A day doesn't go without my heart not reacting to every little thing Junhong does now. When he grabs my hand to pull me when we're running late, when he jumps at my back all of a sudden in the hallway while telling me to take him to his next class, when he compliments my artwork, even when he just simply smiles at me, none of those go without me getting skip beats for every single one of them. No nights go without me staying up till very late, thinking about him and trying my hardest to push these emotions away. One night even occurred when I stayed up so late that I was still up when mom came home, and that's saying a lot. 

There was a day that I couldn't forget even if I tried my hardest to. It was the day he hugged me. 

He was at my place after school one day and the conversation headed to a topic about my family. He wanted to know the whole story. So I told him how I barely had friends at school and only had my brother, Yongnam, to play around with. My brother, on the other hand had lots of friends. He went along with everyone. Even though we looked the same, everyone could differentiate us really easily. It's always Yongnam and 'the other quiet twin'. But despite all of that, Yongnam still stayed by my side and was always there whenever I was feeling lonely. But during those times, we realized that our parents started quarreling a lot and before we knew it, contracts were signed. Dad took Yongnam by his side and left. They didn't once consider what we thought about the situation. They didn't consider wether we would agree with their decision, they didn't consider what would happen to us with their agreement, nothing. They just decided on everything and everything went how they wanted it to go. Yongnam would be fine by himself, but as for me, I was alone all over again. Even at my current state, my mother would barely take care of me or make any time for me. Years went by with me all alone with hardly anyone I can call acquaintances. I got used to it eventually, but I can't help feeling lonely at times. Like when it was parents day and my mom was the only one who didn't show up back in elementary school, or when people would form groups at lunch and I would sit all by myself in the corner table in the cafeteria. 

I never did tell anyone this whole life story of mine. I don't know why I told it to Junhong. But a sense in me feels like I trust him. Trust that he won't judge, trust that he'll be there for me, trust that..he cares.

By the time I finished telling him everything, I got a look that I couldn't quite figure out what it told. It showed sadness, but not pity. He looked at me with those eyes of his, and I thought he would say the words he said before about letting me know that he'd be there for me, but instead,

He hugged me.

He held me tight onto his embrace. Surprised, I didn't know what to do. A series of rushed beats began in my chest yet again. I wanted to hug him back, but I felt so scared to do so. It felt so wrong. So comforting and soothing, but so wrong at the same time. I ended up patting his back a few times while chuckling and saying, "It's okay. I'm okay now."

He then raised his head from my chest and looked up at me and, he smiled. His smile that I can never resist to smile back at. We then continued staring at the screen that was showing a war movie in front of us. My eyes were fixed on the screen, but my mind was nowhere near focusing on the movie.

On the last day of school, marking the end of the semester and the beginning of Summer vacation, Junhong asked to meet up at the roof after school. I was scared to death of what this could be. I was worrying all day, using every brain cell I have to try and figure out just why he would want to meet at the roof, just the two of us. 

The day finally came, and I hesitated so much to open that door leading to the roof. What on Earth is he going to do? I finally gathered the guts to turn the knob and swung open the door, the Summer air welcomed me with a wave of the soft warm but cooling wind. The first thing I saw was his tall, beautiful figure facing his back towards me and his hair blowing according to the wind's orders. My heart thumped looking at his beauty. My worries are always gone for a split second whenever I'm with him and I feel like nothing and nobody else matters in this world, although it disappears every single time I come back to my senses and realize that these sort of feelings do matter and isn't right.

With a shaky leg, I took a step forward and closed the door behind me. He turned around. After seeing me, he smiled. Why does he have to smile? It makes it so much harder to resist him. He walked towards me as well and the next thing we knew, we were face to face. Crazy fast heartbeats and overflowing nervousness surrounds my whole being. I could tell he was too, but he was good at not showing it by smiling as brightly as ever, which made me even more nervous realizing that he wasn't at ease too. 

"S-so, why'd you call me here?" I asked.

He looked at me and seemed hesitant before replying. "I wanted to tell you something, hyung." 

I stood there. Waiting for him to continue with what he's going to tell me, not knowing if I would want to know the answer or not. The word 'calm' cease to exist in my dictionary as of now.

"Starting from tomorrow,

I'm leaving the school."

....Eh?

..What? What on Earth? What is this?

Motionless, I stand in front of him in silence. Eyes wide as they go. What the hell am I hearing? 

