where are you? - taeil

06. truly guardian angel?

Your POV

I breathed loudly, cold air brushed against my neck and bare legs and I tried to remain still, but my in-and exhaling revealed my true inner self at that very moment.

Four men came along the corner and I choked on a sob, seeing a large, brown casket coming my way while I nearly ducked, almost as if I was scared I'd fall into the hole next to me.

I took a glance at my dad who stood next to my aunt, who stood next to me on my left side. Soojin was to my right. My father shed silent tears, then and now using an old tissue of his to dry his eyes and cheeks. How can a cruel person like him even have the power of letting tears flow, emotions flow?

It took a second to organize my thoughts before the priest started his speech, talking about my mother and what would most likely happen to her in the future-life.

But my silent self soon broke and I collapsed, crying loudly and making everybody turn their heads my way.

-

Soojin and I sat in the back of the car, my eyes slowly drying out. Perhaps because I had cried so much that now I got no tears left. My father looked at us through the small mirror. "Soojin will stay over again?"

My best friend nodded and my father's glance fell on the street again, slowly drifting to the left.. "Jiwon ah, please do the laundry when we're home. You haven't done them in three days."

I didn't answer. I wasn't able to do so. Afterwards the car fell silent and I blinked laggardly, noticing every movement of ours and whenever there was an unevenness on the street, I perceived how synchronized our heads fell to the left, the right, and the left again. It was a long and way too quiet ride home.

-

"Hey...hey, Jiwonnie ah...I'll go upstairs already, yeah?" Soojin asked me and I nodded slowly while she rubbed my arm. "I'll...I'll just quickly go and get a new water bottle."

Now she was the one giving me a silent nod and disappeared upstairs quietly. My father was sitting in the living room, now turning on the TV and I entered inaudibly. "Soojin and I will go to bed soon. I'll do the laundry tomorrow, if that's alright." He stared at me what seemed to last forever before he exhaled through his nose. "9am. I'll check it."

I noticed my charger cabel lying on the dinner table next my father and walked over slowly, hearing him hissing when I blocked the sight for less than a second. When I looked at at my father he was glaring at me. "I swear, if you don't do it tomorrow-"

Fear kicked in. Fear to be hit again, so I moved my legs quickly but he slapped my hard, before I held it and ran off upstairs.

"Don't run away when I talk to you, you little !"

I gulped loudly and tears rolled down my cheek while I held my pulsating . Carefully I walked into my own room and Soojin turned around while putting on another shirt. "I-I've just exited the bathroom, you can go- Jiwon?" Soojin dropped her other shirt on the floor and pulled me inside, closing the door silently. I brushed off the tears that escaped and Soojin leaned closer into my face. "What did he do? Was it your father? I know it was him, did-"

"He hit me." I sobbed once then hugged her, but the strange feeling when he hit my didn't left me for a long time. Not even when the two of us went to bed.

-

Roughly a month had passed and my boss as well as Sanghoon still didn't want me at work, but it was extremely hard to live when your father doesn't do anything in the household nor goes to search for a new job. My father was over at some friends' and Soojin unavailingly tried to drag me into social zones again, but until today I was refused to do so. Until today.

We both got ready together at my house when I was zoning off again, staring at some vase for a long time. Soojin seemed to notice and patted my back slowly. "Hey, what is going on in your mind again?" I blinked and I reeled for some meters before I waved it off and we exited my house. We quickly got inside her car and she started to drive along my gateway. "Talk, girl."

I sighed a long one and stared at her while starting to speak. "It...I just...I don't know how to say because you wouldn't fully understand. You haven't seen it." My voice cracked and I cleared my throat twice while talking, "Ever since he started to push me around so weirdly and smacks my arms and such I-I...I just seem to not be able to act normal around him. I'm even more shy than before..."

Soojin frowned shortly before glancing at me. "Does it hurt more than it normally does?"

I shook my head and she looked back at the street. "Then why do you care about this more? Isn't it better? You always say you fear to be hit hard." I hugged myself lightly. "God, I don't know. The hitting and such is just deep-seated in my mind now. I really can't explain."

"Okay, now look, your father is far away and you as well. Just for this evening, be brighter, have some alcohol. Forget about worries, not completely, this will never be possible. But don't worry about your father just for today. Jiwonnie, I beg you. Be your bubbly self today, be it for me. The club is so big, nobody will even take a note of you. I'll drag you along everywhere, just...the two of us, yeah?"

Soojin made me smile lightly and I blinked at her. "You'll do that?"

"Definitely."

"You'll pay...the first shots?"

She playfully hit me. "We'll see, idiot."

-

Soojin didn't exaggerate about the club being huge. The ceiling was at least ten meters in height and the entire hall extended to 300 meters width and length. I gawked at its copiousness. "Damn, Soojin ah, this is the biggest club I've ever seen...And most likely it'll stay the biggest..."

Soojin laughed, pulling me to the first bar. "Believe me, Sungbin has told me this is only the fourth biggest he's been inside by now. Perhaps next time he goes to a bigger one he'll take me along and then I'll call you right away to join me!" I smiled and nodded slightly at her bright grin when Soojin waved at a bar keeper, telling him to bring us some shots. When they arrived she clasped her hands and pushed her hair over her shoulders. "Shots competition..." Soojin whispered and I shook my head. "No...No, no, no, not so early!" She pouted and looked the speakers' way while taking two shots in her hands. "Jiwon, please! Jay Park is on right now, and I love this song!"

