Like your own shadow, both joyous and negative experiences never leave you. You can bury the bad memories away, stuff them at the back of your brain hoping to never remember them again. You can also lie to yourself that no such incident ever occurred, but when the sun rises after a long night, like it does every day of every year, or when the light in a dark room gets switched on, your shadow will appear once again. Why? Because it was there the whole time and it always will be. Well, for as long as you live, of course. 

--

The two of them were both so tired that they fell asleep on the floor without even realizing. Few hours later, Chanhee opened his eyes to find Byunghun snuggled up closely against him. He had never seen Byunghun looking so peaceful and undisturbed, but at the same time so fragile and breakable. ‘What time is it?’ Chanhee thought as he reached his arm out to grab his cell phone, trying his best not to wake Byunghun up. The screen flashed 11:38 AM. 

“Oh gosh! it’s almost time for lunch already? I thought it was still five in the morning...” Chanhee murmured to himself and sat up to find his entire body aching from sleeping on the old, hard wooden floor for a few hours, “Ah- my back…”

“Byunghun,” he whispered and gently nudged the sleeping boy, “go sleep on the bed or else you won’t be able to move tomorrow.” 

He must have been so tired, he didn’t hear Chanhee at all nor feel anything, he just continued sleeping and didn’t budge a single bit. Chanhee gently picked Byunghun up like picking up a feather (not because Chanhee was strong but because Byunghun was so light) and tucked him in bed.

“I’m waking you up in an hour whether you like it or not, okay?” 

It was a useless thing for Chanhee to say because he was basically talking to no one but himself, unless you count snoring as a response. He left the room and walked to the kitchen. When he opened the cupboard, he was greeted with about 10 different types of ramen. The problem was, there was only ramen and nothing else. He was used to this kind of lifestyle, eating the same thing 24/7, but he felt bad for making his guest eat the same thing for two days in a row. 

“You know what? There’s only ramen and I can only cook ramen so deal with it Lee Byunghun!” 

“Huh? Deal with what?” Byunghun suddenly appeared in the kitchen, still rubbing his eyes to clear his vision. 

“Nothing! I was just, uh, talking to myself that’s all,” Chanhee let out an awkward laugh and scratched his head. 

Byunghun curiously peaked over Chanhee’s shoulder to look at what was cooking on the stove. When Chanhee turned around to apologize to Byunghun for making him eat the same thing twice, their faces were in such close proximity that neither of them knew what to do but stare at each other. 

“Are you even breathing?” Chanhee broke the silence and Byunghun let out the air he was holding in because he did, in fact, forget to breathe for a moment. 

“Sorry, it’s ramen again,”

“It’s okay, something is better than nothing,” Byunghun’s words gradually drifted into silence, making the last part almost inaudible, then spoke up again, ”I’ll carry the pot to the living room,”

“Can you handle it, little boy?”

“Hey!”

“I’m just kidding, let’s go.”

To be honest, Chanhee was actually worried about Byunghun’s physical and mental health. He seemed like he could shatter into a billion pieces any second, whether it was because his body couldn’t handle it or because his own thoughts were devouring him from the inside out. It worried Chanhee to the point where he would literally drop everything to take care of Byunghun and to make sure he was safe and well. The thought did scare Chanhee a bit, to think that he would do anything for one person. Was it out of compassion? Pity? Empathy? Sympathy? Love? Chanhee didn’t know the answer to this question, just like how he didn’t know the answer to many other questions, but he believed he will receive some answers eventually. 

-

“Do you want to go out for a walk and get some fresh air? there’s a nice park nearby,” Chanhee suggested after the two finished their meal.

“Sure, that sounds nice.”

After they put their shoes on and were about to leave the house, Byunghun realized he had only been wearing the t-shirt and sweatpants Chanhee lent him the night before. A t-shirt and sweatpants. A t-shirt... Byunghun didn’t want to panic all over again so he quickly rushed back to the bedroom and put his sweater on without a second thought, before his own brain tried to drown him in paranoia.

“So, mysterious little boy, wanna tell me a bit about yourself? We can take turns if you want, or you can ask me things you want to know, how about that?”

“Oh, okay...”

“If you don’t want to, it’s totally fine with me. I just thought we could talk about something while we walk.”

“Yeah,” 

“How about I start then? I’m afraid of heights.”

“You are?”

“Well I’m not exactly sure if this is the reason, but when I was little, my mom would always put me on top of a shelf whenever I did something wrong, and of course, I couldn’t get down by myself. So I assume that why.”

“Oh my, that’s terrible… Something about myself...uh, I don’t know, you can ask me something.”

“What’s one memory you wish you could erase forever?”

“Only...one?”

“Mhm.”

“To be honest, there are far too many memories I wish I could erase. But if I had to choose one...it would probably be the memory that caused what happened today to happen for the first time, if that makes sense.”

“Ah, I see. I have another question actually.”

While Chanhee and Byunghun sat on the park bench during the hottest time of the day of the hottest time of the year, the slightly older boy finally asked the younger the question he had been meaning to ask since the day they met each other for the first time, 

“Why do you wear a sweater even on a hot summer day like this?”

“Because…”

Less than a second after showing Chanhee the reason, Byunghun found himself already wrapped in the other boy's arms and heard him whisper “it’s okays” and “I’m sorrys” over a hundred times.

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I don't know when the next update will be, but let's hope it will be soon~ I love you guys a lot ;; have a wonderful day/night wherever you are<3