Doors. You can open so many doors allowing others to enter your life and find out about you, your thoughts, and your secrets. The moment you place your hands on the doorknob, it sends some kind of electric shock through your fingers, your palms, your forearms, your shoulders, your spine, and eventually your entire body. No, it doesn’t kill you. No, it wasn’t a prank someone set up. No, there is nothing wrong with the door. It’s just you, after all. It’s just you, again. It’s just you warning yourself, even when you finally, for once in your entire life, feel like you can trust someone, that opening up to others is some risky business. 

--

The following reaction was not something Chanhee was expecting, but rather, one that he was least expecting and afraid of believing; Byunghun pushed him away. Byunghun stood up and stepped a few steps back from the bench. Before he turned his back towards Chanhee and began to run, or better said escape, their eyes met for the briefest instant. It was all too sudden, for Chanhee was not prepared for a moment like this to happen, at least not this soon. As much as Chanhee wanted to chase after the boy who ran away from him, he couldn’t get his body to move because his mind was frozen at the image of Byunghun’s expression. As afraid as he was, as worried and as paranoid, Byunghun managed to put a barely visible smile on his face, eyes seeming to tell Chanhee that he was sorry too, more sorry than he could ever be. And with that, Chanhee was left sitting on the park bench by himself. He didn’t understand. It didn’t make sense to him. Had he done something wrong? Did he say the wrong words at the wrong time? Did he go too far? Did he believe he had gained Byunghun’s trust when the reality was the complete opposite? Chanhee didn’t understand, but he wanted to. He had to in order to help Byunghun.

Chanhee spent the afternoon wandering around the park and the streets without much of a purpose other than gathering his thoughts and worrying about Byunghun the entire time. 

Where is he now? Is he okay? What is he doing? Is he safe? Did he eat dinner? 

The sky soon turned dark and the shadows quickly disappeared as the sun hid itself from the world. Chanhee hurried home, looking around extra carefully in case he might spot Byunghun somewhere. But there was no luck because he ended up stepping inside his house alone when during previous days, he and Byunghun would enter and leave the house together; That was when Chanhee realized- they had school the following day, and he wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not.

-

Chanhee beat his alarm this morning. He hasn’t woken up before his alarm in a long time, but this morning, he had a reason to get up early and rush to school as soon as possible. His steps were so fast he was practically jogging by the time he entered his classroom. Without a second thought, he dropped his bag at his seat and went to Byunghun’s classroom which was next to his own. 

“Is Byunghun here today?” Chanhee asked Byunghun’s homeroom teacher. 

“No, sorry. His uncle called me last night saying Byunghun caught a cold, so he won’t be coming today,” the teacher responded. 

“He caught...a cold? Ah...thanks for letting me know.”

“No problem.” 

Something seemed a bit off to Chanhee. Byunghun didn’t seem sick the day before, so how come he suddenly caught a cold and couldn’t make it to school? Maybe Chanhee was just thinking too much, maybe Byunghun did get sick and that was all. With the thought of Byunghun in Chanhee’s mind was enough to keep Chanhee occupied throughout the entire school day, but that didn’t stop him from feeling somewhat lonely and excluded from the rest of the school. It wasn’t until the bell signaling the end of school rang that Chanhee realized he didn’t have any company, a group of friends to eat lunch with, or a favorite teacher he could talk to. Even just for a day without seeing each other, he missed Byunghun more than he ever thought he would.

When Chanhee got home, the first thing he did was pull out his phone and dial Byunghun’s number. After it rang for a couple of times, Byunghun finally picked up,

“Hi."

“Hey, is everything okay? Your homeroom teacher told me you caught a cold.”

“Yeah. I’m fine, I guess.”

“You don’t sound “fine”, what’s wrong?”

“Ev- um...I’ll tell you some other time.”

“It’s a promise.”

“Mm.”

“Can you come over? I mean, you left some of your things here.”

“I’m sorry, I...can’t.”

“No, it's fine. Why are you whispering, by the way? Where are you? Are you at home?” 

“It’s a long story. I’ll explain it to you la- WHO ARE YOU ON THE PHONE WITH?! DON’T EVEN DARE-”

“Byunghun? Who’s there? Is that your uncle-”

“. I have to go now. I’m really sorry...about lots of things. Bye!”

“Wait! Don’t-”

With that, Byunghun hung up the phone. And to the now dead phone call, Chanhee whispered back,

“I missed hearing your voice. I missed you. Please be okay...” 

-

When Chanhee asked Byunghun “what’s wrong?”, he wanted to tell him that everything was wrong. Byunghun was making so much effort to keep his voice steady, trying so hard not to cry when he saw Chanhee’s name light up on his phone and when he heard Chanhee’s voice through the call. How much he missed that angelic voice. How much he longed for being called a little boy. How much he wanted to see Chanhee but couldn’t. Byunghun wasn’t sick. Well, he was, but not the flu kind of sick, or the I-didn’t-dry-my-hair-well-enough-and-caught-a-cold-when-the-wind-blew-on-me kind of sick. It was hard to explain, that’s why he didn’t try to tell Chanhee what exactly was wrong. Byunghun knows that Chanhee will understand, or at least try to, but the problem wasn’t Chanhee, the problem was himself. He couldn’t stand the idea of ruining Chanhee, such a perfect person who doesn’t deserve to be destroyed, harmed, or contaminated by someone else’s issues. Byunghun wanted to shut the door to his life so badly, so that not just Chanhee, but anyone, wouldn’t be ruined because of him. However, he was a coward. He couldn’t do it. So, instead of shutting the door completely and locking himself away from the rest of the world, Byunghun left a small gap that let some light through, hoping to still find an escape somehow.

=========================================================================================================

It's been a while~ (again, I know.) Sorry, it always takes me forever to update OTL And I can't promise you guys when the next update will be because I don't know either... But anyway, hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter ^^ ♥