Real update!

Let’s see what I came up with… Sorry it took me quite long to write this… Hope you’re not disappointed.

Please leave a comment after that?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was lying in my bed, my eyes closed. The only thing circulating on my mind was the scene from that night… What I saw in Jjong’s room, what happened next with Key…

Lips passionately colliding… lips that aren’t mine are locked with the lips of the person I hold dear… Skin touching skin… then for a moment everything is black.

When I can think again normally and see clearly I’m lying on a bed and my best friend is on top of me looking me with hurt, regret and passion. I saw his lips pulling me like a magnet…
“It’s your fault, so comfort me…”

Those are the last words I remember uttering. I wanted to forget… I wanted someone to make me forget. And that someone was no other than Kibum himself…

That night he kissed me countless times, at first sweet and caring, later passionately and lustful; our tongues playing with each other a game for dominance. It’s not like I wanted to dominate – I just liked the play.

When my hand felt his skin I realized that his t-shirt was long gone. I liked the feeling of his skin and my hand was exploring the area from his chest to his abdomen. Later I felt his hand, previously supporting my waist, traveling to my back and massaging it lightly…

Just when I thought I might go furtherer in my demand for comforting I heard someone’s screams announcing he was home… It was Onew.

I pushed Key back… Only now did I realize I was doing a mistake…
“Go see them…” I said to the confused boy in front of me. I got up just after him and waited for him to get to the door. “And don’t tell them I was here.”

I didn’t wait for a reply and flew out of the window, leaving Kibum alone, not understanding my sudden disappearance….

Oh! Damn! Stupid, stupid me! Stupid Kibum!!! ... Stupid mind… How am I supposed to face him now? … Maybe I can disappear from his sight. To disappear again from his life… to make everything easier.

For a month now I’ve been back to my home in the UK – not because I wanted to run away (I’m not saying it’s not convenient), I had work here. To be exact I had an exam for getting to a higher rank. Actually I did it, now I’m only waiting for my results. If I get a higher rank that means I’ll get less work and I’ll be summoned only when there are more difficult tasks… Higher rank = more danger.

I rolled in my bed and looked at my cell phone, which was off since my arrival.

“I bet that idiot is worried to death…” yea… It was mean of me doing this… running. Anyway soon I was gonna go back to Korea and then there was no escaping. I reached for the little thing called “cell phone” and turned it on.

It needed only a minute to deliver the tons of messages telling me about missed calls, left voice messages, and text messages… How much are they? Around 50 at all… the last one was yesterday.

“Persistent aren’t you?” I smiled to myself. The first two days I received around 10 messages and 5 calls, the next week I received 2 calls and 9 messages, the next two weeks I got 3 voice messages (NOT from Kibum, but from Jinki, Minho and Taemin), 18 messages from Key and 2 from Jonghyun (who was apologizing about what I saw and was telling me how guilty he felt) and only one call. All of Key’s messages were the same. Asking me where I am and that we need to talk, that he’s worried and etc. I had only four voice messages. I thought I would start with Taemin’s.

“Noona, where are you? We’re all really worried. Come back quickly. Jonghyun-hyung and Key-hyung promised to never fight again and Jonghyun-hyung said that he’s really sorry.”

“Olivia, come back quickly. Taeminnie is worried for you, and Key too… He’s a real nag, but you know that… I’m worried too, so come back.”– over the phone Minho’s voice is even more deep. I always liked his voice.

“I told you to be careful. Jonghyun is dense and had no idea what he was doing, but Key was sincere. Just so you know.”

“No ‘come back soon’ from you, leader-shi?” – I looked at my phone a little annoyed. But he sure was right about that. He did tell me to be careful. I had one more message to hear and I knew it was from Kibum… - “Don’t be scared, stupid.”

“Olivia… Did I anger you that much? Why did you run away?” While listening to his voice my heart started aching “Am I no good? … All those years I waited for you, I waited you to come back so that I can show you… Ah, this sure is hard to say… I wanted to show you that I’m better than that good-for-nothing idiot. I wanted to tell you this long ago and face to face, but I think I’ll regret it if I keep it for longer… Olivia, did you not feel it back then… when we were alone together? Did you not notice how I look at you? While we were together, only the two of us did you not hear my heart beating, ‘coz it felt for me that it’ll jump from my chest and it’ll land in your hands….. Olivia, I love you. I’ve loved you for years… Now when I finally showed you that I can be more than just a friend to you did you get scared and run away? … Come back to me. If you want I’ll pretend that this never happened… Just come back… please, come to me.”

The message ended and only then did I realize my tears were escaping my eyes… Was I really that dense? Or was I running away from the truth.

The warmth that I felt all the times when I slept next to him. My fear that he of all people will be scared of my true self and will run away. My wish of him being my big brother so that he’ll carry for me and that way I’ll always be his number one girl. All the times that I hated when Key teased me about Jonghyun… All the times my body refused to react to Jonghyun’s touches…

How can I be that dense… I even kissed Key… that warm kiss of his… Was I that scared to face my feeling… to act and to lose my dearest person of all.

I wiped away my tears and looked at the clock… it was 10am. So in Korea was…. 6pm? It was evening anyway. I dialed Key’s number and waited for him to answer.

peep…peep…peep... „Why are you taking so long?”

“Olivia?!” his voice sounded worried. Like someone was prank calling him with some really bad news.
“It’s me…”
“Where are you?! Why weren’t you picking your phone?” was he that worried… I’m not nice at all… worrying him like this.
“Don’t worry… I’m fine…” I kept silent for a little, and he did the same. “Key, let’s talk when I get back to Korea.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yea… Finally I wrote the chapter.

Do you find strange her realization? Please tell me.