"Where do you want to go?" Jongin asked his adorable petite boyfriend, Kyungsoo. They were on their first date since forever and Jongin had so much energy left in him.

"It's getting kind of late. My bedtime is 9 o'clock," Kyungsoo whined as he hugged Jongin close to him because he didn't want to go.

"9? Isn't that a little too early?" Jongin chuckled teasingly, thinking that curfew was really lame. He hoped Kyungsoo was only kidding and they could continue on their adventurous date but the look on the shorter's face confirmed he was serious.

"Yeah, after 9PM I am a different person. Craaaaaazy things happen when I stay up past 9." Jongin raised his eyebrow at this and leaned in behind Kyungsoo whispering, "What kind of crazy things?" He had a big smirk plastered on his face as he thought naughty things.

"Usually I get really gassy, I don't know why."

Mood is now ruined...

"Sometimes I get ually frustrated and just want to make out."

Mood back on...

"But then I end up making out with anything in sight, including inanimate objects. I once found myself kissing my grandmother's adult diaper. It wasn't used though!" Kyungsoo laughed but turned serious right after, "At least I hope it wasn't..."

Mood is probably forever ruined now...

"It's 8:37, do you want me to take you home then?" Jongin really didn't want to say goodbye already, but he also didn't want to deal with a gassy and ually frustrated Kyungsoo either. "Yeah, home is a good idea," Kyungsoo sighed out with a pout full of remorse.

The walk to Kyungsoo's house was short, and both kind of dreaded the fact that their date had to end so early. "I'll call you tomorrow morning alright?" Kyungsoo nodded in response as Jongin kissed his forehead and left.

By the time Kyungsoo was finally ready for bed the time was 9:02. He slipped into bed and flipped the switch off on the lamp on his bedside table when he let one rip. "Ahh that felt good." But it didn't smell good.

He was so close to dreamland when his pager started vibrating. The pager indicating for the Derp Squad to meet at the secret secret hideout. Kyungsoo groaned and flipped in his bed.

"NOOOO," he groaned when his phone started ringing. That's when he knew Suho was being serious, when he would call their personal cellphones.

"Huh?!" Kyungsoo answered without opening his eyes.

"EXO-M is at it again! Yeol and Hun are already on their way to the crime scene! Where are you D.O?"

"In bed." He groaned loudly when he felt another fart coming.

"Well, get out of bed and report to this address that I will text you! Got it? Good!" Suho hung up before Kyungsoo could beg for a night off, but super derps don't get days or nights off.

"I'm coming I'm coming!" He shouted half asleep as he rolled off his bed and fell face first to the floor.


<><><><>


"Remind me why we brought Tao with us?" Luhan questioned with a frown as he threw Tao off him. "He can't survive past 9! This is ridiculous, he keeps leaning on me and feeling me up!" Tao's hand landed on Luhan's thigh and made its way up until Luhan slapped it away. He kicked Tao away from him and walked across the room to keep a distance.

Lay shivered as he pointed out, "That panda Kris got him...it must be doing some crazy to him as he sleeps."

"Focus you guys." Kris hushed them down so he could speak, "We need to do this fast alright? Before EXO-K comes and attempts to stop us."

"What are we stealing diamonds for anyways?" Chen asked with a mouthful of kimchi, some spilling down his chin.  "Why are you eating kimchi just like that?! Oh my gosh, do you know how strong that is?! I can't handle that smell!" Luhan covered his nose as Chen purposely blew air his way.

"I told you, the diamonds are for Tao's Gucci bag, he said it needed more bling." Kris interrupted Chen who was throwing kimchi at Luhan. "Smell it, it's so good."

"Stop it Chen!"

Xiumin and Lay were playing a card game, bored out of their minds, when Xiumin suggested, "So since the reason is Tao, Kris you do it. He's your boyfriend."

Kris stayed quiet before looking away and giving the excuse of, "Maybe next time."


<><><><>


"D.O where have you been? EXO-M are coming out any minute now..." Hun didn't sound positive with his own words because they have been standing outside the jewelry shop for a good ten minutes, just staring at EXO-M's spaceship, which no one was coming out from.

"Sorry guys..." D.O trailed off as he wobbled back and forth, his eyes still not fully open.

"W-What's that smell?" Yeol covered his nose and Hun sniffed the air. "Oh God! Did something die?!" They must have been referring to the gas D.O passed.

They looked at each other and then to D.O. Hey where did he go?
"D.O what the heck are you doing?" Hun ran to D.O who was hugging a pole. "Are you kissing the pole?!"

