A/N: Monster post for those of you who waited patiently for 2 years through an unexplained hiatus. I don't deserve you. Thanks!

---

 

“DAMN son! That !” Jongdae sings to himself, snapping at his reflection in the mirror. He’s done this about three times, as part of his hype routine. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t totally cloud nine, over the moon about scoring a date with Joonmyun. Hell, he’d have sold his right arm to even speak to Joonmyun back in high school. Admiration didn’t even cut it. So, this endless primping was the result of a crush spanning multiple years.

 

He’s already spent about thirty minutes finger styling his hair to achieve a slightly tousled “bed head” look, and another twenty minutes hyping himself up in the bathroom. By the time he dons his "tastefully wrinkled" black v neck and skinny jeans, he only has about ten minutes to get to Joonmyun’s house.

 

When he pulls up , Joonmyun is already waiting outside.

 

“It seems that I can’t kick my habit of being punctual,” Joonmyun says as he gets into the car. “No matter how hard I try to be effortlessly tardy.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s charming.” Jongdae says, but only to see the blush rise on Joonmyun’s face. 

 

“You look really nice.” Joonmyun stutters out.

 

Jongdae shrugs as if he didn’t just spend about an hour just messing with his hair in the mirror. “Just trying to keep up with you.” he retorts. 

 

The drive is spent in comfortable silence, and when they get to the sushi place they’re seated quickly, in a relatively dark booth. There’s a candle in the middle of the table, and the soft yellow glow smooths over Joonmyun’s face in the most enchanting way. Jongdae is smitten (he always has been).

 

“To be completely honest, I had the biggest crush on you in high school.” Jongdae confesses over miso soup. He figures it's best to just let it out. “Me; along with every other girl in my grade. And probably some boys.”

 

“I’m calling bull.” Joonmyun mutters, crossing his arms. He leans back in his seat, fiddling with the wrapper on his straw. Jongdae notices that the tips of his ears are red. “Especially considering the fact that I was totally transparent about checking you out every time we crossed paths.”

 

Jongdae lets out an unpolite snort at that, pausing as the waiter comes by to take their orders. They order quickly, eager to get back to the conversation. 

 

“Listen Joonmahao, I couldn’t even look you in the face anytime we crossed paths, so maybe thats why I was clueless.”

 

“But what changed?” Joonmyun asks, frowning. “I mean, when we started working together, you weren’t phased. It’s just that, if I had known you still had feelings for me, I would’ve asked you out faster.”

 

“I was trying to content myself with loneliness, I guess.” Jongdae laughs dryly. “That among other things. Yixing kind of suspected my crush, and I was going through lengths to keep it from him. I guess he found out somehow, since those pictures…”

 

“You’re never living that one down.”

 

“Oh, I know.”

 

“Don’t you think the pranking is getting a little out of hand?” Joonmyun asks, leaning forward. “Like, doesn’t it bore you ever?”

 

“I take pleasure in hurting others. So, no.”

 

“Ah. I see.” Joonmyun leans back, biting his lip.

 

“Have I scared you off yet?” Jongdae jokes, as the waiter comes back, laden with sushi. 

 

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t scare easily.” 

 

Joonmyun picks up his chopsticks with something akin to a smirk painted on his features. 

 

The sushi is good, but the company is better. Jongdae feels himself relax, really relax, for the first time in a while. He’s kind of learned to be on guard with his coworkers, (Especially Yixing and Luhan, since they always find ways to exploit his weaknesses) but hanging out with Joonmyun is a nice break. And the older man is ing adorable. He’s one of the few people Jongdae really admires. Joonmyun is hard working, determined, selfless- everything Jongdae wishes he, himself, could be.

 

Jongdae manages to snatch the check away from Joonmyun, holding it hostage until the waiter comes to pick it up. “I could’ve paid!” Joonmyun had whined. “Come on, at least split it!” 

 

“No, I promised I’d take you out and treat you.” Jongdae had replied, and its totally worth it because he’s made Joonmyun blush about five times and bite his lip maybe seven. 

 

“I can’t shake this feeling of total inferiority when I’m with you. Like Jongdae, you don’t even know how charming you are. And smart. And.” Joonmyun pauses, scratching the back of his neck nervously. They’re still sitting, waiting for the waiter to get back with Jongdae’s credit card. “Uh. Yeah.”

 

“Oh, do go on.” Jongdae teases to hide the blush on his face. He leans forward, cupping his chin in his palm. “A little louder.”

 

Joonmyun flicks his straw wrapper across the table, rolling his eyes. “I think I’m done.”

 

---

 

Baekhyun is trying. Really, he is. 

 

He’s trying to act like he cares as Luhan rolls all over the lounge of his and Chanyeol’s apartment at 10 pm, whining about how Jongdae and Sehun have betrayed the pranking club. But he just finished dealing with Chanyeol’s stains, and sympathizing with a petulant Luhan is something he doesn’t have the mental capacity for at the moment.

 

“Baekhyun! Baekhyun, are you even listening!?” Luhan cries, wriggling his shoulders in a disturbing attempt at aegyo. 

 

Baekhyun fights his gag reflex, but he can feel his lunch coming up the back of his throat. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m listening. But what do you want me to do about it?”

 

“We need to start a ing revolution! Do you hear me!? I refuse to be docile as the entire staff body turns against me!”

