Greetings! soooo, I know I've said this is complete and I really did mean it but.... Flight MH370 went missing and I started thinking about what it would feel like if someone from my family had been on it.  and then I started thinking about Dara and Seunghyun.  Anyway, the bit about hte pilot is obviously PURELY imagination, we still don't know what happened and I hope he didn't actually do this.  Also, the flight hasn't been found yet defintely so let's keep praying for the families of teveryone on the plane.  It would be really tough to have to go through something like that let's keep supporting them.  I really do hope and pray that they find the plane and that everyone will be still alive.  thanks for reading again and if you're interested in war I've started a tabisan war fiction.  have a good weekend everyone :)

In the silent V.I.P waiting room Seunghyun and Dara looked out over the airstrip at the ordered scurrying below them.  They were waiting for Seunghyun’s flight to be called. 

“I’ll miss you.”  Whispered Dara, leaning over to rest her face against Seunghyun’s sleeve. 

Smiling slightly, Senghyun shifted his arm to wrap around his wife’s shoulders.  In the eighteen months since their honeymoon Dara had gradually become more open and trusting until she expressed her feelings to him almost as easily as she had once expressed them to Dadoong.  Seunghyun had never stopped being grateful and he had never tired of finding new ways to express his own love.  Now his hand drifted under Dara’s arm to rest on her rounded stomach.

“Don’t let him forget me while I’m gone.”  He replied and Dara glanced up at him quickly, her eyes crinkling in gentle fun. 

“You’re only going to be gone for fortnight aren’t you? She’s hardly going to forget about you in that amount of time.”

“He.”  Corrected her husband gravely with his deep eyes glimmering humour at her. 

Dara would have argued back but suddenly something else arrested her attention.  “Oh Seunghyun, two whole weeks! How an earth am I going to live without you for that long?  Forget about Little ‘un for a while, what about me? Oh Seunghyun…” turning, Dara wrapped her arms around her husband’s waist, rubbing her face against his chest.  Instantly his hands moved to clasp over her lower back.  Holding her as close as possible he smoothed both hands up and over her back, feeling her body gradually relax.  Only the extra space Dara needed to accommodate Little ‘un as they called their unborn child, made the hug slightly awkward.  “Do you have to go to Malaysia?”  Whined Dara softly into his shirt and Seunghyun stared out the window, wishing fervently that he didn’t have to go anywhere.

“Jagiya you know I would take you with me if I could.  At least YG is finally giving 2NE1 another album.  Although I’m surprised he’s releasing it while you can’t promote with them.  He must be getting old and mellow!”  Feeling Dara giggle in his arms made Seunghyun smile but the ache of concern at leaving her and their child alone for two weeks did not lessen.  “I’ll ring you every night Jagi.  If anything goes wrong, you know I’ll come straight home and movie promotions can go jump in the lake.” 

Seunghyun’s flight was called and Dara jumped, her eyes lifted in sudden apprehension as she clung to his hands.  Letting her hands ride on his while he caressed the child Dara carried in her, Seunghyun leaned down to kiss his wife and hug her one last time before he had to leave.  Trying desperately not to cling, Dara clung anyway.  She was suddenly afraid to be without the ever tender protection that Seunghyun had cast about her so constantly for so long.  Seunghyun shared her sense of loss and found it extraordinarily difficult to disentangle himself from her.

Dara stood at the window until his plane had disappeared then slowly walked out of the airport to the car waiting for her.  She felt strangely cold without Seunghyun’s reassuring warmth beside her.  In the car she listened to Bom and Minzy’s deliberate loudness and let it fall onto her thoughts stifling them.  Several hours later later Dara sat with her arms unconsciously circling the small life within her, absent-mindedly watching her sisters rehears for AON concert.  Without really wanting to her thoughts drifted to Seunghyun’s words in the waiting room.  If anything happens… Staring down at her stomach, Dara let herself contemplate just for a moment what she would do if “something” did happen.  Then she shuddered and pulled her attention back to the other girls.  Already Dara loved her child too much to even think of anything going wrong.  Instead she remembered when she told Seunghyun she was pregnant.

Stepping inside after his last day of filming, Seunghyun glanced around and noticed the silence in his apartment.  Crossing the floor through his lounge room he entered the kitchen, looking for Dara.  He saw her sitting at the table, chin propped up on her hands while she waited for him.  The table was set; with three places.  For a second Seunghyun was still, processing everything he was seeing and interpreting the incredible joy and excitement that Dara was trying to supress behind her dancing eyes and dimples.  Process completed, Seunghyun deliberately sat down at the opposite end of the table and brought his gaze to Dara’s with painstaking slowness.

“Ommoni’s coming for dinner?”  He asked casually and Dara gave a good impression of an exploding volcano. 

“Seunghyun!!  You know that isn’t what’s happening!”

“Dara-ya, Jagiya… I hope you’re not joking…”

Seungyun stood up, suddenly sick of playing and realising his hands were trembling with the intensity of his own excitement. 

“You can start taking me shopping for baby clothes Appa.”  Whispered Dara, her whole being radiating the unbelievable joy she was feeling. 

Seunghyun took the length of the table in two strides and swung Dara into a crushing bear-hug before she could say anything else.  After a few breathless minutes of incoherent but completely mutual gladness Seunghyun let Dara go and stepped back, pushing his hair back off his face.  “Jinjja Dara-ya??  It’s really true?  Oh Dara-ya, the girls can really call you Omma Dara now.” 

