“Only do not forget, if I wake up crying
it's only because in my dream I'm a lost child
hunting through the leaves of the night for your hands....” 
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Winter is here, and with that the rains came pouring down.  The  days were gloomier and darker.

Daehyun shuffled around waiting from the bus to come. He was tired and after the long day at school today and he just wanted to go home. Daehyun had to keep his mouth shut to keep his teeth from chattering. His blazer was soaked from the rain and he was literally freezing his off. It started to rain when the last bell of the school rang, Daehyun being Daehyun had forgotten his umbrella at home today. The only thing that was good about the day was that it was a Friday.

“Aish it’s so cold!” Daehyun whined as he hugged himself and shuffled around under the bus top.

Daehyun was frustrated he wanted Taeil out (Taeil had been there all week). Well his wish came true finally on Thursday! ON FUGGING THURSDAY!

"I mean who does this guy think he is?" Daehyun mumbled to himself.

Daehyun looked up at the bus stop, there were red blinking numbers on a sign  that indicated that the the bus was going to be there in 20 minutes, Daehyun figured that his bus would be late due to the storm.

Daehyun just sighed in relief that Taeil left yesterday, he couldn't stand hearing the males loud laughter, or meeting him and Youngjae in the elevator where Taeil would purposely put his arm around Youngjae waist and pull him closer. Taeil would make sure to have eye contact with Daehyun at the same time, mocking him.

While the oblivious Youngjae was always so pensive, he never noticed the tension in the air that the two other boys would give off, he was always lost in his own world.

What Daehyun would hate the most were the lollipops Taeil would ! The smacking sound Taeil would make with  the lollipops would irritate the hell out of Daehyun.

Though Taeil was shorter, Daehyun knew that the shorter male could beat the out of him. The short male did look very intimidating.  Not just the eyebrow piercing or the black clothing that made him look edgy but also the tousled and uncombed locks and the piercing gaze Taeil would give. (Though Taeil seemed confident, Daehyun couldn’t be more wrong. Taeil wasn’t as confident as he played to be. Taeil was insecure about many things, but of course he would play them off when he was in front of Daehyun.)

Oh! The last thing on the list of the billion reasons why Daehyun hated Lee Taeil,  was that the fu**er could sing! He could sing very, very, very beautiful! And Daehyun couldn't deny that he was envious of his voice. Just yesterday night he was watching M!Count Down and saw Taeil performing with Zico (the amazing underground rapper). Taeil was part of the famous Block B duo. Daehyun was shocked, he didn’t know Taeil was that TAEIL!

Taeil was living his dream, being an idol singing on the stage. With all the lights on him.

Daehyun sighed, "He would have everything I don't...even Youngjae likes him more…"

The wind blew harsher making more rain spray on Daehyun making him shiver from the cold.

"Crap!" Daehyun hugged himself more, it was freezing!

The bus finally came and Daehyun quickly jumped  in, and looked for Youngjae.

"Youngjae...oh Youngjae.." Daehyun whispered as he looked at the seats  looking for the cheeky boy around the bus.

 He finally found him on the back of the bus.

He spotted the cheeky boy with  wet brown locks that stuck out of his red beanie. He wore a damp red scarf that practically covered his entire face and an over sized black jacket that made him look big like a teddy bear.

Seeing that there was a vacant spot next to the covered boy Daehyun couldn't help but to smile to himslef.

"Hi!" Daehyun jumped on the seat next to Youngjae startling him.

Youngjae looked up and blinked a couple of times before he turned around to face the window once again.

Daehyun frowned, "How was your day?" Daehyun asked hoping that Youngjae would answer, but instead he was answered with a coughing fit from the younger boy.

Youngjae cleared his throat though his voice still sounded hoarse and strained, "You shouldn’t sit next to me...I don’t want to get you sick..."

"Don’t worry I have a great immune system!” Daehyun answered quickly not wanting to leave the younger boy.

Youngjae slowly turned around to face the older boy. Daehyun could see the dark bags under the younger brown drowsy eyes. His cheeks were tainted red and his breathing was broken the rest of his face was covered by the huge scarf. Daehyun wanted to squeal out loud. Youngjae though being sick and full of mucus (Daehyun was used to mucus he worked with kids) looked adorable.

Youngjae had a hard time keeping his eyes open, and keeping his head from wobbling side to side. This made Daehyun pondered how sick the younger male really was.

Daehyun instantly put his right hand on Youngjae forehead making the younger boy stare wide eyed at him in shock.

“What—what are you doing?” Youngjae asked nervously.

