Sulli's Point of View

          The flower bloom, then wither…

          The stars shine and one day become extinct…

          This earth, the sun, the galaxies and even the big universe, someday will be destroyed…

          Compared with that, the human life is only a blink of eye, just a little time. In the short time, people are born, laugh, cry, fright, are injured, feel joy, sadness, hate someone, love someone. All in just a moment, and then, are embraced by the eternal sleep called death.

          There is nothing permanent in this world so if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry, it can’t last forever either.

          So for the last days of my short life, I’m going to smile and do whatever I want. Because the world outside is just another big adventure.

          For now, I’m just staying at our house because I’m expecting a visitor that maybe could help me find that something that is still missing in my life. I don’t know what is it but I will figure it out through him, through Kim JongIn.

          I don’t know if he would really come but I trust him enough that I know he will show up.

          Something about JongIn that made me so interested in his life. He looks like a person filled with happiness and expectations in the world, saying something like ‘hey, what you got for me?’ a person who always looking forward to the future.

          For me, the future is an unknown dimension. My focus is only in the present. I’m always doing something that will be remarkable when it comes the time it will be a past, a good memory. None of us will know what will happen in the future or if you are still going to have one. Future is kind of scary isn’t it?

          A few hours of thinking if JongIn will pay me a visit passed when I heard a knocked on the door.

          I open the door and a patient JongIn who is waiting outside is there. And holding a bouquet of roses, I may add. “You really come.” I said to him.

          “Why? Are you only joking when you said you wanted me to visit you?” JongIn suddenly panicked because he misunderstood my words.

          Should I a little bit? “Uh, yeah, I didn’t mean what I said the other day.” I said in a serious tone.

          JongIn don’t know what to do. He exerted a big effort on coming here and even thought of bringing me flowers and now, I’m saying that he wasn’t really invited. “I-I’m sorry, I thought…”

          I laughed at his expression. “I’m only playing with you. Of course you are invited.”

          “W-what?” he asked, dumbfounded.

          “I said I really want you to come here.” I made it clear.

          That makes him smile, “you are such a player for a girl.”

          “I know, come on in.” I invited him inside.

          He sat in the sofa while I’m getting him something to drink. I placed the orange juice on the small table at the living room and sat near to his position. I know that JongIn might feel a bit awkward being in someone else house with a girl he barely knew so I decided to make it easy for him. I wasn’t an up-talker but I’m good at speaking with people even with strangers.

          “You could relax if you want. I won’t eat you, I promise.” I said.

          “Are you sure of that?” he joking asked. JongIn is funny to talk with. He always answered me back even if I’m teasing him or saying nonsense things. “Here, I brought this for you.” He handed the flowers.

          “I love roses.” I commented

          “I knew you would love them, you smell like one.”

          I was surprised by his statement actually. I sniffed my hair and I really do smell like roses, I never noticed before. “I really do…”

          “Told you so,”

          I smiled at him, but roses or my weird connection to them is not enough conversation for us. He asked me about my parents since they weren’t around. Maybe he is wondering why they left me alone in the house even though I’m sick.

          “I am capable of taking care of myself,” I said, did he thinks that I am weak?

          “That is not what I meant. It is just that I didn’t saw them in the hospital or here.” He defended himself.

          Is he thinking that my parent doesn’t care about me? “They left to finish their business in Busan. It is just you left at the hospital when they came. My parents love me so much.” It is truer than any words I’ve said. My parents love for me is really something that I’m thankful for.

          “You also love them.” It wasn’t a question. He said it like he really knows it.

          “Very much, I can’t image two better persons in the world.”

          I asked JongIn about his hobbies and all the things that he likes. He gladly answered it all like my entire question mattered. He didn’t think whether I’m asking too much or i’m invading his private life.

          I learned a lot about him. JongIn said that he likes to dance and even skips his piano and taekwondo lesson just to learn ballet and jazz. I find it funny because we are the same in that part. We like to escape. For him, performing is his life. Even though he can’t express it in words well, I know that he really loves what he is doing. Most people aren’t able to do something like that. Maybe that’s why I am drawn to him.

          “Look at me, talking and talking. You must be bored listening to me.” He said shyly.

          Actually, I’m not. I don’t care if he talks alone all day. I will never get tired of listening to him. JongIn’s life is what I’ve dream for myself. Living on what he likes and be whoever he wants to be.

          “Tell me about yourself.” He suggested.

          “About myself? I have nothing.”

          “Nothing? I’m sure you have something to tell.”

          I gave it a thought for a moment. My life before my illness is so exciting yet, that girl seemed so far away from me. Since I was confined in the hospital, bed and windows are the only things that are with me. “I have nothing to do except reading books and draw different kind of images.”

          For some weird reasons, JongIn seems like he was interested. “Books? What kind of books do you read?”

          "Hmmm, different kind of book. Do you want to see my collections?" i asked him.

          JongIn agreed so we went on the attic. All my books are there because my mother and I are still not finished arranging all of our things. I placed my books in a large box. I notice just now that I haven't read one since we came here in Seoul. Why is that? Am I so much preoccupied thinking the thing I like to do that’s why I forgot to do what I usually do?

          "Whoa! You have so many." JongIn beamed. He seemed so surprised at the number of books I have. "How could you have all of these?"

          Leukemia, I want to answer that. That illness changed me at intervals from an outdoor child into an indoor child. Outdoors, my favourite activities were nature exploration, soccer and wheel sports. Indoors, the illness encouraged me to read.

           Lying ill in bed, I would open a book and start reading. After a few pages, pain and fatigue would fade into the background as I feel like I’m at a journey to a faraway places, became acquainted with fascinating people-many of whom had never existed in the physical world, but seemed as real as if they had-and traveled back and forth in time. Books became for me (to quote