Dara reached out to smack him for his teasing but Seunghyun caught her first and kissed her instead.  Slowly Dara melted into his embrace, her hands travelling up to entangle themselves in the thick black mess of his hair.  They stood there for a long time, heedless of anything else then Dara remembered the dinner she was cooking and had to go and save it from burning.

“Unnie?  What are you smiling about?  We’re going back to the dorms.”  Minzy was standing in front of her, head tilted teasingly while she waved one hand in front of her older sister’s face.

“Aaahhh…”  Dara allowed the younger girl to pull her up off the floor then stretched gingerly.  Dara felt it absurd how quickly she became stiff and tired now while the other girls thought it was funny.  Minzy especially liked to tease Dara who had previously held the title of general most energetic in 2NE1.  But Dara knew her members loved this child of hers almost as much as she herself did, if that could be possible. While she walked Dara remembered she wouldn’t be meeting Seunghyun at their home and loneliness engulfed her.

“By the way.”  Said Bom in her usual cute abruptness.  “Did we tell you that you’re coming to live with us again for a fortnight?”  And Dara hugged her in wordless relief.

For ten days Dara lived for the nightly conversations with her husband.  She missed him more than she could have thought possible and several times Seunghyun simply listened while Dara cried out her longing for him.  It frustrated Seunghyun that he couldn’t be there for her and his own desire to be with his wife was almost unbearable.  Dara said she was slightly morning sick and Seunghyun began ringing her every morning as well as night.

Eleven mornings after Seunghyun left, Dara woke up feeling distinctly sick.  Before she had been awake for half an hour she was in the bathroom throwing up and longing in between heaves for Seunghyun.

One morning almost three weeks after Dara had first found she was pregnant Seunghyun was woken up by something.  He was almost drifting back to sleep when he heard the small noise of distress from a still sleeping Dara.  Propping himself up on one elbow Seunghyun leant over his wife who was curled on her side away from Seunghyun.  Smiling softly at how beautifully oblivious she looked, Seunghyun bent forward and pressed a kiss against her face, holding the kiss until Dara began to wake up.  Half frowning, Dara turned her head and saw Seunghyun smiling at her.  Her frown turning into a matching smile, Dara returned the kiss then let her head drop back onto the pillow and frowned again, moving slightly in discomfort.  “What’s wrong Jagi?”  Mumbled Seunghyun, nuzzling into her hair and reaching over to hug her closer to him.

“I feel sick.”  Muttered Dara.  Seunghyun drew his face out of Dara’s hair and rearranged himself so his body was fitting next to Dara’s where she lay.  Pulling her head up to rest on his shoulder he let his other arm drop over her waist, rubbing gently and rhythmically.

“Go back to sleep Jagiya.”  He mumbled again and Dara felt herself relaxing at the rough easiness in her husband’s voice.

“I love you Seunghyun.”  She whispered as she slowly began to haze into sleep again.  “I don’t know how an earth I’d ever live without you.”

Seunghyun’s face curved into another, deeper smile at Dara’s words and as he dozed off again her words rang happily in the back of his mind.

For several mornings Seunghyun would wake up to Dara feeling sick and each time she gradually went back into sleep to the tune of Seunghyun murmuring soothingly to her.  One morning however Dara didn’t go back to sleep although Seunghyun did. He woke suddenly when Dara slid out from under his arm and left the room.  It took Seunghyun a few seconds to wake up properly then he went after Dara and found her kneeling over the toilet bowl.  Pulling her hair back off her face, Seunghyun lowered himself onto his knees beside her and rubbed her back until she had finished.  Finally Dara collapsed back against him and Seunghyun cradled her, one hand cupping her face protectively as he made soothing noises.  For almost two weeks it had gotten progressively worse until Dara was spending all morning in bed.  Seunghyun lay beside her, reading to her and holding her as she vomited.  The hospital gave Dara tablets that were supposed to help but both Dara and Seunghyun were leery of taking medication when there was a third person to be possibly affected.  They finally decided Dara would only take the tablets if she really had too.  Her morning sickness abated and the tablets went into the cupboard.  Soon it happened again, gradually getting worse until it peaked then got better again.  The third time Seunghyun told her to use the tablets.  This time it had gotten worse than the others.  Dara was almost too weak to vomit and she couldn’t even keep water down for more than a few minutes.  The tablets helped and when she wasn’t vomiting, Dara had the bliss of being in Seunghyun’s arms almost all day.  During every bout, Seunghyun had done everything for her without a word of complaint or teasing, giving her support, sympathy and the gentle, tireless love she relied on so much.  When Dara was so tired of being sick that she simply crumpled against him and cried until her body resumed gagging, Seunghyun hugged her and soothed her then held her in the most comfortable position he could until she could relax once more.  Dara didn’t ever want to repeat the experience of morning sickness but the new side of Seunghyun’s love was precious and Dara treasured it.

Minzy found her several minutes later and paused for a moment before saying quickly, “I’ll get ChaeRin Unnie”.  Dara tried to tell her not to but had to break off as she heaved again.  ChaeRin was curled up in bed with a book when Minzy burst into her bedroom, eyes wide in fear.  “Dara Unnie’s in the bathroom throwing up!”  She gasped and ChaeRin took just the smallest moment to laugh before explaining to Minzy what morning sickness was.

