“In this part of the story I am the one who
dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
because I love you, Love, in fire and in blood.” 
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

There was blood everywhere, he could smell it. It was dark but the light of the moon let the young male see a few feet ahead.  Youngjae clenched his fist and crimson color liquid slowly dripped down to his forearm. His head felt like it was exploding, the lightheadedness was too much, and he could barely keep his eyes open.  What made it worse that he was upside down, the blood was rushing to his head making the profound gash on his forehead leak at a faster pace.  

Deep gashes covered his face, red liquid dripped into his eyes blinding him and he could taste the coppery flavor as it coated onto his torn open lips which were practically split into two now.

There was a stench of smoke coming in; it was getting harder to breath as if he was in an enclose environment where the oxygen was depleted. 'tick, tick' The dripping of gasoline and water that hit against the twisted and broken metal. Youngjae could hear it. There was only so much time before it was all going to end in scarlet flames,  engulfing them all in an eternal furnace of hell.

Youngjae could feel his pulse racing in the vein on the left side of his neck. The hair on his back was standing up in terror. He didn’t understand how he was still alive.

He tried to lift himself up but he couldn’t. He realized the seat belt strapped across his body was holding him up. He quickly unbuckled it and fell face first towards the roof of the car.

He screamed from the aching of his body. Youngjae knew his right leg was broken. His arms were scratched and looked as if a cheese grinder grinded them down. The endless trickling of blood painted the roof as if trying to cover its entirety.

‘I need to get out. I need to get out!’ Youngjae thought as he tried to push myself up with the palms of his bloodied hands, his body was aching and with each movement he made a jolt of pain would make him whimper.

But that’s when Youngjae realized it was quiet. Too quiet, there weren’t any other sounds.

“We need to get out.”  Youngjae shouted his voice was horsed and he felt his throat closing in.

Youngjae turned to his right, he was there. He had to be there right?

Youngjae eye’s grew wide with terror, this wasn’t what he wanted to see, he didn’t want to. Youngjae shut his eyes wishing that it was just his faintness affecting him that what he saw before him wasn’t real.

Youngjae slowly let his eyelids slide open; Youngjae gasped but keep his gaze on the person in front of him. 

Youngjae slid closer to the person next to him, “We need to get out….hurry….”

Youngjae shook the person next to him , “Hurry…we don’t have much time…”

Youngjae closed his eyes once again and took a deep breath. His eyes started to leak, tears now mixing with the blood that covered his cheeks.

“WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE UP!” Youngjae shouted.

The person didn’t respond, but why would he? He was dead, it was clear to Youngjae but he didn’t want to believe it.

The person was hanging off his seat, his arms dangled to the sides. His chest was penetrated by a large piece of broken glass; blood showered his upper chest coating his white shirt turning it a dark crimson color, it stream down all the way his head covering his face making his hair an auburn hue. It was all red, everything was red. Even the empty dark eyes were red and his open mouth gushed out even more red liquid.

“Taehyung….” Youngjae lips quivered, “please….wake up…”

There was no response from the male next to him, Youngjae shook his head,  he didn’t want to believe it, “No…no! Don’t do this!”

