a/n: I wish I was in Japan... should have seen SMTown live!!! *sniffles* I wanted to watch everyone but mostof all I really missed Yesung's voice... but I'm stuck where I am so I have to settle on youtube... *sighs*

anyways! it's been a bit since my lastupdate.. so here it is!

enjoy!

Gabby dialed Jongin’s number as she scanned the crowded street for Sehun’s familiar face. She had followed Sehun to where he disappeared to but lost him in the late rush hour of pedestrians who were enjoying their weekend afternoon stroll as the sun settled behind the horizon.

“Yo! It’s the awesome Kim Jongin speaking!”

“I need help.” Gabby cut through Jongin’s self-praise which was his signature rambling whenever she called. 

“Help?”

“Sehun’s upset with Anya and I lost him. Where do you think he could have gone?”

“Sehun? Upset with Anya? Hmm, I never though there’d be trouble in paradise this early.”

“I don’t really care. Can you just help me locate him? I don’t really want him to be alone at this time. He’s not picking up his phone either.”

“Are you sure that they fought? It’s the first time that Sehun would have done this ever since they met. They bicker and all that but that’s it, nothing too serious.” the concern in Jongin’s voice was evident even through the phone.

“Well, I really hope it’s nothing serious. But you should have seen the look in Sehun’s face. He was so dejected and sad and I’m really worried.”

Jongin sighed, pausing for a few seconds as he thought where their friend could be. “Do you know that small lake in the park we were earlier? There’s these benches and mini playground just on the other side across from where the common road is near the lake. I found him there once back then when he was having huge trouble at home. Maybe he’d be there.”

“Okay. I’ll go try to look for him there.” Gabby hurriedly replied, but before she could end the call, Jongin asked her not to worry too much.

“You know how much the two of you are the same when it comes to dealing with problems. You always try to deal with it alone, not wanting to bother even your closest friends regardless if they want to help willingly or not. Just give him a little space to think by himself.”

“I know.” she answered, already making her way back to the park. “And look where it got me. I cut off everyone else for three long years because I wanted to deal with things by myself. Now that I know what my decisions had caused, I kind of regret it. I don’t want Sehun to do the same mistakes I did just as much as I don’t want him to be alone in this time when he clearly needs someone to turn to. I’ve done that, been there.”

“Sehun’s not mourning for someone he had lost forever. He’s just having a little fight with his more-than-just-friend-but-not-girlfriend friend. It’s not the same.” 

“Same difference.” Gabby said, grinning a bit as she could hear Jongin rolling his eyes at her even through the phone. “I’ll text you when I find him. Bye, Jonginnie.” 

It took her almost half an hour to find Sehun, not only because she was a little unfamiliar with park but also because Sehun decided that it was a good idea to practically hide himself inside an almost sorry-looking kiddie house beside an old slide. If she had not decided to take a break and sat down on the edge of the slide, she would not have seen him.

“Were you having fun just listening to me pant around and call your name, you brat!?” Gabby accused, effectively squeezing herself beside Sehun, the size of the house was for a couple of kids at best and Sehun grunted disapprovingly as the two of them sat there like a couple of sardines in a can.

“Move over!” Sehun groaned, squirming so Gabby’s bony limbs wouldn’t spear him anywhere.

“Stop moving! You’re going to end up punching me or something! I bruise easily!” Gabby retorted.

“What are you doing here? And how did you even find me?!” Sehun sighed after a few more minutes, the two of them finally finding a position in which they actually kind of fit inside the small space, well, Sehun had to push his feet out the small entrance while Gabby sat facing him with her feet bent and the both of them glued to the wall with barely an inch between them.

“Jongin told me to look here.” she shrugged. “It’s a little too small for a hideout, don’t you think? You’re like as tall as a tree and this is like a matchbox. Not to mention it’s infested of mosquitoes. Couldn’t have you find somewhere else? I’m feeling a little claustrophobic even if I don’t have claustrophobia. And I know you’re a brat, and generally childish, but this is not a place a grown- man like you should hangout. I know people who goes to clubs and bars instead of old abandoned playgrounds in equally old parks- ”

“Shut up, Gabrielle.” Sehun cut her off with a sigh.

“Did you just tell me to shut up? I am older than you, you brat!” Gabby glared, the effect of the look lost in the dark interior of the kiddie house.