D.O giggled as he moaned, "Oh, stop it you," to the pole. The younger was getting more freaked out with each passing second. Yeol called them from where he was guarding the entrance of the jewelry store. "Someone's getting off!"

*

Everyone glared at each other, no one wanted to get off the spaceship to steal the diamonds. Especially since they were just for Tao! "Not it!" Xiumin held his pointer finger on the tip of his nose and everyone quickly caught on screaming, "Not it!"

Everyone looked at Kris who said it last. "Kris..." Lay tried pulling him off his seat. "Lets make Tao do it himself!" Kris chuckled nervously as he got up, retrieving a fly swatter and hitting Tao's with a loud smack. "AHHHHH!"

*

"Who is it? Is there only one person?" Hun asked Yeol who had no idea what was going on. His bedtime was 9:30pm, and he was now losing it as well.

A dark silhouette was emerging from the spaceship, it looked unstable as it walked closer and closer. Hun hid behind Yeol like a whimp and D.O fell to the floor asleep with a fart.

came from the silhouette and Hun yelped, "It sounds like a zombie! Kill it Yeol!"

"How? I can't see a thing! Where did all this fog come from?!" Yeol looked around their surroundings frantically when he figured out exactly where the fog was coming from. D.O's gassy . Who knew so much gas actually turned into gas...

"Hun! Use your EXO power and get rid of this fog!"

"I have an EXO power?!" Sehun's bedtime was 9:31pm, so now he was confused as hell too.

"Wind..."

"Oh yeah!"

Hun stepped forward and simply blew air from his mouth to get rid of the fog. "It is a zombie!" He yelled when Tao, who was wearing his panda EXO-M's villain mask, stumbled from side to side as he attempted to walk forward. "Die zombie die!" Hun screamed as he hit Tao with a trash can lid. Yeol called Leader Suho to come quick! They were being attacked by a herd of zombies and they needed some back up! There are too many of them!

Tao fell to the floor in pain and Yeol screamed when he crawled forward, reaching out a hand for mercy. "Back off panda zombie!" Yeol yelled and set said zombie's shirt on fire with his EXO power.

D.O was still dead asleep on the floor when Hun ran towards the zombie to hit him again with the trash can lid but tripped on the farting Derp. He fell right on top of Tao and soon he was on fire too. "AHHHHHHH!!!"

Yeol took action and ran to the gas station that was nearby. He took hold of a gas pump and ran to Hun screaming, "I FOUND LIQUID! I'll save you!" He was waving the gas pump all around drenching Hun and Tao with gas, igniting them more on fire.

"Stop!" Someone running out of the spaceship yelled hysterically.  "Are you insane?!" It was Lulu from EXO-M! But Yeol didn't know that, so he set the other 'zombie' on fire as well. "ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!"

From all the fatuous yelling, EXO-M all hurried outside to see what the fudge was going on. "What the hell?!" Kris yelled when he saw Tao rolling like a buffalo on the ground on fire.

Suho finally arrived in a hurry to witness the catastrophe that was occurring. "Leader Suho! Help Hun! He is on fire! AND THERE ARE MORE ZOMBIES!"   

Suho leaped into action and used his EXO power of water to put out the fire. Sehun was coughing and Tao's skin was burned to a crisp. Lay and Xiumin immediately went to cool him down and heal him, his normal skin color appearing once again.

Tao merely fell back asleep as if nothing had happened. "EXO-M is behind all this! They started the zombie apocalypse!" Yeol accused.

Kris poked Tao's cheek to check if he was still alive and he smiled weakly when Tao snored and kicked his foot in his sleep. "T-Thanks...S-Suho" He cringed as he said his thanks.

"So this is the famous Suho, huh?" Chen walked circles around said man and laughed. "I can't believe you're actually related to this derp!"

"Related?" Suho tilted his head to the side as he raised an eyebrow to Kris, who was wearing his EXO-M villain mask, which was a dragon face.

"I'm not related to Kris!" Suho made a face full of pure disgust.

Lulu butted in, "I thought you were cousins?"

"I only have one cousin, and his name is Wu Yifan." Suho crossed his arms.

With a facepalm, Xiumin scoffed and walked off. He seriously wished he was not a part of this idiotic story with derps who were so derpy that someone couldn't recognize their own cousin because of a freaking mask. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? SUPERMAN AND CLARK KENT?!