When Seunghyun rang an hour or so later he was told Dara was too sick to talk to him and in consequence he spent a bad day preparing to fly to Beijing for a day before heading home.  Knowing that Dara was sick, without him being there for her was awful.  Everyone who met Seunghyun that day stayed out of his way if possible.  Seunghyun rarely lost his temper but when he was moody people preferred to leave him alone.

The next morning Dara’s morning sickness was only light and she almost sounded chirrupy on the phone to Seunghyun.  He was on his plane, whispering so the cabin crew wouldn’t know he had his phone still .  “I have to go Jagiya, we’re taking off.  I’ll talk to you in Beijing.”

“Ok…” There was a pause then Dara added with all the wistful longing that she was feeling, “I miss you so much Seunghyun-ah.  So does Little ‘un.” 

Her husbands’ sigh reached her ears.  “I miss you to Dara-ya.  I’ll be home the day after tomorrow and then we’re together for years and years and years…”

“And years and years and years…” Joined in Dara, laughter in her voice.  Seunghyun’s answering chuckle made her catch her breath.  Each day she noticed something else to love in the man she was married too and the joy it brought her was immense.  “I’ll talk to you tonight then Seunghyun-ah?”

“Nae.  Talk to you then Jagiya.  I love you so much Dara-ya.”

Despite not being sick that day Dara was more tired than usual and when Bom told she was not coming to training with them, not even to watch and if she hadn’t had sleep by the time they got back Bom would knock her out herself, Dara agreed without even attempting an argument.  Bom glanced at her in surprise then hugged her quickly and skipped after the others.  As silence filled the girl’s dorm however, Dara found herself unable to sleep, she missed Seunghyun so intensely.  It felt like years since she had felt his arms envelope her and his head resting against hers as he hugged her.  Rolling over onto her back Dara switched the radio on and remembered the only time she had to be away from Seunghyun for more than one night.

After being married for almost a year Seunghyun had to film an advertisement for Millet.  Dara oversaw the packing of his overnight bag which was all he would take for the two nights he would be away.  Eyes wide and unusually silent Dara watched everything, folding his clothes and handing them to him.  Finally Seunghyun stopped packing and turned around to pull Dara into his arms and sit down with her on the edge of the bed.  “Dara, Jagiya, I’m only going to be away for three days.  Tuesday and Wednesday night and then I’m coming home again late Thursday morning.  You can live for three days.”

“I don’t think I can.”  Replied Dara into his shirt feeling completely serious.  Seunghyun chuckled and Dara felt his body vibrate as he laughed.

“You’re a warrior remember?”  Seunghyun tipped her chin up and let her search his eyes for a moment before leaning down to kiss her lightly on the nose.  Dara turned her face up and Seunghyun let his fingers move from her chin to curl around the back of her neck as he kissed her more seriously.  “Three days Dara.  Is that too hard?”

“Seunghyun, I’ve never been away from you before.”  Suddenly Dara was drawing away, looking embarrassed and shy.  “I know… it sounds stupid but… I guess… I’ve been depending on you for a lot of things.”

Seunghyun waited, sensing there was more Dara needed to tell him and desperately hoping she would be able to tell him of her own volition.  Very much alive in his memory were all the times before their marriage of Dara shutting herself away, building barriers and forcing herself to deal with problems alone rather than trust another person.

“I don’t have to think about him while you’re here.”  Whispered Dara finally and Seunghyun let his shoulders relax in relief. 

“Dara, you will still be my wife even though I’m not physically next to you.” 

“I know. But… It’s harder when you’re not near me.”

Abandoning the idea of packing entirely Seunghyun pulled Dara against him and flopped over sideways on the bed with her.  “I’m tired.” He said simply when Dara pulled her head back to stare at him quizzically. Slowly the tenseness that had formed in Dara’s face faded.

“Bingu.” She teased softly and Seunghyun smiled as he nodded.

“Nae.  That’s what I am.  I love you Dara.”

Dara went to sleep that afternoon wrapped in Seunghyun’s arms feeling his heart beat against her back.  Next morning when Seunghyun left, Dara held that memory close to her and the three days had passed almost at a normal speed.  When Seungyun stepped off the train on Thursday there was a second’s stillness then suddenly Dara was clinging to him; laughing and crying at the same time.  Retuning her embrace as roughly as he dared on a public train station, Seunghyun wondered how he himself had managed to live without the dear little bit of humanity known as Sandara.  When they got back to their apartment, Dara stood before Seunghyun and resting her hands on his arms let her eyes travel over him, as though she had forgotten what he looked like in the three days.  For Dara, having this man before her, feeling his hands resting under her arms, feeling his very life pulse through the muscles under her hands and knowing that the chocolate eyes now on her, would never turn to another woman, was bliss.  For a little longer, Dara let her hands move over his arms, feeling the strength radiating through him.  Then very gently, Dara put her head down on his chest and felt him breathe while he brought both hands to fold over her back.  “I missed you too Dara Jagiya.”

The rest of 2NE1 were having a break and listening to ChaeRin argue with a dancer when Dara suddenly burst into the room, going straight to Bom.  “Seunghyun’s flight has gone missing.  It left early this morning and the news just said it’s been missing for four hours.”  Bom’s arms went automatically around her sister while everyone else in the room stared in shock.  Finally one of the Kwon twins stepped forward. 

“They’ll find it soon Noona, it’s probably just going through a fog and lost communication or gone off track of its flight path.  It can’t really have gone missing…”  He drifted off and Dara sniffled.

