Tears of the Moon
Chapter 06

"Teacher, make sure to bring us something sweet" screamed Hoo at the top of his lungs. 

She smiled, waving at the kids who were watching her from the window as she passed by the gate. Out of the kid’s watchful eyes, she secured her winter wear over her head making sure that everything is covered. Her action speaking loudly of how much she wanted to make sure her anonymity is kept at wraps, as well as her body protected from the cold weather.

She then walked through the barely visible path. Everything was almost covered with the beautiful winter snow. There was not a green grass in sight or the brown earth on the ground to be stepped on. Even the trees that usually stood tall and strong seemed to shrink and hide beneath the white blanket. It was all snow and winter. 

She stopped and took some time to take in the wondrous things around her. She took a deep breath and felt the cold breeze enter her lungs. She shivered a little, but she liked it.

"Your majes---"

She turned around and spoke in haste, "No, Stop." 

Fully turned, she came face to face with Goo HyuMin. She then threw him laser eyes that threatened bloody harm.

He bowed his head at her tone while she looked around making sure that no one was around.

It was still white snow, cold winter and cool breeze as their companion.

Sighing, she turned to him again and gently reprimanded, "I have told you again and again, don't call me that.

Her brother's most trusted friend and also her current body guard who still had his head bowed low, answered in a whisper, "I'm sorry..."

She knew that she should not force him to all her wiles. She knew that he was the one burdened by protecting and guarding the escaped queen that she was. She knew he had no obligation to do it but he will continue to do so since he is honor bound.

But she could not help it, she needed to make sure she will not be called 'your majesty or your highness' in public. She could not afford to be caught and be brought back. So she reason and beg him to make sure she will remain where she was, "I am not anymore the queen. I threw it all away. Call me by my name or how about noona... call me noona?"

"I can't--"

She waved her hand at him to stop what he was going to say.

"Yes you can. Please help me. HyunMin, help me. Call me anything except those honorifics..."

She stared at him, and it seemed like he wanted to protest more but in the end still with head bowed, he reluctantly nodded. 

Their conversation ended, just like that. It was a funny thing how their conversation always starts and ends that way. He protest at why she is living thus and she argues, but she always wins. Even with his noble and reasonable arguments, she always wins. And like a good younger brother he listens and accepts that nothing will change her mind, she will not go back. She was just like her older brother, not winning an argument against her; they nod and continue to walk with her for her protection.

She then continued to walk now, her thoughts lingering on her reluctant bodyguard, 'Jiyoung will be lucky to have him.'

They continued to walk in silence. She knew she was keeping vigil in protecting her and she was lost in thoughts about her current life and decision.

The sound of their feet stepping into the perfect and pristine snow blanket the only thing breaking the silence in the air. Their legs going 'swish' as they pulled them from the ankle deep snow as well as when their legs goes 'swoosh' as they are being nailed down the snow ground.

It was cold and it was silent. 

For anyone the harsh weather and silence would have been too desolate take in, but for her, she liked it

'Freedom.'

They continued to walk, their steps only heard among them, 'This is the sound of freedom'

Wind blowing a very cool breeze, caressing her cheeks into its pinkish red color. She let out a breath and right in front of her breath was visible in the cold, 'The feel of freedom'

She liked it, the silence and freezing cold.

This was her life now. It was a life away from the suffocating palace. A life she wanted, needed and escaped for.

The life she left behind was a life of enduring and trying to gain his love. She had hoped that he would somehow learn to love her but it never happened, not even a little kindness from him.

But life was cruel that way, in his eyes she will always be the enemy. In his eyes she will remain the daughter of the man suspected as the mastermind of the untimely death of his first love. He will always think that the blood that flowed through her veins was the same blood of her father -- same evil, selfish, and power hungry. In some sense he was right, even if the world was turned upside down, she will always be her father's daughter, and she was selfish.

She wanted his love above all else. She wanted his heart more than anything in the world. That was the only thing she wanted and needed. All or nothing. She was selfish that way. 

And for eight years, she continued to selfishly long for him. But his walls were high and unbreachable, her love never reached him. 

