When I got home I truly felt that my dream of becoming someone in my life was destroyed.  I walked into the kitchen and placed my briefcase on the table, I opened it up and stared at the colorful clown costume that seemed to be so joyful compared to my whole apartment.

           Maybe I should throw it away; it’s no use to me. I picked up the outfit to bring it to the trash can, but I stopped as a saw a white letter float, like a feather, to the ground.Putting the clown outfit back in the briefcase I picked up the letter and finally decided to open it. Inside I found a note with a check. I felt my hand shake as I read it.

Jonghyun you have no idea how guilty I feel for firing you the way I did. But son, I just want you to understand that I feel this may be the best thing for you.

If you stay here I feel that you will start to become dependent on me and not try to get in touch with your parents. I know you told me they don’t support you and your dream of becoming a singer, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Jonghyun please take this money and use it to get the light back in your life or at least use it to help pay for the electricity bill you complain about so much.

           I looked at the check he gave me for $950 and I felt this overwhelming feeling of gratitude; he was the only real friend I ever had. I did have nice friends in high school but they were just there so I wouldn’t feel alone. Although they did help keep me out of trouble, they had always directed me onto the right path.

 But now I had two new paths to go down. I could use this money to go home, even though a bus home couldn’t be expensive that I would have to use all the money on it. Or I could pay my bills for the apartment that I rented. I knew if I didn’t pay it soon I would probably get kicked out.

          Taking in a deep breath, I walked out of my apartment to bring the check to her. My legs felt like cement as I dragged them.  I know I should have been used to being alone by now but it haunted me every day how I left my family and how pointless it was for me to do it. If wasn’t for how stubborn I was, I would be home by now.

          I knocked on the apartment door of my renter that was just a couple doors down from mine and waited. After a while of waiting, the older woman finally opened the door, letting the familiar glow of security flow out. As the woman looked at me she smiled gently, the wrinkles on her face seemed to be painted on by the gentle hands of time.

          “Oh, Jonghyun please tell me you have the money you owe me.” She spoke to me the way a mother would, to a lost child on the street.

           “Of course”, I said with a forced smile, handing her the check.

           “Finally”, she released a breath, which she seemed to be holding in the whole entire time. “I was worried, I thought I was going to have to kick you out soon”, she spoke slowly to me closing the door and whispering goodbye.  

           I just stood there, allowing the silence to fill my ears and my thoughts to devour me whole. Gosh why am I such a fool? I could have used that money for food…I’m going to have to sleep hungry. God why am I so stupid! What am I talking about money for food? Shouldn’t I have gone home? Why is this so confusing!

          I started to feel my throat begin to cloud up and I started to tremble. So I ran back into my apartment and into my bedroom, just as the tears began to fall, as I lay in the bed.

         Please, I don’t want to cry alone anymore. Why do I seem to make everything worse for everyone? As the tears came harder, I saw a quick flash of light come through my window, outlining the demons that were controlling me. A couple seconds afterwards, I heard the murderous roar of the beast and it shook the building.

        What was the point of me? I always had a clear idea what I wanted to do. I wanted to be up on stage making music. I didn’t care if I had 100 fans or 1. I just wanted to be able to truly connect with someone and maybe even save someone. That’s what music did for me, it saved me, but why have I stopped writing songs? Why did my ambition just drain from my body?

        That’s when I remembered something that helped make the tears stop.  Bae, the little boy who was with his cousin at the bus stop; even when I popped the balloon I was still able to make him happy.  How the boy’s face just lit up when he realized who I was; it reminded me how I always felt loved at The Golden Anchor. The kids were always so fun to work with and it was so amazing seeing how much they changed week after week.

         Having that effect on someone, even if it was small can truly change the way you look at yourself. For even if you made thousands of mistakes in your life, you also have thousands of chances to do something good.

          Bae wouldn’t stop staring at me; it was actually starting to really bother me. Because I knew he wanted to ask me a thousand of questions, but for some reason didn’t. When the bus stopped right before my stop, Bae and his cousin got out, and before they left Bae waved goodbye to me, the way someone was saying goodbye to an old friend they were going to see again. I waved back to him, feeling a smile sneak up on my face. Gosh I was going to miss working with kids.

well this chapter is kind of boring! Don't worry the next one is going to be much more exciting I promise you that :) Oh and also I took jonghyun out of school. I know I shouldn't change such a huge part of the story but I had to. I'm sorry, i made a silly mistake and if Jonghyun went to school it would be impossible for me to put my full story out the way I want it to be told.Stay beautiful and don't worry there will be a lot of cute moments between Jonghyun and Key.