 

“I mean, it’s not the entire staff body. It’s just Yixing, Jongdae and Sehun.”

 

“JONGDAE AND SEHUN WERE THE ONLY OTHER MEMBERS OF THE PRANKING CLUB!” Luhan is quite literally screaming now. “HOW WILL THE PRANKING CLUB DESTROY NOOBS EVERYWHERE IF THERE’S ONLY ONE MEMBER LEFT!?” 

 

Baekhyun picks a some dirt out of his fingernails and makes a face. He needs to trim his nails, but he can’t remember where the nail clipper is. He wonders if Chanyeol stole it. “Who’s the one member again?” he asks, distracted.

 

“ME! I’M THE ONLY ING MEMBER LEFT BAEKHYUN DO YOU UNDERSTAND!”

 

“Mhm.” Baekhyun says, getting up to rummage around the drawers closest to him. He could’ve sworn he put the nail clipper somewhere around here. He’s going to ing kill Chanyeol. The stupid giant is always stealing his stuff. And it isn’t like Chanyeol even needs a nail clipper, he doesn’t even cut his nails! Baekhyun winces, recalling the time he’d seen Chanyeol’s bare feet. The guy’s toenails were so long they literally curved upwards at the tips.

 

“BAEKHYUN! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”

 

Baekhyun presses two fingers to his temples and exhales for as long as he can manage. Once he feels lightheaded, he turns around, staring down at Luhan’s writhing form. “You know what? You should be happy about being the only member left in the pranking club.”

 

Luhan stares up at Baekhyun, confused. “Wait, why?”

 

“If you work alone, nobody else knows your pranks. You can literally prank Jongdae and Sehun now. And, you seem a lot cooler this way. Like, I don’t know, a lone wolf or something.”

 

Baekhyun can tell that he’s said the right thing by the way Luhan’s eyes start glowing. The Chinese man sits up, a smile growing on his face. “You’re right.” he mutters. “This was a blessing in disguise!”

 

“That’s my boy! Go gettem’, tiger!” Baekhyun forces out the words of encouragement, fake smile plastered onto his face. He would do anything, absolutely anything, for some peace and quiet. All he needs is for Luhan to stand up, walk five steps to the left, and exit his home.

 

“Not tiger, Baekhyun. Wolf. I’m a wolf now.” Luhan whispers as he stands, eyes darting around the apartment. “It’s just me. Me against the world.”

 

“Oh, god.” Baekhyun sighs. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “Can you leave now?”

 

“I’ll leave now.” Luhan says, nodding to himself. “But it won’t be the last time you see this beautiful face!” he begins walking backwards, pointing straight at Baekhyun. “Get ready, Baek! Luhan is back, baby!”

 

---

 

Jongin wakes up feeling like . He’s got a crick in his neck, his mouth is the flavor of what he imagines Sehun’s asscrack tastes like, and there’s a squashed piece of tofu in his armpit. And yet, when he looks down, his chest does this weird floppy thing and he’s utterly, totally happy.

 

Kyungsoo is nestled against him, face pressed into Jongin’s collarbone. The two of them are lying horizontally, squished together on the couch, and Jongin’s arm is around Kyungsoo, holding the smaller boy to his chest. Jongin inhales the familiar scent of strawberry shampoo and smiles contentedly, hoping that he isn’t dreaming. 

 

These few seconds of peace come crashing down when Jongin registers a peculiar heaviness in his lower half and realizes that he’s got a very large, very important morning problem.  

 

Groaning to himself, he scoots as far back into the couch as he can. His breathing is already speeding up, throat constricting as he curses all the gods for his raging . He even sends a quick prayer to the heavens in the hopes that Kyungsoo won’t wake up until his little problem has subsided. But, since the noob lords above don’t seem to be listening, he resorts to texting Sehun.

 

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

SEHUN SEHUN 911 EMERGENCY R U THERE BRO 

 

TO: kyungsoo’s lil

FROM: Oh Sehun

wut 

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

oh god sehubn i slept over at kyungsoo’s last night bc we had a movie night and i woke up w a massive wtf do i do 

 

TO: kyungsoo’s lil

FROM: Oh Sehun

who’s Sehubn?? I don’t know anyone named Sehubn. My name is Sehun. Maybe you have the wrong number

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

SEHUN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CASTRATE U HELP ME

 

TO: kyungsoo’s lil

FROM: Oh Sehun

dude just jerk urself off in the bathroom

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

I CANT IN HIS BATHROOM IT’S DIRTY AND WRONG AND WHAT IF HE HEARS ME

 

TO: kyungsoo’s lil

FROM: Oh Sehun

dude… even if u jerked off on his face he wouldn’t understand that you like him so whats the big deal

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

I DON’T LIKE HIM!!  and thats gross sehun ew. what if my got in his eye or something he could go blind

 

TO: kyungsoo’s lil

FROM: Oh Sehun

i wish he would go blind so u would stfu about what to wear every time u hang out with him

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

wtf sehubn thats really mean

 

TO: kyungsoo’s lil

FROM: Oh Sehun

what’s really mean is that after all these years, you still don’t know how to spell my name.. brb crying

 

Jongin drops his phone after that, sighing in relief when he realizes that his has died down. Talking to Sehun is like the instant cure for arousal. Jongin picks up his phone again, smiling to himself. 