And the concubine right’s was the sign to give up.  Hearts do get tired; she was only human after all. Her heart was too battered and beaten to take anything anymore. Selfishly she needed to mend his heart. Selfishly she wanted to put herself first. It was time to move on. Selfishly it was all about her now.

She had given love eight years. It came with so much heartaches and pain. Now it was time to love herself. And give in to the next thing she wanted, freedom. Her freedom. 

And now here she was, free.

She took another breath and immediately felt the cool breeze enter her lungs and immediately shivers run all though out her body. She then exhaled loudly, 'Smell of freedom and living.'

'..of life without you, your majesty'

No more pain.

No more enduring.

No more crying.

No more longing.

She smiled, 'I like it'

Yes, she liked her life now.

She stopped walking when she saw the gates to the edge of the town. HyunMin was still a step behind her, guarding, alert and silent. She immediately made sure that her winter wear covered her face, precautions needed to be taken to ensure her anonymity.

Satisfied that she was fully covered, she started walking again towards the town with Hyunmin still behind her.

She looked around upon entering the town. It was still a busy day even despite the cold and snow. The streets were still full of people. People that were doing all various an ordinary things -- selling a variety of objects from clothes to food, buying necessities for the winter, eating by a the side of the road and walking to their destination.

She watch the busy life of the common people -- how they lived every day, how they struggled with poverty, how they laughed at the little things, how they fought for the little amenities and how they loved together.

This was the life she wanted to experience.

'This is living life'

She walked on toward her first stop, a garment shop where a middle aged woman was sitting, "Ahjumma..."

"Oh, hello, milady.."

"Hello too and Good morning. How are you?", she asked politely.

"Oh, always the same Milady. But today the weather is especially cold", the woman complained yet a smile was still in her lips

She smiled, marveling at the resiliency of this middle aged woman who recently lost her husband due to unfair conditions working under a noble man. She felt like the dead would cry for justice to be done with how easily their plight was dismissed because they were just mere merchants.

But looking at this woman who still continued to live and smile was eye opening. This was how the people of their nations lived. She knew that she threw away the power to be able to help these people when she escaped the palace. But she did not regret it in any way, cause even when she was in the palace she was the puppet queen who was ignored by everyone, especially the King. She had the the title but she had nothing.

But here, living with them, she struggled with them, "Oh, I know what you mean Ahjumma. Yesterday I almost froze to death. the children are also struggling with the weather. That's why I want to order the same amount of cotton like the ones I ordered last time and add the same amount of wool."

The middle aged woman stood up and exclaimed, "Oh Mi'Lady, your orders will allow me and my son to go home now. Thank you so much mi'lady"

She smiled and wanted to do much more than buy all their products. To help them some how and some way but she knew that these proud people would never ask for chharity. And she would not insult them by suggesting it.

"Ahjumma, would it be okay to deliver these order to the orphanage? these are too heavy to carry right now", She said as she gave the woman her pay. She paid a little over the price but was worth it since the ahjumma nodded with a beaing smile on her face.

It didn't take long before she was on her way to her next stop with HyunMin still just behind her heels.

The crowd was getting denser the more they entered the center of the town. She was walking in the tight road toward the main market place, when a soldier suddenly announced, "Make way, make way"

Before she could react, she was shoved to the side and just hearing the explanation as, "Move along. Royal matters."

She felt HyunMin's hands as he supported her to stand. Around her, people wehre in different states of expression. Some were annoyed as they too start to stand up, some were looking at each other with bewilderment. It was not a common scene for royal guards to come to this far off town of theirs.

"..I know why they are here. It's about the Queen." she heard a man, the owner of the biggest restaurant in the town, say to the person next to him.

She froze.

"What about the Queen. I thought they said she went to her family ancestral home to recuperate for her health. Though I did hear rumors that she was kidnapped----", the other person paused and continued, "But that can't be right, I don't think the country would be this calm of our queen was kidnapped.."

The restaurant owner laughed, "Tsk tsk tsk, you don't know a thing.."