Daehyun put his left hand on his own forehead and contemplated for a second, "Jae you have a fever!"  Daehyun answered worriedly.

Youngjae kept his gaze on Daehyun not answering his question and  instead his face grew redder as the seconds passed.

"Jae? Youngjae? Are you okay?" Daehyun asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," Youngjae quickly grabbed Daehyun's hand and pulled it away as he  turned to face the window again.

 His heart felt like it was beating a million times per second.  He was embarrassed but also kind of happy. He didn't know why but he liked it when Daehyun called him Jae, it brought him a sort of nostalgia feeling. 

Youngjae leaned his head on the window the coolness felt good on his skin. He looked down at his wet and ripped orange mittens .

"Jae?" Daehyun called out to him again.

Youngjae sighed, ‘He is not Taehyung! Youngjae stop!,’  Youngjae put his hand over his beating heart.  Youngjae liked that Daehyun worried for him, even though Daehyun was childish at times Youngjae could see his good sides too. Youngjae honestly did like Daehyun, but he was too scared to find out how much he really liked him.
 

Youngjae frowned, ‘You can’t forget him...’

‘You cannot feel this... He is only confusing you because he looks just like V...’ Youngjae closed his eyes, which felt hot and heavy due to the fever.

"Jae..." Daehyun tapped Youngjae’s shoulder but the younger boy never turned around.