 

TO: wrinkled

FROM: Kim Jongin

thank you for being ugly (ृ　ु*`ω´)ु

 

His phone buzzes in response, but Jongin is forced to ignore it as Kyungsoo stirs from next to him, making the cutest snuffling noise. Jongin can’t help but stare as the smaller male squints at him, disoriented. There are lines on his cheeks from lying in a strange position across the couch and the pillows. 

 

“Oh. Hi Jongin.”

 

“Oh hey, Kyungsoo. Didn’t see you there.” Jongin smiles, awkwardly. He then proceeds to cuss himself out in his mind, because of course he saw Kyungsoo, he saw Kyungsoo, and that’s why he had a massive ing . 

 

Kyungsoo laughs softly shifting a little bit, and Jongin removes his hand from the older man’s back. It would be awkward to stay in the same position because you know, it’s a little close in proximity and they’re both totally straight. But actually, Jongin rationalizes, since they’re both totally straight it’s not really a big deal whether or not they’re this close because they’re definitely both confident in their uality. And so Jongin places his hand on Kyungsoo’s back again because he’s totally straight. 

 

“I didn’t expect us to fall asleep,” Kyungsoo says sleepily. “I’m sorry, I would’ve offered you the bed or at least some clothes.”

 

“It’s okay, hyung, I don’t mind.”

 

It’s silent for a while and Jongin can’t take his eyes off Kyungsoo. They’re so close, Jongin can practically count the older man’s eyelashes. 

 

Kyungsoo’s tongue darts out of his mouth to wet his lips and Jongin practically drools. He should not be feeling this way about his hyung, but he can’t help it. Jongin is so used to feeling awkward and stifled around people; he’s always struggling for words, settling into uncomfortable silences. The only way he truly knows how to express himself is through dance. But with Kyungsoo, things are different. He doesn’t have to try- they understand each other. 

 

Jongin doesn’t even realize he’s leaning in until he hears Kyungsoo’s breath hitch. He doubts himself for a moment- Kyungsoo could have anyone he wanted, why would he settle for Jongin? -but then Kyungsoo looks straight into his eyes with this look, and Jongin feels like he should lean a little further…

 

Jongin’s hand moves from Kyungsoo’s back to the nape of his neck, and he’s gently pushing, and Kyungsoo’s face is getting closer, and then

 

HERE COME DAT BOI OH WADDUP

WATCH HIM ROLLIN WATCH HIM GO 

HE BE ROLLIN DOWN THE STREET

HE BE ROLLIN TO THE BEAT

(A/N: if you wanna hear lmao- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCOb6Fykxz0)

 

Jongin jumps a straight foot into the air, cursing loudly. He fumbles around for his phone, cheeks scorching from embarrassment as ‘Dat Boi’ blasts through his phone’s crappy speakers. He knew he shouldn’t have let Sehun mess around with his phone ringtone. 

 

When he finally manages to grasp the blaring device, he answers the call without thinking, mind too clouded with embarrassment (and the realization that he was literally about to kiss Kyungsoo) to work properly. 

 

“JOGNIGNOG!” the nasally voice pierces Jongin’s eardrums and he feels like sobbing. 

 

“That’s not my ing name, Sehun.” Jongin hisses, eyes straying to Kyungsoo. The older man is stifling a laugh into his arm, eyes glittering with amusement. Jongin feels slightly betrayed.

 

“DID YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT ISSUE?! THAT BO-“

 

“Dude, shut up! Yes it’s fine just shut up!” Jongin practically cries into the phone.

 

“HAHAHA I BET YOU’RE STILL OVER THERE AREN’T YOU HAHA THIS IS LITERALLY GOLDEN-”

 

“Sehun- just- what do you want?”

 

“I WAS CALLING BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T REPLY TO MY TEXT AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE GETTIN OR WHAT-”

 

Jongin cuts the call off and throws his phone over the back of the couch, relishing in the dull thump of the device hitting the ground.

 

“What was that about?” Kyungsoo asks, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Nothing, he was just being a ing idiot as usual.” Jongin mutters too quickly. He doesn’t doubt that Kyungsoo could hear the entire conversation, considering how loud Sehun was screaming. He knows it looks suspicious, but Kyungsoo doesn’t push the issue. 

 

And now, the moment has been ruined. Jongin gulps through the lump in his throat.

 

“Do you want me to make breakfast?” Kyungsoo asks, getting off the couch. 

 

Jongin sighs, a pang of guilt hitting him right in the abdomen. He hates that Kyungsoo is so hospitable. “No, I don’t want to overstay my visit. I have a dance workshop in a couple hours anyway, so I should go home and freshen up.”

 

Jongin doesn’t know if he’s just imagining things, but he can swear Kyungsoo’s shoulders drop a little bit in dejection. “Well, okay. Um, I guess I’ll see you…”

 

“Tonight, hyung! Remember? You’re supposed to sing for me!”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Kyungsoo trails off, rubbing the back of his neck with a little smile. “Tonight it is!”

 

After cleaning the remains of their Chinese takeout, Kyungsoo walks Jongin to the door and they stand in silence, staring at each other again. It should be uncomfortable, but it’s not. And Jongin really enjoys staring at Kyungsoo- he’s so pretty. 

 

“I’ll see you in a couple hours.” Jongin says, and before he can think too much about it, he envelops Kyungsoo in a tight hug and presses a kiss to the top of his head. And then he bolts, embarrassment painting shades of red on his cheeks.