“Taehyung! TAEHYUNG!” Youngjae shouted in agony.

~~~~~~~~

Youngjae screamed once again, he felt something heavy on top of him not letting him move, that was when he realized he was on his bed and the heavy thing on top of him was his blanket.

Youngjae pushed away his blankets and ran to the restroom; the bloodied image was still visible making him nauseous.

Every morning it was the same thing, the same horrid dream.  Youngjae had never gotten used to that dream, it always had the same effect. He would always run to the restroom spilling everything he had into the toilet.

The dream was vivid, it was as if he had to live that moment every night, he could still smell the smoke and taste the blood on his tongue.

He was exhausted, it was another restless night full of nightmares. Youngjae tried to shrug off the horrible feeling and headed to the shower so he could wash away all the sweat.

Sunday morning usual routine, shower, eat quick breakfast and head towards the small flower shop.

Youngjae put on a grey sweater with blue jeans. He quickly put on a black beanie and a black scarf along with his favorite orange knitted mittens he received a couple Christmas’s ago, though they had become worn down and had a dozen holes Youngjae wore them whenever he could, he loved those gloves more than anything else in the world.

Youngjae sighed and grabbed his messenger bag from his couch and headed out.

Youngjae walked in the  small cute flower shop that was decorated with beautiful flowers and like every Sunday morning Jongup was there smiling like there was no tomorrow.

“Good Morning Youngjae-ssi!” Jongup grinned wider as he attended to some violet tulips on the counter.

“Morning…” Youngjae sounded horribly bored and uninterested.

He took a couple of steps forward and looked around the store; he usually bought different flowers each time he came.

 This time it was the yellow lilies that got Youngjae’s attention.

“Jongup-ah can I get two bouquets of lilies?” Youngjae asked as he looked at the delicate flowers.

Jongup smiled, “Sure, no problem! Oh! By the way Daehyun loved the cheesecakes you made for him, he said they were the best things he had ever tasted.”

Youngjae hummed and nodded, so the stupid fatass really did like his cheesecake. Youngjae was glad he didn’t waste his whole Saturday morning cooking those stupid cakes for that annoying overgrown child.

Youngjae tilted his head and looked at Jongup, “Didn’t you try some too?”

“Daehyun nearly ripped my hand off when I got near them, so sadly no, I didn’t.” Jongup pouted like a sad puppy. Unfortunately for Youngjae the sad boy had affected him.

Youngjae wasn’t a cold person like everyone thought, he just preferred to keep his distance. Youngjae didn’t like making new friends. But seeing the cute boy sad made Youngjae feel bad.

Youngjae sighed and shook his head,  “Next time I’ll make you some.”

“REALLY!” Jongup smile grew ten times bigger.

Youngjae nodded and shrugged, “Sure.”

‘Crap I need to stop being so weak…’ Youngjae mentally face-palmed himself.

Jongup hummed to a Chris Brown song happily, as he wrapped Youngjae’s flowers. Jongup laughed Youngjae always tried to be distant but sometime he would see the real one.

Jongup  knew that slowly he was going to be Youngjae’s friend. Jongup had hope in that, he knew Youngjae was a good person. One, Himchan was Youngjae’s best friend, and he knew Himchan well, Himchan would never have a cold person as his friend. Jongup knew that Himchan cared for Youngjae like a brother, and would do anything for the grumpy boy. Another reason was well Daehyun,  Jongup knew Daehyun wouldn’t fall for someone so bitter.

Nobody knew this but Jongup had some sort of a sixth sense, he could tell Youngjae was a good person, just the  poor boy was trouble. But  Jongup had hope that the stupid roommate he had would change that.

Jongup finished wrapping up the lilies for Youngjae. Youngjae paid and with a few goodbyes he left  the small store.

Youngjae took two buses and transferred over to a train ride for two hours, the travel usually took about 3 hours at the most. Youngjae would usually read or grade student papers to pass the time. He was already used to the long ride so he didn’t mind.

Finally his stop came up. Youngjae held his flowers close to him and walked toward another bus stop.

Youngjae looked up. Thee was a cloudless sky and the sun shined brightly, blinding him. Though the weather seemed to be fair, it was still cold. The winter breeze bit Youngjae’s pale skin making him shiver.

Youngjae’s bus finally came and Youngjae got on taking a back seat, the bus was nearly vacant besides four other people also on the vehicle.  Youngjae closed his eyes, “Just 15 more minutes and will be together…” Youngjae mumbled to himself, “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

Youngjae leaned his head onto the window looking out at the green plains that passed by. Youngjae smiled to himself he was near, “Did you miss me? I miss you.”

Youngjae’s stop finally came up, Youngjae quickly got up and thanked the bus driver before he got off.

~~~~~~~~

Youngjae walked up a deep slope hill, the breeze around the area was fresh and incomparable to the smog like air in the city.

The grass felt like cloud each step he took, it was a brilliant green hue with yellow daises popping out everywhere. Youngjae was happy he had picked this place. It was beautiful. Its peaceful, he knew they would rest peacefully.

There were only a few others here huddling around in small clusters. Though it was a place of rest it was full of life. Youngjae could hear the birds chirping away and bushes of roses grew around the patches of grass.

Youngjae took a few more slow steps until he was in front of two tombstones right next to each other.

Youngjae smiled, “Hi…”

Youngjae took a couple more steps forward and placed the lilies on each separate tomb, “Sorry I am late, you know how it is…traffic…” Youngjae sighed and sat in front of the tombs.

Kim Taehyung, loving husband and father. 1992-2011

Kim Jongkook, beloved son. 2010-2011

“Jonggie how is papa treating you? Is he feeding you?” Youngjae chuckled and stayed quiet for awhile as if he was listening, “Oh he isn’t, well I need to have a talk with him..”

The breeze blew by making Youngjae shiver, “Hey V! Jonggie told me you aren’t being---oh don’t say he doesn’t want to eat…” Youngjae shook his head, laughed and stayed silent listening to the breeze whistle.

Youngjae sighed again as he looked at the tombstones.

