Mix Emotions
Yearn For Your Love { Hiatus }
So, here is the first chapter guys! I am so happy that I finally finished this chapter. Sorry it took so much time to write this. But, I hope you guys will enjoy reading this! I used the song called 'Please don't say you love me' by Gabrielle Aplin
Korea University is one of the best universities in Seoul. The university consisted of 22 colleges, 89 academic departments and 124 research institutes. These assets are spread across two campuses, which are Anam Campus and Sejong Campus.
Korea University has many scholar and master students. It is also one of the most popular universities, many people want to study there, because it has a very remarkable reputation. No wonder, because the students are smart students and they're willing to learn and to push themselves to the very limit, and the university is completed by the best facilities. It has many programs, for example student exchange program.
And right now, at Anam Campus, inside the main library to be exact, there's a pretty girl who is looking at one bookshelf to another. She is searching for books which will tell her many informations about the ancient greek. She loves history and she loves to read. Even though she is from the Humanity Major, it doesn't change the fact that she loves history so much.
She finally finds the book that she wants to read and takes a seat near the big window. She starts opening her book happily while humming softly. Besides the fact that she loves to read, she loves to sing as well. She opens the window before she starts reading the book as she feels the wind blows, gives a chill to her bones. She smiles lightly while tucking strands of her hair behind her ear, and starts reading.
She is too focusing on her book so she isn't aware that there has been someone who is sitting right in front of her, looking at her deeply without even try to look away from her. That person looks at her with a light smile on their face, and the girl still hasn't realized it.
"Hey there" the person finally greets her.
The girl jumps off her seat a little bit because that person clearly gave her afraid. She tries to calm down as she looks at the person's face and she feels embarrassed all of a sudden. She bows a little bit, still sitting on her chair and has decided to greet that person back. "Hello" she gives the person her beautiful and famous eye-smile.
The person chuckles. "Sorry, did I scare you?"
The girl just shakes her head. She can not talk properly right now. A part of her is still shocked, and the other one is because she is too embarrassed and afraid at the same time. So, she let that person sit in front of her without saying anything else, and then she goes back to her book.
That person stares at the book that she is reading right now. "Ancient greek, huh?" the person mumbles, while keeps staring at the book.
The girl stops reading and looks at the person in front of her. "Excuse me, did you say something?" she frowns her eyebrows a little bit.
"Ah, no, nothing" that person flashes a smile. The girl just nods and returns to the book. The person leans their hand. "I am Nichkhun, by the way. What's your name, Miss?" so, his name is Nichkhun.
Once again, the girl stops reading and looks at him with an innocent look on her face. She shakes his hand and let out a soft chuckle. "You're Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul from the Business and Economics Major, am I right?" he looks at her with an amazed look on his face and nods his head while smiling. "My name is Stephanie Hwang, just call me Tiffany"
He gives her an eye-smile. Oh yes, that guy has a famous eye-smile as well. That is why Tiffany knows him, because he is extremely popular, especially around girls. Girls just can not stay away from him, probably because his family owns a worldwide business company. That makes him rich. And the fact that he is always being nice to everyone, makes him more lovable. "Okay, so nice meeting you, Tiffany-ssi. Just call me Nichkhun for short" Tiffany nods her head. "Are you American?" he asks her, with a curious look.
"Half" she answers, while flipping her book's pages. "My mother was American. By the way, just call me Tiffany. Please erase the '-ssi', if you don't mind"
"Why 'was'? Sorry if I am asking too much. Is that okay to call you just by your nickname?" he wants to make sure. He has been watching her for a long time to be honest. He didn't have any intentions to greet her at first, or talk to her. But, today, he felt like he really should start a conversation with her, instead of just looking at her like a stalker. And his dream just came true. Finally, he knows her name.
"She was passed away long time ago" she smiles lightly. But, Nichkhun clearly sees there's a sadness behind her light smile. It makes him feel guilty and it makes the friendly atmosphere turns into the awkward one. "And yes, please just call me Tiffany"
Nichkhun scratches the back of his head. "Ah, sorry.. I didn't mean to.."
"It's okay. I have forgotten about that already. It was long time ago, anyway" she cuts off his sentence. She doesn't want to make him think that it's his fault for asking her about her mother. He was not the reason why her mother passed away, afterall. Tiffany has already got through this thing, about her mother's death.