Not even when they got off the bus stop did Youngjae turned back to look at Daehyun.

~~~~~~~

2 days laters Sunday evening....

Daehyun smiled as he walked home with his groceries in one hand and an umbrella on the on the other.

“Yummmy, I can already smell the soup!” Daehyun wasn’t the greatest cook in the world, actually he , but the only thing he could make was chicken noodle soup.

Plus it was a cold day, it had been raining all day Daehyun wanted to eat something warm. Sundays really were his lazy days, but today he decided to cook.  The reason being that Jongup hadn’t showed up the whole day.

“He is probably with Himchan again…” Daehyun mumbled, it was late, past 10 p.m. Daehyun figured that Jongup would come early in the morning.

The wind was blowing harshly, the storm had worsened over the weekend and had caused destruction through it course.

Daehyun was happy that there wasn't a power outtage this weekend, since it was the weekend his favorite drama was going to end, and he didn't want to miss that.

Daehyun rushed to his apartment, his coat now soaked from the freezing rain. He finally reached the apartment and quickly entered the elevator as the doors started to close, noticing that someone was in there too.

It was Youngjae, though he didn't look like his usual self.  He looked worn out and pale. He was resting his head on the wall of the elevator with his eyes closed.

First this he was saw that the whole blue coat was drenched and was dripped to the floor. Daehyun looked up and noticed that not only was the coat was wet, but also the  black scarf and his hair was drenched and droplets of water ran down his flushed cheekbones.  Even Youngjae’s favorite orange mittens were drenched .

Daehyun wondered where the heck younger male had gone.

“Youngjae?” Daehyun took a couple steps forward noticing that Youngjae’s breathing was broken.

The cheeky boy slowly opened his eyes trying to grasp who was around him. His mind was cloudy by the weariness and the soreness of his body.

“Youngjae are you okay?” Daehyun asked and placed his hands hesitantly on Youngjae’s shoulder.

Youngjae slowly turned around to look at the worried Busan boy and suprisingly smiled at him, “Why do you always worry? I’m fine okay?”

Daehyun blinked confused not expecting Youngjae to respond that way, honestly Youngjae never smiled at Daehyun, this terribly confused the elder male.

Daehyun stuttered as he talked to the younger boy,“Youngjae where did you go you're drenched!”

“Aish!” Youngjae pushed himself from the wall  (though his feet were wobbly making Daehyun fear that Youngjae would fall any second) and turned to face Daehyun, “Why must you worry! I’m fine….” Youngjae smiled more and raised his arms, “See I’m fine, don’t worry Taehyung.”

“Taehyung?” Daehyun blinked actually dumbfounded, “Who's Taehyung?”

“You silly!” Youngjae chuckled and went to hug Daehyun, “I missed you! Where were you?”

Daehyun shocked stumbled backwards, “You-ounggjae…what are you doing?”

Youngjae looked up and giggled, “Hugging you! Duh!”

Daehyun could see Youngjae cheeks were flushed a brightly red and his eyes were drowsy and hazy. He quickly put his hand over Youngjae’s forehead, “Crap!” Daehyun mumbled, Youngjae’s fever had gotten bad.

“Really Youngjae your fever has gotten worse!” Daehyun shook his head, why would he go out in the rain when he was sick. “What were you thinking?!” Daehyun felt a rush of anger, Youngjae had clearly not cared for his own health. Daehyun felt frustrated wondering why would Youngjae act so stupid.

Youngjae closed his eyes and leaned on Daehyun’s shoulder, “….you don’t sound like Taehyung…” Youngjae mumbled.

“Jae! Snap out of it! It’s me Daehyun!” Daehyun tried to get Youngjae to stand up, but the younger boy was losing his consciousness.

“Dae---Daehyun?” Youngjae mumbled his eyes slowly fluttered opened and a flash of sadness showed on the younger’s face, “You’re not Taehyung…” Youngjae pushed off of Daehyun and tried to stand on his wobbly feet, though his strength was depleting rapidly it was already difficult to keep his eyes open.

“Youngjae you are sick we----- crap!“ Daehyun rushed forward seeing that Youngjae was falling back.

“Youngjae! YOUNGJAE!” Daehyun shook the younger male, but he was out cold and his fever was getting worse.

“Crap!” Daehyun bit his lip harshly, “what do I do?”

The elevator door beep indicating Daehyun that they were on their floor. Daehyun looked down at the unconscious boy and back up to the pale walls of his hall.

“I guess there is no other choice..” Daehyun said to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Daehyun had  decided to take Youngjae to his apartment. Daehyun careful stripped the younger boy out of his wet coat and shoes.

Since Youngjae’s underclothes weren't as wet as the coat, Daehyun decided  to leave them. Instead he wrapped the younger male in thick blankets to keep him warm and placed a damp towel on the younger’s forehead to keep the fever down.

“Come on!” Daehyun nearly shouted as he gripped the the cell phone. He called Jongup a dozen times but the younger never answered. He needed to contact Himchan as soon as possible, but he didn’t know the elder’s number and he couldn't figure out Youngjae’s security code for his phone.

“Aish! JONGUP!” Daehyun threw his phone across the room, “WHAT A BEST FRIEND YOU ARE!”

Daehyun sighed and went to sit on his bed where Youngjae laid sleeping soundlessly.

 “Aish what would make you go out on a rainy day like this? And who the hell is Taehyung?” Daehyun mumbled to himself.

“Hmmm…” Youngjae stirred around Daehyun's  bed.

“Youngjae are you awake?” Daehyun inched closer to the younger male.

The younger’s eyes slowly fluttered opened, he blinked a couple of times.

He looked around the room and back at the tan male, “Daehyun?” Youngjae voice was horse and low.

“Yeah, hey how are you feeling?” Daehyun  placed his hand on Youngjae’s flushed cheek, “well your fever seems to have gone down a bit…that’s good.”