The rest of the afternoon dragged.  None of 2NE1 really trained any more after that.  In YG Café that night Bom still had one arm around Dara who was white faced and red eyed.   There had been only one official statement from the airline and it was inadequate, merely stating that Flight MH370 was missing. Dara sat on the lounge, legs pulled up against her belly while she searched as many newspapers as she could find.  They all gave the same thing; speculation and very little else.  Dara signed into twitter and found FlightMH370 trending and hundreds of mentions about it.  Smiling ever so slightly at her blackjacks and Daralings who stood with her even in something like this, Dara turned away from the laptop to her phone.  Unlocking it she found a new message from Seunghyun even though she had heard no notification of the text message.  Her exclamation brought Chaerin and Bom springing into the room, frightened something terrible had happened.  Dara was caught between intense excitement, frustration and fear.  “He sent this text message but I only got it a few minutes ago even though it says it was sent this morning.”  She stared at her sisters, asking for an explanation they didn’t have.  Finally Dara dropped back onto the lounge still staring at Seunghyun’s message.  Love you Jagiya, see you tonight.  I’ve missed you awfully.  You and Little ‘un.”  Resting her hand over her stomach Dara wondered if her child could feel the terrible uncertainty ading her.  Seunghyun had always been able to sense any of Dara’s moods.  Had always?  Dara pressed her knuckles against her teeth as she tried not to think of the implications of what she had just thought.

“He’s not dead.  Don’t be stupid.  The plane didn’t crash.  They’ll find it again.  Please let them find it again.  They have to find it.”  She stopped whispering as Minzy lowered herself onto the lounge next to her and slid one arm around her. 

“Unnie?  They will find it.  Jinjja.”

Letting her head rest on the younger girl, Dara clung to Minzy’s words.  If she didn’t believe that the plane would be found… Dara shuddered and tried to believe.  That night she finally went to sleep curled against the bracing width of Bom’s sturdy frame and woke the next morning with an abominably sore back and morning sickness again.

Somehow Dara lived through that day and the next.  It was Thursday; the day after Seunghyun was supposed to be home.  Still, no real news had been released.  The Malaysian airlines had no idea what happened to the plane although now more formulated ideas had started circulating.  Flight paths were being tracked and other airports being brought into questioning.  Countries were sending personnel to help search for the plane and Dara silently thanked each person she learned of as she sat in front of her laptop.

Five more days passed.  Dara wasn’t sleeping well.  Her hold on both control and hope were starting to fracture.  On Friday night, eight days after Seunghyun was supposed to be home, Dara slipped out of bed and leaving Bom’s room went to the kitchen.  Sliding onto the floor against the corner cupboard Dara pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them as closely as she could without causing discomfort.  For a moment she was still then Little ‘un moved and Dara suddenly started crying.  What if Seunghyun never saw the son or daughter he had loved even before it was thought of?  Seunghyun had loved his child and Dara had loved feeling his love for it.  Short, sweet memories crowded before Dara’s mind.  All the times Seunghyun had fallen asleep at night talking to Little ‘un, his face so close to Dara she could feel his lips tickling her every time she breathed in.  The time Seunghyun had been late getting home and walked up to Dara looking sheepish as he handed her a fluffy  baby suit so tiny that Dara had only been able to hold it and squeal in amazement.  When she had slipped on a wet patch on the kitchen floor and Seunghyun had dropped the two plates he was holding in his desperate hurry to make sure she and their child was unhurt.  His wide eyed, forceful concern was still so vivid.  Sobbing in full earnest now Dara let all the possibilities that she had been fighting against, crowd into her mind and overwhelm her with the black emptiness of a future without Seunghyun.  When Bom found her almost an hour later Dara was lying curled against the cupboard, slow tired tears still dripping from her eyelashes.

Another week went by and Dara’s face became white and still.  She didn’t talk much and when she read the news her lips hardened cynically.  There were dozens of conspiracy theories already circling around the whole incident and Dara silently mocked them all.  Dara had never been cynical or better but now her heart was freezing hard in sheer self-defence.  She didn’t care about the conspiracy theories and reading them began to teach her how Seunghyun had felt about fans for so many years.  They didn’t care what had actually happened to the passengers on the plane, or how its disappearance affected the families.  All they cared about was airing their own opinions and drama.  There was serious talk of the plane being hijacked and Dara felt cold fear close over her heart as she remembered watching September 11.  That night she had kept Bom awake a long time, talking in panicked defence against sleep.  Several hours later Bom was grabbed out of sleep by Dara’s agonised jerk into wakefulness after a nightmare of Seunghyun’s plane being flown into the twin towers.  All Bom could do was reach over and pat Dara’s shoulder until her sister had stopped crying. 

It had been twenty one days since Flight M370 went missing.  Three weeks after Seunghyun was supposed to be home.  Seven weeks since he had first left.  Dara was sitting on the balcony of her own apartment soaking up what sunshine there was to be had and trying not to think.  It seemed to be her favourite pastime lately.  Slowly, unconsciously her hands moved over and over her stomach, caressing her child.  Would Seunghyun ever lay his hands over his child again?  Would he ever feel such a tiny human moving within Dara and lift wide, awe-filled eyes to his “little umma” before drawing her close so tenderly?  Would Seunghyun see Little ‘un in the suit he bought?  Would… Dara shook her head and bit back the tears that were continuously too close to the surface.  It occurred to her just then that everything Seunghyun loved, he called little.  It was as if the word little was his own brand of protectiveness.  Dara bit back more tears.