Nichkhun finally decides to just keep his mouth shut and just going to talk if Tiffany asked him something. But, it doesn't happen. Silence covers the atmosphere. Tiffany starts reading her book again and she ignores him completely. Nichkhun just sits quietly on his seat while occasionally steals a glance at her. He feels awkward and insecure. He wants to leave, because he is actually not a fan of library. He just came here to see Tiffany, that's all. Because he was curious about this girl. There's something about her that caught his attention and made him want to talk to her. He is bored, absolutely. And the fact that Tiffany ignores him completely, makes him want to leave this place as fast as he can. But, he won't let the opportunity to know her better just slip away like that. Never.
"Nichkhun-ssi, are you alright?" Tiffany looks at him with a worried face. She found out that Nichkhun is probably feeling uncomfortable right now, sitting right in front of her without even holding a book. He just sits there, doing nothing. And Tiffany noticed that he occasionally stole a glance at her. She knew that. She is not as innocent as what people think of her. She is one susceptible person to be very honest.
Nichkhun keeps silent for a moment, trying to digest what was said by Tiffany. He felt like he lost himself for a moment there, because he was too busy finding a topic to talk about. And yet, he hasn't found one. "Ah, I'm alright. Don't worry" he flashes his eye-smile, again. "And just call me Nichkhun. It's not fair if I can call you Tiffany but you keep calling me 'Nichkhun-ssi', right?" he forces a laugh, a weird laugh to be exact.
Tiffany chuckles a little. This guy is one funny guy. It seems like he is always trying to break the ice. Tiffany doesn't bother to ask him anymore. She just returns to her book while keeps smiling. "You don't have to force yourself to come here, Nichkhun" finally, she called his nickname without any formalities. "I know that you're not a fond of library"
Nichkhun gasps in shockness. This girl really knows everything, doesn't she? He frowns and rolls his eyes. What to say? He absolutely can not say that he came here because he wanted to talk to her, because he has been keeping an eye on her, because he was interested in her, by her gesture and presence. If he dared to say that, he assumed that Tiffany would think of him as one weird stalker. It definitely will ruin his good image, and he doesn't intend to say those things above. He just smiles shyly, and then grins a little.
"I have been watching you, Nichkhun" Tiffany admits, as she closes her book. She looks deep into his eyes. Yes, she has been watching him from distant, hoping that one day he would come to her and talk to her. And this day has finally come. "I started staring at you when my girlfriends just couldn't stop talking about how awesome you are. Besides the fact that you come from a wealthy family and you're always being nice towards everyone, I've always known that you're way much more than that. It's probably just me, but I know that I'm right"
Nichkhun points at himself. His eyes are full of curiosity and excitement. "You've been watching.. Me?" he asks her to convince himself that there's nothing wrong with his hearing, considering that a pretty girl just told him that she has been watching him for long.
Tiffany nods her head. "I was acting like a stalker, a coward, to be honest. Because I couldn't act like any other girls who loved clinging onto you wherever you went. So, I just kept staring at you from distant, admiring you far away from your sight" it sounds like a love confession. But, she just admires him, that's all. It's not like she loves him and she wants to be with him or whatever. She just respects him, because even though he's handsome and rich, but he is such a down to earth guy. He needs a reward, a big reward for that.
Nichkhun is stoned. His presence is there, but his mind is traveling to another place, which he can not even know where he is going. You have no idea how happy he is now, knowing that the girl who he has always admired actually has admired him as well. He just can not stop smiling. It's okay if she thought that he's crazy, because he thinks that he clearly is.
"Why are you smiling, Nichkhun?" Tiffany asks him, while letting out a soft chuckle. Tiffany loves his smile, so cute and sincere. But once again, no. It's not because she has fallen for him. No, no, a very big no. Tiffany doesn't believe in love at first sight. She even wonders that probably happily ever after doesn't exist, at all.
Nichkhun returns back to reality. "Because I am happy" he grins widely."It's such a happy feeling to know that you've always been watching me, Tiffany. Because I have always watched you, and same as you did, from afar. I was a coward, yes. I know I should have talked to you long time ago, but I was just too shy.." he stops for a second. His cheeks are getting redder. "And scared as well.." he slaps his forehead. "God, why am I saying this? This is so embarrassing"
Tiffany laughs. He is cute and funny indeed. She understands even more the reason why girls can not stop clinging onto him wherever he goes. He looks like a prince and he acts like one. It's like, he cares for his people. "Thank you for admitting that, I appreciate it. And don't worry, it's not embarrassing" she flashes her eye-smile again which gives him heartbeat.