 

---

 

Kyungsoo is almost done boiling the pasta for the kimchi spaghetti when the doorbell rings, startling him. He places a hand on his heart to steady it’s incessant and completely inconvenient palpitations. Tonight is the night he’s planned to cook for Jongin, (and hopefully fend off the younger’s request for him to sing). 

 

Kyungsoo can’t help but glance at his reflection as he passes by the mirror on the way to the door. He nervously pulls at the collar of his white shirt and runs a hand through his hair. It’s still kind of wet from the shower he’d forced himself to take out of sheer nervousness.

 

He’s normally not this on-edge when hanging out with Jongin, but what happened this morning was unmistakable. There was no way to misread the situation- a kiss was about to happen. 

 

Kyungsoo isn’t good at change. He’s not good at crossing lines. And honestly, he’d always thought Jongin was straight. In fact, Kyungsoo was sure of his own uality before he’d met Jongin. But the friendship is beginning to cross a blurry line, and the uncertainty is killer.

 

The doorbell rings again, and he rushes over to answer it. The sight of Jongin dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants brings a slight flush to Kyungsoo’s face- the younger man always looks so good without any ounce of effort whatsoever. 

 

“Hey!” Jongin greets, stepping forward to envelop Kyungsoo in a hug. 

 

Kyungsoo stifles an embarrassing moan as he inhales Jongin’s scent. The younger smells like cologne and something else, something intrinsically Jongin. 

 

“Hey, I’m not done with the sauce yet, do you want to help me cut the vegetables?” Kyungsoo asks, meandering over to the kitchen. Jongin follows close behind, picking a knife up from the counter. 

 

“You can start with the garlic.” Kyungsoo instructs, and Jongin immediately does as he says, a smile gracing his full lips. 

 

They fall into an easy conversation, just talking about the little things, how their days went, whether there was such a thing as ‘too much cheese’, and the typical workplace gossip. 

 

“Honestly, I can’t even imagine Jongdae and Joonmyun going out.” Jongin says, as he moves on to chopping the tomatoes. “Jongdae is a ing monster.”

 

Kyungsoo can’t help but laugh at that. “I’m not saying Jongdae is particularly comfortable to be around, but he is nowhere near as bad as Luhan. And if you haven’t noticed, he has a particularly soft spot for Joonmyun. He always has.”

 

“Oh yeah, don’t they have history?”

 

“Yeah, they went to high school together or something like that. According to Yixing, that is.”

 

“Yixing knows everything!” Jongin exclaims.

 

“That’s probably why Luhan wants to recruit him into the pranking club so badly,” Kyungsoo shrugs, draining the pasta carefully. “Ugh, I cringe even thinking about the fact that there are grown men involved in a pranking club.”

 

“We are the only normal people at work.”

 

“Oh, I’m aware.”

 

They fall into a comfortable silence as Jongin adds the chopped vegetables to the sauce, and Kyungsoo stirs.

 

“It should be ready in like ten minutes.” Kyungsoo says, covering the pot and stepping back. “So, we can clean up now.” 

 

Jongin joins Kyungsoo at the sink, and as they wash the dishes together, the atmosphere around them is oddly charged. Jongin is close, so close, his elbows brushing Kyungsoo’s as they clean. Kyungsoo seriously can’t think when the younger is standing this close to him. 

 

“Hey.” Jongin says abruptly. 

 

Kyungsoo looks up and bursts into laughter at the sight of Jongin wearing soap suds as a beard, grinning goofily. “Oh my god, you’re so lame!” Kyungsoo cries in between laughs, hitting the younger man in the shoulder. “You look stupid.”

 

“Me!? Stupid?” Jongin gasps in mock outrage. I could never!” 

 

Kyungsoo snorts. “Just trying to be honest here.”

 

Jongin holds up the bowl in his hands, filled to the brim with soap and dirty water. “I’ll pour it on you, Kyungsoo, I really will.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Kyungsoo challenges, squaring his shoulders. “You’re too scared.” 

 

“Try me.” And Jongin flicks the bowl in Kyungsoo’s direction, soaking his shirt completely with the water. 

 

Kyungsoo stands frozen for a second, barely registering the fact that his shirt is probably completely see-through at this point. He blinks water out of his eyes, mouth falling open in shock. And then he grabs the nearest plate and flings the water in it at Jongin’s face, completely drenching the other man’s hair and shirt collar. 

 

A few seconds later and Jongin is chasing Kyungsoo around the house wielding the dish soap, as Kyungsoo ducks and jumps over pieces of furniture, screaming like he’s five years old. They end up back in the kitchen and Kyungsoo grabs the pot he boiled the pasta in, managing to fill it up halfway with water.  

 

“Don’t,” he gasps between laughter. “Come near me or I swear to god I will dump this entire thing on your head.”

 

Jongin steps forward, three, four steps, until Kyungsoo is backed up against the wall. Kyungsoo looks frantically over Jongin’s shoulder, trying to see if he can somehow distract the younger man and escape. 

 

“You can’t run.” Jongin laughs lowly. “Or hide.” 

 

“Jong-” Kyungsoo starts, looking up, and then his words catch in his throat. 

