A/N: Hello guys!!!! I super miss you :) Merry Christmas!!! Special shout out to my SB mates in YGL… I miss you guys… Im just super busy now.. For the new readers and subscribers!!! Welcome… Sorry.. Im just a lazy writer.. so please bear with me… :p I love you!!! Happy new year!!! GOD bless :)

EXTRACTS FROM CHAPTER 18: SHAKEN

He remained on his spot as he watches her disappear on him… disappear on his life…but not from his heart…and he accepted one fact that he was trying to erase earlier when a nagging voice inside him told him… “Your love for her is hurting her…and that’s all you can do…So stop now…you are not worthy of her anyway…”

He turns around… already decided to spend his time alone in his room when a voice stopped him on his tracks…

“Tell me the truth” BOM’s calm but eerie voice made way to his system…

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"Can we talk in a more private place?" he asked not looking on BOM's eyes

"Oh! I thought your privacy issues left you when you had violated someone else's treasured privacy..." BOM said, not hiding the sarcasm on her voice… She briskly turned her heels against JIYONG… “Follow me…”

They entered the 2ne1 practice room, no one is inside since all of the girls and the crews are on their way on the practice venue for the MAMA AWARDS…  BOM secured that the door is locked before turning to GD who is now at the center of the room, with his eyes closed and with his fingers gripping on the lower part of his shirt, obviously keeping himself from shaking… from fear? from sadness? She doesn’t know… but he is not her concern right now anyway… She advances to him… and when GD felt her presence, his eyes automatically open and gaze up on her… eyes full of sadness and regret… but she wants none of it… She stopped on her tracks when she’s only a two feet way from him… she held her gaze on him with the same intensity that his eyes are giving her, but not from sadness but of remorse and anger…

“BOM I…” SLAP!

BOM cannot longer keep herself from slapping GD and so she does. She was not even sorry for the red mark that her hand left on his cheeks. GD on the other hand was not surprise at all… ‘I deserved this… no I deserve more than this’

“BOM… please…”

SLAP! SLAP!! SLAP!!!

BOM keep on attacking him until he fell on his knees… He thought that he won’t be able to stand from the hard slaps that BOM gave him, but he was wrong… BOM clasped on his v-neck shirt and forcefully make him stand up on his feet… He is not fighting back… He doesn’t even care if BOM will drag him to hell…

“What have you done? Tell me JIYONG!!! Why don’t you fight me back when you even violated and inflicted her pain? You ING BASTARD!!!” BOM mock-shouted at him but hell, she’s not regretting it…

BOM is outraged by his silence and helplessness… She throw him forcefully on the floor, kicking him on every part of him that her feet can reach, She doesn’t care anymore if GD will bathe on his own blood, hell she doesn’t even care if she would kill him because for her, not even his death can suffice for what he have done…

“Just kill me BOM, I deserve to die…” he said hoarsely while laying on the floor facing the white ceiling, lips with blood spots from slaps, shirt half-destroyed from kicks and with his heart totally broken from DARA’s memories… He closed his eyes remembering her beautiful face… he smiled but his smile were short lived when her beautiful face was replaced with her scared and disgusted face that night… that night when he lost everything… he felt his heart constricts from pain… but he deserves everything that he is feeling right now… pain, loss and suffering…

BOM advances again to inflict him pain but stopped herself when she noticed the tears that were softly falling on his closed eyes… She willed herself to kneel on the floor to study him more… She felt pain on her heart seeing another of her friend suffering like this… GD was nowhere from his showbiz name G-DRAGON… His face is full of suffering and pain that she thinks that anyone who will see him like this will definitely not believe that this man who was crying like a lost child is GD himself… She reached GD’s shoulders and assisted him to sit-up…GD feeling her touch, sits up, draped his arms on his knees and bowed his head…

“What have you done? Tell me from the start… I’m listening…” BOM asked him, now without shouting but with full of sincerity that a friend can give

“I love her… I love her so much that it’s killing me” he stated “BOM… for all these years that we were together… I’m falling in love with her everyday… I live my life hoping and dreaming that we will be together someday… I slowly take my steps to be with her… In every path I take, I always consider her feelings… for every plan I make in my life, I included her… When we were not yet celebrities, I made up my mind to propose to her but I guess she was not yet ready so I needed to let her go and let her live her life back at the Phil… I’ve waited for her for how many years… WOOKIE HYUNG even told me that maybe she’s not coming back… but I hold on to her memories… because I know she’ll come back… and she did… I could have grabbed the opportunity to tell her how much I feel… but when I see her struggling hard for her family… I backed down and supported her from the sidelines because I know that my love can wait for her, because I know how important her career was to her, because I know if I’ll be selfish and tell her how much I feel for her… I know that I’ll be just blocking her way…” he told her, entrusting to her every details of how much his life revolved around her as his muse