Nichkhun can not say anything anymore. God, if you want him to die right now, he doesn't mind. As long as he can always see that eye-smile. Not like Tiffany, Nichkhun believes in love at first sight. Well, he wasn't believed it before, but right now he does. Because, he is experiencing that right here, right now, in front of her. He knows that he has fallen for her, and he doesn't afraid to admit that. But, everything should go slowly and smoothly, right? No need to rush. He believes that if he takes this thing slowly and steady, she will never walk away from him.
"Tiffany, I have to go. Guess I'll see you later, or.. Tomorrow?" Tiffany nods her head and smiles lightly at him. Nichkhun stands up and takes out his cellphone from his pocket. "Can I have your number?"
Tiffany shakes her head. Nichkhun sighs in disappointment. Tiffany chuckles. "I mean, no. I won't give you my number" she stops for a while and steals a mischievous glance at disappointed Nichkhun. "But.. I want us to exchange phone numbers"
Nichkhun laughs and let out a sigh of relief. This girl is funny, and smart. She knows how to make people feeling down, he needs to be careful, or he will fall to her trap.
They exchange phone numbers and Nichkhun leaves the library while waving at her. Tiffany waves back and watches his back as he leaves..
*****
Tiffany walks out from the library. She has no more class, so she has decided to just go home, because she feels so tired all of a sudden. She feels dizzy, probably because she had a lack of sleep last night. She just can not stop yawning for this entire day. She walks slowly and then she sees him. Yes, him. The person who she hates the most in this whole wide world. She turns to a different direction because she is trying her best to avoid him. She doesn't even want to see him.
"Fany" uh-oh, it's too late. There is no turning back now. He walks to her and grabs her hand. "We need to talk" he says coldly, with a deep and y voice. Ugh, Tiffany hates the way he talks. She can never ignore him whenever he talks with his deep and y voice. Seriously, it makes her saying yes or she agrees. No other options.
Tiffany lets go off his hand roughly. "Don't touch me" she glares at him like an angry tiger. "And there's nothing to talk about. Now, if you excuse me" Tiffany turns away, but the guy grabs her hand again. "I don't want to talk to you, do you understand that?" Tiffany raises her voice. Don't misunderstand things here. She maybe a kind and nice girl, but it is a whole different story when she gets angry.
"I know, I know that. But please, just let me talk to you for a second" he raises his voice while pleading. He just wants to talk to her, just talk. He wants to give her an explanation and he wants her to hear his explanation about everything that happened between them. Is that too much to ask for? "Please?"
Tiffany sighs. She nods her head. Jeez, why can't she say no? Because he is too demanding, maybe. But, every time she looks at him, she just can not say no. Even though he looks cold on the outside, but he is actually quite warm on the inside. She knows that, she knows him too well. Even though he looks like a scary crocodile, but deep down inside he is just a cute little puppy. "I'll give you five minutes"
He smiles and nods his head. He brings her to the backyard while holding her hand tightly, without any intentions to let her go. Tiffany has a mix feeling. She is angry at him, there's no doubt about that. She hates him, that is undeniable. But, he still gives her butterflies, which she hates.
They finally arrive at the backyard, but he still holds her hand tightly, makes Tiffany feel like she wants to puke. Again, Tiffany lets go off his hand. "What do you want to talk about? Five minutes, starting from now" she says, while keeps looking on her watch, counting the seconds.
"Are you ing kidding me? Stop counting" Tiffany shakes her head and keeps counting. "Fany, please" Tiffany ignores him and still counts. "Tiffany!" he grabs her shoulders, getting an 'ouch' from . "Please, stop counting"
Tiffany frowns, with a poker face expression. She sighs in defeat. "Fine, but please let go off my shoulders"
He nods and let go off her shoulders. She is skinnier than before, he thinks. He clears his throat. "Fany, I want to apologize" he looks down in desperation. "I loved you and I know that I shouldn't have treated you like that. I did horrible things to you. I forgot our anniversary date, I loved to leave you all alone and then went out with my friends, even though you needed me to be by your side. I ignored you every time my mood wasn't good, I-I.."
Tiffany puts her index finger in front of , asking him to stop talking. She takes a very deep breath and looks right into his deep, cold and lonely eyes. "Seunghyun, please don't say that you're sorry for me" there, after all these times, she finally mentioned his name again.
Why it took you so long, Tiffany?
Because you haven't forgotten the pain that he left?
Because you haven't managed to heal your broken heart?
