Calling for dennisse!
Story Title: Leisure Professor

Title: (3/5)
- First impression of your title: seems like the professor isn't doing his job correctly. Your title can give off multiple perspectives so it isn't sturdy. The title isn't eye-popping nor does it stand out in a sea of other titles. But this title does compliment the story's theme so far.

Description & Foreword: (2.5/5)
- Your description is something one can relate to and it is all right. Not the best. But I am curious of what the professor meant by him saying otherwise. My mind is fuzzy because your description is vague and nothing too compelling. There's nothing to infer from much. Try to add details.

And your foreword doesn't have anything to do with a foreword. A foreword's purpose is to give readers a glimpse of what they will be reading (you can copy and paste excerpts from your fic onto here), and your foreword is a chance to tell readers that your story is no ordinary story; your foreword is the one that also creates a feeling of yearning to know what happens next in your story. Credits of shops and whatnot is fine in the Foreword section and you can use a border line to separate the two.

Originality: (1O/1O)
- Your story was fascinating and I love the little philosophical topics in there. I love it and it isn't the usual sappy novel with an oblivious main character. Great job!

Chapter Titles: (5/5)
- Nothing was given away.

Characters: (1O/1O) 
- First thing I tried to look for is your OC's name, but there isn't any. However, since you are writing in first person, anyone can try to relate or put themselves into your OC's shoes. Your OC is confused and lost at the sole purpose of life, so she feels insecure. Dissatisfied at her incompetent self, the OC's personality is weak and unstable. Even though Mr. Dong has an optimistic personality, the OC thinks he is mocking her. The OC is a static character so far; the words of Mr. Dong hasn't sunk in on her. The OC and Mr. Dong are opposites and I think that's interesting to take note of.

You've done a good job on revealing their characteristics.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5)
- Your font was readable and I love your poster. The white background can probably relate with the OC's innocence and how naive she is.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (2.5/5)
- I think this story lacks detail as you didn't really pay attention to the setting and whatnot. But it's ok and the meaning of your story still goes through. The words you've used are pretty basic and easy for everyone to understand; however, upgrading to a more sophisticated usage of words is not limited. You still have room to improve. Try out slow at first and a thesaurus helps, but do not rely on it. Do not scatter sophisticated words around, but use them consistently.

You also repeat words such as "she asked," "he said," or "I answered" to describe a character's actions. You need to have a broader range of words to describe someone's actions and behavior. By simply using asked or said all the time is very vague and boring, so using greater and sophisticated words bring life to your characters. 

Story Flow: (1O/1O)
- It was great and enough time for the reader to soak in the information. Your inspirational ideals does guide one within your story. Keep up the great work!

Grammar, Punctuation, and etc: (8/15)
- Small mistakes:
> In chapter one: past tense of pay is paid.

This is an incorrect usage of a comma. You cannot use a comma to separate two independent clauses. You can either use a period to replace the comma, use a subordinating conjunction, use a coordinating conjunction, a semi-colon, etc. Coordinating conjunctions can be easily remembered by an acronym known as FANBOYS. F for for. A for and. N for nor. B for but. O for or. Y for yet. S for so. Subordinating conjunctions are words add in front of a sentence, such as although, because, etc. A more detailed explanation.

Original: "'Try it some time, just ten seconds,'" he said. He was beaming when he said it."

Suggested: "'Try it some time. Just ten seconds,'" he said. He was beaming when he said it."

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A semi-colon is not needed. Since every component in your sentence is related, you can replace the semi-colon with a comma.

Original: "In a city where everything was alive, where everyone rushed as they moved around; in a place where one was forced to keep up with, or, lead the flow, in a country where people are accustomed to study twenty hours a day just so one could be seen as worthy, his idea seemed odd."

Suggested: "In a city where everything was alive, where everyone rushed as they moved around, in a place where one was forced to keep up with, or, lead the flow, in a country where people are accustomed to study twenty hours a day just so one could be seen as worthy, his idea seemed odd."

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If you want to use a dash, you should keep the words together. Do not have any spaces in between them.

Original: "He was wearing a black turtle neck sweater that hugged his body in some -the right- places."

Suggested: "He was wearing a black turtle neck sweater that hugged his body in some—the right—places."

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This sentence doesn't quite flow, but adding another comma will do.

Original: "Students, after spending almost all day studying would spend their free time in PC rooms."

Suggested: "Students, after spending almost all day studying. would spend their free time in PC rooms."

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The way you've written your sentence originally doesn't require a question mark. Perhaps if you reword it, then you can use a question mark.

Without question mark: "I kept on wondering why was he thinking the way he did."

With question mark: "I kept on wondering, why was he thinking the way he did?"

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Minor mistake. The word that isn't needed.

Original: "But instead of words, nothing came out of me but tears that started to well up my eyes."

Suggested: "But instead of words, nothing came out of me, but tears started to well up in my eyes."

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I didn't list down all of your grammar errors so I advise you to go back and proofread. Some of the mistakes listed here may appear more frequently than others.

Plot: (2O/2O)
- I am confused in chapter one because there is no description about any setting. Is she dreaming?

Wow, I love the moral behind your story. I think this story is a great eye-opener and the language and detail is thought-provoking. Those being pressured in life, or those with plenty of free-time, really needs to realize the beauty and opportunity life has to offer, especially since everyone's time is limited. Take a step back and enjoy what is present. The future is the future and the past is the past. In addition, this story lightly touches multiple transcendentalism themes which promotes individualism, non-conformity, and the ability to be one with nature. But even so, the main character is still lost. I hope she pursues her inner peace soon. Your story, in my opinion, is on a branch between psychology and philosophy. In the story, the OC is seeking her own knowledge and an understandable explanation regarding her purpose in life, love, and etc. (Philosophy) Soon, her analytical and repetitive behavior and thoughts can define her own emotions and actions that she had experienced. (Psychology)

You've also mentioned that the story's genre is romance I like how you haven't completely focused on the romance in the story. I think romance is a branch of the difficulties faced in life, so maybe love can help the OC develop her mindset.

Overall Enjoyment: (9/1O)
- I love the meaning behind your fic and it is very inspirational. Not only that, but it gets the reader thinking and reflecting on their own personal lives. It could be life-changing or a boost to start something new. That's wonderful! There are more though-provoking fics out there and it could probably enhance one's perspective. Our society and contributions can improve. c: I also forgot that your story is still on-going so I look forward to improvements!

Total: 85/1OO
85%


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