BOM held one of his hands to prevent it from shaking… “I know JI… I was observing you for all this time… but I can’t understand how everything turned into this kind of mess… I was hoping for a fairy tail ending for you and her… but I don’t know now… I can’t even imagine you with her…”

“A love story that was turned into a suspense thriller… a story where the leading man turned into a psycho…” he said chuckling away the bitterness he tasted on his lips… He looks outside the window, noticing the sun rays that gleams on the city but was not enough to enlighten his darkened heart “I thought if I would just be there at her side, caring for her, sacrificing silently for her, living for her… I thought that would be enough… true… We’ve shared different memories… memories that are so much special to me… I’ve kissed her, she kissed me back… I thought that she was feeling the same with me… that we are in here together… I respected her… so much that even if I have my needs as a man, to be in a healthy relationship, to start a date with someone, I still waited for her to be ready… I thought she was feeling the same way for me… that she was also waiting for me from the sidelines because we both know how hard it will be if we will be together now… I can’t even give her up for YOUNGBAE… that’s how much I love her BOM…”

“But WHY?”

He turned his face away from the window and bowed his head again, not meeting BOM’s questioning eyes… “I’ve lost it… That very same night… I was busily watching REAL SOUND with SEUNGRI at the dorm… I was so jealous that time, so jealous that YOUNGBAE had the strength to tell the world how much he feel for her… jealous that they can enjoy themselves even with the camera passing them by, jealous that she smiled at him…jealous for everything they have spent with each other… I even announced war through SNS because of that… I know it’s childish but that’s all that I can do that time… and so I decided that come what may, I would tell her… I will tell her how much I love and adore her… my life, YG, my career… I can give them up for her to be my side… who cares about being G-DRAGON? If being him means not being with her? And so I asked CL and every ing man that I have seen that night to where is she staying at… When I heard from HWANGSSABU that she was training at the gym… I ran before he could even finish what he was saying… I ran from excitement, from nervousness, from fear of rejection… I felt that I was shaking… I felt that my heart was beating furiously… I felt like I was going to die… I felt I was running for my life that if I am late even for one second on reaching her, I will lose her… So I ran like I never did before… I ran to her… I ran to my love… I ran to my life…” he clasped his face with both of his shaking hands, trying to hide the tears that were starting to flow from his eyes… BOM felt crying with him too, because she felt his sincerity along with his suffering from his words…

“When I reached the front door of the gym… I heard laughter and voices… It was her and TOP HYUNG…I smiled into myself because I thought of a plan… I will surprise them and run to them, snatch DARA away while laughing… smiling with her as we escape together from the rules of this world…  I was ready to open it but before I could open the door… My hand hanged in mid-air because their laughter was replaced with sounds of kissing and … Am I too late? Did I already loss her?” GD cannot stop the tears from welling on his eyes… remembering the painful scenarios from that time… but BOM held unto his hands… encouraging him to continue… “My mind told me to run… to escape from where I was standing but my hands took action before I can even control myself… full of rage, full of anger and irrationality… I opened that damn door…”

“I know I have done something immoral… something unforgivable… but that time when I’ve seen them passionately kissing… I knew I’ve lost it… I’ve lost myself… Seeing her in the arms of another man, caressing her, making her feel special… I just can’t take it… that every sensible part that I have just shut down… All I know is that I wanted to take her away from him… for all these years that we were together… I’m so afraid of letting her know how I feel… I did it through actions… I thought she was patiently waiting for us…for us to be together… but when I’ve seen her in that state… All I can feel was my pain, I felt betrayed, I felt humiliated... and the worst case I felt abandoned, played and used… but it was not all… staring at her plump lips and surprised guilty eyes with her arms gripped by another man, taking her away from me…telling me to back down…it just took everything away from me… my love…my life…my inspiration… as if every little reason of my existence was taken away from me… and so I did what should I do… I’ve taken her away from him…When she chose to be with me that night… yes I feel elated… but the sensible part of me was eaten with pain and pride… I wanted her to be mine… I knew I was doing it because I love her but I was also doing it because of my pride… I wanted her to feel special, to feel loved… but when images of them started to shake me… I did what every beastly man can do… I violated her… full of possessiveness and anger and when everything was over… when I have satisfied my needless pride… I heard her cries… I look at her scared eyes… and I knew right there and then… I’ve lost her…” GD envelopes his face with his two hands to hide his miserable state

“Did you try to explain your side?” BOM asked

“I can’t BOM… all I can say was I’m sorry…I’m sorry for what I did to her… sorry for what I have done to us… sorry for myself… I can’t even lift up my head to gaze up one her… I am even convinced that I’m not worth looking into”

“Why did you not tell her that you love her? Why did you not tell her that you were jealous? That you were afraid?”

