STORY BREAK:
POIGNANT FOREVER
(free style one shot)

He was smiling at me. You know that smile where the corner of his left lip goes up, then his eyes sparkles like stars. But then, how could you know that, since that's just for me. Exclusively for me.

"Trust me" he said.

I did.

I am

And I will.

We made a promise you see, it was forever.

It was silly, I mean, what does two teenagers know about love and life and forever. How could two teenagers know the duration forever. And why must it last forever.

But it was just that, we were teenagers and forever was just so sweet.

It made my heart sing everyday.

Made me feel like I was on top of the world 

Forever, better than I love you. Much better.

My favorite food was cookies and cream ice cake from DQ. I mean, how can you not love that perfect concoction of sweetness, right?

But that promise, our forever was better than my favorite food. Much better.

If you know me, you would know I am a er for Cookies &  cream ice cake from DQ. And I am definitely not joking on this one. I never joke when it comes to ice cream. Never. And when I say that promise, our forever was better than my favorite food, then it was not a joke.

No joke at all.

I don't know about you, but as for me at 16 I already knew what I wanted. I had set my life on schedule. No deviation, no stops and no distractions.

Then he came.

It was amazing.

He was.

He is.

And he will be.

I'm never one to be turned by a pretty face, his never did. It was one of the things I actually was not fond of about him.

Yes, he was pretty, pretty as a cucumber, as they say.

I've already described his eyes when he looks at me. But let me just reiterate from an unbiased point-of-view,

My best friend used to describe him perfectly. She would say, "Nose perfectly pointed and formed, eyes that look like a doeor a cow, lips that were smal and pinkist and rarely smiles, skin that was silken smooth, and face that was small it was perfect"

Okay, The skin silken part was a lie, of course. She has never touched him. But you have to forgive her, She likes him you see.

I guess it's not unbiased hehe. But she is correct for the most part, I think.

Well, I can't really explain and express in words about his face, I'm unreliable in those things. If you asked me what are quantum particles, well those, I can definitely answer. 

There are six elementary particles smaller than an atom or quantum particles, they have flavors like up, down, down, bottom, strange and charm but not only that they also have six types of leptons are electron, electrol neutrino, muon neutrino, tau and tau neutrino. With lepton I mean....

Okay I am going on head of myself, lecturing and all. 

But if you are thinking, wow she is smart, well you are wrong, I am not. Just average.

And no, I am not humble, never was. I do tend to be quite frank and speak my mind.

Reason for my smarts or more like knowledge is because I just study. I had my schedule that I mentioned earlier, remember, I follow it to the last t's and dots. and with that I need to study, a lot.

I was sidetracted, pardon me, it happens a lot with me. I tend to think a whole lot.

Anyway my bestfriend's description of him is shared by the majority population of our school. So I guess you can say that it is the consensus, he is afterall considered a handsome guy.

For me, I would generally describe him as pretty, really pretty. Pretty as a cucumber.

I mentioned that my bestfriend like him. Well, the general girl population of my school are his fangirls. It's kinda annoying actually. 

I mean why would you like someone who is as pretty as a girl? 

Additionally it's not like he was an idol or a celebrity  or whatever. But to his fans, he is like bigger than any other boyband out there. But that is them and they are very different form from me.

Which for me is just... whatever. 

They had their life to live, he had his and I had a schedule to follow.

So I followed it without distraction and deviations.

But as I have mentioned, he was just much better than Cookies & cream ice cake. And these is where things started to gets murky. But that's another story for another time.

Right now, he continued to look at me and smile, like always.

Like the way it used to be. Like he promised, like we promised.

Forever.

He reached out his hands, smiling still.

I smiled back, it was reflex, I guess.

I looked at him thinking, 'can I really trust him...?'

'oppa Can I?'

He continued to reach out his hand, almost pleading.

I look at his hand.

His hand had always been warm. Mine were always cold.

I looked at my hand now, I didn't feel anything in it. Maybe it's was the winter season, but my hands were freezing, My fingers especially felt frozen.

His voice echoed, "Trust me...."

"Can I?" i asked.

He nodded.

He had always been honest. The most honest person I know.

I know people, I can read people, that sometimes it is scary.

I'm like a face reader. My mom once told me I can be a fortune teller or a psychic, yeah my mom is weird that way because, come on, who would tell their child to be a fortune tller or psychic? right?

But if I think of that was a talent on reading faces that would be cultivated, then I could very well be psychiatrist. But that was never an options. That was not in the schedule,

Anyway just saying, trust me in this. He was definitely honest.

He just answers truthfully. He was so unlike my father.

My father had a reputation, he was a public figure. He was always going on about truth and democracy and righteousness.

People loved him, they still do.

But truth for my father are applicable for others, not him.

Why do I say this? Well, I'll let you on a secret:I am one of his best kept truth. Though he always says that I was his well prized treasure, both me and my mom,

Treasures were another way to call it, I guess.

Treasures he explained needs to be protected and kept. That was what I was, what I grow up to be. His well kept and protected truth.