“I don’t really care.” Sehun shrugged. “I know why you’re here, Gabby, and I’m telling you that I am okay. I just needed a bit time for myself to think. You, of all people, would understand that, right?”

Sehun’s words stabbed Gabby’s heart a little, but she held back her emotions because it wasn’t about her, it’s about Sehun. But she must admit that it still hurt.    

“I do...”

Sehun sighed when she fell silent, nudging her with a knee gently. “I know you’re worried, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.”

Gabby smiled a bit. “Well, you were right anyways. That’s the truth. And that’s the reason why I’m here. So you wouldn’t make the same mistake I did.”

She waited silently. It didn’t really matter whether Sehun decided to tell her what happened between him and Anya, what mattered to Gabby more was being there for Sehun, someone to lean on, someone to listen, someone to just be there. She didn’t have anyone back then, all because she shied away from the comfort everyone was offering her because she thought being alone was being strong. It was too late for her to realize how wrong she was. She didn’t that for Sehun. He had been alone enough.

“I know she didn’t mean to push me away. Like how you didn’t mean to shut us off all those years ago.” Sehun started. “She’s just scared that I’d leave like everyone else. She’s not even scared of being left behind, she’s scared for the kids. She’s scared that they’ll be too attached to me and be hurt.”

Gabby could see the hurt in Sehun’s own eyes. Reaching out, she put a hand on his knee reassuringly, the action encompassing every word of comfort she could have said.

“I understand how she feels. I know how it is to be taken for granted, to be dismissed just like that, to not matter. Being alone is a scary thing, but knowing how it is be loved and be left behind for certain reasons, whether they matter or not, is terrifying. I know that, I understand, I really do.” Sehun said almost dejectedly, “What I don’t get is how she could put so little faith in me. I’m not perfect, I’ll never be. And I will make mistakes time and again, but... I thought she’d trust me enough to actually believe that no matter what happens, I’ll be there, for her, for the kids. Even if she did not feel the same way towards me, I’d still be there. They are already my family. Even if you went far away, you never actually leave your family.” he looked at Gabby with misty eyes, “You were gone for so long, but we never left you behind and you never left us. How come it’s so different with her?”

Gabby could only squeeze Sehun’s knee sympathetically. “Everyone has their own reasons in doing the things they do. Anya might just be confused or something. Maybe... Maybe something happened before and she was really hurt by it. As people, it’s an instinct for us to preserve our own safety, physically, emotionally, in every way we can. I’m pretty sure that that instinct increases tenfold when the threat is towards the people we love. Anya treasures her kids more than anything, even her own happiness. Maybe that’s why she did what she did.”

“But I’m not leaving.” Sehun insisted. “Couldn’t she had seen that?”

A melancholic smile appeared in Gabby’s lips. A familiar twinge in her chest made itself known but she ignored it. Maybe it was a crucial time to let herself be free from the cage she had put herself in, the place where she chose to lock up everything in order to be strong, or that’s what she thought back then. Besides, Sehun and Jongin deserve to know everything she had refused to share with them three years ago, especially now that Sehun needed it.

“You’re only twenty-one, Sehunnie, and between now and your future, so many things can change.” she started, looking at the creepy shadows the fading sunlight was making inside the crammed kiddie house. “When Zelo...died, I got angry. I got angry because I felt that he was too young to die. I got angry because I lost my childhood friend, my best friend, my first love. I got angry because I couldn’t do anything to save him, to give him more time, time that he deserved to live. I got angry because he broke his promise, the promise that we’ll grow old together. I was so angry at everything.”

“So you ran away.”

“Yeah.” she admitted. “I ran away and hid from everything that will remind me that he used to be there, because they’ll only remind me that he was gone and he’s never coming back.”

There’s a bit of silence between them but both didn’t mind. 

“Imagine...imagine Anya in my place. Imagine her losing something she cared so much about. She got hurt. But she couldn’t break down like I did, she can’t run away. Because Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Tao needed her. Her life is not solely her own, she’s responsible for so many hearts and lives. And then there’s comes you, an opportunity to be happy again. An opportunity to yet again be hurt. Surely, it would be such a scary thing to risk for.”

“But I wouldn’t want to hurt her.” Sehun insisted.

“Yes. You like her. Or maybe it’s even more than that. But the future is not set in stone, Sehun. You may like her now, but what about next year? What about tomorrow? There are so many things that can change and Anya has so many things at risk. Her heart is the least of it. The both of you are young, but she is not as free with her choices as you are. You must understand that too.”