GD fixed his gaze on BOM… “After what happened… what was my right to tell her that I love her? Would she even believe me?” he chuckled bitterly… “it’s more right to say… can I even believe myself after what I have done? And even If I know deep down that I do love her… am I worthy of her?”

“That’s the problem with you JI… you do not have enough faith with yourself… you do not have enough fate with DARA and the worst of it all” she pointed on her chest “You do not have faith with your love…” and it struck him hard… “you were too afraid of loosing her that you end up satisfying yourself from the sidelines… you were too patient to wait for her that you end up suffering from jealousy… you were too positive that you end up dealing with insecurities alone… you were too blinded with love that you end up loosing faith on it… you just played safely on the sidelines… telling yourself that it’s ok because the right time will be there for the both of you” BOM look at him strenuously at the eyes “JI it was not wrong to believe that love can wait… but it’s not also too much of you to secure yours and her feelings… love did not say that you should broadcast it to other people but it was just right to tell someone how you feel… that is…if… you really wanted to keep that person…” BOM stopped from mid-air and when she sees the sincerity in his eyes she continued… “And lastly JI… is DARA worth fighting for?”

GD did not hesitate to answer, with clasped hands “Yes she is”

“So what are you waiting for? Tell her how much you treasure her… tell her how a great woman she is in your life…”

“But I don’t think I’m worthy of her right now… as a man BOM… I’ll be willing to tell her how much I feel if I know that I’m worthy of her… I propose to a woman not just because she’s great…but because I find myself worthy to be with her…”

“Who are you to decide of who is worthy of her? Do you know how she feels? NO… so be man enough JI… tell her how much you love her and by that DARA will be the one to decide if you are worthy of her… ARASSO?” BOM glared at him before throwing him an encouraging wink…

“Will you help me?” he smiles at her… the very first smile that surfaces on his wretched face after that night…

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After the MAMA awards, the whole family gathered at CLUB NB… They were seated on their proper places… the HIGH TECH and CRAZY dancers together with MINJI, the stylists together with CL, 1TYM and JINUSEAN, YB together with GD, BOM, DAE, SEUNGRI, SEVEN and GUMMY, and lastly YG at his fave station- the DJ booth. GD is pondering on his thoughts about BOM and his plan to confess everything tonight about her feelings for DARA in front of everyone, when DAE announced the arrival of the two missing family members…

“NOONA!!! HYUNG!!! Here here!!!” DAE merrily greeted the two and was reciprocated with the meek smiles by the new arrivals…

Though hesitant, SEUNGRI guided DARA on her place beside GD as always, DARA’s face turned nervous to calm that was not seen by others on their group but did not escape BOM and TOP’s eyes… TOP hold on to her and guided her to sit down and even though DAE was offering the seat beside him to TOP, he feigned not to hear him and continued to seat beside DARA’s left, while GD was on DARA’s right…

“What’s going on?” YB discreetly whispered to BOM’s ears. BOM just shrugged her shoulders, afraid to tell on what’s happening, sure she was protecting DARA, but she also doesn’t want to burst YB happy bubbles just seeing the love of his life tonight. Yeah BOM knew all along about YB’s feelings, YB confessed to her about it… and hell it was too damn painful for her, because YB is the love of her life… but what can she do? Maybe she was born to be a faithful friend to the three of them… YB after not getting a satisfying answer from BOM turned to GD but he lost the chance to asks him, as the other man, stands up smiling… walks silently to the center stage as the music dies down and the lights went off along with the collective OHHHS from the audience…

After a few minutes… a strum of guitar was heard… the spot light went on and focuses at the man at the center stage, who was none other than GD… he adjusted his guitar and tested his microphone, the shaking of his voice was not hidden from his audience as his nervousness envelops him. He smiled, remembering his purpose on being there… he focuses his eyes on his front, directly at their seat…

“My butterfly… this is for you” he announced with his husky voice, directly looking at DARA’s eyes who are now trying hard to look anywhere else but him, but had failed to do so… As the melody of the guitar envelops the club… another spotlight went on… focusing on DARA’s little frame… exposing her trembling surprised lips of what was happening tonight and of what was yet to unfold…

JI’s POV

I tried to maintain my focus as I look at her lost eyes… I knew she was trying so hard to ignore me… Sure… I wanted to stop this, seeing her trembling like this, seeing her afraid of my presence… but I just can’t, this is my only chance… and I can’t let myself to be too late for her… Eyes focused on her beautiful face… My heart and soul giving everything for her… My voice shouting my love through this song… and so I begin…

I hope it’s not love…

But I knew from the start that I found where my heart is for… and it’s for you DEE..

