“I need to talk to you.” Jiyong’s tone was cold. Dara knew it was about something serious but she didn’t want to jump into conclusion. They just had their lunch together and it wasn’t even a nice one. He was silent for the whole time and it was only her talking every now and then. She knew he was having a hard time with his business at the moment and she really hoped he could work things out soon.

“Sure, what is it, Ji?” Dara reached for his hand on the table as she looked at him with full of warmth, noticing the uneasy expression of her boyfriend. “Is there something bugging you?”

But Jiyong didn’t answer immediately. Sitting uncomfortably on his swivel chair, he leaned backwards a bit, letting himself rest against the back of the seat. With that, he pulled back his hand that was in her hold. Dara’s eyes turned into confusion as she witnessed his behavior but she kept it to herself.

“Ji?” Dara urged again softly, waiting for him to say something.

“Dara..” His voice was finally heard. He sounded really worn out to her ears. He then sighed audibly, his eyes roamed everywhere but her. “I think I need to think about us.”

“Sorry, come again?” Her forehead creased, thinking she might misheard him. It couldn’t mean that he was breaking up with her, could it?

The guy before Dara became restless as each seconds passed. Jiyong lowered his head, staring at his fiddling fingers as he bit his lip. “I… I don’t think we’ll work out, Dara.”

As soon as he said that, Dara was left dumbfounded.  She felt like air got stuck in her lungs and it was so hard for her to breathe. She can hear her heart beating so hard that she was barely to give any reaction to it as her body went totally stiff.

“Why?” She still somehow managed to ask that. Not minding her aching heart, she went on. “Why all of the sudden?”

Only this time, Jiyong brought up his gaze and looked at her. He could see her confusion of the unexpected decision that he just made. “I don’t know… I just think I’m not ready for commitment yet.”

Dara scoffed at his answer. “Not ready? How long have we been together, Ji?” It was painful for her but she still could think rationally. She was never the clingy type but it really was the most absurd answer ever. They had been together for more than two years and all he could say was he wasn’t ready for a damn commitment?

“It’s not important,” he said, his eyes were now showing void emotions. “I’m having so much trouble right now and I don’t need this damn relationship to add it up to everything,” he said, every words cut Dara’s heart sharply.

Dara felt her eyes getting warmer and they were welling already. So he was implying that she was just a burden to him. She looked up and took enough amount of air, trying to stop her tears from spilling. No, she shouldn’t cry. She won’t cry. Not this time, she told herself.

Without waiting for her reply, Jiyong stood up abruptly, his face showing boredom over the intense little talk they were having. “I have a meeting in five minutes so I’ll have to go now. You know the way out,” he announced dismissively, leaving his girlfriend who was already his ex at instance alone in his office. It took Dara all her will to stop herself from turning to watch his retreating back walking away from her, walking out from her life.

Darkness greeted Jiyong as soon as he opened his door and it was soon replaced with dim light as soon as he flicked the switch on.  His apartment was cold and silent, showing no signs of presence. Lazily, he walked on his cold tiles to his kitchen, grabbed himself an empty glass and went directly to his living room. Settling himself on his lonely sofa, he immediately crossed his legs and brought out the stuffs he bought when he was on his way home earlier.

Soju, soju and more soju. He reached for a bottle and it opened with a little bit of effort. Pouring it almost filling the tip and gulped it in one go. He closed his eyes as he felt the burning sensation going through his throat, letting his taste bud do its work. Throughout the silence, he kept on refilling his glass with soju and consumed it until he was already on his third bottle.

He didn’t know what time it was already when he suddenly heard his door clicked from the outside. The door opened, revealing a body figure as he squint his eyes because the sudden amount of light came striking his eyes. He could already tell who it was from the silhouette.

“Oh… what brings you here?”

But there was no reply from the other person. Jiyong just let himself stare at the sudden presence until he scooted a bit, giving space to his unexpected guest to sit.

“What are you doing again, kid?”

Jiyong turned his head to her. She was using her reprimanding tone to which he seldom heard. “Why, noona? You’re worried?” He could’ve sworn he heard his noona scoffing before she settled herself before him, folding her legs as she joined him taking shots of soju.

“What’s going on?” Dami asked directly, wanting to know what was bugging her brother. “Is it about work again?”

Dami’s queries were answered with silence. Jiyong frowned upon hearing them. Why was he troubled? A loud sigh escaped his lips. He closed his eyes, bringing his palm to his face as he rubbed it gently. The then ruffled his hair in frustration, feeling burdened as ever. “I don’t know, noona… everything just seems complicated.”

“I’m all ears, dongsaeng,” Dami reached for his shoulder and caressed it softly. Jiyong felt it heartwarming that she was always there for him.

Hanging his head low, he let out a light sigh. “I… met her again.”

Dami’s eyes widen with what she just heard. She didn’t have to ask who he was referring to, and she knew it was a big deal for Jiyong. “Seriously? Where?”

“She’s just around..” it was short and Dami felt like he was hiding something from her.

“Around? So she’s just near you? Did you confront her? What did she say?” Dami kept on shooting questions, making Jiyong look at her tiredly. “Well don’t just look at me, say something!”

