’t exactly normal and he should really come up with a  good excuse to explain it.

After all, this is Do Kyungsoo. Jongin’s heart beats faster.

“Um, I fell,” he hurries to say, awkwardly shrugging a shoulder as he rightens himself even more and gets up on his feet. He takes a quick look at his surroundings, trying to see if he recognizes any of the trees or bushes to orientate himself. He doesn’t, so he looks back at Do Kyungsoo.

The old bruises are completely gone by now, not even a trace left on the other boy’s face, and there’s also no new ones either. Apparently the boys who’d harassed Do Kyungsoo have left him alone since the incident, and Jongin’s face soften without him aware of it. Good.

Do Kyungsoo, however, notice it, brain churning and analyzing Jongin’s expression and coming to all of the wrong conclusions, and his eyes narrow even further.

Jongin doesn’t notice this either, because he’s too busy with his own flustered thoughts and his still-chaotic disarray of feelings from the panic attack. And wondering what Do Kyungsoo is doing this far into the woods.

“What are you doing here?” Jongin blurts out before he can stop himself, heart still hammering away and a strange nervousness fluttering inside his stomach.

“It’s none of your business,” Do Kyungsoo’s voice is hard, razor sharp around the edges of the vowels and consonants. It seems as if the other boy no longer wants to stay within Jongin’s vicinity, because he immediately turns around after barking out his words, stalking away and leaving Jongin to flounder in his absence and wonder what he could possibly have done wrong.

Had he offended Do Kyungsoo? But… How?

And then rapid images from when he’d done nothing to help Do Kyungsoo when he’d gotten beat up flashes before his eyes, and the nauseous feeling returns with a vengeance. Had he seen Jongin back then? Seen how he’d just continued on, even though he’d been more than aware of what had been going on?

But then Jongin thinks back even further, and he realizes that while Do Kyungsoo’s behavior could be as a result of what Jongin didn’t do it was, even more likely, something Jongin wasn’t even aware of. Because hadn’t Do Kyungsoo snapped at him like he’d kicked his puppy or drowned his kitten back during their first meeting, even though the collision had only been an accident, nothing done on purpose?

Sure, Do Kyungsoo might be one of those people who were just snappy, someone who wanted nothing but everyone else to leave them alone. Jongin doesn’t know him at all, so why not? It could very well be like that.

But… something tells Jongin that that isn’t it. This behavior, this hostility, it’s not something as simple as some sort of general dislike of people. It’s something that runs deeper, something complicated and maybe even a little bit destructive. But not something aimed specifically towards Jongin, not some kind of hatred, and that means that Jongin has a chance.

Before he even notices it, he’s running through the forest again, but this time it’s not without aim; this time, he’s got a definite purpose, a destination.

Because maybe Jongin doesn’t know what kind of monster it is that’s hiding beneath Do Kyungsoo’s skin, maybe he doesn’t even know the other boy at all, but that doesn’t mean that the other boy doesn’t mean so much more to Jongin than any person has ever done before, and so long as there’s a chance – even the most miniscule one – that Jongin can make it so that he, too, means something to Do Kyungsoo too then he’ll take it.

He doesn’t delude himself into thinking that he can fix Do Kyungsoo by befriending him, or that Do Kyungsoo in turn can fix him, but he desperately wants to imagine that something would at least change for the better for once if he had Do Kyungsoo by his side.

Jongin’s so swept up in his own hope and wishful thinking that he doesn’t realize that he’s forgotten all of the reasons and the fears that, had the moment been any other than this exact one, he would never have dared follow Do Kyungsoo.