 

There are drops of water clinging to Jongin’s eyelashes, the tip of his nose, dripping from the edge of his sharp jaw. Kyungsoo can’t help but drag his eyes down Jongin’s face, focusing on his full lips, glistening from wetness. Jongin is so beautiful like this, cheeks tinged red from exertion, skin all bronzed and shiny, like some kind of modern-day Adonis. It’s not even fair, really. Kyungsoo can barely breathe around him. He forces his gaze back up, but the look in Jongin’s eyes has him shrinking back against the wall. He looks hungry.

 

“Hyung,” Jongin whispers. The sound has Kyungsoo shivering. “I’m going to kiss you.”

 

Kyungsoo wonders if he’s dreaming. “Okay,” he whispers back. “Okay.”

 

Jongin closes the distance between them and Kyungsoo literally drops the pot, his hands are shaking so much. It falls between them, splashing their calves with water, but neither of them notice, despite the obnoxious clang of metal against the floor. 

 

Finally, their lips catch in a bruising kiss, Kyungsoo’s fingers twisting in Jongin’s hoodie, pulling him closer. Jongin Kyungsoo’s bottom lip into his mouth, groaning lowly. The sound goes straight to Kyungsoo’s groin, and he can’t help but slip his tongue into Jongin’s mouth. 

 

Jongin’s hands move to Kyungsoo’s waist as he deepens the kiss, their teeth clicking together loudly in the silence. Jongin is ing talented with his tongue, and Kyungsoo feels his legs turn to jello as he grows dizzy from lack of air. He’s going crazy, lost in the taste of Jongin’s mouth, the softness of his lips. He finally pulls away, gasping for breath, but keeps his hands fisted in the material of Jongin’s top. 

 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Jongin breaths against Kyungsoo’s lips. “, Kyungsoo. I like you so much. I- I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before.”

 

Kyungsoo silences him with another kiss, softer and more gentle than the first. “I like you too, Jongin. A lot.” 

 

“Is this okay?” Jongin asks, pressing their foreheads together. 

 

“This is more than okay. It’s just… I don’t want this to be a simple fling. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, I mean.” Kyungsoo swallows, cheeks flooding red with chagrin. “God, this is so embarrassing. Um, what I’m trying to say is, I want… you- I mean, us…” he trails off, covering his face with shaky hands. Has he always been this incoherent? How hard is it to ask someone out? 

 

Jongin grins. “You’re mine. And I’m yours. It’s that simple.”

 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes. “Pinch me.” 

 

“What?”

 

“ing pinch me, Kim Jongin. I think I’m dreaming.” 

 

Jongin laughs, loud and full. Kyungsoo decides then that it’s his favorite sound, the best sound he’s ever heard in his life. 

 

“You’re not dreaming, hyung.”

 

Kyungsoo opens his eyes again, and Jongin is so close, and his lips are so close. “Kiss me again.” Kyungsoo breathes, pulling Jongin in again. 

 

Jongin obliges, catching Kyungsoo’s lips again, and again, and again. 

 

The sauce burns and they have to order Chinese takeout again. It’s worth it.

---

 

Yixing usually loves Saturday nights. For him, they typically involve rough, loud with Kris (mostly to piss Luhan off), eating multiple pizzas, and then falling asleep on the couch while watching historical dramas. 

 

But tonight is an exception. Because tonight, all Yixing can do is scheme. 

 

“Come to bed,” Kris drawls from behind him. “You’ve been rubbing your hands together and chuckling darkly for the past four hours.”

 

“Ugh, Yifan! You’re ruining my image!” Yixing mutters.  

 

“Look, you got Cherry Shanghai back. You succeeded in getting Jongdae and Sehun to betray the pranking club. What more do you need to accomplish?”

 

“Luhan won’t stop here. I know him. He’ll be back, and this time, he might be unstoppable. I have to end his games.”

 

“Well,” Kris sighs. “What do you have in mind?”

 

“I hacked into Sehun’s email and used his google plus account to spam Luhan with a bunch of gay sites. That should hold him off for a while, but only momentarily. Once he’s done with Sehun, he’ll find me.” 

 

Kris scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Spamming him with gay sites is hardly punishment.”

 

“You’re right.” Yixing pouts, fake tears springing to his eyes. “He’s going to come for me, Yifan! What am I going to do!?”

 

“Oh shut up, Yixing. We both know you’re untouchable.”

 

“I know, I just love playing the damsel in distress. I’ll come to bed now.”

 

“That’s what I thought.” Kris grins. “Ready to piss Luhan off?”

 

Yixing rips his shirt off, tossing it somewhere on the floor. “As ready as ever.”

---

 

When Kyungsoo walks into the teacher’s lounge on Monday morning, he is greeted by the sight of half of his coworkers gathered in a tight circle, whispering and furtively glancing over their shoulders.

 

“Oh god,” Kyungsoo groans. “What is it now?” 

 

It honestly blows his mind that a bunch of grown men with decent paying jobs and respectable backgrounds can still behave like insufferable preteens, standing in little cliques and snickering to themselves. At this point, Kyungsoo has learned that it isn’t worth it to be surprised about anything. 

 

Kyungsoo joins Tao on the couch, who is sprawled across multiple pillows stuffing his face with a muffin. 

 

“How are things with Sehun?” Kyungsoo asks, tentatively. Since the anime notebook incident, Tao had been prudently ignoring Sehun, refusing to even look in his general direction. However, he’d been touting the notebook everywhere, and forcing Joonmyun to repeatedly compliment it. Kyungsoo winces even thinking about it. If passive aggressive was a person, it would be Tao. 