Almost a month after their honeymoon Dara and Seunghyun spent a night on Jeju Island.  Lying on the beach with Dara against him, Seunghyun was feeling lazily rumative.  “Would you rather have a boy or a girl first Jagiya?”  He asked sleepily.  Dara giggled and rolled over so she was lying across his chest.  Stretching her arm out to rest her hand on his she set her chin on his chest and mumbled happily, “It doesn’t matter as long as whatever it is looks like you.” 

She could feel Seunghyun squirming as her chin pressed into his chest and giggled again as he glared at her.  Reaching one hand up behind her Seunghyun let his thumb and finger find the pressure points in her neck and Dara jerked squealing off him.  “Choi Seunghyun I won’t hug you at all if you do that to me again!”  Seunghyun sat up as she pulled away from him, his face half pleading, half dimpling in mischief.

“Pleeeease hug me Dara.”  He whined, his eyebrows drawing together in his version of cute childish pleading.  Wrapping his arms around her waist he slumped against her, knocking her over into the sand.  “Please Dara, don’t leave me! Oh uh, PLEEEASE DON’T GOO!”

Tears in her eyes, Dara flopped back onto the sand, helpless with laughter.  She had been trying to crawl away with Seunghyun still clinging to her waist but his impromptu rendition of Minzy and CL’s song had effectively put an end to all movement for the time being.  Still choking on her giggles Dara reached back and messed a handful of sand into his hair.  It felt so good to be silly with Seunghyun.  To and know he would respond in kind with a sparkle in his eye and all his loving heart behind it.  Sitting up, Seunghyun tipped several tablespoons of sand out of his sleeve and Dara laughed again at the wry expression on his face.  A wave of special love rushed over her as she watched this precious man shaking his head like a horse then fall over from dizziness despite the fact he wasn’t even standing up.  Throwing herself on top of him Dara burrowed her hands into the sand beneath him and hugged him tightly. Seunghyun carefully poured a handful of sand over Dara’s head and chuckled.  His chuckle had cut off in surprise as Dara lifted her face and propping herself up on Seunghyun’s chest leaned down to kiss him. 

With a shaky sigh Dara found her lips tipping up sadly as she remembered that particular occasion.  It was the first time she had ever voluntarily kissed Seunghyun except for that desperate kiss of sensual misery on their honeymoon.  Again she remembered the new level of gentleness in Seunghyun’s being as he embraced her and returned the kiss.  Would Dara ever feel that dizzying thrill of Seunghyun’s lips on hers again?  A quick sigh of vexation at the cycle of dreary questioning her thoughts always took passed Dara’s lips. Drawing her knees up as far as they would come she clasped her hands around them then leaned forward to rest her face on them.  It had been a month since Flight MH370 had dropped off the face of the earth.  In another day or two the plane’s black box would stop beeping and chances of finding the aircraft would become even more unlikely.  Dara mentally forced herself to think unlikely, but she knew people were already writing Flight M370 off as a lost cause and moving on with their lives.  She wondered tiredly if they thought about people who loved the passengers on that plane.  All the people who had family, friends, fiancées, sisters or brothers, husbands… a sob surprised Dara and she bit her lip quickly.  That afternoon there would be a press conference for the Malaysian families of MH370’s passengers.  Dara hadn’t decided whether she wanted to watch it or not.  She tried, squashed onto the lounge between Minzy and Bom.  Family members on the screen were crying and soon the press conference was terminated as more and more distraught people broke down completely, screaming their anger at the airline. 

Sobbing soundlessly into Bom’s back, Dara heard ChaeRin scramble to find the remote and felt relief when the screen went blank.  Seunghyun was still missing.  Standing up Dara walked aimlessly away from her sisters.  She felt dizzy and sick.  All that day she had been slightly morning sick and the thought of food repulsed her.  Behind her ChaeRin was reading a news article by a former pilot who believed the plane to have caught on fire.  He said that the pilot had been aiming for an airstrip in Pulau Langkawi and searchers would easily find the wreckage if they looked along that route.  The wreckage.  Images from an aeroplane crash documentary flashed before Dara’s mind.  One particular picture of a man still strapped in his seatbelt, hanging upside from a tree was particularly vivid and Dara’s overactive imagination turned it into Seunghyun far too perfectly.  Suddenly feeling extremely hot Dara realised she was breathing hard and irregular.  At the same time she felt her dizziness intensify and a haze of black dropped over her vision.  Bom and Minzy heard ChaeRin yell Dara’s name and looked up just in time to see Dara crumpling onto the floor.

When Dara regained consciousness a few minutes later she could vaguely see the concerned faces of her members, a doctor, Daesung and YG himself.  Waves of heat were still going through Dara and she felt it too much effort to breathe.  Gradually however she started breathing and her body returned a normal temperature.  The doctor explained that there was nothing wrong with her, she had simply fainted.  Only prolonged stress combined with the lack of food and her pregnancy had caused Dara’s blackout.  “But I wouldn’t try it again young lady.”  He told her sternly.  “Your husband wants to come home to both you and your baby.”

A little later Dara watched Bom dive into her bed and snuggle down under the quilt with her favourite Poong Poong.  “This will be the night I’ll have the nightmare again.”  Mumbled Dara drowsily, too tired to care what Bom heard from her.

