Seunghyun and Dara pushed onto the plane together, yelled for seats next to each other then argued good-naturedly for the window seat.  Seunghyun got to it first and refused to shift, staring nonchalantly out of the window at the airport.  Dara pouted, glaring at him then finally plonked down in the seat next to him.  There was a second of silence then Seunghyun stood up and bowed slightly, offering his seat to Dara.  With a smile on her face Dara stood as well, slid over then stopped in the act of moving in front of Seunghyun and touched her nose lightly against his.  “Gamsahabnida jagiya.  You didn’t have too.”

“It’s ok.  I’d rather watch your face than the sky anyway.”  Replied Seunghyun with that blunt shyness that made his corniest sentences completely honest and real.  Dara let her eyelashes fall over her eyes with answering shyness while she mumbled something unintelligible and paid particular attention to her seat as she dropped into it.  Seunghyun watched her for a moment then leaned over and nudged her cheek with his nose, feeling Dara’s face move as she tensed, then relaxed and smiled.  Reaching over, Dara held his hand in both of hers; sliding her hands over it, feeling his skin against hers and watching his fingers tighten around her own.  Not daring to move, Seunghyun drank in the trust flowing from her beautiful slim fingers and was profoundly grateful.  It was not until Dara’s hand relaxed as she fell asleep that he withdrew his hand and began working the pins and needles out of it.  After three days holiday on Jeju Island with only BigBang and 2NE1 Dara was exhausted.  Seunghyun let the cute fragility of his beloved rearrange his facial expression into a dimpled smile then leaned back and tried to sleep as well.  Tomorrow he had to go and film the last scene for Alumni. 

They had been flying for only about fifteen minutes and Seunghyun was almost dozing off, when Seunghyun heard a small sound that could have been a whimper and instantly jerked back to full reality.  Dara’s face was drawn and tense as though she was bracing herself for a blow.  As he watched, her chest lifted and fell as her breath caught in a quick sob.   Seunghyun rapped his knuckles sharply on the plastic arm rest reaching for her as he saw a tear sliding slowly down her cheek.   Ignoring the biting pain flashing through his fingers he slid one arm behind Dara’s shoulders and pulled her over so she was resting against him.  Gently he drew his arms tighter around her then murmured into her ear, hoping she would either wake up, or settle as she felt his presence.  Dara woke up, but not with the peacefulness Seunghyun had hoped for.  She jerked awake, sitting bolt upright from Seunghyun’s arms, breathing hard.  Seunghyun let his hand rest firmly over her back, reminding her of his support until finally she let herself slump back against him. 

“What did you dream?”  Asked Seunghyun simply.  Dara turned her face against him, smudging tears across his shirt. 

“It was the men.  Only… you were one of them Seunghyun.  It was so terrible because… I trusted you with everything and believed you would never betray me but in my dream…”  Seunghyun cut her off, as his arms tightened around her again.  Anger at the men who so frequently invaded Dara’s dreams filled him, roughening his voice. 

“Dara.  You know I would never treat you like that.  I would never betray your trust.  I’m thankful for your trust and I don’t feel I can ever do enough to be worthy of it.  I would never betray it.  Look at me jagiya.”  Seunghyun’s fingers were already cupping her chin to turn her face up but Dara gasped and shrank back as his hand touched her face.  Seunghyun’s fingers remained cupped in space as he mentally berated himself for being so thoughtless.  His patient acceptance of her shattered trust slapped Dara across the face with guilt.  He had never been anything but a perfect gentleman to her and she was afraid of him.  Dara knew her constant withdrawals hurt him.  How many times had she jerked back from his touch to leave him standing; alone and defenceless waiting for her?  She wished she could just be normal so she could give Seunghyun the love he deserved.  For several moments however she couldn’t speak or look at him as she tried to stop shivering, tried to push away the memory of the man caressing her face with filthy fingers before clamping them around her chin and holding her head still while he assaulted her. 

