My pufferface Jae,

How are you? Can I just tell you something. Don't laugh at me, or think this is a joke I am being serious. Recently I have started to reflect over my life even though I haven't even been alive too long (Aren't old people in their 60s the ones who reflect?). Anyhow everything I look over in my life comes back to you and how much you have affected my life. We have done so much in our lives Jae, I can’t believe it, we finally did it. Our dreams have came true, not only that but our child will soon be born. I can’t wait to meet him. I promise you that I’ll be a great father. I just hope he looks like you .

There are so many things that I would like to tell you, but I am going to make this simple Jae and what I want to say is: I love you and I am sorry Jae. I really am, I know we are going through hard times now but slowly they will get better. My job will pick up  and I’ll be able to come back and let’s not forget that soon we will have our little boy with us. I know it’s tough, just be patient. As long as we have each other I know we can go on. I may not be with you now, but if I close my eyes I can see you right here next to me. Jae, the distance doesn’t matter. As long as we keep each other close in our hearts and remember each other now and then, we will be connected.

All that matters is that if you keep me in your heart, that is where I’ll be with you, okay?  Even when I am far like now, Jae promise me to keep that smile of yours the one that made me fall for you. Yes the dimple smile that makes your cheekbones lift up, yup that one! 

I'll be back soon ( so don't worry), I am doing well. I am eating well too! Work is coming along so I will be home soon, maybe a few more days or so? But I want to see you...I need to see you. I will always come back to you Jae no matter what.

Did  I tell you I love you? Because I do. You know before I thought love was just this made up myth that everyone just talked about, you know like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. I mean who believes in the Tooth Fairy right? I don't, it's childish just foolish. 

I used to think love was the same, just something made up so people can have hope. But it just hit me. Like a ball on the head. Yes, it was love at first sight if you are wondering. It was and still is love...

Love is to cherish one person above all the 7 billion others in this planet, and that person happened to be you. Crazy right?

Jae let me explain my love for you. I know it's cheezy but baer with me okay ( I just miss you so much!)

When you are with me the rays of sun seem to shine brighter on my day. Just looking out my window from my desk I see something different. The light bounces off the crystal clear glass, life does not seem so dull and the lush green is much more vibrant than before. The weeds, the dried dead plants, the faded hues of red and green that all makes up the master piece garden that before was uninteresting but now it is full of light and wonder. Before I couldn't see this. But when my love is near I see this and much more.

I feel like I understand things I didn't before, but then at the same time I don't. Like the times when we are near each other

When you touch me my body shivers in anticipation and nervousness.  The endless flutter of butterflies in my stomach lets me know that there is something special about you, that the wonder I find in you is real.  Every time my love is near me a smile grows on my face and I cannot explain the simple act. It is you, just you who makes by body react this way the one and only.  

This feeling it’s indescribable....... Even if I try to put it on words it’s not enough.

This is another cheezy attemt to explain my love for you...

Well for me it’s just that moment in twilight when the sun kisses the horizon; the moment is full of emotions. Specks of color explode on the sky shooting out oranges, reds and purples.  Don't you feel pure joy when you see something so wonderful?  It’s so memorizing. Every time you look at it you look at its wonder and enchantment. You think to yourself, why is this so beautiful. Warmth fills up on your stomach and a smile appears on your face, you smile widely like a goofball because you have been hypnotized by its beauty. You want to save this moment even try to take pictures to capture it. It’s not something you can put in your pocket and save for later because things are only momentary. To love is to live in the here and now, to love and be loved. You need to run out of your safe room and catch the sunset before dusk falls and you miss it. You need to be ready to throw anything out there for the love you have. 

I am ready to do anything for you. Because we are living this love I am willing to give up my life for you. I love you today, tomorrow and the years that will come. Beacuse I will love you forever.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you one more time. I wish we just had one more minute, just one more minute. I have so much to tell you, but you never know when things will fall apart. So I am going to tell you now that I love more just than myself. My love for you could not be graspable by God himself. I love you without even knowing why, because there are so many things about you that excite me, make me ponder and just make me smile. I love you for you, for being my beautiful Jae.

I know I am away now, but I'll be home soon and I know you’ll laugh at this letter when I come back. I know. But at this moment I just want to give you my heart, because I miss you. I want to be with you.

Youngjae I am sorry, I will be home soon I promise... I never break my promises right? I will always love you.  I will always come back, wait for me Jae.