“You can wake me up.”  Came Bom’s voice, muffled by her pillow.  Bom was asleep in a few moments but it took Dara longer, despite her physical exhaustion.  Since she had been married Dara had frequently had the same dream.  She was alone in a house when the man was suddenly with her again.  Always Dara would simply stand frozen in fright then gradually they would be moving even though neither of them were walking.  As they moved through a long dark corridor, Dara could hear his voice although he was not speaking.  “Let’s do it again sweetheart.  Let’s do it again.  Sweetheart, let’s do it again.”

Each time she had dreamed it, Dara had woken in a cold sweat and shaking in fear.  Several times Seunghyun had woken her first and Dara would cling to him, desperate for his solid reassurance to wipe away the horror of the dream.  But tonight Seunghyun would not be here to defend her from any dreams.  Eyes wide, Dara faced the dark with trembling defiance and wondered if Seunghyun was alive out there somewhere, also staring into the dark.

One morning, almost two months after Flight M370 had gone missing, Dara turned sideways and looked at herself in the mirror.  Eyeing the curve in her back she smoothed her hands over her stomach and felt Little ‘un move under them.  A smile came automatically as love for the tiny piece of her and Seunghyun deepened once more.  She had grown in those months.  Minzy had stared rather blankly and said she couldn’t tell the difference but Dara could.  She had less than a month to go now and the other members had started teasing her about the ponderous way she moved.  Light, agile Dara who always moved with the natural grace of a feather now moved more like a hippo or an elephant.  But Dara knew that if Seunghyun were here he would love her slow, deliberate walk just as much as her old weightless step.  In truth Dara thought her own movements rather funny.  She was impatient for it to be over and holding Little ‘un in her arms where she could shift him or her at will.  But Dara also wanted to just pause everything and wait for Seunghyun.  If Seunghyun was still alive to wait for.  The uncertainty and not knowing ate at Dara.  She had become much thinner than she ever had been before and she knew the rest of YG family worried about her.  Thankfully she was not actually throwing up anymore even though she still felt nauseous some mornings.  Grimacing in discomfort Dara discarded her perusal of the mirror and started back to bed.  She was much more tired now and slept deeper.  As far as Dara was concerned that was a blessing.  Nightmares didn’t ade her sleep and neither did thoughts of Seunghyun.  It hurt to think of Seunghyun.  Hurt bitterly and Dara flinched in physical pain when she did think of him.  She knew there was technically still a chance the plane would be found but the leaden weight in her heart became harder every day.  Surely if people on the plane were still alive they would have made contact with someone else by now?  So afraid to hope but terrified to lose hope, Dara had lived in constant limbo that drained what little energy she had and utterly depleted any interest in normal things like eating and talking to other people.  Climbing back into bed with a grateful sigh Dara unlocked her phone and checked the news headlines.  There was the usual hopeful headline – they were much smaller now after such a long period – about finding wreckage that could belong to Flight M370.  Dara felt nothing as she read them.  She was too tired and her emotions too battered to feel anymore.  Shifting slightly in the bed to try and find a more comfortable position Dara scrolled down a little further, lost interest and dropped her phone on the bed beside her.  Shifting again Dara looked up as Bom dashed in looking for a hair tie and asking if Dara wanted to come to the gym with them.  Dara shifted again and said no thanks.  Bom nodded and was gone.  Shifting for the fourth time Dara sighed in frustration and pulled herself out of bed to go and clean up the kitchen in the girl’s dorms.  At least she could do that with minimal effort and she could always sit down if she wanted too.  Half way to the kitchen however memories of cooking and cleaning with Seunghyun swamped Dara and finally she simply leaned against the wall, put her face in her hands and cried.  Soft exhausted tears they were, from a woman who had given much and had much taken away from her.  And who still didn’t know if it had actually been taken away from her.  The frustration of not knowing whether to greive for a dead husband or hope for an alive one intensified Dara’s sobs for a moment and she slid into a ball of misery on the dining room carpet.  Suddenly she heard Bom’s scream echoed by a most uncharacteristic scream from ChaeRin.  Rubbing the tears of her face with the heel of one hand Dara stared down the hall.  As always her first thought jumped to Seunghyun and desperate hope clutched even as hard, embittered reason told her not to be stupid.  Of course it wouldn’t be Seunghyun. Up until then, Dara had not realised that she believed Seunghyun to be dead.  But she did and the hope that was choking her now felt even more painful because she didn’t believe it could be true.  Then Minzy, fastest runner in 2NE1, flung herself through the door. 

“Unnie…!”  She broke off panting as Bom and ChaeRin scattered into the room behind her gasping the same thing.  Suddenly unable to breathe Dara watched Seunghyun step into the room.

On seeing her, the half shy eagerness on his face changed to concern and his stride quickened as he covered the room width towards her.  Dara knew she had clambered to her feet on seeing him even though she had the detached mental image of a duck waddling to meet him rather than his wife.  Only Seunghyun heard the small cry of amazed relief as Dara fell into his arms then Seunghyun was burying his face in her hair as he held her. 

Several hours later Dara and Seunghyun were installed on a lounge in YG building’s shared lounge room.  All of YG Family were there from WINNER to Teddy.  None of them pain any attention to the way Seunghyun had both arms clasped around Dara or the way she was snuggled against his frame as they lay curled together on the lounge.  One of Seunghyun’s hands moved constantly, smoothing over his child who he had been separated from so long.  Dara let her fingers rest on his hand as it moved and kept his other hand clasped over hers.  Dara herself was almost incoherent in the delirious joy of being able to hear Seunghyun’s heart beat through his chest and trace the vein lines running down his arms.  Full length on the lounge resting almost completely on the stability of her husband Dara felt almost happier than she had on her wedding day.