“Mianhae.”  Dara managed at last.  “I really am sorry Seunghyun.  I haven’t thought about it in weeks but that dream…. It was so real.  I haven’t had such a real nightmare about it in so long; almost three months.”  She shuddered, her arms going around herself in a gesture of protection.  For a moment Seunghyun stared at the scar lines still visible on her jawline and throat, reaching down below the neckline of her shirt, then once again reached to place his hand on her back.  His other hand rested over Dara’s clenched on her upper arm and stayed there, simply reminding Dara of his longing to love the nightmare away from her. 

Gradually Seunghyun felt her body relax against his and Dara nestled against him like a frightened child seeking shelter.  Seunghyun stared out the window in silent despair for the woman he loved as he locked his arms gently but firmly around her, an unspoken vow to protect her from hurt. With Seunghyun’s heartbeat sounding steady and reassuring in her ears Dara concentrated fiercely on the safety of Seunghyun’s arms; trying to block the worst memories of Dara’s life, out of her mind.

***

“If you want to do the shoot, we will pay you.”  Dara bit her lip as she looked at the pose sketches she would have to model.  Her mother had fainted a few hours ago and when taken to hospital was told she needed to stop worrying because the stress would eventually give her a heart attack.  Again Dara eyes the sketches.  Her mother worried a lot about money.  Money and Dara’s father.  Under the table Dara’s hands clenched.

“I’ll do it.”  Her voice sounded flat to her ears as she picked up the pen to sign the contract. 

That night Dara cried herself to sleep, but her sobs had a vicious note to them.  “This time,” she sobbed into her pillow.  “You won’t get ANY of it.  It’s Umma’s!”

She had done the first shoot next morning.  Almost two hours wearing provocative lingerie in a roomful of cameramen.  When it was over, Dara hugged her clothes around her and looked at no one on the way home.  For three more days she went to the studio and each day Dara became quieter, more withdrawn and more sensitive to the garments, or lack of garments she was wearing.  Her mother told her she didn’t have to do it, but Dara knew they needed the money and she didn’t have any other way of getting it.  The company gave her an unpublished copy of the magazine, with their congratulations and an offer to give her more modelling work whenever she wanted it.  Dara looked at the pictures of herself and began to feel sick.  She stared at them for long minutes, while somewhere in the back of her mind she was counting seconds from a clock on the wall.  Slowly the kind of thoughts she was be forcing into men’s minds began to filter into her own brain and the nausea intensified.  Throwing the unpublished magazine on the floor Dara ran to the toilet and vomited. Finally she sat back against the door, shivering.  “I had to do it.  I did it for Umma, for my family; not because I wanted to.  We have no food.  It didn’t feel good.  I hated it and I hate myself for doing it.”  The whispered words were shaken with tears and their sincerity made ache.   

After the magazine was published Dara didn’t go anywhere for almost a week.  Reluctant to meet the gaze of any other human being, she stayed inside reading the online comments criticizing her, her body, her skin, her weight, her facial expression and anything else they could find to criticise and Dara agreed with them.  She tried not to read the other comments, some of which made Dara burn with shame and embarrassment as she wondered how people could have such filthy thoughts.   Then finally, late one night, her mother asked her to go to a chemist and get some cough medicine for Sang Hyun.  Dara went; only for her 12 year old brother who she could hear sobbing and gasping for breath in his bedroom.  Hesitantly she stepped out of the apartment, coat wrapped around her as tight as she could pull the sash.  Dara had no car and even if she did, she would have walked because petrol was expensive. 

A block away from the shopping centre and chemist, Dara met the men.  They were lounging in the side street, where a small pub was.  As Dara walked past the alley one of the men called her name and without thinking Dara turned at her name.  Within a minute there were four very drunk men around her, pushing the magazine in her face and discussing, very explicitly, the pictures of Dara in it.

“Please leave me alone.  I have to go to the chemist for my little brother.”  Dara’s voice was calm but she could feel her body beginning to tremble.  The tremble deepened into a frightened shudder as one of the men slid his hand over her shoulder and up onto her neck. 

“We aren’t hurting you.  Not yet anyway.  Just tell me sweetheart, bet the shots were fun hey?  Bet you wondered what it would be like wearing that gear for a real man hey?”

“No.  I didn’t.  I hated doing it.  Now go away!”  Dara stepped away from him trying to not to step closer to any of the other three and still get through them to the larger street again.  Before she had time to actually run however the man grabbed both her shoulders and pinned her against the wall. 