The coming goodbye, hurts so much…

And I would not be willing so please stay with me… because I love you so…

If you can be happy, I’ll stop now… stop…

But Baby girl hear me first… before you decide to leave me…

This is all I can do for you

END OF JI’s POV

She felt another hand on top of hers… soothing her pain and her insecurities that she is feeling right at the moment when their eyes had met earlier. She smiled and looks at him straight on his eyes, telling TOP silently that she is ok. She gathered her strength and decided to look at GD again, telling herself that whatever emotions that his eyes are bringing should not affect her at all… But… she was wrong… the moment she held up her gaze unto him again… All her defenses crumbled… her stoic eyes flashes all kinds of emotions that she was keeping unto herself… She wanted to run or just to even close her eyes… but she failed… it’s as if GD’s eyes are hypnotizing her… telling her to interpret whatever emotions he wanted to make her feel…

DARA’s POV

My love is an empty space only for you for you for you

But you do not love me… I thought you did… but I guess… it’s just my own wishful thinking…

I look away and laugh with effort so that you don’t find out

No… you look away because you feel guilty of what you have done…

I don’t like it when you’re hurt I don’t like goodbyes

But you are the one who had hurt me… you are the one who said goodbye to us…

You shouldn’t love me

Yes… I shouldn’t love you…

Don’t wait for me… I barely hold back the bitter tears…

Yes I won’t… I won’t wait for us… I should be the one crying… not you…

And I turn around and leave like this…

Yes… I would turn away from you… and leave my feelings for you buried in my soul…

END OF DARA’s POV

GD is crying his heart out as he sees her crumbling in front of him… as her eyes blurred with the tears that were threatening to fall… and the pain from her eyes emanated deeply on his soul… as the words of his song continued to envelop their being…

SARANGHE SARANGHE SARANGHE SARANGHE my only love…

As those words left his lips, the tears that he was oblivious earlier went falling down… along with the sincerity of his heart… still with his eyes focused on his beloved girl… he doesn’t care what will be the outcome of this… all he cares about is his love for her… and he doesn’t want to lose any of it… much more to lose her…

As GD’s feelings transcends on her soul… She felt her heart twisting in pain… as she focused hard on GD’s pleading but loving eyes… she felt herself shaking, she brings her right hand to pinch her chest where her heart is… trying to quench the unbelievable pain she was feeling… “IT HURTS SO MUCH”… she whispers unto herself… still focusing on the man in front of him…

Although I shout with my heart I can’t call out because you are too precious…

The traitorous tears that she decided to keep from falling betrayed her once again… It keeps on falling as she was deeply immersed on GD’s eyes… the feeling of regret, remorse, pain, longing and love was enough for her to lose her defenses for him… her right hand that was earlier on her chest was now covering her lips, for she was afraid that if she left it freely…. She might just bawl her heart out for him… for her… for them… She felt that she was going to collapse, if not for the man beside her who’s holding her left hand to support her…

TOP’s grip on her hand tightens as he felt her shaking from pain… He doesn’t know whether his hold on her tightens because he wanted to support her and assure her that he is just there or he tightens his hold on her to support himself from breaking from the pain that he is feeling right now… She is beside her right now, but why it’s as if she’s not there?…He is holding her hands right now, but why it’s as if somebody else is holding unto her? … He is staring at her beautiful face, but why is it she’s looking to someone else? ...

TOP’s POV

My pain is okay because I love you

Yes… I’ll be ok… as long as you are here with me…

I can just cry until I’m crazy

And Yes… even If I die waiting for you… I would still be here because I know time will spare us to be together…

I don’t like it when you’re hurt… because I love you…

I love you DEE and as I have promised you… You’ll not be hurt again with me…

I can just do this much…

I hope time will come… I’ll be more than enough for you…

END OF TOP’s POV

Right after the last song, as the lights went off and as music dies down. DARA feeling that she needed space to breath… stands up, half running, half walking to the fire exit… TOP followed her… When GD saw her running, he immediately followed but was stopped by YOUNGBAE…

“We need to talk…” YB told him seriously and was enough for him to follow his lead…