After the first several minutes of shock and ecstasy on seeing his wife again, Seunghyun had spent as much time as possible re-acquainting himself with Dara’s shape.  His astonishment at how much she had grown and changed made Dara giggle, a slightly hysterical giggle with tears in her eyes and when he heard it Seunghyun stopped everything else to simply hold her until the tremble had left her voice.

Sighing heavily, YG lowered himself slowly into an arm chair.  Craning his head around, Seunghyun found Seungri and tipped one eyebrow up.  Seungri returned the look and Seunghyun grinned.  There would soon another YG imitation in Seungri’s repertoire.

“So…”  Began Seunghyun’s boss.  “If you two could stop snuggling for a minute; Seunghyun do you want to tell us about… uhh… how you umm…”  Everybody stared at YG as he struggled to express himself without sounding mundane or heartless.  Still looking sleepily lazy and without the least intention of shifting Dara, Seunghyun watch with the others until he finally took pity on the older man.  Clearing his throat he pushed himself up slightly then waited for Dara to rearrange herself to his new position.  YG rolled his eyes and chuckles ran around the room.  Tablo was the only other married man in the YG’s family of singers and everyone had grown used to the odd bit of affection publically shared between them.  The one person who hadn’t seemed to accept it was YG himself and his allergic reaction never failed to amuse the others.  Seunghyun took the time to smile slightly at President Yang’s response then started talking.

As he spoke his words became slower and he found it more difficult to live through the past two and a half months again.  Dara’s hand crept over his and almost without knowing it, Seunghyun picked it up in both of his and held it against his face.  He was brushing his cheek against it lightly and Dara was silently thrilling to the gentle roughness of Seunghyun’s unshaven face on her skin when YG cleared his throat forcefully.  Dara’s hand was placed carefully back onto Seunghyun’s knee, protected by his larger hand. 

Gradually, disjointedly, Seunghyun told his story.  The pilot had shut down communications with the intent of committing suicide.  Turning his plane out of its flight path, he had set it to fly out over the Indian Ocean where it run out of fuel and crash into a sea almost impossible to search.  As he did so the plane had been steered up far too high, decompressing the cabin so passengers would become comatose or die rather than realise what was happening.  As he related that part Seunghyun’s voice broke altogether and for a moment YG family watched him fight for control; head lowered, jaw tight.  Once more Dara slipped her hand over his and Seunghyun’s fingers tightened it.  “One air hostess… knew about BigBang, she’s been to one of our concerts.  She got to me in time to give me an oxygen mask.  She died later.  A lot of people died just from lack of oxygen.  By the time she managed to get to me she was almost unconscious and she couldn’t get to anyone else.”  He stopped and swallowed, his hands rubbing together rhythmically.  “It was pretty painful.  But… all the people around me dying… that was worse.  Knowing that there were people at home who were hoping and longing for them to come home, and knowing that they wouldn’t because our pilot wanted to kill himself, it was pretty awful.  I’m not condemning the pilot, I know that feeling of desperation and the feeling of just wanting to end it before it ends you.” a sensation ran through the room at his words and Seunghyun looked up in surprise, as if only coming aware of other people around him.  “He turned the plane back downwards, it was running out of fuel.  I… left my seat, I don’t know why.  I think, I needed to see the pilot and convince myself that he wasn’t a monster for killing so many other people with himself.  It was pretty hard to walk and there were people… lying in the aisle.”  Seunghyun’s breath dragged raggedly through his lungs.  “It was too late to stop what he’d started.  There was no fuel and the electronics had been disabled.  He was sobbing on the floor.  He’d taken his oxygen mask off and was kind of semi unconscious when I got to him.  What could I do?  He was going to die anyway.  Anyway basically the plane crashed and… it was pretty frightening.  I’ve never been… in an ocean before, with an aeroplane falling to pieces around me, waves that are bigger than I am tall and people disappearing into them.  A few who weren’t already dead, revived once they got into air again but… they were too dazed to grab onto anything and they drowned.  I couldn’t help them without drowning myself.  I felt so wretchedly selfish just listening to them drown.  Their families were at home crying and praying for them while I was floating on a chunk of plane, watching them pleading for help as they sank.  I think I was shock, I don’t remember much more, only I could hear them, over and over again in my head even though they were already dead.  I don’t know how long I was there.  I guess it was a while, maybe days?  Some local people in a fishing canoe picked me up at some point.  I think I might have been delirious.  When they got back to land I had to spend some time in hospital.  When I could walk again I came home.”

Seunghyun flopped back against the lounge, looking drained.  His face was white and set as he saw again the scenes he had just described.  Gently, Dara leaned back, her head nestling on his chest, one arm tucked around his waist.  Seunghyun clasped both hands loosely over her back and rested his chin on her head.  Others moved around them and conversation swirled in the air but those two were oblivious to it.  Seunghyun was exhausted and with Dara in his arms he cared about nothing else.  Dara could still feel Seunghyun’s simply, raw sentences reverberating in her head and the only thing that could mute them was the sound of Seunghyun’s heartbeat.  They sat in silence, mutually satisfied to simply hold each other.

Much later Dara watched Seunghyun clean his teeth then turn the bathroom light out and step carefully through the hall into their bedroom.  Despite not being inside the apartment in over two months he still moved with surety.  The bed creaked as he lowered himself onto it with a tired sigh and Dara moved over to be nearer to him. 