“You hated doing it did you?  You looked plenty hot girl.  Bet you’d like it better with me yeah?” 

“I wasn’t doing anything so no!”  Dara almost screamed the words at him as terror washed through her.  A hand clamped over and the man warned her not to be so loud. 

“Don’t waste your voice now Sweetheart, save it for when we get home.” 

“I’m not… going anywhere with you!”  No longer was Dara just trembling, her whole body was shaking violently but she managed to meet the man’s eyes as she tried to put defiance into her voice.  He simply chuckled for a moment then with lightning mood change, shoved his face close to hers.

“You aren’t, aren’t you?  Well then I guess we’ll do it here.” Before Dara could react he was kissing her hard and roughly while his body pressed against hers.  Dara had never been kissed and certainly never been manhandled in any way before.  Jerking her head back against the wall only brought sharp pain and momentary freedom before the man closed the gap, grasping her head with both hands and forcing her to be still beneath him.  With offensive gentleness his fingers curled around her chin before clamping down hard to hold her still.  Kicking her legs out, he pushed her onto the concrete and straddled her, while the others stood around them and made obscene remarks.  Dara, lying flat on her back, tried not to hear them and failed.  The man slid up so he was sitting on her stomach and Dara gasped as his weight made it almost impossible for her to breathe.  “Now, this is going to be nice and easy sweetheart.  You wait and see.  Why are you wearing so many clothes, sweetheart?  You weren’t wearing very many in your photoshoot.” 

Dara felt her coat being un-buttoned and tried to scream, reaching up to grab his wrists.  Instantly her hands were wrenched away and held against the concrete while the man on top of her leant forward, his forearm pressing against while he smiled benignly at her.  “You listen here sweetheart; I know you really want to do this.  Just stop making it so difficult for me.” 

With not enough oxygen to call for help, Dara was helpless as he peeled her coat off her.  She felt the bight of night air then foul hotness as the man’s body covered her skin.  Loathing filled Dara, knotting her stomach and pressing her back against the concrete in a futile effort to remove herself from him. “Just take it nice and easy sweetheart...” he murmured thickly at her.  “Relax and let me teach you.” 

Dara didn’t know how long she was held there while her innocence was stripped away from her.  It felt like a never ending time period that the man took his pleasure from her and the others described it with drunken laughter.  Finally a darker shadow fell across the one over her and the man pushed lifted his face from Dara’s to see who it was. 

“What are you guys doing here?”  The voice was drunk and as the man on top of Dara sat up, Dara saw who was speaking and wave of horrified repulsion swamped her.  The next moment incredulous fury dizzied her as the man slurred out, “got a good one?  Maybe I could have the next turn.” 

“You filthy, cheating, drunken, twofaced, son of a pig!!”  Gasped Dara.  The drunken man swayed, fell onto his knees and clenched his hand around Dara’s neck. 

“What did you say?”

“You heard me!  What will your wife say when she hears about what you’re doing?” The hand tightened and Dara suddenly realised her father had no idea who she was.  She didn’t get a chance to tell him.  Before she could even struggle to breathe under the crushing grip he had on , his fist came crashing onto her face and Dara went limp against the concrete, momentarily stunned.  The other man who was one again sitting on Dara’s stomach, reared backwards onto his own feet.

“Hey, don’t hurt her!  She’s good.”  But Dara’s father was not listening; he was too drunk to hear anything other than the words this unrecognised, supposed gutter-waif had just thrown at him.  Dara stirred and again he brought his fist down onto her face then staggered to his feet and pulling his booted foot back, sent it into her stomach with so much force it knocked him off balance into the gutter.  He didn’t hear Dara’s retching moan or the growl that arose from the men around him.  This time the force of his kick lifted Dara’s slight body, flinging her against the wall before crumpling again onto the footpath.  He lifted his leg again, stumbled and Dara felt the sole of her father’s boot press onto her chest and throat, twisting cruelly while the studs and buckles cut through her skin.  Swirls of agonising blackness filled Dara as her stomach knotted into cramps and she slipped into unconsciousness, unaware that Dara’s father was being roughly dragged off her before all five men slipped away.