Because you haven't stopped falling for him?
Which one is it? Or all the three above? You're the only one who know, right? She sighs. "I loved you with all my heart, but you never loved me back. I was willing to give you my everything, but all you did was just making scars in my fragile heart. I did everything to pleased you, yet you left me. All alone, when I was at my lowest. Where was your mind, Choi Seunghyun? Was our love only a game for you?"
Seunghyun stays quiet. He doesn't know what to say. He was the one who asked her to hear his explanations. But, what to explain? She hit a jackpot. The crocodile can say nothing. She is right, she has always been. She just won the game, he just lost fair and square.
Checkmate.
"I-I just.." Seunghyun stutters. He doesn't know what to say, his mind went blank. ! He needs to say something, he needs to take her back. He is willing to do anything, ANYTHING, to make her come back to his arms. He holds both of Tiffany's hands. "Tiffany, listen. I still love you" he looks at Tiffany's eyes with pleading eyes. "Please, come back to me. Please, I beg you.."
Tiffany shakes her head, making Seunghyun feels like crying. She just rejected him. Seriously? She was the one who begged him to date her at first. Now, the table has turned, hasn't it? "No, you don't, and I won't come back to you" she lets go off his hands, this time with a gentle move. "I'm tired, Seunghyun. I have no more class, I want to go home. Please, excuse me"
"No, Tiffany! I love you. Please, I will treat you better. Please, I will love you better. Please, Fany. I need you, I need you" he begs her. Choi Seunghyun is the son of the head of Asan Medical Center. His father spoils him too much. He never feels insecure. He never tastes suffer. He gets everything that he wants. Everything, without any exception. He never begs to get what he wants. NEVER.
"No, Seunghyun. I know you don't love me. I know" she replies, with the same answer. What makes her so sure? To be honest, she doesn't know the reason. She knows nothing, it's just her intuition.
Seunghyun grabs her hand again. This time, he holds her wrist very tight, gaining her groans in pain. "You understand nothing. I love you, I love you, Fany" he raises his voice at her. Again, he raises his voice at her again.
"Cut it out, Choi Seunghyun!" Tiffany shouts. Hot tears are starting to fall from her beautiful eyes. She doesn't have any intention to wipe the tears away. "You don't love me.."
Seunghyun grabs her shoulders. "Why are you keep saying that, Fany? I love you!" he shouts in desperation.
"You're obsessed with me!" Tiffany shouts again, right in front of his face. "Obsession is nowhere near love. It's two different things. You should know that" she pushes him away and runs from that place, without looking back.
Seunghyun stands still. His vision is getting blurry because of the tears. Obsession, really? Does he really obsessed with her? It's not love, but an obsession? He doesn't understand anything, he doesn't know the difference. He touches his heart. His heart is beating so fast right now. He feels like he will die anytime soon. "Tiffany.." he mumbles, then he falls on his knees, crying like a lost little kid.
'Just please don't say you love me, cause I might not say it back'
Are you sure about that, Tiffany?
'Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping, when you look at me like that'
Yes, you got lost in his eyes. Yes, Tiffany. His eyes trapped you, right?
'There's no need to worry when you see just where we're at'
You worried, Tiffany. He is worried as well. What to see? There's nothing to see.
'Just please don't say you love me, cause I might not say it back'
You still love him, Fany. And truth to be told, you know he does as well...
*****
Tiffany looks at her watch and it's already almost 5.30 pm. She sighs deeply and walks slowly to her flat. Her flat is located near the campus, so she always walks from there to her flat or otherwise. She just can not stop sighing or sobbing all the way. She feels like dying right now. She doesn't know what to do, she is too dumb to understand her own feelings.
She finally arrives at the building and she goes to the third floor, where her room is located, by walking up the stairs. Flat is different that apartment. Apartments have elevator, and flats mostly don't have that kind of practical tool, flats are more manual. Well, it's acceptable though. Since flats are way much cheaper than apartments.
Tiffany is actually came from a wealthy family. But, she doesn't want to be a spoiled brat who just can spend her parents' money without even reconsider. She is one independent woman. She considers this kind of living as the first step for her to become more mature and strong. And, she is proud of herself. Well, she should be.
She opens her bag, looking for her key. And when she finds it, she unlocks the door and smells a very delicious aroma. Someone is cooking, and she knows exactly who that person is. Her face lightened and she walks straight to the kitchen, after she took off her shoes of course.