 

“Things with Sehun,” Tao takes a vicious bite from his muffin. “Have never been better.”

 

Kyungsoo scoots a little further away. From the steely expression in the other man’s eyes, he definitely shouldn’t have breached the topic. “What do you think they’re discussing over there?” He asks, desperately trying to change the subject.

 

“They’re betting about the Joondae date.” the Chinese man explains, showering crumbs everywhere. 

 

“Uh. What is a Joondae?”

 

“Oh, that’s their couple name. I think they’re my new OTP.” Tao says, whipping out his iPhone. “I’ve already created a tag for them on Tumblr. It’s surprising how many followers you can gain from posting pictures of attractive homoual asians.”

 

“Hey now, that is just invasive.” Joonmyun chides as he passes by, still clutching the No-No Jar.

 

“OT… what now?”

 

“One true pairing, Kyungsoo, can you please get with the times? Jesus, this is why I don’t ship Kaisoo anymore.” Tao snaps. 

 

“You lost me at ‘ship’.” Kyungsoo mutters in confusion. Maybe he should get a Tumblr, since apparently Facebook wasn’t an acceptable social media platform anymore.  

 

Kyungsoo’s internal debate comes to an end as Jongdae bursts through the door, a -eating grin on his angular face. The room immediately bursts into a cacophony of voices and Kyungsoo has to physically refrain himself from covering his ears. He wonders where Jongin is. They’d agreed to (try) to keep their newfound relationship on the low. If the others found out, the teasing would never end.

 

“Listen up little ladies, the stakes have been set.” Luhan’s voice cuts through the medley. “I will read them out now. 40 dollars from Baekhyun,” Luhan pauses to draw air quotes in above his head, “on ‘hella awkward , because Jongdae is a greasy motherer’.”

 

There is an indignant gasp from Jongdae’s general direction. 

 

Luhan continues, clearing his throat. “50 dollars from an anonymous better on a candlelit, romantic dinner-”

 

“Who the bets anonymously?” Sehun guffaws from the mini kitchen. “What a in noob.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Kyungsoo sees Kris’s back stiffen. 

 

“75 dollars from me, on semi-awkward date plus messy car . And 250 dollars-”

 

“WHO THE WOULD BET TWO HUNDRED-” 

 

“SHUT UP, SEHUN!” Luhan screams shrilly, stomping his foot. 

 

Tao stifles a snort into the back of his hand. “He ing stomped,” he mutters to Kyungsoo. “Talk about manly.”

 

There is a dull thud as a handful of freeze dried peas hits Tao straight in the nose. 

 

“From Minseok, on a solidly good date but no physical moves made. Jongdae, take it from here.” Luhan finally finishes as if he didn’t just assault his coworker with frozen food. 

 

“Minseok,” Jongdae laughs, shaking his head. “That was ballsy. But you got it.”

 

There is a collective groan around the room, and people begin forking over their share of money to Minseok, who is accepting the cash with a dark smirk on his feline features. 

 

“Oh, and by the way, the blush count is six in total.” Jongdae adds, before disappearing into his cubicle.

 

“!!” Sehun chokes. “God damnit, Yixing!” He fumbles around in his pocket, fishing out a twenty dollar bill and tossing it in Yixing’s direction. 

 

“I love betting against you.” Yixing chuckles. “It’s like stealing candy from a baby.”

 

“You mean, stealing candy with a baby.”

 

“What? No, that’s not how it goes-”

 

“Like stealing babies rom a candy.”

 

“No, that’s still wrong-”

 

“Like eating babies from a candy.”

 

“Sehun- Sehun that doesn’t even make any sort of sense whatsoever-”

 

“Like eating grandpas from a baby.”

 

“Ok- ok, see, this is why I bet against you.” Yixing sighs, patting Sehun’s head. 

 

Kyungsoo is momentarily distracted as Jongin enters the room, hair messy, white button up rolled up at the sleeves. The memory of Jongin’s lips pressed against his is suddenly vivid in Kyungsoo’s head, and he awkwardly directs his gaze to the floor as his cheeks turn red. 

 

“What’s going on?” Jongin asks, looking around the room in bewilderment. 

 

“Betting circle.” Tao sighs. “And Minseok won.”

 

“Hey is Luhan ok?” Jongin asks, voice thick with concern. Kyungsoo looks over to see Luhan huddled on the floor with his hands covering his head, shivers wracking his slender frame. 

 

“He’s like muttering to himself.” Jongin continues, frowning. “Um, is this what a seizure looks like?”

 

“No, idiot!” Tao hisses. “This is way more serious than a seizure you insensitive rod!” 

 

“…That was uncalled for.”

 

“He isn’t having a seizure. This is his first time losing a bet.”

 

Kyungsoo watches with equal parts interest and disgust as Luhan rises to his feet, staggering a few steps. “Who are you?” he hisses, grabbing Minseok’s shoulders. “What kind of devilry is this?”

 

“Hand over the money, Luhan.” Minseok replies, voice a sickeningly sweet.

 

“I always win!” Luhan cries, stuffing the stack of bills into Minseok’s outstretched hand as if it physically pains him. “I ALWAYS WIN!” 

 

“You may always win,” Minseok murmurs, pocketing the money. “But I never lose.”