Much later Dara awoke and managed to stand up and get home, largely because she knew she had too and if she didn’t she would likely die here.  Her mother met her at the front door and gasped at the sight of her daughter, bruised, half undressed with blood smearing her chest, neck and trickling down her face.   Hunched over slightly with her arm pressed against her stomach, Dara met her mother’s horrified gaze briefly, whispered “Mianhae Umma.  I didn’t get the cough medicine.”  Then bent double coughing blood and finally crumpled once again into merciful oblivion.

***

Next night Dara was sitting in her room, curled in bed trying not to think of anything at all as she waited for Seunghyun to get home from filming.  She was checking the time on her phone when it rang in her hand, making her drop it as she jumped in surprise.  Picking it up again Dara answered it cautiously, not recognising the number.  The voice was unrecognisable as well but as he spoke, Dara’s whole body tensed.  Voice strangled with sudden fright she answered quickly, “I’m on my way.” and flung herself off the bed.  As she sprinted through YG Building to the car park the words of Seunghyun’s manager continued to ring in her ear.  “Seunghyun had an accident while he was filming.  He’s in hospital with a neck injury.”

Dara tiptoed into Seunghyun and stopped; staring at the prone bulk of Seunghyun as he lay unconscious under the influence of sleeping drugs.  For several long moments Dara simply watched him.  She had never seen Seunghyun truly vulnerable before.  Although Dara knew Seunghyun was sensitive to criticism, it had not been impacted through her with such force as it was now.  His face wasn’t just blank, there was complete oblivion.  Always Seunghyun had been able to control how much of him people saw.  He could wear sunglasses, mask his face into blankness, present the tough rapper, or the flawlessly handsome enigmatic young man.  Now he was completely defenceless.  Sliding into the chair beside his bed Dara slid her hand under his and remembered the last time she had held his hand.  Then, there had been slight but reassuring response as he had curled his fingers around hers.  Now Seunghyun’s hand was completely limp under her touch.  Almost on the verge of panic Dara bitterly wished she could have back all the times Seunghyun had reached for her hand.  Guilt swamped her as she remembered how she had pulled away from him so many times just because she wasn’t expecting his touch.  The thought of Seunghyun never being able to wrap her hand in that comforting strength sent a wave of dizzying fear through Dara.  Even though she had given him more than enough discouragement, Seunghyun had always been there to give her physical comfort when she need it.  All the times she had woken up with nightmares, Seunghyun had somehow known. Always he had found her and let her hide in his arms.  Always he had hugged so close to him that she could feel her body-shaking sobs cease from the sheer physical strength surrounding her.  No matter how many time she pushed him away, too afraid to allow him spontaneity with his touch; he never stopped caring.  But now, Seunghyun couldn’t even wrap his fingers around hers. Putting her forehead down gently against the unresponsive hand she was holding Dara pleaded silently with Seunghyun to wake up and give her the chance to finally return his love properly.

She stayed in the chair all night, only leaving for a few minutes before dawn to get something to eat.  As she stepped back into the doorway she noticed Seunghyun’s eyes were open.  For a moment Dara simply stood there, uncertain what to do as she watched Seunghyun absentmindedly bite his lip while his eyes wandered unseeingly over the ceiling.  Then Dara saw his forehead crease as his whole face crinkled in a spasm of pain.  The agony Dara felt at seeing the man she loved in such pain dragged her forward.

“J-jagiya?”  Her voice was almost a whisper in her uncertainty.  Seunghyun’s head turned slightly and Dara saw his face flinch then smooth into the mask of blank expressionlessness that he had used for so long to block his feelings and everything else from the public.  Guilt at Seunghyun feeling the need to hide his pain from her was starting to wash through Dara when his eyes met hers.  All thoughts fled from her mind as she watched the pain-filled ice in his eyes melt in concern for her.

“Dara-ya, Jagiya; I’m sorry I can’t come to inkigayo.  I’m really sorry but I know you will be amazing and perfect.”

“You will possible never walk again and you’re worried about 2NE1’s comeback stage?”  Whispered Dara, tears suddenly blurring her vision.

