dec. 1st

entry one ; seul mi

dear jongin,

It's not 1 in the morning this time, ha. It's actually 10-someting and I'm still awake. These pieces of paper were once so blank and intimidating. Colorless, blank, lacking words. Kinda like me.

But let's not get into that.

We have school today. I don't wanna go and it's like this nowadays. My excuse is, it's too cold now that it's December.

No matter how many hours I sleep my mornings aren't refreshing. Whenever I wake up, I still feel groggy. I don't even ing get that. Oftentimes I end up not sleeping at all. Ugh. I feel sleepy even while telling you this.

I keep forgetting I'm not exactly telling you...

I usually jot a few of my "thoughts" down on paper and then make-believe like I'm sending it to you. Pathetic, yes. I trash them afterwards though. Like the other from a few hours ago. The one about it being 1 a.m. I mean. Yeah... Who knows maybe I'll keep this one I'm writing now. I should, shouldn't I?

My bedroom garbage is gonna overflow soon. From all the crumbled up and written-on papers. My dad will probably complain. Can you hear my sighing?

I'm still awake.

Wait ... I said that already in the beginning right? Yeah I did, wow. I'm loosing it. I don't want to be awake though. My eyes desperatly want to sleep. My body is aching for rest. But I'm still awake, jongin. I can't sleep at all.

I think this is the part where I insert as much why's as I possibly can.

Why

Why

Why

Why

Why

Why?

Do you know why I can't sleep?