I guess, you can deduce what I am or who I am, right? No need to elaborate on it, right?

Don't think I hate my father, I love him. So much, hence my schedule. Both of us planned it. It was our collaboration. A project we started when I was 8 years old. Something for us to share. other kids went to ride ponies with their dads, my bestfriend goes camping. and I schedule my life with my father. I love it.

My father is the greatest. He always had time for me. Even when he was outside of the country or in a business trip or something, he was always there.

You know the book Tuesday's with Morrie, well I had that with my father, just on a thursday. It was our day. The only 24 hours he was ours, me and my mom's.

Anyway back to him, he was the second man I loved, next to my father.

They were the only men I have. oppa and appa.

I loved them.

I love them,

I will love them.

Forever.

I sighed,

"Forever, would it really be possible?"

He nodded.

Forever.

Hmmnnn...

Whoever coined that term would either be a genius or the dumbest person out there.

Who had lived that long?

Who could live that long?

Who should live that long?

Apparantly when that term was made, they did not know the normal lifetime of cells in the body. They did not know that cells normally stop regenerating at earnest at about 60 or 70 years of age. They seemed to completely ignore the normal aging process.

or maybe, hmmn just a thought, maybe there was such a time when they had a fountain of youth. A  time when forever was possible. it could be, right?

But really that term is such genuis.

It is what sells everything nowadays. They sell it in food, clothing and lifestyle. Everyone wants to stay young. They buy their own brand of fountain of youth either in healthy and greeny food, bright and elegant clothes, and even in the way we live like making your body toned and healthy in the gym.

People can even have their own fountain of youth in bottles, in all shapes and sizes, from costmetics to drinks.

Stay young. Stay forever. 

Really such genuis.

He continued to watch me expectly. 

Waiting. Like he always did.

He was shining. In the dark winter night he was shining so brightly. His smile sparkled and his eyes had twinkles in them.

He was like straight out of a fairy tale book.

A prince charming.

A pretty prince charming.

And I like any other cinderella was woeable.

I had not been like that before. I had my schedule to keep track of. Being woed was not on the schedule.

But he came, barging in pretty as you please, when I was 16, and I was woed.

I fell.

I believed

I loved.

I was too sweet. 

It was really the forever that got to me. As I've said better than ice cream.

But now, I was not 16 anymore.

Sweet 16, I had been sweet and young and woeable. Okay, I was not as sweet as i should have been but my father always called me sweetie pie so it still counts as sweet, right?

I am 21 now, an adult in all the countries in the world. I was more mature and more knowledgeable about the world and life and love and forever.

I guess, I should be.

I looked at him hard. 'Can I?'

I took s step back, I needed a different perspective.

I needed to see the bigger picture first.

My legs were shaking, it was really cold. Winter really is approaching fast.

I rubbed my legs together, feeling a little warmness.

I looked around - up, down, left, right.

From the top of the building the dancing stars were pretty. They moved in circles, straight to curve lines, moving left and right.

It was real pretty.

The cold breeze blew fast, I felt it from my skin down to my bones.

Without thinking and upon reflex, I started jumping. It was weird I knew but I actually didn't care, it was too cold. I actually didn't care that it was cold, it was just reflex.

I think I did 5 jumps. or maybe 6. I am not really sure and I don't really care.

I was gonnna do another one when I landed bad on the last one, I swayed a little and I saw the dancing lights so close it was about to blow in my face.

But I stood ground, it was not time yet.

I was warm a little now, I closed my eyes and inhaled the winter breeze. the cool air entered my nostrils to my lungs. It was a little refreshing and a little freezing.

I looked backed at him, and he smiled the same, the slight lift of his lips and the sparkle in his eyes.

"Trust me"

I stared at him.

I felt, hhhmmnnnn...

What do I feel?

I felt cold from the winter season.

"Trust me"

I looked at his eyes and watched his smile.

His special smile. It was for me. It was supposed to be for me. Exclusively mine he said.

But not anymore.

The first time had been painful. He had called to let me know, to prepare me but I still hurt.

But still I understood, somehow. I am not a saint, so I did not take and understood immediately. Begrudgingly I understood.

The second time felt like a betrayal.

He didn't tell me, you see. He had been busy to pick up a phone and prepare me.

I saw it by mistake, it hurt but I understood again.

After that, it had come as a necessity, he had taken a new path for his dream. He had asked him to support him all the way.

I agreed. We did make a promise after all.

Forever.

Yes, it hurt but I undertood. it became a necessity and a habit. To be able to love him and stay by his side,  I understood.

Looking back, I guess you can say I'd been such a considerate girl.

I understood since I had learned from the best. I watch her day in and day out accept and understand everything, so I know what to expect.

His dream had blossomed. it bloomed so beautifully it blinded me. 

I was happy and proud.

I followed him, gone was my schedule. There was only him. My forever with him.

When I had my scheduled, I studied a lot. I had nosebleeds, insomia and a lot of head aches,

When I had our forever, I followed him a lot. I had sleepless nights, scrapes, and a lot of heartaches.