The glance Seunghyun gave her silently condemned her doubt.  “Well, not so much 2NE1 as a certain girl in 2NE1.”  His eyes angled back to the ceiling and Dara realised his voice was heavy with the effort of speaking through pain.  “You’re more important than my neck.  You are everything to me.  You make me feel… alive.  Needed, happier, lighter, like nothing else matters.  So… if I never walk again, that’s ok.  I’ll live my life through your happiness.”

His words fell softly on Dara’s ears.  Seunghyun was speaking almost dreamily and she wondered if he had been given more sleeping drugs while she was out.  If he had, she knew him well enough to know what he was rambling now was literally the thoughts forming in his head.  Seunghyun had said things like that before to Dara, but to hear it when he was possibly not even aware of her presence anymore… Dara set the clenched knuckles of one hand against her teeth, tears stinging her eyes as Seunghyun continued.  “But I’d like to walk again.  So I can protect you with my body as well as try and protect you with my words and… love.  If you want me too.”  He was not trying to take advantage of Dara by making her feel sorry for him.  She was hearing the raw workings of his mind and as she listened, Dara knew: she would never shy away from Seunghyun’s touch again.  Even completely helpless, Seunghyun still put his love for her first and the last shred of Dara’s mistrust that had clung to her for so many years fell away from her.  Blinking, Dara’s vision cleared as two tears ran hot tracks down her face.  Slowly Dara crossed the floor, feeling surreal at the enormity of what she had just discovered.  She trusted Seunghyun entirely.  And she would do anything to prove that trust.  Just then Dara felt she could even face the man if it would prove her love to Seunghyun. Dropping onto her knees beside the bed she put her face down on Seunghyun’s chest, one arm going around him and sliding slightly under his shoulder blade.  She felt the quiet acceptance he had for her intrusion into his personal space compared to her own instantaneous withdrawal when she felt his touch unexpectedly and berated herself.

“Seunghyun-ah, I love you.  Completely and unreservedly.  Saranghae Jagiya.”

Slowly and blissfully she felt Seunghyun’s chest tighten as he pulled his arms off the bed to place over her back.  Once again the comforting sensation of his fingers spreading over her back braced and reassured her.  For the first time she willingly drew memories into her mind; memories of the man spreading his fingers over her back, leaving bruises against her skin where he had held her against him so tightly Dara had gasped for breath.  Now with Seunghyun’s fingers covering those same places, she let her skin flinch away the other unwanted memories, bathing them away with the pure lovelier touch of Seunghyun.  Shivers of uncontrollably happy freedom raced through Dara’s body, curving her lips and trebling the speed of her heart rate.  She moved her face slightly so it nestled into the hollow running down the middle of Seunghyun’s chest then became still as his voice, ever calm, ever warm vibrated from his body into hers and wrapped itself gently into her ears.

“Park Sandara, will you marry me?”

Time became non-existant and Dara went momentarily deaf.  All she was aware of was the overwhelming amount of confidence Seunghyun had in her, the trust he showed her and the wonderful security she felt in his peaceful embrace.

The silence for Seunghyun was nerve wracking.  He had been sliding into more drug induced sleep when he felt the wonderful weight of Dara offering her love to him.  Her words, speaking her love to him had lifted him instantly above sleep – in defiance of any drug.  Dara had never told him she loved him before.  He knew she did, but never before had he heard the words from her lips.  He was opening his mouth to speak again when Dara answered.

“Yes.  Oh Choi Seunghyun, how could I say no?  After everything you’ve done for me…”  Dara was crying but she didn’t notice.  “When I was frightened to even look a man in the eyes you came and drew my eyes to you.  When I thought all men were brutal, filthy beasts who stole when they weren’t given, you showed me perfect patience and clean love.  Oh Seunghyun, you have no idea how I’ve treasured the purity of your love.  You’ve given me so many reasons to trust you, over and over again.  You gave me so much respect, you made me respect myself when all I felt like was a…”  Seunghyun’s fingers on her back tightened in warning and Dara shifted her fingers under him in thankful reply.  “You made me feel loved when I hated myself and you taught me how to love; how to love you.  I’ll be forever grateful to you for that Seunghyun.  I love you.  I just wish I could help you like you’ve helped me.”