---

 

Jongin usually loves teaching first period dance. First period is the least work, because Sehun and Luhan can help out. Most of the time, the normalcy of being in the studio is a break from whatever havoc is usually wreaked in the teachers lounge before school. And usually, Luhan and Yixing interact like normal human beings when instructing the students. 

 

Today is an exception. 

 

Jongin isn’t exactly sure what’s causing them to act up, but he doesn’t even want to know. As the students go through the steps of their choreography, he finds himself slumped against the far wall, tying to put as much distance between himself and his coworkers. 

 

“Ah, yes, that’s it Mi Young, dance like you stole something!” Yixing cries, waving his arms exaggeratedly. 

 

“Watch it, Jinri! Your wrists look too tight, almost as IF BOUND BY ROPE!” Luhan all but screams, giant smile plastered onto his small features. He turns his head just the slightest and Jongin swears he can see the flames of hell reflected in those deer-like eyes. 

 

“I love your passion Kibum, you look like you’re out for vengeance!” Yixing hisses, raising the volume of the music. 

 

“Wait, guys, the theme for this dance is supposed to be serenity.” Sehun interjects, hands on his hips. 

 

“THERES NO SUCH THING AS SERENITY!” Luhan cries, performing a flawless pirouette. The students behind him have already stopped dancing, choosing instead to stare at their strange teacher with looks of pure revulsion. “There is only WAR.” Luhan goes into a series of spins and elaborate jumps, finally ending with an elegant arabesque. “And revenge.”

 

The studio falls quiet, save for the sound of Luhan’s labored breaths. 

 

“Alrighty then, that’s it, guys.” Jongin says hurriedly, rushing to take the CD out of the sound system. “Class dismissed early.” 

 

The students file out eagerly. Jongin wonders how the school is even still in business when everyone who works there is insane. Except for him and Kyungsoo, of course. 

 

“What the was that!?” Jongin finally hisses when the four teachers are alone. “What is going on?”

 

Yixing lets out a loud peal of laughter, eyes narrowing into slits. “What are you talking about Jonginnie? We’re just guys bein dudes, ya know?” He throws his arm over Luhan’s shoulder, and Jongin thinks he sees Yixing’s nails digging into Luhan’s skin. 

 

Luhan’s right eye is twitching rapidly, a vein on his forehead sticking out. “Yeah, Jonginnie, you cute little weirdo! What are you talking about?”

 

“Yeah. What are you talking about, luhmaw, you cute little weirdo.” Sehun says, smirking hideously.  

 

The three teachers turn to Sehun, identical looks of disgust on their faces. “What did you just say?” Yixing asks, wincing.

 

“You cute little weirdo?”

 

“No, no, the other uncomfortable phrase.”

 

“Luhmaw. As in the acronym L M A O, but pronounced as a normal word.” Sehun explains.

 

“Ew, what the Sehun. Leave.” Luhan orders. 

 

Sehun pouts and gathers his belongings, stalking out of the room. 

 

“Oh great, now I’m alone with the two creepiest beings in the universe.” Jongin mutters to himself, turning around to organize his bags. “I’m gonna leave now, feel free to destroy each other before lunch.”

 

---

 

“YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!” Kyungsoo is physically jarred by the sound of Joonmyun’s voice. He glances up from organizing his files to see the older man standing on a desk. He’s holding a hot pink megaphone and swiveling his hips like some kind of wannabe idol. Frankly, it’s abhorrent and disturbing, and Kyungsoo can’t help but wonder why he works here.  “IT IS MONDAY AFTERNOON POST WORK 3:30 MEETING TIME!” 

 

Kyungsoo sighs, leaving his cubicle to head to the meeting room. It has been a long day, and he isn’t sure if he’s capable of coherent thought. Most of the teachers are already gathered there, sitting around the long mahogany table. Kyungsoo notices that there is an empty seat next to Jongin, and he pretends to nonchalantly take it (but really, he relishes in the thought that maybe, maybe Jongin was saving the seat for him.)

 

“Alright guys. I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here.” Joonmyun begins, taking his seat at the head of the table.

 

“Not really.” Tao says, peeling a banana. “You just told us.”

 

Joonmyun continues on, ignoring Tao. “Well, it’s time for the Monday afternoon post work 3:30 meeting.”

 

“Redundant.” Luhan scoffs. 

 

“Shut up, english teacher in a performing arts school.” Minseok quips. 

 

“I teach dance on the side too, you insufferable ing-”

 

“Luhan, ten cents in the No-No jar.”

 

“I don’t have ten cents, Joonmyun. Because that devil over there, that spawn of satan, robbed me of all my money this morning!” 

 

“You lost the bet, Luhan. Fair and square.” Tao chimes in, shrugging. 

 

“I hope you choke on that ing banana.” Luhan spits out. 

 

“Luhmaw.” Sehun says. 

 

“Alright, Sehun. Leave.” Kris orders. 

 

Sehun sighs, scraping his chair back and exiting the room with shoulders drooping.

 

Joonmyun clears his throat. “Our last meeting did not end the way I envisioned it. By the power vested in me, I declare the workplace fashion show null and void. And yes, Tao I get to do that. Because I hold a position of power that is above yours.”

 

Tao’s breath hitches. Kyungsoo looks over to see that there are tears in the man’s eyes, his lower lip quivering. Ok, even Kyungsoo can’t resist that face. 

 

“Oh, Tao- oh no, don’t cry….” Joonmyun stutters. 