I shook my head with a lovely smile and we gulped down the small, four 2cl shots in a row. With a wide opened mouth as if somebody splashed water into my face I pushed the shots further away and shook my head rapidly. "Lord, never again. Never. Again!"

"You always say that, girl!" Soojin laughed and suddenly turned around. "Have you also heard somebody- Oh, Bomi ah! Bomi!"

She looked my way. "I'll get her here quickly, wait a second!"

I nodded and the girl ran half a marathon, trying to find her again. I smiled and looked around the bar, eyeing the many vodka, rum and other alcoholic drinks in bottles.

"Well, look who it ain't...I don't remember this place being my bed." a deep voice giggled and I turned around, letting out a brief exhale before I took the breath right back in, gulping. "Well, uh, thi-this is a public place..."

He laughed some more before telling the barkeeper to get me more shots. He then smirked at me. "I'll pay for you, too...So, how many purchasers have you got...after me? I hope not a lot, so you can remember me."

"And you are again~?" I made chinky eyes and the young man gave some money to the barkeeper. "Zico, you forgetful cutie pie."

I rolled my eyes. "That guy, oh well." I paused for a moment, "What is your real name then?"

"Woo Jiho." a huge grin was plastered on his face and I cleared my throat at his unattractive smile. "Well, Woo Jiho, I don't really like talking to people I...I just don't like to socialize at the moment, and I most likely never will."

Jiho pouted and tilted his head, coming closer while the barkeeper pushed the shots our way. "Have I asked you to socialize? I'm just talking to myself, you can go mind your own business while I'm just blabbering about some things while you drink and I drink, does this sound like socializing to you?" I held the small shot firmly in my right fist and glared at him. "Don't try testing my patience, Mister." Suddenly he turned his entire body to the bar wall, eyeing the drinks just like I did before and tapped his chin, taking his shot in like water without grimacing just a little bit. "I wonder how old some of those are...Maybe I'm just going to ask that girl next to me-"

"What the are actually trying to do right now?!" I shrieked, drinking my small shot and aghast he twirled around and looked at me, cupping his chest. "Excuse me, Miss, have I talked to you? I was just thinking out loud. I thought you didn't want to talk to other peo-"

I pushed the shot glass away from me, standing up, bestirring myself to find Soojin.

-

I stirred a bit and looked up at my ceiling, checking my phone that lied right next to me. Some movements of mine and I was sure that even after the long party night I was still able to survive the day without throwing up, but just some second afterwards I noticed the huge mirror in front of me. I didn't have a huge mirror opposite of my bed, it was on the side, I couldn't even see it while lying in bed.

I slowly peered over to the right side of the king-sized bed just to inhale deeply. The Woo Jiho guy lied next to me, breathing steadily while his right hand hung off the bed. I lifted up my blanket, gasping. My were on, but my s floated freely and I cupped my mouth, looking around suspiciously. God, should I wake him up?! I don't know what to do! Wait, did we do the...thing?...Why do I even bother, I do this all day long!

My heart beat rapidly and I straightened up a bit too fast, my sight went dizzy. I held my head and pushed the blanket off my body, picking up my bra and other clothing. I got dressed quickly and silently. I checked the clock for a last time, 9:17AM, I inhaled and tip-toed down the stairs and out the door. My phone almost fell down as I dialed Soojin's number.

"...Soojin ah? I have just woken up at some place..."

-

Shortly before I arrived at my house I threw my cigarette stub on the ground and squashed it. I stepped in front of my back door and opened it with my key quietly. 

The house was deadly silent and I walked up the stairs, noticing the washing machine with a bunch of clothes in front of it. I heaved a sigh before doing my job, additionally making breakfast for my father. It took a long  time coming home from Jiho.

-

I took a long sip of the water bottle when my father appeared in the door frame. "Where have you been last night?" I ripped off a napkin and opened the small wooden door where our bin was hidden behind. Someone must have missed the bin and I wanted to clean the small spot before I forget it and it would mold. My father bumped against me and I finally gave him an answer. "Well, Soojin and I went partying and she didn't want to let me get home that drunk. She was scared letting me go on the streets and I refused on calling a cab...And don't bump into me, you know I hurt my thigh two days ago."

"Well, then don't stand there like that." a pause followed before my father spoke up again, "Jiwon, did you loose more weight? Why?" I shrugged and took a quick look at him, continuing to scrub the small spot. "Have a guess, dad."

I felt him moving around a big in our exiguous kitchen. "Well, I didn't like your mom loosing weight, too. Girls don't look pretty with nothing on their hips." he smacked my harshly and laughed, walking off. I straightened up fast and touched my derrière, my face reddening. Tears filled my eyes and I had a hard time breathing. The feeling was back, the feeling I just seemed to forget.

Mama, where are you? I can't handle this. You are my one and only true guardian angel...

-

A/N: I personally have never been to a funeral and I rarely see ones on tv too, tbh..... so, sry
btw, sorry for taking so long, I have EVERYTHING planned out, and I mean...EVERYTHING. I could just write every chapter with at least 1 idea...
Yet I'm not coming any further, I'm so sorry again ;A; writer's block got me with any story possible, it's horrible ><