At the fire exit, DARA is crying her heart out at TOP… She’s not speaking her words… Just crying silently just like a lost child… and it is so much hard for TOP… but he was decided to protect her and to let her feel how precious she is… a feeling that he thinks, GD can’t give… DARA calming herself with TOP’s warmth… stopped herself from hurting this man in front of her more…

TOP touches her cheeks… “Are you alright now?” she nodded and smiled at him…

“Was it too hard?” he asked

“Yes… so much… it kills me…” she confessed… TOP nodded…

He envelopes her small face on his two warm hands…focuses his eyes on her…

“It was also too hard for me…” he confessed… as soon as he said those word… he brought DARA on his embrace and closed his eyes as he whispers… “But I’m alright now, because you are here with me…” DARA surrendered on his touch… embrace him, as his warmth brings comfort to her dying heart…

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AT THE BASEMENT…

“Do you remember that time when you took her away from me? I thought that I’m gonna kill you for stealing her away in front of me… but maybe I did that because I know that time will come you will just let go of her… but I guess I have given you enough time to settle your feelings for her… so I’m asking you JI… let go of her…” BAE told him with much determination on his face… but GD stood still… not wanting to let go of the chance and his courage to clear things between him and DARA again, to finally tell her that he loves her and tell her how much he was sorry for what he have done…

“I’m sorry but I can’t…” he mercilessly told him… the other guy look at him pleadingly…

“Why? Why can’t you just give her up for me? This is the only thing that I have asked of you…You know that JI! I have always given up everything that I can just for you… when YG HYUNG asked me to be the leader of the group, I insisted that it should be you and just offered to support you from the sidelines because I know that you wanted it badly… when the company offered me to have a solo career ahead of you, I denied them because I know that you will be hurt… Everything that you have asked of me… I lay it down on you…” he told him, though he regretted upbraiding him of the things that he had given up for him… but he is already on the verge of his sanity…

“I’m sorry…” he told him again… much of a whisper… because GD accepted that everything that he said is true and that this man in front of him have never forsaken him even one bit… but he can’t just give up DARA for him.. He was decided to go and turn his back on his best friend… He took a few steps… when YB get hold of her left shoulders… “PLEASE JI… JUST THIS ONCE…” BAE told him in a surrendered tone… He is again to take a few steps away from him… when YB… kneeled himself at his side, take hold of his left knee… “PLEASE JI, JUST THIS ONCE... I’M BEGGING YOU” he was crying his heart out and it was too painful for JI to witness…

There he was… completely decided to fight for her girl, and there was his best friend pleading for him to let go of the girl she loves as if pleading for his life… his heart was again broken with the situation he was in… As if the heaven is killing him and if it’s not the case, then it’s playing with him. He wanted to scream to BAE to get lost, but his heart won’t let him do it… If only he was not his best friend… If only he thinks he was better than BAE for DARA… If only… but maybe it was their fate… He bitterly smiled unto himself… What a joke- that’s what he feels right now… He held on to BAE’s hand that was preventing him to move…

“It’s ok… do what you want to do, make her yours, I’ll let her go…” as soon as those words left his lips… the rain came pouring down on his drench soul… He chuckled bitterly before leaving BAE behind… he doesn’t know if the rain comes pouring down on him because the heaven decided to cry for his loss or is mocking him and celebrating with his defeat…

BAE left alone… wanted to thank JI for his decision… He knew it was hard for JI… but he was already decided to do everything for DARA… and after BOM’s confession of what was between TOP and DEE… he had no choice but to step up his game… Yes, he might look pathetic right now… but for him, he will do everything to have DARA… come what may… He stood up… encouraging himself that he did what was right and leaves the premises of the CLUB in a quiet form… The Basement was quite a catch for secrets if not only for the witness that heard them all… This man doesn’t know why he was always there to witness every confessions that his family members make… but he was thankful that he was there… the rain may wash away the pain this night had brought, but he was determined not to be silent again… He needs to do something for them… because a love that was not justified is a no-no for him…

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“Why is this happening to us?”

“I’m such a fool”

“I had never loved you… I have never said that…”

A/N: ok guys here it is… I don’t know if this can be considered a Christmas gift but oh well… LOL… :p kekekekekek… so what now? TOP? GD? BAE? Or CL and DARA? LOLOLOLz… I love you guys merry Christmas!!! J would I be updating for the new year? It’s up to you guys!!! :p and yeah… The EMPTY SPACE FOR YOU is the song that JI sung at this chapter, originally from YOOCHUN, Miss Ripley OST J.