 

“Joonmyun. Do it like we practiced.” Jongdae hisses from across the table. 

 

“Tao, stop crying this instant. I am your superior and you will listen to me when I cancel superfluous events.”

 

“That’s my boy.” Jongdae murmurs, lips curving into a smile. 

 

Tao immediately stops crying, stuffing the rest of his banana in his mouth vindictively. “Fine, Joonmahao. But you will pay for this.”

 

Joonmyun forces out a weak smile. “Anyways. Lets all go around the table and reflect on the strengths and weaknesses of our current workplace ethic. I’ll start.”

 

“Why do you get to start?” Chanyeol whines. “What if I want to start?”

 

“Um, ok, start, I guess.”

 

“Pro: If i stand in the northeastern corner of my cubicle, it’s very easy to watch gay on my phone without anyone else seeing me. Con: Jongdae always tries to watch it with me because he runs out of cellular data. Maybe we should work on creating a sense of employee professionalism around here. I think we’ve all gotten a little bit too close with each other, you know?”

 

Joonmyun is choking on his own saliva at this point. 

 

“Should we help him?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo is momentarily distracted by the hot breath on his ear.

 

“No, I think he’s recovering.” 

 

Joonmyun coughs a few more times, then in a huge breath. “Employee professionalism can only be achieved when employees stop watching gay on the clock.” 

 

“Huh.” Chanyeol mutters. “I think I changed my mind. Maybe I don’t want employee professionalism.”

 

“MOVING ON!” Joonmyun shouts. “I think there is a severe lack of respect in this workplace. The cussing and the pranking has gotten a bit out of hand. This is an educational institution. Children attend this school, and we should be setting a better example for them. Baekhyun, your turn.”

 

“My main issue with our workplace is the amount of stealing that goes on. Everything I have somehow vanishes! My staplers, my nail clippers, my post it notes. Even the eyeliner that I sometimes happen to accidentally bring to work, not that I wear it or need it, is gone.” 

 

“Did you check the the filing cabinet?” Kyungsoo interrupts. “Remember, you always stuff random things in there and then forget to check it.”

 

“Oh yeah.. Never mind, Joonmahao. I have no complaints.” 

 

“I have a complaint.” Luhan starts, pushing his chair back and standing up. “It’s about Minseok.”

 

“But he’s too cute to cause problems.” Baekhyun interjects. “Just look at him.”

 

Kyungsoo glances over. Minseok is sitting innocently in his chair, puffing his cheeks out. His eyes are trained on Luhan, widened ever so slightly at the accusation. 

 

“Yeah, what kind of problem could you possibly have with Minseok?” Joonmyeon asks, squinting at Luhan. 

 

“Kim Minseok is not who you think he is.” Luhan waves a hand over at Minseok, who is now pouting slightly. “He may look like a cute, harmless steamed bun, but there’s something hiding under the facade. Something far more sinister.”

 

“Lu-ge*… you’re scaring me.” Minseok says softly. 

 

“Don’t ‘Lu-ge’ me, Minseok!” Luhan yells, eye beginning to twitch. “I know what you’re capable of.”

 

“Luhan, first of all, please sit down.” Kris orders gruffly. “And stop throwing around vague accusations. If there’s an issue, I need you to be upfront about it.”

 

“What kind of issue could you possibly have?” Baekhyun coos, reaching over to palm Minseok’s chubby cheeks. “Look at that face!” 

 

“Don’t touch him! He’s a monster!” Luhan screeches. “Did you guys even run a background check on him before hiring him!?”

 

“Yeah, we did. He came back squeaky clean.” Joonmyun says, confusion etched into his features. “I don’t understand what the problem is. You used to be totally fine with Minseok.”

 

“Thats exactly what the problem is, Joonmyun! He’s clean. Too clean.”

 

“I have a perfectly clean record too, and you’re not accusing me of anything.” Kyungsoo interrupts. He’s starting to get really confused.

 

“Yeah, but you’re you.” Luhan says dismissively. 

 

“Hey, whats that supposed to mean?” Jongin retorts, eyebrows furrowing. 

 

Kyungsoo can’t help but blush at Jongin’s defensiveness. 

 

“Oh, shut up, lover boy. I wanna hear this.” Jongdae mutters. 

 

“CAN I FINISH, PLEASE.” Luhan yells. “Anyway, a couple nights ago, after I was drugged and kidnapped by Yixing-”

 

“Wait, what?” 

 

“Details, details.” Yixing shrugs. 

 

“Minseok came to free me.” Luhan continues. “And then, he threatened me! He said if I didn’t give him my house keys he would tie me back up and cut me into pieces with his pocketknife!” 

 

Kyungsoo looks incredulously over at Minseok, who is now shoving a pork bun into his mouth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lu-ge.” Minseok says around his food. It’s adorable.

 

“Yeah Luhan, Minseok would never do that.”

 

“Luhan, you are one sick, sick bastard.”

 

“That was pretty low of you, Luhan, to lie like that.”

 

“Yeah you ing soggy piss-soaked dishrag.”

 

The room falls silent again, everyone turning to stare at Tao. 

 

“…That was uncalled for.” Kris mutters. 

 

“Meeting adjourned.” Joonmyun croaks out, massaging his temples. 

 

No one hears Minseok’s almost silent whisper into Luhan’s ear. 

 

“If you can’t beat them, join them.”