Crickets were starting to serenade the night and the streetlamps all over the park were being lit but the two of them stayed seated inside the small space.

“What am I gonna do then, Gabby? I don’t know what will happen in the future, nobody does. The only thing I know is how I feel now.” Sehun asked, a tremble in his voice.

 “I don’t know either.” Gabby admitted. “Just...don’t run away and hide like I did or try to fix things on your own. Jongin and me and Luhan and everyone, we are here for you. We’ll help.”

“Even if everyone helped, I don’t think it’ll change Anya’s mindset that much.” Sehun answered. “Baekhyun once told me that before I came along, Anya had a boyfriend who repeatedly cheated on her and made her sad. Maybe that’s why she’s scared of accepting me... But I’m not going to do that, I swear. Even if we say that we don’t know what the future brings, I know in myself that I’d sooner be a  and leave them all without a word than to be a jerk and hurt her repeatedly like what that dude did.”

“I know, Sehunnie. I believe you.”

“But is she going to believe me? She won’t even want to talk to me.” he pouted.

“And since when did you start caring if people would approve of what you do or not?” Jongin’s voice came from outside. “Just go and talk to her. Simple.”

Gabby and Sehun perked up, the two of them scrambling out of the small house, of course with minimal casualties; Gabby’s not sure but she might have elbowed Sehun in the gut a couple of times in the process.

“Since when were you here?” Gabby asked, checking herself for mosquito bites. “Aish, I told you there were lots of mosquitoes in there!” she accused Sehun.

“You were the one who barged in. I was perfectly fine.” Sehun shrugged, turning to Jongin. “How long were you going to just eavesdrop?”

Jongin stuck his tongue out at Sehun, shrugging off his jacket and placing it on Gabby. “I was curious when Gabby did not text me whether she found you or not so I decided to come.”

“Oh, yeah, about that. Sorry. I kind of forgot.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” Jongin shrugged, giving Sehun a look, “Talk to her. The only thing you can do right now is make her see that you don’t plan on leaving in the near foreseeable future. That’s the best you can offer and nothing else. She’s scared because no one can guarantee the future, but I think that if she even want anything to work, she’d have to risk it too. Besides, don’t you think she’s going to hurt the kids just as well by pushing you away now? The kids likes you and looks up to you. No matter what happens between you and Anya, the kids are already used to you. It would be unfair to everyone if you all just give up because you are all uncertain. Life is never certain. But we can’t stop living our lives just because it is so.”

Gabby smiled a little, how the three of them had grown up to be these types of people, she would never know. They had really came a long way from the messy and noisy group of kids who had lost a brother back then. The future was a little scary but that would never stop them from seizing it nonetheless. 

***

Frowning, Gabby reached for anything she could use to defend herself as she slowly went for her bedroom window. There’s was this rustling sound and thuds coming from just outside, it could just be some animal or something but with all the crazy accounts of mugging and such on the news, she had to always be prepared.

Gripping her umbrella, the first thing she could put her hands on, she reached for the latch of her window and twisted it open.

A fury thing came into view, shocking Gabby. She let out a yelp and reflexively aimed the umbrella towards the thing. 

“Yah! Stop! Stop!” 

“Luhan?” she gaped, realizing that the umbrella was inches away from Luhan’s face, said guy was hanging off from the window ledge and would have no way of defending himself since his hands were busy, lest he wanted to fall and possibly broke a couple of bones. “What the heck are you doing? Are you out of your mind?! I could have killed you!”

Luhan just grinned like an idiot and beckoned Gabby to help him in. Gabby grumbled disapprovingly, hauling Luhan inside, grunting with effort since he was heavy even if he looked just as thick as the umbrella she had earlier.

“Phew. When I read this kind of thing on those books, it seemed so easy. And it’s supposed to be romantic too! Like on all those old movies.” Luhan chuckled, panting a bit as he struggled off the window ledge and inside the room.

“Nowadays it could land you in jail. And it’s just plain creepy.” Gabby sighed. “Why are you here? And couldn’t have you just came in through the front door and not climbed up my window like some freaking criminal?”

 “It’s a little bit late and I didn’t want to wake Grandma Han. I would have talked to you tomorrow but I saw your light still on so...” Luhan shrugged. “Besides, I wanted to see how you will react if some criminal did indeed came up your window. Look at it as some kind of practice.”