She sees him cooking in the kitchen while singing his favorite song 'The Way You Look Tonight' by Tonny Bennett. It has been his favorite song until now, and she never gets bored hearing him singing that song, because it's such a good song. It suits her taste. She sneaks behind him, wanting to surprise him.
"You're home, Fany. It's a little bit late, isn't it?" he turns around and grins at her. "I know you wanted to surprise me, but I know you too well" he ruffles her hair playfully. He always does that, every time he gets the chance to do that.
Tiffany puffs her cheeks. She punches his chest lightly. "You're no fun" she sticks out her tongue. He just laughs a little bit than back to his business, cooking for dinner. Tiffany hugs him from behind. "What are you cooking for tonight, oppa?"
"Spaghetti carbonara" he smiles lightly, while sautéing the onions. He is such a great guy, isn't he? He is handsome, smart, good at cooking, has amazing abs and older than her. He is such a perfect guy for Stephanie Hwang. Sadly, Tiffany only sees him as her best guy friend.
"Must be delicious" Tiffany her upper lip. She can feel her stomach is growling. She hasn't had her lunch, because she is bored with the cafeteria's foods. "If you keep cooking for me, I will never be able to cook, Siwon oppa" she chuckles.
Siwon chuckles then pokes her nose. "Then you should learn from me"
Tiffany shakes her head like a little kid. "Nope, too lazy~" Siwon just laughs at her answer. A kid will forever act like a kid, right? "I'll go change my clothes, probably I am going to take a bath"
Siwon nods his head, still busy with his cooking. "You better take a bath, Fany. You're smelly" he laughs. He loves teasing her so much. Tiffany throws him a death glare. But he knows for sure that she is only joking.
Tiffany goes upstairs and has decided to take a bath. She smells her armpits and mumbles, "Damn Siwon, I am not smelly" she goes to the bathroom.
Meanwhile...
Siwon gives the finishing touches before putting the spaghetti on the plates. Well, he looks like a housewife, but actually he is very manly. The proof is that he has been interested in martial arts, especially taekwondo. He loves to go to the gym and do sports because he wants to build his abs. He is tall and white and has a very y and hot body and-and..
{ I can't describe more. I am fangirling. I should stop } <<< Author
He puts the spaghetti on the plates and bring them to the dining table. He pours white wine and waits for Tiffany to go downstairs. Tiffany walks downstairs while drying her hair with a towel. She looks amazed.
"What's this? A sweet romantic dinner?" Tiffany chuckles softly. Then, she takes a seat. She grins while Siwon is taking his seat. Tiffany takes a sip of her white wine. "This wine is good"
"Moscato, 1943" he smiles. "it's my grandparents' supplies. They bought it when they were visiting Italy" he takes a sip. "You can smell the grape's aroma, right?"
Tiffany nods. "I don't know about wine's history, unlike you. Your family has wine field in Rhode Island, right?"
Siwon only nods his head. "Tiffany, I want to tell you something" she can sense there's nervousness in his words. His eyes are looking at her deeply, makes her can say nothing. Siwon holds her hands, makes her heart beating in a turbo speed. Even though they grew up together, it doesn't mean that her hands being held by a handsome guy doesn't make her feel nervous.
"Wh-what is it, oppa?" she stutters. She tries to act normally, even though Siwon knows that it's not normal at all. He can sense her nervousness as well, he can her her heart beats.
Siwon sighs deeply. "I'm going to Paris" Tiffany is stoned by his words. Her mind goes blank and she can not move her body. Her eyes widened in shock. She feels like her organs stop working. "I want to study there, it's our family tradition. I want to take the Law Major, since I have always wanted to be a judge. I talked to my parents about this and they cheered because they were so happy" he let out a soft chuckle. "I'll go on the day after tomorrow"
Tiffany stays silent. She is mad, extremely mad. She can not believe this. He is going to leave her without telling her, but now? And he's going to leave soon, too soon. "I hate you" she says coldly. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because I couldn't tell you, that's why" he answers, with a low voice. "I'm sorry, Fany. I'm really sorry"
Tiffany stands up and turns away. "My mood to eat has gone. I'm going to my bedroom" she walks upstairs without even looking at Siwon. She is hurt, he hurts her. Tiffany can not live all by herself without Siwon. She needs him. She opens her bedroom door and slams it.
Siwon sighs and throws the foods to the trash. He cleans everything and leaves Tiffany's flat. He locks the door and hides the spare keys that Tiffany gave him in the flowerpot outside the door.
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