"SUHO WHY ARE YOU STANDING SO CLOSE TO THE ZOMBIES?!" Yeol screamed as he tried flaring fire to Chen who was running away like a mad man. Hun ran after him screaming, "YOU WON'T GET AWAY YOU DEAD CORPSE," and blew wind at Chen to knock him down. He caught up and jumped on him, hitting him with the trash can lid.

D.O woke up from the noise and reluctantly stood up and wobbled his way over to Suho. "L-Leader...I can go home now?"

"Once we stop EXO-M from stealing the diamonds." Suho patted D.O's cheek softly.

"We don't even want the diamonds anymore." Lulu rolled his eyes as he turned to head back in the spaceship. "ZOMBIE YOU WON'T GET AWAY." Yeol shouted as he tackled Lulu to the ground, biting Lulu's neck. "Maybe if I bite you, you'll turn back!"

"WHAT THE FU-" Lulu couldn't even finish screaming out in agonizing pain because Yeol screamed over him,"ZOMBIE, TURN BACK INTO A HUMAN," with another bite to the arm.

Xiumin walked by Chen being hit with a trash can lid by Hun, Suho who was rubbing D.O's head, Tao sleeping on the ground with Kris standing next to him, Lay who was secretly checking out Suho and Lulu who was basically being eaten alive by Yeol. He stood at the entrance of the spaceship and held up a huge bag full of millions of dollars worth of jewelry and precious diamonds over his head.

No one paid any attention to him. He started jumping up and down, singing at the top of his lungs, "I'm stealing diamonds, I'm stealing diamonds~" Yet the Derp Squad was still completely oblivious. Xiumin smiled widely and walked into the spaceship after realizing that damn, this author must really love him to make him the only sane one in this story.

Chen finally pushed Hun off him and hit him with the trash can lid yelling, "How do you like it?!"

Kris threw Yeol off of Lulu and kneed him in his junk and helped Lulu up. "You okay?"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?" Lulu screamed as blood was squirting out of his neck like a freaking faucet. "Lay help me!"

D.O was staring emotionless as Lay was healing Lulu's neck. His eyes widen when Lay suddenly and magically turned into a real unicorn with a long beautiful rainbow colored mane. He slowly walked closer to the unicorn and jumped on its back. Did he forget to mention he hallucinates after 10PM?

"What the hell is he doing on my back?" Lay yelled as D.O climbed up on him more comfortably. "Unicorn..." D.O mumbled with his eyes closed already drifting off into sleep. "Off into the wind!" He yelled in his sleep.

"Get him off me!" Lay yelled to Suho who was merely enjoying the show. "Why would I help you, Lay from EXO-M?!"

'Uh, maybe because I'm your freaking boyfriend, you idiot. How do you not recognize me?!' Lay thought about saying but knew he couldn't say it out loud in front of the other EXO-M members.

Chen ran away from Hun to help Lay get D.O off his back, but when he approached near, D.O started kicking Lay's side and shouting for him to giddy up before the 'troll' gets to them. When Lay didn't move and Chen reached out to D.O, the latter used his EXO power of super strength and punched Chen across the entire street. "Back off troll! STEP OFF!"

Yeol locked eyes with Lulu again and he tackled him to the ground screeching, "ZOMBIE!"

Kris picked up Tao from the ground bridal style and carried him into the spaceship nonchalantly, unaware of anything else happening to his other members.

Hun slowly stood up from the ground rubbing his pounding head and walked over to Suho. "What's going on, hyung?" Suho simply shrugged as a response. He had no clue.

"I'm being attacked by D.O! That's what's going on! GOD, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!" Lay cried out as D.O let out a silent but deadly long fart. Hun peered at Lay being attacked by D.O through his droopy and sleepy eyes. He looked at Yeol attacking Lulu and then frowned as he looked back at Lay and D.O.

"ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!" Hun remembered as Lay and Lulu suddenly hallucinated into zombies before his eyes. "I'll help you D.O and Yeol!" He turned to Suho who had his back to him, and he tackled the leader. "Die zombie, die!"

"HUN! It's me! Leader Suho!"

"WEEEEEEEE!" D.O screamed when Lay finally moved, running to help Hun get off his boyfriend/nemesis.

What the heck is going on? I'm not sure but lets get back with Chen who is pissed for being punched across the street.

Chen angrily speed walked his way to D.O who was now kissing the back of Lay's head. When he reached the Derp, he grabbed him by his Derp Squad stretchy suit and ripped him off Lay's back as if he was velcro. "Payback time!"