The owner motioned for that person to come closer. Collectively the people around them were also listening in and all motioned closer to him, "The ancestral home visit is not true. The truth is the Queen has been missing since the concubine official assignation was done."

"What? But that was 5 months ago", exclaimed another person who has been listening in

The restaurant owner smiled, liking the attention, "Yes, that is why these Soldiers are here. They are looking for the Queen.."

"But that's not the only thing I heard.." he stated building up the tension for the people listening to him. About ten people now were not even trying to pretend to not listen, but was actually turned to him and was attentively waiting with apt attention.

"The queen was kidnapped ---" He stated 

"---So the rumors spreading was correct." answered the original person talking with the restaurant owner.

"--Was what they believed for a month. The King’s people silently made inquiries on her. Not allowing people to know because it would make a commotion. But.."

"But what?"

She also wanted to know what the palace was doing and thinking.

"Some are saying that she was not kidnapped", the restaurant owner said making her hold her breath.

‘That can’t be. They can’t  find out’

"What do you mean she was not kidnapped?"

"Well it seems like, evidence show that the Queen left willingly"

"What?" was the collective exclamation from the people. 

“Yes that is correct. There were no signs of struggles, whatsoever”

She felt HyunMin's hands in her shoulder as well as his worried whisper, "Milady, we need to go."

She shoke her head, wanting to hear more. "That can't be. Why would our Queen leave the palace. Where will she go? Her father will not let her. She is our queen"

"Yes all valid questions, but remember when she left?"

Everyone look at each other until a man answered, "The day of the concubine assignation.."

"But that doesn't prove that she left.”

“Yes, it could just be that those terrorist was able to get her since the guard was lax with all the celebration" another person answered

"Yes, that is right. The Queen would not leave the palace. Who would leave the palace? Of everyone why would a queen leave" the man in front of her answered.

"Our Queen would.”, The restaurant owner confirmed confidently.

 “With the concubine now in the palace she would be pushed aside forever. You do know the rumors regarding the King ignoring the Queen, right?"

Everyone nodded.

It hurt, knowing that her shame was known by everyone. Her heart was bruised her beloved but her pride is hurt by the people knowing her plight.

"Well that is what is being circulated by the palace maids in the court. The Queen has been neglected by the king for 8 years and now the concubine looks like the deceased crown princess. She actually is the younger sister of the departed first love of our King"

Everyone was listening intently that no one noticed as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Milady...", called HyunMin

"So what you mean to say is that the queen planned her escape since the king will most likely discard her now that the concubine is in the palace" summarized a woman in the crowd.

In the busy street of town, she stood hearing her life being reduced to nothing more that a tragic story of a woman being discarded.

"Yes. That is right. And the Royal guards are searching for her all over the country."

"Well, she deserves it. She is not meant to be queen." stated one woman to the far right.

She felt HyunMin try to pull his sword and move toward who just spoke. She held him to stop.

"She stole her place in the palace from the rightful owner, our deceased crown princess" Shouted one woman from her side.

She looked at the faces of the people who were all nodding in aggrement.

"Yes, her family stole that position. Her father, the minister of finance stole position for her daughter to get more power." Commented the man in front again.

"I hope she never comes back"

In the busy street of town she had called home over the past five months, she heard the true voice of the nation. She was the unwanted Queen, unwanted by the King and by the people.

In the busy street of town, her heart bleed again understanding that she accomplished one thing in escaping the palace -- she fulfilled the wishes of the King and people by leaving the palace.

She secured her winter garment to her head as her eyes poured tears through her eyes. Her heart was constricting to unbearable pain and her pride in tatters, unmendable for all time.

She straightened her back and called, "HyunMin lets go back to the orphanage now"

The cold was her companion, maybe it was her fate.

She walked through the busy streets into the white snow blanket again. Hyunmin stayed a step behind like always silent.

She cried now knowing it was safe in this cold and silent path to let her heart and being cry out her pain.

She was free yet she was pain.

She was escaped but she was still in prison.

She wanted to forget but she keeps remembering.

She was the Queen that no one wanted.