Maybe we need just a little more time
Time that can heal what's been on your mind
You can find what we lost before it all slips away
We need time to mend from the mistakes I've made…

Doctors usually say that our dreams reflect our thoughts and desires. Our problems and fears. And he could definitely say that this is true. He had those nightmares for such a long time, that he couldn’t even remember when was the last night with uninterrupted and peaceful sleep. No… This wasn’t the truth. He COULD remember. And that was his worst nightmare. Regardless of time that passed and tears that were falling through his cold cheek and broken heart, he couldn’t forget. He couldn’t forget that in one moment everything turned into some sick joke. In one moment he had everything that he needed and a few moments later he was laying on the cold floor of their own apartment. Alone. Without him. Without his only purpose in this meaningless life of his. He was just laying, abandoned with a beautiful, silver ring that was equivalent to the same one that he was wearing on his own long, slim finger and a little piece of paper in his other hand. You could see only a few words. Words that were cutting his heart like a knife. That were stabbing him every time that he laid his eyes on them. These words, written so elegantly on a paper in colour of white roses. He knew that only one person could write it. Only his small and delicate fingers could write something as beautiful as painful. “I’m sorry” …

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Another day. Just like other another days. He got used to it. In some way he liked the endless routine. It was easier that way. It was easier to escape these thoughts and this unstable beating of his heart. Who would have thought that he was still alive while his heart was beating slower and slower every day? He couldn’t care less right now. He knew that if he starts to think about it again, he will end up drinking and suffering like many times before. He didn’t want to do this, because he didn’t want to hear all these advices again. He was fully aware that his friends were just worried about him. But he was selfish. Selfish enough to tell them the truth. Truth about his broken heart, laying in all these places that they used to eat, laugh, play, sleep, live, make love. They tried to explain him that after all of this time, he just should move on. With his life, with his emotions and plans for future. But what was the point of it since he was still suspended between unwavering love for this little Angel and the realization that he was left alone? He was left alone without any word of explanation. Without anything to be exact. But still he knew that despite of passing minutes, flowing tears and met people, he still loved him so much that world couldn’t even imagine. Of course, after his disappearing he tried to find him. He quitted his job and travel all around the world to find him. He lost all his money, all his time for this trip. And still it was totally pointless. He came back home, one year later with even more pain and questions in his young heart. And additionally he was broken, without money and any job. This was the time when his friends came in. They helped him to start everything again. They gave him some place to sleep, borrowed him some money, helped quit drinking. Even after all of this time he was really thankful for their commitment. But there was this one thing, that they couldn’t fix. They couldn’t repair his shattered heart and soul. It was a disease that he had to fight alone.

And he was fighting till this day. At the beginning he had a frequent appointments with a psychologist. Their little talks didn’t help him at all so she gave him some strong pills for depression. But he started to take so much that his all body became numb and he just lost consciousness. So he just gave up and return to drinking when his friends didn’t watch him. But they were his friends after all so he wasn’t surprised when they were still worried about his current living. So, to allay their fears, he came back to his old job. Of course, he quitted it, but for the company he was too good in his field to just let him walk away. And till this moment he was working in the most famous publishing house in the whole country: “Black Raven”. He always loved books. When he was a child and then a teenager and for some time an adult, books were his way to escape all this gray and dull reality. He loved reading and writing. But his really rough and brutal childhood made him lose all his self-confidence and self-respect, so one day he just burned all his written stories. And that was how his career as a writer has ended. But still he was reading a lot so he enrolled at university and after that he started working as an editor. It wasn’t the same as writing books, but he quickly realized that he didn’t need his self written fiction to escape reality. He found it, he found his personal heaven in one person. Everything that he was looking for in his life was hidden in this little Angel of his. That’s how they met. He was editing books of the other’s favourite writer. But the most important thing that joined them together was that both of them were just looking for a shelter.

God only knows what a heart can survive
So many tears from all the pain in our lives
And where else could we go after all we've been through
I still believe my life is right here with you…

He never believed in love. All his life, he thought that people are just running in circles of emotions. We love, then someday you realize that this love isn’t enough, so you break this whole relationship. You are hurting, but after some time you feel that you can move on so you just do it. He truly believed that theory. Until he met Daesung. It’s funny how one person can change all your life. But even more amazing is how you can change your life for that one person. Daesung was like a book with so many pages and beautiful pictures. Every day he showed him a new side of being in love. He was falling for this little Angel day by day. With every little breath and move of his small hands, with every smile and with every word that left his mouth, he was falling for him. And he was falling hard. With Daesung he finally believed that he can be loved by someone. He finally believed that you can spend your whole life with one person. That when you find that one special human being, you just stop your running. There isn’t any circle anymore. There is only way of life. And you are walking with this special person hand by hand, never looking back and always expecting more. But with Daesung he also found out that when you lose that special person, you also just stop your running. He just stand in one place. Stuck between worries and fears. And that’s why when Dae left he returned to his old thoughts about love. With only one exception: he believed that in this lonely world is this ONE love and his only and eternal love was, is and will be Daesung.