“That practice could have easily landed you with broken bones at the very least.” she pointed out with disapproval. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Luhan looked around the room with amused eyes. “You’ve got a lot of memos for a twenty-something year old who just works for her grandmother.” 

“And you’re a twenty-something who acts like a ten year old kid left to roam freely in a toy store.” she deadpanned. “Now can you please tell me what you want because I was just about to prepare and go to sleep before you crept into my window.”

Gabby had to glare at Luhan when the latter just chuckled in amusement, still shuffling through her work desk and book shelves.

“Anya’s parents were one of the few people I know to have such pure hearts. They were the ones to teach Anya how to love without reservation.”

“It’s not that hard to see.” Gabby nodded, sitting on her bed as Luhan went to sift through her books, sleep was really close at hand. 

“Kris liked her very much. He was Anya’s first ever real relationship. The longest one too.”

“Sehun did mention about some Kris dude.” Gabby swore that her bed was beckoning her but sleeping on Luhan would just be rude. Besides, who would let him out? Unless she wanted Nana to do so.

Luhan let out a soft smile at Gabby’s droopy eyes, leaning on her table. He played with a pen absentmindedly. “When Kris and Anya got together and I realized how serious they were, I was a bit anxious. It was Anya’s first ever serious relationship and like any brother out there, I didn’t want her hurt. And to add to that, she had the kids. Kris didn’t just enter a relationship with Anya, he was also in a relationship with the kids. That is ten times more complicated than any boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, if not more.”

“Is that how you felt with Sehun too?”

“Hmm...” Luhan grinned a bit, “There is a reason why we don’t really get along that well.”

“Do you hate him?”

“Sehun? No. I mean, I’m cautious, but Sehun’s a good kid.”

“I meant Kris.”

Luhan got silent for a while, tossing the pen back where he took it. “I hated him for breaking Anya’s heart, and breaking the kids’ hearts in the process. But things happen for a reason, that’s what I believe in. When Sehun came along, I though that there was a big chance that he’d be another ‘Kris’. And even until now I still think he could be one.”

“He’d sooner leave without a word than hurt her in any way over and over. That’s what he told me and I believe him.”

“Should I believe him too?” Luhan asked.

Gabby could see the genuine concern in Luhan’s eyes. She could see how he was just a bit lost as well. She then realized how it wasn’t only Anya who was overly concerned with the kids. But of course, Luhan was their father figure, and he takes the role to heart.

“I can’t tell you what you should or should not do, Luhan. Trust your instinct.” she said. “But I can tell you that Sehun has a good heart. I trust him not to hurt Anya.”

The two of them went silent for a minute. Gabby didn’t know what else to say to reassure Luhan that Sehun meant good, she didn’t want to push the subject either because she knew how complicated it was. Either way, it wasn’t their decision to make. It was Anya who needed to make up her mind whether she could take the risk again, and Sehun to make it clear how good his intentions were. Everyone else can only do so much.

“So... Because of everything that happened today, I decided to move that plan I was telling you about earlier.” Luhan broke the silence.

“You finally did away with it?” Gabby yawned.

“What? No!” Luhan scoffed. “I said moved, not canceled. Don’t sleep on me.”

“I’m not.” Gabby insisted, her eyes drooping dangerously close.

Luhan scoffed good-heartedly and went to tuck Gabby in. She protested halfheartedly, yawning through her words but Luhan managed to make her slip into her sheets, chuckling at her almost shut eyelids.

“Go to sleep now, Gabby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“But.. Who’s going to let you out?” she mumbled, already half-asleep. “You can’t use the window again, you dolt.”

“I won’t. I’ll use the front door.”

“You’re going to wake Nana.”

“I’ll keep quiet, promise.” Luhan whispered, patting Gabby’s head like a kid. “Good night, Gabby.”

Gabby’s only reply was a soft hum and she was out. Luhan laughed a little, tucking a stray hair out of Gabby’s face before dimming the lamplight and walking out of the room flicking the light switch on his way out.

“You should have turned the lamplight off. She can’t sleep well with the lights on.”

Luhan jumped at Nana’s whispy voice but managed to hold in the shocked noises he would have made.

“Grandma Han!!” he exclaimed, a hand on his chest. “Why are you up so late?”