Youngjae smiled sadly as he sat down in front  of the tombstones.

“V, I love you. You know I won’t ever get mad at you.” Youngjae  grabbed a fist full of grass, “You know---“ Youngjae pause for a second and looked at the tombstone in front of him and slowly read the words ‘Kim Taehyung.’

It was hard to read it, Youngjae looked away, even though it had been a while, it was still hard to belive that Taehyung was gone.

“You told me that we were always going to be together…” Youngjae bit his lip he knew it would always come to this; he couldn’t keep the happy facade up and act as if everything was well, “You lied Tae. You’re not with me. I’m alone…you left me.”

His eyes were started to get cloudy with the tears pooling up blurring his vision, “What do I do now? Jonggie is with you, what’s the point… you left me, both of you left me.”

Youngjae felt the knot on his throat started to choke him, “I..I miss you so much. It hurts, how can I just live without you two…. You broke your promise V, you never came back.”

Youngjae hugged himself, he couldn’t do this anymore. He just wanted to be with him, Taehyung the love of his life, his husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youngjae met Taehyung the first year of college since they turned out to be roommates. Though at first Youngjae was skeptical of the Busan boy (who talked too much, very loudly and turned out to be extremely weird) but  Youngjae soon fell in love with him.  They were complete opposites and Youngjae believed that those differences where the ones that completed them.

Youngjae knew Taehyung was that one, they were meant to be, Taehyung was the perfect boyfriend. Youngjae could only remember those happy times. Taehyung really was the weirdest guy he had ever met, but he only remembered being happy and always laughing when he was near him.

It was Christmas when Taehyung asked him out, both had stayed behind since going home wasn’t an option (both were broke). Taehyung although broke bought Youngjae the cutest orange mittens saying that he didn’t want Youngjae to freeze his delicate hands. And since that day Youngjae always wore those mittens. It might have been a cheap gift, but it meant so much more for Youngjae.

After two years Taehyung asked Youngjae to marry him. Taehyung being the romantic asked Youngjae to marry him in spring just when the cherry blossoms were blooming under the moonlight.

Youngjae couldn’t contain the happiness that he was feeling and in a heartbeat agreed to marry him. The wedding was outside and small, but was beautiful Youngjae still remembers the smell of the roses and how handsome Taehyung looked dressed in a white suit. Youngjae remembers seeing his brother Zico (the mighty older brother) breaking into tears while holding onto poor baby U-kwon who just wanted to play with the butterflies that floated around the field.

A few months later Youngjae found out he was pregnant. Male pregnancy was becoming more common in modern times. Youngjae was still nervous, though it was common it wasn’t as safe as the regular pregnancies and there were agencies lurking out trying to do scientific studies on any pregnant male they could get their hands on.

But fortunately for Youngjae everything went smoothly with his pregnancy and soon baby Jongkook was born adding more joy to the new family. Youngjae still was in graduate school but managed his time between school and his family.  Youngjae was truly happy he had everything he ever had, the love of his life and a beautiful baby boy.

He didn’t know everything would end so abruptly. In a flash everything he loved was ripped away from him and he was left with a big hole in his life. Everything became meaningless, and just waking up in the morning became difficult. Life was torturous.

Youngjae was still surprised how he was still alive today, two years later. Though Youngjae felt like he was a vessel just walking about void of anything. He felt like he was just taking up air, there was no real meaning in his life. He was just waiting for life to pass by, waiting for death itself to claim his life.

~~~~~~

Youngjae spent all his days at the graveyard where he would read and talk to his dead family.  Unfortunately for Youngjae the graveyard closed at six p.m. It was hard for him to say good bye to his family. He promised them he would come back the next weekend with more flowers and new books.

Youngjae walked back down the hill towards the bus stop. It was all routine now. Youngjae felt his heart heavy with sadness, he hated leaving his family. It was going to take him three hours to get back to the miserable life he was living.

~~~~~~~~

Daehyun lazily laid on his couch, his hair was disheveled and he only wore blue boxers and a white muscle shirt. It was Sunday and this was Daehyun’s self proclaim lazy day. He ate his uncooked cookie dough while he watchede a drama that was on TV.

Jongup walked out looking rather fancy with a black button down shirt and blue tight jeans. His hair was styled to the side and he had black studs on his ears.

“Where are you going?” Daehyun asked as he took a bite on his sugar treat.

“Out!” Jongup smiled to himself.

“I know but where?” Daehyun asked keeping his eyes on his drama.

“With Himchan.” Jongup blushed, he was excited to meet the older male, but he was extremely nervous.