I know it’s taking a while but every lesson, I’ve learned
And if your heart speaks tonight, I'll hear every word
If you want to be free I'll never stand in your way
But with all that I am, I'm asking you to stay…

And that’s how he reach this point of his meaningless life. His work was the last thing that was constantly keeping him alive. Of course if you can say “alive”  for somebody who on the outside is maybe one of the best editor in this country but on the inside he is praying for some mortal accident, which would take him away from this world. The only reason why he didn’t try to do it himself were his friends. He didn’t want them to feel any sadness after all that they did for him. They didn’t deserve that. He did. For some time after his leaving he started to wonder why Daesung left him without any word. This only leaded him to realization that maybe it’s all his fault and his alone. And despite that he couldn’t wrap his head about the idea what he could do wrong, this feeling of being responsible for the greatest tragedy of his life and this thought of hurting a person that he loved the most, leaded him to another addiction. Maybe he was too weak to endure the pain. Or maybe he was too strong to ask for help.

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Now he just pushed all these things away. He knew that he can’t think about this right now, because it would only make all his life harder to survive. That’s why he was working all days and nights. Being so absorbed in all these papers, books, meeting with authors, helped him survive. Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Breath by breath.

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But today was different. It was Friday, day of the week that he hated the most. After Friday was weekend, when we couldn’t work so much, so he had to find another way to occupy his tired mind, even for a moment. Usually it was drinking his worries away. Usually. But today was different.

He woke up early as usual. He always woke up somewhere in the middle of the night, screaming. Now it was a routine. He got used to sleep only for a few hours before he would wake up because of another nightmare. He tried everything. Pills, soothing music, aromatic candles. Even after drinking for the whole evening, he always found himself wide awake, while the sun wasn’t even thinking about getting up already. And of course, laying wide awake in the dark,quiet room only bring to his mind all these memories, thoughts, regrets. So every night he had to fight with his own problems. And when the morning finally came, he had to do the same.

Cold shower always helped him a little. He used to take a long bath, but he couldn’t do this now, while he could still feel the smell of Daesung’s favourite strawberry shampoo that remained there. How many nights, when he was too drunk to even remember his own name, he was laying in this bathtub, absorbing this smell by every cell in his body, imagining that he is laying with little Angel in his arms again, just like many times before? To many to count. To painful to even try doing that.

He didn’t leave their apartment only because it was situated near his office. And while he was working days and nights, it was really useful to live so close.

After shower he wore his suit, grab his suitcase and headed towards the door of his flat. He has never eaten a breakfast before leaving. Never after HIM. He started to avoid kitchen in general, still remembering that it was one of HIS favourite places in this house.

Walk to his work was one of the favourite thing during his whole day. It was warm spring, when trees started to sprout new buds, flower were shyly opening and showing the world their best costumes of petals and birds were competing with each other for a better love song for their loved ones. If he didn’t feel all this heaviness and darkness in his heart, he would say that it was really beautiful day. On his way, he only dropped in a small café where he always bought his morning coffee-the last thing in his life that was bringing him some joy and happiness.

After 5 or 6 minutes of walking, there it was. Enormous building of the “Black Raven Publishing House”. He sighed. He knew that after stepping through this wooden doors, he will throw himself into his work. Well, just like always.

He was right. When he stepped into his office, he found out that without him, everyone was acting like a five years old children or people during their first day of a new job. Gosh… How he hated this. But still, he was also deeply thankful for so many work and tasks during the whole day. At least his mind was occupied.

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He left his work at really late evening. He was at loss. He knew that even when he felt so tired that he could fall asleep on a cold pavement of this street, he was too afraid to even close his eyes for a while. He knew that his mind prepared some new nightmares for this night.

It was quiet and peaceful evening. The warm wind was scattering his black hair. Just then this utter silence was disturbed by loud ringing of his phone.

-Yes?

-Hyung?! Ha! I wasn’t expecting you to pick your phone so quickly! Honestly I was prepared to call you for some more hours!

Jiyong. After all this years that they spent together, he could recognize this voice everywhere. And among all of his friends, he valued his friendship with Jiyong the most. He was the one that was taking care of him, while he was laying at the bottom of his broken heart. And no matter what, Jiyong was the one that stayed by his side. Even when he wasn’t really willing to admit this thoughts, he was extremely grateful for that.