Youngjae face got redder and he pulled the cover up to his face, “What happened?”

“You passed out, Jae! You need to be more careful! Why did you go out on the rain when you were sick! Are you trying to kill yourself?” Daehyun glared at Youngjae.

Youngjae stayed quiet and looked down once at the blue sheets that were keeping him warm.

Daehyun scratched his head, “Youngjae you need to take care of yourself okay?”

Youngjae nodded slowly trying to get up, “Uhm..”

“No you can’t go home, not like this!” Daehyun stood up.

“But—“ Youngjae tried to protest.

“You’re sick, and I don’t trust you to take care of yourself!” Daehyun stood up and walked to his drawers and pulled out some pjs, “Here change!”

Youngjae slowly sat up and looked at the pjs Daehyun had handed him, grey sweats and a blue T-shirt.

“Daehyun---“Youngjae looked down, “Can…can I borrow a long sleeve shirt please?”

“Are you going to be hot?” Daehyun asked worriedly.

Youngjae shook his head, “Please..”

“Okay…” Daehyun raised an brow, confused why Youngjae specifically wanted a long sleeve, ‘They are all the same right? It’s just to sleep….' Daehyun thought to himself as he grabbed a long sleeve and passed it to Youngjae, “Need help?” Daehyun asked and smirked a little.

Youngjae’s cheek’s flushed again, “No—noo I’m fine…”

Daehyun chuckled and nodded.

Youngjae slowly got up from the bed and felt a flash of dizziness hit him and fell back down, “Careful!” Daehyun rushed to Youngjae; “I’ll help you okay?” Daehyun smiled warily.

Youngjae shook his head, “I’m fine…just help me get to the restroom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youngjae sat on the toilet and blankly looked at the clothes infront of him.

Daehyun was long gone telling him that he was going to make chicken noodle soup. Youngjae sighed and he slowly put on the gray sweats. Youngjae was exhausted, he didn’t  even remember how he got home. All he remembered was walking in the cemetery that morning and the rest was a blur, he just remembered the cold rain hitting his skin.

Youngjae pushed himself up from the toilet and grabbed the black long sleeve Daehyun let him borrow, he didn’t know why he decided to stay here in Daehyun’s home, but Youngjae figured that it would be for the best, he couldn't really care for himself now, he was a mess barely even keeping his thoughts straight.

Youngjae took off his  damp long sleeve shirt and under shirt and placed them on the skin. He looked at his reflection, looking at his pale skin.

Youngjae started with his collar bone and slowly looked down at the rest of his body. On his right side  of his body were the reminders of the accident two years ago.  His whole right lower abdominal side up to his chest were burned and scarred, though throughout the years it just had become dark brown skin, just like his right arm from the  upper forearm up to his shoulder.

People always told Youngjae to try to forget the incident, but how could he. Those memories were permanent even if he didn’t want to remember them. They stuck to him, they were scars that not even the years could hide. Youngjae looked away from the mirror once again, every time he looked at his scars he could feel the burning sensation he had felt that day.

“YOUUNNGJJAEEE!” Daehyun knocked on the door, “ Are you okay? You’ve been there a while….”

Youngjae jumped startled, “Coming! DON’T COME IN!”

“Fine, fine~” Daehyun chuckled, “The food will be ready soon okay?”

“Kay…” Youngjae quickly put the long sleeve on and rushed to out the restroom leaving his clothes on the hamper.

Youngjae felt drained, he started to cough again. The coughing didn't make it his already dry throat any better. Youngjae walked to the kitchen, every step he took felt like his whole body would break.

Daehyun finally turned around noticing Youngjae walking in, “JAE! What are you doing get back to the room! You are in no condition to walk!” Daehyun shook his head and walked towards Youngjae.

“I’m fine---WAHHH DAEHYUN!!” Youngjae shouted as Daehyun picked him up unfortunately bridal style, Youngjae clutched onto Daehyun neck hoping that the older male would not drop him.

Daehyun laughed, “Youngjae don’t be so frightened! I won’t drop you…promise” Daehyun walked in his room and laid Youngjae on the bed, he quickly covering Youngjae with the think blankets, “There now wait until I come back.”

Youngjae embarrassed pulled the covered over his face not wanting Daehyun to see his tinted cheeks.

“Aigoo! Jae you are sooo cute!” Daehyun chuckled as he walked out of the room. 

Daehyun came back a few minutes later with a hot bowl of soup.

“Say ahhhhh!” Daehyun hovered the spoon full of soup over Youngjae’s face.

“I can feed myself---*cough*” Youngjae was tired, and annoyed that his coughing was getting worse.

“Aish Jae, just let me feed you!” Daehyun pouted, and blew on the soup, “Now say ahhhh!”

Youngjae rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, “Is it good?” Daehyun asked.

Youngjae munched on the food slowly and nodded it was actually good, he was surprised that the stupid country boy could cook something.

“It’s my mom recipe! You want to know the secret ingredient?” Daehyun winked.

Youngjae shook his head not really interested and started to cough again.

Daehyun pouted, “I’ll tell you anyway, its LOVE!”

Youngjae mentally face-palmed of course it would be something stupid like that.

Unfortunatelly Youngjae had to let Daehyun feed him the rest of the soup and Daehyun made him drink some nasty herbal remedies as well that made Youngjae want to vomit.

Now Daehyun was tucking Youngjae in, “need anything else Jae?” Daehyun asked sweetly.

Youngjae shook his head, “Well goodnight Jae and if you need anything just give a holler I’ll be in the living room 'kay?” Daehyun sweep the bangs off Youngjae head and bent down and gave a light kiss on Youngjae’s forehead.

Youngjae blushed and only could nod at Daehyun.

“Good night!” Daehyun smiled before he turned off the light and closed the door.