"..why?" I asked. Not changing a muscle on my body nor face.

"My dad got a job overseas..So my family has to move there." Answered Junhong.

"Why didn't you tell me much earlier?" I asked, slightly pissed now.

"Well, I..I was scared to tell you, hyung." He stuttered.

"Scared of what? Worrying I'd might be lonely all over again?" I spat out unintentionally. Immediately regretting the words that just came out my mouth. 

"No hyung..scared of myself. I know that you'd be fine and make friends here without me. But I was terrified because if I told you, I would have to face the harsh truth that I really do have to leave you." He replied with a shaky voice, eyes starting to well up while at the same time trying their best not to let a drop escape their barrier. He paused for what seemed like forever while staring at the ground. 

"I don't want to go, hyung."

He let his tears roll down his cheeks now. He began sobbing slowly and quietly. Still staring at the ground below him.

I wanted to say the same. I would be lying if I said I didn't care if he leaves or not. Both to him and myself. I wanted to say that I also don't want him to go. He's right about me being able to make friends without him, since there are my classmates that I've come to grow closer to. But no-one, not a soul, is like how Junhong is to me.  I want him to stay. I want my one and only true friend I've ever had in such a long time to stay by my side. 

But that's not happening. 

I walked forward and hugged him. I wanted to say the things I wanted, but words failed me. Anxiety strikes me yet again. Unwanted feelings keeps radiating throughout my whole being even as I hold his sobbing self in my arms. I kept thinking of the side where I knew that if he's gone, maybe my feelings will go with him. Maybe I won't have to worry about this anymore. Maybe I won't feel so wrong anymore. 

But, is that a good enough reason to let him go?

"H-hyung..?" Zelo started, sounding a bit hesitant. 

"Yeah?" I responded, still hugging him in my arms. 

"I......I like you."

My heart stopped. My body stiffened. My mind is everywhere. My eyes widened.

"Ever since we've been close to each other I've been feeling that I like you, hyung. More than a friend. My heart skip beats when I'm with you. And with each passing day I always find myself falling deeper and deeper. " He said as he tried hard not to sound shaky. 

I didn't know what to say. Or think. Or react. 

What's for certain is that it turns I'm not the only side that has these feelings towards the other. He likes me too. Choi Junhong likes me too. I a wave of guilty pleasure rushed throughout me. But it still felt undeniably wrong. In fact, I think this just makes it worse. I felt like saying that I too have been feeling the same. But I know exactly where it goes from there if I say it. What should I do? What should I say?

".....sorry Junhong.." I said as I released him and looked into his tearful pair of eyes that manage to pierce right through my heart. "It's not you, it's just... I don't feel like it's right.." I said very carefully. 

His eyes piled up fresh tears once again and made me completely regret every single word I've just said. He didn't show sadness, more like disappointment. He didn't frown, he smiled. Even in situations like this he smiles. 

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that." He said while chuckling. He made me speechless. "It's okay hyung, I'm not angry. I completely understand."

He then paused and looked into my eyes. "We can still stay friends right?" He asked.

"Of course Junhong. You're the only one I have." I smiled. He returned my smile. Then his arms opened to embrace me one last time. 

"Goodbye hyung. Let our fate cross paths once again in the future." 

I replied his goodbye and he released me. He looked at me for the last time and left out the door. 

Silence.

I was alone again.  

He's gone. Disappeared beyond the door and to be gone for more time than I could ever handle. I walked to the fence and grabbed it with both of my weakened hands. Junhong's confession going everywhere in my mind. I shouted. I shouted to let the skies hear. Why does fate have to separate me with everyone I've grown to care about? Why is everything so unfair? Why are things always like this?

Hot tears began pouring out of my eyes that grew tired of holding everything in when he was here. Why is he gone? Why does he have to leave? Why does he have to cry? Why didn't I say what I truly feel? Why do I still have these feelings? 

No. I'm tired of this. These sort of feelings are supposed to go away. I was right to refuse him. I have to find a way to wash these emotions away.  It's. Not. Right. Yongguk.

I stayed at the roof for hours making up my mind. I had to get rid of my extra feelings for Junhong, because still having them will make this a whole lot harder. I decided that starting from next week, I'm going to be a new person. And I will eliminate my unwanted feelings for Junhong. He is my best friend. No more than a best friend.

This is right.