“Why are you here so late?” Nana countered, a small smile on her lips as she took in Luhan’s red face. “I didn’t hear the front door. Did you climb up the window again?”

“Hey, it’s the first time I ever did it.” he managed to say, rubbing his head in embarrassment. “I’m sorry if I woke you up. I was just talking to Gabby about what happened between Sehun and Anya earlier. But she fell asleep on me! Can you believe it?” 

Nana laughed softly as the two of them went down the stairs. “She was a little tired when she came back from looking for Sehun. The two of them went for a talk and Gabrielle did mention to me what happened.”

“What do you think I should do to help, Grandma Han? I mean, I know Anya’s scared, I understand her. But as much as I don’t want her or the kids to get hurt, I don’t want her to give up on happiness.” 

Nana patted Luhan’s shoulder reassuringly. “I know. But only Anya can decide on that. The only thing we can do is to support her whatever she decides on. Maybe she feels that she is not ready to love again just yet. I, for one, do not think she had already given up. Trust in yourself Luhan. You did a good thing for my Gabrielle. Because of you, she somehow managed to smile again. Trust that you can do the same for Anya.”

“But I did nothing, Grandma Han. Gabby’s moving on because she found herself again. Because Jongin and Sehun are there for her and she lets the be there for her.”

“And who had forced the idea of letting people in to her life again in the first place?”

“But-”

“You did great, and I thank you for that. Keep that in mind always. Anya will be just fine.”

Luhan nodded, feeling the burden be let off his shoulders even just a little bit.  

“But I must warn you, Luhan.”

“Huh? About what?”

“Anya and Gabby are different. Anya is scared to open her heart because she does not want the kids be dragged into it. Gabby... Gabby is a scarred soul who had given up on love a long time ago. She had closed her heart to anything but platonic relationships. She might be opening her heart once again but it takes more than a couple of blind dates to numb the pain, much less erase it.”

“I know that, Grandma Han.”

“Then you should know how to guard your heart just as well. Be careful not to hurt yourself because you precious to those around you. I’d hate to see you hurt.”

“But I’m not--”

“Sure you are. Good night, Luhan.” Nana smiled gently as she closed the door.

Luhan frowned, turning his back reluctantly and walking back to his own house. Halfway across the lawn, Zelo appeared beside him.

“Do you know what Grandma Han was talking about?” Luhan asked the ghost. “She was being just a little bit more cryptic tonight.”

“I’m a ghost, how should I know?” Zelo retorted with a snort. 

“Well, putting into account that you can eavesdrop anywhere anytime, I thought you might have an idea.” Luhan shrugged.

“I don’t eavesdrop. Besides, even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to do it at your house seeing that your wards actually lasts longer now. I’m a ghost, not a spy You’re the one who can actually interact with them, go figure it out. You’re the one with these inherent abilities.”

“I’m a clairvoyant, not a psychic. That is way out of my capabilities.” Luhan whined a bit. “Why did you suddenly appear anyways? I hadn’t see you since Bang Yongguk.”

“Well, I thought I’d give you time.”

“Time? Time for what? To set another date? Forget it. After Bang Yongguk, I don’t think I’d ever set Gabby on another date again unless I’m there to personally look after her.”

“Are you saying that you’d only set her on a date if it’s with you?”

“Yeah-- what? No! That’s not what I meant! I mean, I have to be there to make sure it’s not another Bang Yongguk. You don’t how it felt to be so helpless, knowing that she was in danger because of me and yet there was nothing I could do but hope for the best.”

“I don’t? Really now.” a wan smile danced across Zelo’s lips. 

“Aw, I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean it like that.” Luhan immediately regretted his words.

“I know, I know. You just want her to be safe. But unless you want to play stalker while she’s on a date, you need to be one to take her on a date if you want to keep an eye on her.”

“Take her on a date myself? What? She’s great and all but we don’t actually-- why would I even think of doing that?!” Luhan frowned even harder, hands flailing in confusion as he asked Zelo.

When he turned around to Zelo again since the ghost didn’t reply, he was met by an empty space.

“Zelo?”

The only answer he got was Zelo faint laughter, the ghost’s hallow voice echoing in the night, “Won’t you really take her on a date if I allow it?”

“What?” Luhan could only whisper into the air.

an: dumb dumb dumb!!

i man, dun dun dun!!!

hahahaha

see you on my next update!

i promise one day I'll be able to edit all the typos and things... one day!!!