The first time my heart ever pounded so hard, was for him. He was my first crush.

The perfect guy. Tall, handsome, equipped with an amazing voice, and a guitarist. The musical parts were a plus~ I realize how much I liked him when I was 10 years old. He was 13. A small crush, and yet, it was such a huge issue for me. 

I had always put on my tomboy visor, masking my inner girl-ish personality. It wasn't all an act though. I genuinely enjoyed playing with toy cars and video games more than dolls and having tea parties. My only problem was hiding the fact that I liked guys. As a "tomboy," I wasn't suppose to crush on anyone. I was suppose to be "one of the guys" so to speak. But I could never lie to myself about the fact that I liked him.

His name was Kris.

We use to play instruments together, and would hang with our band 24/7. He played guitar, and I was a vocalist and bass player. I always liked the sound of his name. But I loved how he said my name even more. Hundreds of people had called me by my name before, but never like the way he did.

As it turned out, my friend Yoon Nah liked him as well. Yoon Nah was the pianist and vocalist of the band; she was, and still is, my best friend. We grew up together, lived with each other for a while, and then played together in our own band. Being the exact same age, people compared us constantly. But that's a story for another time. The big news that hit me hard, was that Kris liked Yoon Nah back.

That broke my heart.

How could the person I had feelings for and my best friend like each other? How could they do this to me? We were band mates, and more importantly, we were friends! But I soon came to the realization that it wasn't their fault... It was mine.

I never said anything. I was a person who people came to so they could get good advice and vent out their problems. But I wasn't like that. I kept everything inside me. This tactic of holding everything in would become a in my future.

So instead, I focused on music and on the band. Strengthening my skill and sound. The practices and hard work made me happy. Being a 10 year old girl, I thought the band would come together and go on tour when we were older. We had every intention to continue i