Now, i had....

He reached out his hand again,

Forever.

Our promise.

But promises were made to be broken.

And our promise was made to be broken like everything else.

He said he had no choice. That day he called to say it was gonna end was painful.

It hurt but it had been inevitable.

His dreams had become larger than both of us, larger than life. His dreams became larger than forever.

He, like my father, became a public figure. He was well loved. And again,  I became another person's treasure.  To be kept and protected. I understood.

It  was very painful. I remember crying for hours while my mother was beside me. She hugged me tight saying, "It was okay. it was part of growing up"

I don't remember what happened after. I just remember going to school a few days after. The pain was gone and all I was left was this feeling of nothing.

It had been a good feeling, not feeling the pain.

I smiled then, not because i felt like it and also not because I wanted to disguise my pain. I smiled because I wanted to cheek of that would translate to joy.

My facial muscles did sommersaults trying on different mouth positions for a smile, but I didn't feel anything.

I continued to smile now. It still felt nothing.

I stared at his outreached hands.

I always felt giddy when I touched his hands in the past. I want to feel that again.

Maybe if I just reached out I would feel that way again.

Maybe if I took one step forward I'd touch him and feel that way again.

Maybe...

Slowly I held my hand out, trying to reach his,

I stared as he smiled expectantly at me.

Slowly I lift my right leg up for that one step.

"Gyuri noona, no!"

I turned around and saw a familiar face looking up at me.

He was breathing hard as he looked worried.

"Noona.."

I smiled, it was refrex.

But I felt nothing.

"Myungsoo-ah..." I called out.

He smiled back and called, "Gyuri noona, get down from there..."

I stared at him, not answering.

"Please noona, let's talk..."

I contemplated.

"We can talk now..." I replied.

Its true we can talk. I had ears, he can speak I can listen.

"No not yet, get down from the ledge first..."

I shook my head, It was too pretty up here.

"Please noona. I just want to tell you something."

"Does it have to be now, Oppa is waiting"

I watch him as he came nearer. He was at the ledge when he spoke again, "yes noona, I need to talk to you now.."

I sighed, "Arrasso, what is it?"

He looked up at me as he took a step on the chair I put on the ledge, "Why are you here?"

I tilted my head to my oppa smiling expectantly at me, "Well I wanted to take a breath. then I saw Oppa. So here I am."

He had climbed the chair into the ledge like me when he spoke again, "Ah, is that so.  So before I came, what were you.."

"Ah that, Oppa was calling me so I was gonna go to him..."

"NO!"

It startled me. I looked at him confused.

Tears were streamig down his eyes and he slowly lifted his hand to me and asked, "Noona, please, wake up..."

"Please get a hold of  yourself.."

I was confused, what did he mean?

"He is not worth it."

His hands reached out to touch my face, his hands were warm, "Noona, please can you..."

He looked so sad

"Can I? can I what?", I whispered

"Can you please get down from here? please?"

"And can you please forget him... Please" he pleaded.

Why was Myungsoo acting this way when Oppa was just there.

oppa, he had come back. He was giving our forever another chance.

"But.."

"Noona please..."

I looked back at oppa, he smiled again, the smile exclusively for me

He was there, just an arm reach away.

I looked back at Myungsoo then back at my oppa again as he said, "trust me"

"Please forget him... "

I did forget him. I did until now. Until I saw him again,

I looked at oppa. I just want  to touch him, to see if  I'll feel giddy again.

I want to feel that.

"noona please----" then something hit her

"Myungsoo-ah, I just remembered, today is oppa's birthday" she exclaimed.

He nodded slowly and replied, "Yes I know. Hyung had come from a schedule to celebrate with omma and appa..."

Celebrate?

festivity?

Maybe that would be the answer, a party. to feel again

"Oh, that is great. Let's celebrate it again.", she suggested.

"Yes, we'll do that, let us just get down from here, okay?" he answered.

"Okay, what about oppa?" I reached out my hand far to hold oppa's outstretched arm.

"Andwi!"

Myungsoo suddenly hugged me and pulled me back.

We fell

Hard.

High.

Hurting.

"Thud" it sounded when his body landed on the ground, back inside the ledge.

"Are you okay noona...?"

I nodded knowing he was hurt.

"Can you please forget about him?"

"Please forget about him and be mine...." he stated through my ears as he hugged me tighter that the coldness somehow left me"

"Don't hurt anymore.."

"come back please..."

"Come back and Be Mine..."

With nothing else to say I just nodded as i was imprisoned inside his warm and tight embrace, feeling a little warm inside.

PS: okay this was a oneshot that just came to me in the wee hours of the morning a couple of days back when I was having an interesting chat with psycho_d. We're both GyuL fans, and I had been itching previously to post a gyuL FF So allow me to indulge just a little.
Anyway I'll be doing my drafts for a diary of you and me which i am excited about right now after watching Siwan in the moon that embraces the sun.