A strike of lighting flashed across the sky angrily and with a mere point to D.O with his index finger, a strike of lighting electrified the Derp, making him fall to the floor with dark smoke ascending from his body. Chen laughed like a maniac, eyes closed tightly from laughing too hard as D.O lied there lifelessly.

"D.O!" Suho screamed from underneath Hun who was underneath Lay who suddenly happened to be underneath D.O again, because he somehow ended up on his majestic unicorn's back once again, even though just a second ago he was allll the way over there on the ground, almost half-way dead from being hit by lighting...

"How are you on me again?! You creeper!"

As if in a trance and being broken free from it, at the word of 'Creeper' Yeol was back to normal. "Did someone say 'Creeper'?" That's when he noticed D.O almost dead and spread across Lay's back. "D.O! NOOOOO!"

Lulu took this opportunity to stealthily crawl away from everyone and into the ship. "I need some bubble tea," he whispered to himself, too soft for anyone to hear. "DID SOMEONE SAY LUHAN?" Hun yelled, breaking from his trance as well. "No one said Luhan?" Suho frowned confused.

"Hello, almost dead guy on top of me?"

Chen lifted his finger, "You want him fully dead?" Which earned him to be set on fire, and a growing smirk painted on Yeol's face when he dropped and rolled.

"D.O!" Hun yelled with tears streaming down his face. "D.O...who is going to cook me food when I'm hungry-" Yeol elbowed him. Hard. "I-I mean...who is going to cook us food when we are hungry?" Yeol smiled and nodded proudly in approval.

"D.O!" Yeol cried out in tears. Hun hugged him and cried with him, both screaming, "D.O! Wake up!"

"Our precious Kyungsoo!"

"Kyungsoo!"

"Wake up!"

"WAKE UP DAMN IT."

"Wha-wha-what?! Where am I?!" Kyungsoo screamed as he sat up in bed with...yeah, another fart. He did say he gets really gassy. "Whats going on?"

Jongin covered his nose with a scrunched up face and handed him his cell phone. "I noticed you dropped this outside. So I brought it inside really quick..."

Kyungsoo took hold his cell phone and stared at it before becoming angry. "You mean you woke me up from my weird dream at-" he looked at the clock, "-9:05PM to return my cell phone?!"

"What kind of dream?" Jongin wiggled his eyebrows. "Was I in it?"

"Why the hell would I dream about you?" Jongin's face fell. "Suho, Sehun, and Chanyeol were there."

Jongin frowned and pouted. "Who is this Suho? I saw you had texts from him and now you're dreaming about him? Who is he? Why did he text you to meet him right now in the 'secret hideout'?!" Jongin stomped his foot, demanding to know right this instant.

"S-Suho is just a friend, and why were y-you looking through my phone?" Kyungsoo stammered not looking at Jongin afraid he would spill the truth about Suho being his boss from the Derp Squad.

Jongin snatched Kyungsoo's phone and before the latter could stop him, Suho's number was dialed. "Hello? Kyungsoo? Where are you? I need you. Right now!" Suho groaned on the other line. "I need you...for something," a grunt was heard before he panted softly, "I'm really sweaty right now...Good God..."

Jongin's jaw dropped when Suho screeched out a loud animalistic grunt. "Come here quickly!" He caterwauled before hanging up leaving Jongin in a state of shock with a infuriated red face.

Kyungsoo was speechless, his jaw gaping like a fish out of water. "Okay I don't have an excuse for that..."


<><><><>


"Ohhhh gooooodness," Suho breathed heavily as he stood up, almost falling over from his weak knees. He slowly made his way to the restroom, panting hard, deciding that was the best place to finish off.

Suho cried out in pain as he rubbed his inner thighs. He wiped the sweat off his face and neck. "I'm so hot," he whined as he pulled his pants down, along with his underwear. He lifted his shirt off him as well as he complained, "Kyungsoo never made it. I guess he didn't want to sweat this late at night with me. Oh well, I'm more satisfied when I do this alone anyways."

He the water in the shower and stepped in happily as he grinned, "Exercising is always healthy! I don't understand why he didn't come for a workout at the gym with me. Those exercise bikes really make you feel the burn!"

A/N

So sorry I have not updated in a looooooong time!

I kind of had a writer's block. >.< I'm trying to work on the next chapter, hopefully my writer's block will stop being an and will go away!!

I hope you enjoyed this update though! IDK, it's weird and stupid but hey, the whole story is like this xD Comment your thoughts~ ^^

P.S. Working out with Suho sounds kinda hot *___*