~~~~~~~~~

Youngjae crawled through the back he felt  ripped metal pieces piercing through his skin, ripping apart his flesh. Blood pooled onto his eyes, his socket were full of the stinging bright red liquid.

He could see him, JongKook hanging in his seat, unconscious, blood dripped down from this cracked skull, “Jonggie…” Youngjae shouted, “Jonggie…. Wake up!”

Youngjae looked around. The stench of gasoline engulfed his nose, everything seemed bleak. He knew the end was coming, the dripping of the gas wouldn’t stop.

Youngjae reached forward and careful unbuckled the carseat harness that was holding his child. He protectively hugged his boy, “Jongkook, Jongkook” Youngjae called to his child.

The 2 year old’s mouth was open and blood sped down the corners of his mouth and dripped down to his chin. His eyes were pale white and lifeless. The gash on the child forehead seemed eternal and blood caked on the sides, the pink smears of brain matter was crush onto the skull.

Youngjae felt his body start to shake, “no…not you too…..Jongkook! JONGKOOK!”

Youngjae screamed from someone to help him, “Someone! PLEASE! Help! Help me!”

Youngjae wept, “Please…someone help me! Someone!

“Youngjae!”

“Please, help me!” Youngjae looked down at this bloodied hands were his dead child rested.

“Youngjae! Wake up!”

Youngjae look at his child once more before he looked back at the front of the car were his partner hanged from the seat, with blood still dripping off his chest.

Youngjae couldn’t believe it, they were dead, his family was gone.

“Why? Don’t leave me! Please!” Youngjae cried, “Please—“ Youngjae felt a hand on his shoulder, “Youngjae please, wake up! Wake up!”

Youngjae looked around, everything was white, his child, the car was gone, the blood, and Taehyung were gone was gone and he just stood in an endless room of white.

“Wake up Youngjae! Wake up!” Youngjae recognized that voice, it was…Daehyun.

Youngjae felt his eyes flutter open, he was back. But not in his room he was somewhere different.

“Youngjae are you okay?” Daehyun asked worriedly as he bent down and brushed his thumb over Youngjae’s tear stained cheeks.

Youngjae bit his lip trying not to cry again, but his eyes were pooling again with fresh tears and soon dropped down to his cheeks.

Daehyun shocked to see Youngjae look so broken reached forward and hugged the young male  making  him sit up, “Youngjae what’s wrong?” Daehyun asked as he rubbed Youngjae back.

Not being able to talk from the knot on his throat Youngjae burst into a broken sob as he clenched onto Daehyun shirt.

“Youngjae, hey!” Daehyun hugged the Youngjae tighter and rocked his back and forward, “I’m here Jae, don’t worry. I’m here. You're not alone.”

Youngjae didn’t know why those words were everything he needed to hear. He felt so alone and betrayed that he wanted to believe that  at least someone was there for him.

~~~~~~~~

Daehyun had been watching T.V. when he heard Youngjae's shouts. He had never heard someone sound so terrified and desperate at the same time before. He rushed into his room finding Youngjae crying in his sleep shouting for someone to help him.

Once he was able to wake the younger male he felt relived but at the same time was filled with mush distress to find that Youngjae was still terrified of what he had been dreaming.

It took him a long time to finally calm Youngjae down, he decide to stay with the younger male for the night. Youngjae didn’t protest and was actually relieved that he wouldn’t sleep alone.

Daehyun laid next to Youngjae  who was looking aimlessly at the ceiling lost in thought.

“Youngjae…you should sleep.” Daehyun whispered.

Youngjae shook his head and keep his eyes on the ceiling.

“I promise, I’ll stay here the whole night and I’ll be here when you wake up okay?” Daehyun reached forward and wiped the tear that rolled down Youngjae cheek, “Jae you won’t be alone.”

Younjgae slowly turned his body to face Daehyun’s, “You-you promise?” Youngjae’s voice was barely auidiable.

Daehyun smiled sweetly, “I promise Youngjae.” Daehyun scooted closer and wrapped his arms around the younger waist, “I won’t leave you alone.”

Youngjae  leaned his head onto Daehyun’s and let sleep soon take him again.

Daehyun hummed a tune to sooth the younger male to sleep, he could feel the fever, but it was lower than before. Daehyun  just wanted Youngjae to sleep.

Youngjae sighed and finally let his eyes close, “you promised….” Youngjae mumbled.

Daehyun smiled once again before he pecked the younger’s forehead, “Goodnight Jae…” 

 Daehyun looked at the clock it was 3 a.m.  He grabbed his phone wrote a quick email to his boss telling him that he wouldn’t be able to go to school tomorrow. Daehyun sighed and put his phone back on the desk.

Daehyun looked at Youngjae, “What can be tormenting you?” Daehyun asked himself, “Jae, I promise I will protect you, just please trust me….tomorrow when you wake up please don’t act  like a stranger, please. I’m here for you.”   Daehyun sighed and he himself drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Hi! What do you guys think of this story so far? Is it interesting?

DAEJAE FINALLY! WOW!

Thank you for reading!