-Yeah, I’m just coming back from my work.

-Oh, it’s great then! Come to our favourite bar! We are here together, celebrating the end of the week!

-I’m… I’m not sure… Maybe it would be better if…

-Seunghyun hyuuung!! Please!! We need you there!! Please!!

-Ah…Ok… I will be there in 10 minutes.

-You are the best! Bye!

It was good to hear this happy voice of Jiyong again. He was a good man and a good friend. Of course he still wasn’t sure if the idea of spending the whole evening with friends is a really good idea, but he couldn’t say no to Ji. Not after all that he did for him. So he turned back and headed towards “Green Dwarf” with hope that maybe this time, he won’t end up crying on his friend’s shoulder.

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The atmosphere in this bar was promising as always. He really liked this place. Always filled with laughter, bright lights and strong alcohol. And of course there was this little table with all his friends gathered together. In the air you could hear their honest laugh, raised voices and quiet sound of lifting glasses and tankards. And even in his current state of mind he could help but smile a little at sight of his closest friends.

It was Jiyong who saw him first.

-Hyung! Good to see you! You are even more handsome than the last time!

Pure sound of laughter filled the air, when Jiyong ran to Seunghyun and hugged him tightly. Seunghyun wasn’t surprised. To be honest, Jiyong was the only person that was allowed to touch him. After Daesung’s leaving he couldn’t stand someone’s touch. But Jiyong was such a pure and good person and he was trying so hard to make him forget about his Angel that for the second time this evening, he couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s warm greeting.

-It’s good to see you too, Dragon.

-Hey! You know I don’t use that nickname since we were in high school! Hyuung… You are embarrassing me!

Another round of laughter filled the air. And SeungHyun realized that maybe it was a good idea to spend this evening in “Green Dwarf”.

After Jiyong finally released him from his embrace, black-haired editor took his seat in the middle of the table. On his right he could see Taeyang and Se7en totally absorbed in their conversation. Se7en was talking about his new case about some kidnapped children from a rich family. Taeyang on the other hand was complaining about a new member of his own dance group. On his left he saw two girls, who were probably currently talking about every part of their clothes. Dara and Bom, one of his not numerous female friends were just like two parts of the same puzzle. Always talking about clothes and always together. And opposite to him was Jiyong and Seungri. While the first was deeply immersed in girl’s conversation, the other was doing everything to catch his attention, even for a while. And although SeungHyun wasn’t participating in any of these talks, he was just happy to have his own chance to just watch his friends. He was truly happy to watch them talking, smiling, laughing or even annoying each other. Even when he was dead on the inside he thought that he was truly blessed to at least see his friends so alive.

After hours of small talks and many glasses of alcohol, everyone started to say their goodbye and slowly headed home. He knew that they had their own lives, problems and hopes. He was the only one that had completely empty and meaningless life. So after a while he was left alone. Alone with Jiyong. He was surprised that Dragon didn’t come back home at this time. He knew that he had really challenging job and he couldn’t allow himself to say late many times during the week. And even more surprising was that after all these drinks, he looked like completely sober. He wasn’t the happy and smiling Jiyong from some hours ago. He was deadly serious. And it only filled Seunghyun with terror. It wasn’t a frequent sight to see his friend like this.

-Hey, Ji! Why are so serious all of sudden? Where is my little Dragon?

-Eh… Hyung. I have to tell you something.

-Eh? You know that you can tell me everything… Do you have some problems? Something is clearly wrong…

-Yeah… But… It’s… Well… I…

-Wow, easy. Just say it when you will be ready, ok?

There's a light that can burn
It exists in the heart
You can feel it when you know love is true
If you could try to be strong
And keep the light burning long
It took a lifetime but I found it in you…

-Hyung…-Said Jiyong, after a while.-I wanted to say that… Well… He is back.

And for the first time in such a long time, Seunghyun felt his heart beating. And it was beating so loud that he couldn’t believe that he is still alive.

Hold on
And it'll won’t take long
I hope that you can love me
When the pain is gone
I don't want us to fall through the cracks of a broken heart
Don't want us to fall through the cracks of your broken heart...

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Hey, it's Arvena :3 So yeah, that's kind of my first "chapter" of this story. Only the first and the last chapter will be based on some song. In this case that's "Cracks of my broken heart" by Eric Benet (but as you surely know, Taeyang made his own version of it for one of his concerts). I'm really, REALLY sorry for all the mistakes. I really tired my best, so I hope I didn't disappoint you *while crying under the table*

I hope you like it. Please, tell me what you think (for example if I should even continue with this) in the comment section BELOW :D

And lastly: Thank you so much for all these subscriptions and comments! I want to kiss and hug you all! :3 *creepy*