“It’s so good to be back in my own bed again.”  Rumbled Seunghyun tiredly and Dara smiled in the darkness.

“It’s good to have you back in your own bed again.” She replied conversationally.

Seunghyun pushed himself up on one elbow and put one hand out to frame her face in the darkness. “Was it very hard Jagiya?” 

“Yes.”  The one word trembled.  “It was horrible.  I didn’t know what to think Seunghyun.  I was terrified that you might be dead but hoping was so draining and I didn’t know! I wanted to hope but I was frightened to hope in case it wasn’t true.  What you said about the families: it was true Seunghyun.  I’m glad I haven’t seen the news.  It would be horrific for them.  This whole time,  it’s been the worst nightmare I could ever imagine.”  She paused reaching out to clutch handfuls of Seunghyun’s shirt and bury her face in them.  “Worse than any dream I’ve had about the man Seunghyun.”

As she spoke, Seunghyun had shifted closer and now he was nuzzling her neck as she talked.  Lifting his head he brushed his lips lightly over her nose before lowering them to her lips. 

“Mianhae Jagiya.  I wish it never had to happen.  And I missed two months of Little ‘un.”  His hand moved down to Dara’s stomach and she shuddered as his fingers moved lightly over her skin.  Seunghyun chuckled.  “You’re so ticklish.”  He commented and skittered his fingers over her taut stretched belly.  Dara yelped and grabbed his hand, unable to jerk away from him. 

“That’s not nice Seunghyun.”  She scolded and slapped his hand.  They laughed together then there was comfortable silence.  It was broken by Dara’s sound of impatience as she shifted on the mattress.

“Are you ok?”  Asked Seunghyun instantly and Dara was gladdened by his alertness to her even when he was so tired. 

“Nae.  I just… can’t find a comfortable position to be in anymore.  I’ve only got another few weeks to go.”

“Another few weeks?  Was I really gone that long?”  Seunghyun heard his wife nod against her pillow and felt excitement over take him.  “We’re going to be parents Dara?”  She nodded again and Seunghyun dove head first into his pillow and kicked in childish joy. 

Dara laughed at him until Seunghyun suddenly surfaced again and leaned over to kiss her.  Slowly he moved so that Dara was resting against him, her hands entwined in his hair.    “I’ve missed you so much.” Whispered Dara finally and Seunghyun smiled. 

“For what reasons?”  He asked innocently, running one finger up and down Dara’s backbone.  She squirmed, heavily then retaliated by letting her fingers dance over Seunghyun’s chest.  She giggled as he shivered under her.

“You’re so ticklish.”  She repeated back to him and Seunghyun laughed again.  Letting her hands tangle into his hair once more, Dara kissed Seunghyun while her fingers traced his jawline.  “Seunghyun, thank you for marrying me.”  She stated quite seriously.  Trying to recover from the heady shock of having Dara to love again Seunghyun reached up to catch hold of her hair and pull it back behind her ears.

“What did you say?”

“I said thank you for marrying me.  You’ve changed me so much and… you really have freed me.  You’ve been a good moon.”

“Aahh Dara, I never wanted to be your moon, I just wanted to be your husband and love you for the rest of your life.”

“And after I’m dead?”

Seunghyun’s hand rested gently on her cheek, caressing it.  “I’ve thought too much about death lately Dara.  I want to think about life now.  You are my life and I love you.  You and Little ‘un.  I love you both and I will live for you both.”

There was silence again then it was broken by Dara.  “Seunghyun-ah?”

Her husband hummed in reply.  The sound reverberated from his chest and Dara loved it.  “You said, you know how the pilot felt; you know that despair and wanting to kill it before it kills you.”  She paused waiting for him to say something.  “Seunghyun-ah?”

The quilt rustled as Seunghyun shifted onto his side and pulled Dara closer to him.  “I used too; before I got to know you.” 

As she heard his words, Seunghyun felt tenseness dissolve from Dara’s body and chuckled softly.  “Don’t worry Jagiya, I’m not going to commit suicide.  I love you too much and you’ve made my life too good for me to want death.”

“Did you feel like that… before we were married?”  Dara was thinking back to Seunghyun’s constant love and care even in the face of her withdrawal and rebuffs.

“Not for long.  You… made me feel happier.  Always.  I loved being around you and you made me want to live just so I could make you laugh again or watch you being silly.  You’ve always been my beautiful freedom.”

“You’re my freedom too Seunghyun-ah.  Oh Seunghyun, I’m so thankful you’re safe but… what about the others?  I’m impossibly happy but all the other families who didn’t get their people back…” 

Combing his fingers through her hair, Seunghyun let Dara’s tears soak through his shirt.  “We can pray for them.”  He mumbled softly and Dara knew the inadequacy of his words was much stronger to him than to her.  But prayer was better than anything else.  The pilot was dead, nothing could be brought against him. 

“We’ll pray for them Seunghyun-ah.  And I’ll thank him for giving you back to me.”

Silence fell softly into the darkness once more.  Husband and wife relaxed in each other’s arms, drifting into their first really restful sleep since Seunghyun had left.  Slowly, half asleep Seunghyun’s hand went down once more to lay across Dara’s stomach.  Little ‘un kicked a greeting and Dara felt his face crease into a tired smile under her fingers.  Joy wrapped golden tendrils into the friendly blanket of blackness around her.  Beside her Seunghyun huffed a sigh of contentment and Dara’s last conscious action was to murmur once more “I love you” before she fell asleep with her husband safely back home to her and their child.