“Hmmm..” Daehyun frowned, it wasn’t fair that his friend was going on dates while he was stuck with a guy who didn’t even pay attention to him.

“Well goodbye! Wish me luck!” Jongup said quickly as he looked at the time and rush out the door.

“AND THIS TIME COME BACK HOME!” Daehyun shouted, but Jongup didn’t hear him the he was long gone.

Daehyun frowned again, “AISH ITS NO FAIR! WHY CAN’T I GO ON DATE WITH YOUNGJAEEEEEE!”

Daehyun whined and punched his pillow a couple times until he got tired.

“UGHHH! I feel like a 16 year old girl with a crush!” Daehyun huffed and crossed his arms, “I wish something happened….ANYTHING WOULD BE GOOD!”

***KNOCK KNOCK***

Daehyun gave out a yelp when he heard the front someone knocking the front door. Daehyun got up and causiously walked to the front door.

“I wonder who it is…” Daehyun mumbled to himself.

“I hope its Youngjae…” Daehyun smiled and crossed his fingers

Daehyun opened the door slowly and blinked a couple times, the person right there was nobody he had expected.

It was a short male, really short, shorter than Jongup. He had a black beanie on with black curly hair sticking out on the sides. The male had a cutest face ever but he had an edgy look with an eyebrow piercing and black stud on his ears, he wore huge black frames that nearly covered his face.  The male was on a lollipop, which Daehyun could tell by the small white stick sticking out the of the short males mouth. The rest just blended in since his whole  outfit was black.

“Hi………OH !~” the male looked shocked.

Daehyun scratched his head, “Hey….do I know you?”

The male shook his head nervously and looked at Daehyun up and down, ‘Dang this guys looks like Taehyung…’ Taeil thought to himself, ‘This is creepy, I hope Youngjae hasn’t seen him…..’ Taeil tried to composed himself, “Oh! No, The name’s Taeil I am looking for Youngjae do you know where he lives? I have been looking for him. He is one hard guy to find….”

Daehyun furrowed his brows, “Wouldn’t Youngjae tell you where he lives? ”

Taeil smiled nervously, ‘ he knows Youngjae….hopefully Youngjae didn’t freak out when he saw this creepy Taehyung copy….’  Taeil nodded to himself.

“No….he kind of just packed up and left home….so yeah if you could lead me to the right door…” Taeil tried to smile again.

“Why would I tell you where he lives?” Daehyun eyed the shorter male, he didn’t like that other men besides the diva Himchan were looking for Youngjae.

Taeil shifted the lollipop to the other side of his mouth and raised his eyebrow. "Because I'm his friend and I'm asking you nicely. Since you seem to know him that must mean he lives on this floor. So, just be a pal and tell me where he lives."

“Hyung?” a small and shy voice called out behind Taeil.

Both both turned around to see find a  tired Youngjae looking at them quizzically.

“Jae.” Taeil smiled sweetely and went to hug the confused brunette.

“What are you doing here?” Youngjae as he hugged Taeil back.

“Looking for you what else?!” Taeil laughed.

Youngjae glared at him, “Does Jiho-hyung know?”

“He doesn’t have a clue! I promise I won’t tell him!” Taeil  playfully acted to zip up his mouth.

Youngjae nodded and looked at Daehyun as if he barely noticed the other male was there. Youngjae then looked down and noticed how the older was dressed. Youngjae’s eyes grew wide when sawthe elder's tan skin and saw Daehyun was in boxers.

Youngjae blushed and quickly looked away, “Good evening Daehyun.”

“Hi Youngjae!” Daehyun said shyly while he smiled to himself that Youngjae finally acknowledged him.

Taeil noticed how the two boys were acting and didn’t like it one bit, he hugged Youngjae again catching the younger male off guard, making Youngjae jump.

 “Hey Jae can I sleepover?” Taeil smirked at Daehyun.

Youngjae nodded shyly, “yeah… I guess…”

“GREAT! It will be like old times, right Jaejae?” Taeil grabbed Youngjae’s hand and made sure to look at Daehyun one more time.

Taeil gave Daehyun a you-better-watch-your-back look before he walked along with the distracted boy next to him, while Daehyun had to contain himself from punching the short male.

'Who is this Taeil guy? And what does he want from Youngjae? Something interesting did happened…' Daehyun thought to himself and face palmed, “I wanted something to happen, but I didn’t want a rival to come….” 

A/N:  Hi guys! So know you know why Youngjae is so distant :(

Will Daehyun help Younjgae? Is Taeil a new rival?

OH and Taehyung (looks like Daehyun) and baby Jongkook!