“You have.”  Again the placid vibrations of his voice warmed her.  Seunghyun sounded so happy.  “If you can love me, even like this then…”  His voice trailed off and Dara lifted her face to meet his gaze.

“Then I must really love you?  That’s what you were going to say.  Well I do.   And I will always love you.  Because I love the person that you are, not your physical attributes.  Oh Seunghyun, I’m the last person who should be worrying about physical aspects.  I love you Seunghyun.”

Gently Seunghyun lifted Dara away from him and sat up slowly.  Dara’s eyes widened in fear as she watched him swing his legs over the side of the bed and stand.  “I can walk.  But…”  Seunghyun dropped his head, hand clasping the nape of his neck nervously before bringing his eyes up to beseech her for understanding.  “I didn’t see how you could love me.  I don’t know why you would want to so…”

“It’s ok.”  Broke in Dara quietly.  “It doesn’t matter.  It wouldn’t matter even if you couldn’t walk.  I love you anyway.  I need you.  I couldn’t live without your love.”

Seunghyun felt her fit into his arms again, noticing how perfectly she moulded to his form and rested his check on her hair as he rocked her gently from side to side.  The stabbing pain in his neck as he moved did nothing to dim the exhilarating gladness he was feeling.  Dara’s soft giggle made him pause for a moment while she spoke.  “If I can be willing to love you as a cripple I guess I can be willing to love you as an insecure prankster.  Just don’t ever test my love by pretending to be paralysed again.  Do you hear me?  Ask me.  Don’t worry, I’ll be honest.”

Seunghyun tilted her chin up and let his mischievous smile tinge with pure joy as Dara leaned into his touch rather than shy away from it.  Then the smile faded into intensity.  Seunghyun fit his hands around Dara’s face and pressed his cheek against hers, feeling her skin brush on his.  Slowly he let his chin glide across hers then trace over her lips before pressing his forehead against hers.  For some time they stood, noses touching.  Then Dara, wild dizzying freedom coursing through her, followed his lead and Seunghun’s rumble of pleasure reverberated through him as Dara let her fingers rove over his face, following the curve of his jawline.  They paused to jib his lip down and Seunghyun felt her giggle as his lips bounced back into place.  Then she let her thumbs find their way up the dimple lines beside his mouth, now deepening in response to her touch.  Slowly she raised her eyes to his then had to drop them as the depth of emotion and promise she found there overwhelmed her. Once more she let her fingers smooth against his face marvelling at the creamy smoothness and strength of his skin.  Then her arms fell to wrap around his waist again, inviting his guaranteed protection.  Gratefully Seunghyun pressed her against him, gently wrapping his love about her as a blanket.  A sigh slipped from Dara.  She was marvelling at the joy to be found in being held by such a man.  Ever since that horrible night, she saw embraces as something only for comfort when desperately needed.  Now Seunghyun’s arms were showing her that an embrace could express more than just support.  It could show love and joy and so much more.  Dara rubbed her face against Seunghyun’s chest and smiled.  So they stood together, each blissfully content in the knowledge they would soon be marrying the person they loved most in the world.  Finally Seunghyun tipped her chin up to him once more, holding her gaze and silently drowning in the unwavering trust he saw replacing the torturous doubt.

“I love you Dara.”  His words were a low growl of feeling then he slowly bent his head and pressed his lips against Dara’s forehead; sealing his love in the most intimate way he would commit to before they were married. Dara accepted it with closed eyes as their love swirled about them in gold and silver shafts of wonderful satisfaction.

So... thsi is my first Tabisan fic.  Please, pleeease, let me know what you think aaand, ideas for another one? By the way, the only factual things from this story is Seunghyun's neck injury and Dara's magazine shoot.  I don't know details of that shoot I just know it happened.  everything else is purely and entirely from my imagination :)  OH OH OH!!  thank you guys SO much for subscribing!!!!!!  and upvoting and commenting AAARRGGHHHH!!! :D :D  you make my  life so much better!! lol.  sorry for not thanking you individually but believe me, I saw and fangirled over each and every one of you. thank you so much :')