Turning his attention to the drink left on the table in front of him, he reached for the green bottle and poured himself another shot of soju. After gulping it down, he turned back to his noona. “What should I say to her? She looks happy now…”

Jiyong’s reply made her scoff. “Happy? She’s happy after all you’ve been through? Does she even know how you-”

“Noona,” Jiyong cut her sternly. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what?”

For months, no one knew the real reason why they broke up. For months, he had been keeping it to himself because he refused to open up. He felt it was unnecessary because it would’ve just cause him the pain but never crossed his mind that the people around him would think that it was her who left him, leaving him alone in misery.

Jiyong let his noona’s anticipation build up before answering her. Though she was curious she decided to wait for his reply. Taking another shot of soju, she let herself calm down a bit.

“I let her go, noona.”

Dami instantly opened only to close it after. She wanted to ask but she chose not to, letting Jiyong take his own time to explain himself. Without looking at his sister, he finally spoke. “I was the one who left her.” Turning his head back on her, “That surprised you, huh?” He asked, noting her change of expression.

“But Jiyong…why?” Somehow, Dami managed to ask that. “Why did you let Dara go when you know you’d be this miserable without her?” For the first time, she let Dara’s name slide . Before, she refused to say her name because she thought it was her who gave up on her brother. And that thought alone made her blood boil in anger.

“It’s complicated, noona…” he answered with a sigh.

“No relationship is easy, Jiyong,” Dami softly reasoned. “There must be something wrong if a relationship is all rainbows.”

Jiyong was in deep thoughts hearing his sister.  “It’s true…. But I don’t want her to get hurt because of me,” pain was plastered all over his face as he said that.  “They say relationships need obstacles and challenges for them to stay strong but can you imagine how I feel everytime I see her comforting me when I have a hard time when it’s clear that she’s tired and worn out too? What kind of boyfriend I am to her?”

The frustration was rising up, making Jiyong feel stuffier than ever. He chugged another shot of soju before continuing.

“I realized… when we were still together, I gave her nothing but pain. I only made her cry, I only gave her scars, I only made her heart ache.. I felt so useless. That’s not I want for her, you know? I don’t want her to stick with me if she’s just going to cry and feel burdened. It’s making my heart hurt so much seeing her in such state. Seeing her getting hurt because of me, do you know how painful it is for me, noona? The pain I feel is ten times fold,” he hit his chest with his fist, somehow hoping the pain he felt would fade away.

Every words that came from Jiyong struck Dami’s heart. How can someone get hurt so much?

“I want her to be happy. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. If this was about some other guy coming in between us, I’d rather be selfish and not let her go but that wasn’t the case. So I let her go…”

Feeling the pain, Dami brought her hand close and gently his back. “So what are you going to do now?”

Nothing came from Jiyong. He just stared at his empty glass, as if he was expecting an answer to pop out from there. Slowly, he shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

“I don’t know, noona.”

Dami was about to say something when he spoke once again.

“Never crossed my mind that we would meet again one day. Not at this state, at least. I just don’t know what to do… seeing her that happy, with all smiles, I think I made the right decision to let go of her.”

Although Dami was confused, she refused to ask anything so she just let him be.

“I admit, I was pissed when I saw her laughing so happily with another guy and here I am, being miserable and all… is this how it’s supposed to be? I can’t even meet someone else because of the burden I’m feeling and there she is, finding herself a replacement already. What should I do? Congratulate her? I even told her to have a happy life with her new boyfriend. I’m such a fool, right noona?”

Jiyong felt his head ache even more. He shouldn’t be drinking but he took another shot once more. He was so frustrated he couldn’t even think straight anymore. The pain he felt on his chest was killing him so much that he couldn’t do anything but drink his frustration away.

“The pain I felt when I walked away from her is still fresh in mind. Do you have any idea how much it hurt me when I hear her sob right after I left my office? I was hiding somewhere when she walked out of my office. I knew she was trying so hard not to shed any tears in front of me and hearing her sob right after I left killed me ten times more…” He spoke softly, and Dami knew he was in so much pain. Her brother was still hurting.

“ Seeing Dara’s retreating back as she walked… I wanted to chase after her and hug her so much, telling her that I was just fooling her but I can’t. I wanted to tell her everything will be alright but how can I when I can’t even fix my damn pathetic situation? I can’t give her anything but pain. I’m such a helpless bastard, noona. I only know how to hurt my woman.”

“Jiyong,” Dami interrupted, not willing to hear anything anymore. Everything that he said killed her inside. He was hurting so much but she didn’t even know about it, what more help it to overcome the burden. “Don’t say that.”

“What am I supposed to say then, noona? I’m glad all this happened?”

Nothing came from Dami. She honestly didn’t know what to say.

“I wish I could be happy for them. But I guess this is my karma. I can never run away from them. Dara will always appear in front of me.”

“You can always try to avoid that, Ji.”

“No, I can’t. Because her boyfriend is Jay.”

“Jay? Which Jay?” His sister asked curiously, looking at her brother. “Don’t tell me…”

When Jiyong didn’t answer, it pretty much confirmed her assumpti