E POV

            I was vaguely aware of where I was. I could hear the machines beeping and the low voices of doctors and nurses. I remembered why I fainted and I was angry. I wanted to be able to move. I wanted to be able to scream and cry and to get angry. But I couldn’t. Because it hurt too much to even open my mouth.

            I lay there, keeping my eyes closed so I could pretend to still be out. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. They would never understand. There was no way Donghae could be gone. It made me angry to know that Leeteuk, and perhaps everyone else, believed in.

            How could they be so eager, so unhesitant, to leave one of their brothers behind? But to me, Donghae was more than just a brother. He was also my best friend, my love and my life. I existed purely for him.

            I found it ironic how the last time he was in a hospital, I was there for him. It had been my fault mostly for why he was in the hospital. He was feeling pressured from Jessica and I honestly did nothing to alleviate it. I was to blame then. I sat with him through the night and when I could, I sang to him.

            Tears welled up and remained trapped under my eyelids as I thought about it. I had sang to him “One Love” because it was our song. I wrote it and realized how he was in my mind. I wanted him to be here now. I wanted to hear his soothing voice sing “Beautiful.”

            The more I thought about it, the more the tears came on. Even though my head was horizontal across the pillow, I could feel the tears leaking out from the corners of my eyes. It hurt so much to not have him next to me.

            I knew deep in my heart that he could not possibly be gone. If he did, I should have felt it. I wanted to believe that he was still here. I tried to control my tears. There was no point in crying over someone who was still here. If I cried, then things would be real.

            But the more I thought about it, the more I heard the lyrics of “Beautiful” and it’s haunting melody sounded in my ear. I clawed weakly at my heart, trying to get rid of the heavy coil of fear and grief that tore at it. I didn’t need this. I wanted to be able to breathe; I didn’t want to hear him anymore.

            The doctors realized I was moving and a nurse gently wiped away at my tears. I stopped breathing for a second. The doctor leaning over me was wearing the same cologne Donghae wore.

            “Ya, who told you to spray so much of that in the air?” I rolled my eyes and wafted the air away from my nose. I pretended to pinch my nose and gag in disgust.

            The Fish pouted. “Hey! Not fair. You gave it to me! And I was spraying just fine until you suddenly decided to sneak up on me! You surprised me in the middle of my spraying!”

            I coughed out loud, mimicking a smoker’s cough and pretended to strangle myself. “I bought it for you to use in moderation.”

            But Donghae had jumped at me from behind and hugged me. I was overwhelmed by the scent. Playfully, I hugged him to me and nipped his neck. “Smells good.”

            The fragrance was overbearing and tears came to my eyes. I breathed it in, trying not to conjure the pictures of Donghae’s face in my head. I can’t afford to break down.

K POV

            Back in the dorm, Leeteuk ordered all of us to store away Donghae’s memos. It was with heavy hearts and tears in our eyes that we walked into Eunhyuk’s room. It felt like a violation of his privacy but we knew we had to do it for his sake.

            I tore down the posters that he had put up and Ryeowook carefully packed away all of the photographs that littered the desks. Sungmin and Shindong climbed up on the bed and took down the blown up pictures that lined the walls. Siwon helped to clear the bulletin board.

            I had a feeling Eunhyuk would not be pleased when he came back but he had to understand. Leeteuk allowed us to leave one or two pictures, “For remembrance,” he had conceded.

            When we had all the posters and Donghae’s belongings packed, we divided it into different storages. The personal things he shared with Eunhyuk would go into a storage room we had rented. We wanted to give him time before allowing him to cleanse himself and go into the room. The rest of Donghae’s belongings, would be sent back to his mother.

            It was hard to imagine what exactly we would be telling ELFs but we were going to let the company decide. At the moment, the company insisted that we keep it low, saying that Donghae went back home due to a family emergency.

            Their room looked shockingly bare without the happy pictures and the happy touches Donghae had placed into the small area. Now, the walls were too plain and the desk too clean. Ryeowook let out a wrangled sob and walked out of the room. The rest of us followed, unable to see this.