Entry #xx1

Today is really a big day for me. My work goes well so I can get a trip to Beijing for trading goods between two companies in two different countries. It comes that Beijing is my hometown how can I be happier? I don’t even remember the last time I came home; I’ve been living in Seoul for so long already.

Think about Seoul, why I have chosen it? My parents wanted to send me to Europe more, but I insisted on going to live in Seoul. Just studying there makes my parents really stressed enough because both of them don’t like Korean culture, but they don’t know, they will never know about Minseok.

Talk about Minseok, today I had dinner with him and I told him about the Beijing trip. He even said it was good for me and he didn’t even ask for coming along with me. I know I’m so shy to speak out my mind but Minseok, he’s not that interested in me. I remembered I said something to sadden him and I hoped it would work… Ah, about the staying home alone stuffs. I thought if I mentioned about it Minseok would know and he would ask me to come along but he did not. He did not say anything about Beijing he just said he was older.

Older, I mean older what? Just a month even he looks younger than me.

I thought Minseok would need me for this life but he seems not. And then I thought, maybe Minseok would be jealous if he knew I was with someone else? Maybe it would work and maybe after knowing that Minseok would be angry and said something like “You have a girlfriend and leave me alone?” and then I could have a chance to hug him from the back and confess my feeling to him.

So I mentioned about my co-worker, Jieun, even I’ve just talked about her once.

And I mentioned about her while I’m pretending to be drunk. But then I found out, Minseok just said nothing, he just took me home, and then let me sleep while doing something with my luggage, packing. Well maybe Minseok didn’t want to go, and maybe he didn’t have that feeling towards me either.

Forgot to mention, Minseok met a new student.

.

.

.

Ah… Just because I love you so bad.

Entry #xx2

Beijing is great. I have met some of my relatives there at the airport to welcome me. It’s 8AM and I’ve arrived since my flight is so early. I hugged my parents and cousins, I feel really warm and happy, almost tear me apart. Then I must said sorry to them because I have to be at the company by 9AM, so I left.

.

.

.

The work is going well actually. Their attitude towards the job is as good as Korean, they said being just a branch of my own company in Korea make them happy and they said I work really well and cheer me for being chosen to work at the main headquarter.

I communicated with some partners and they asked if I’m single. And I thought, wait, am I single? When my heart is already taken by someone then was I supposed to say I’m still single? So I just smiled. And they laughed really hard about my smile, they said I looked really good as a man why couldn’t I have a soul mate, I’m wondering that too.

And they reminded me about Minseok, suddenly I wondered what he was doing then, was he missing me? Or was he happy because I finally left him some spare time with someone else. But I think I should trust him, and trust the strong feeling of mine towards him. Minseok is a good guy and maybe he’s waiting for my confession too.

.

.

.

After work is done it’s just 12.30PM, so early, everyone amazed by the time I’ve been working there, and they said I worked things out really fast. I smiled, and I asked to go because I wanted to come home soon.

So I left to the airport and my flight is still an hour ahead. I sat there, doing nothing but staring and some accessories store and I saw that woman, she was selling some weird stuffs that I couldn’t avoid myself coming closer to have a look.

-Welcome. You should buy something for your soul mate since you’re here! – She said.

-Oh… They are really nice! – I complimented, and then I saw a bracelet in black, looks kind of different from the others but I think this would fit Minseok well on his pale white skin.

-You’ve chosen the right one dear boy. That one can make its owner feels stronger, and happier in life, and it has another big secret do you want to hear? – The woman really made me confused and I’m dying to let her tell me the behind story of this bracelet.

-Please tell me.

-That this bracelet, once it was in its owner’s wrist, it will make its owner realized their true love and soul mate, and everything will go well between them. I bet you have someone to give it to, right? – Her words matched to my heart, even every single pieces.

-I’ll take this.

I had a plan to confess my feeling for Minseok tonight while wearing him this. Hope it works well like the woman said. I don’t know why I have to do all of these things, just because of Minseok? Just because of my feeling for him? Or it’s just because I’m a dumb?

I don’t know. It’s… Just because…

Oh great!

The flight is boarding, time to go back, I need to stop writing, miss Minseok so bad and I’m going home.

Entry #xx3

This is a worst night ever. This is the night that I might never forget in my entire life.

How to start? I don’t even know how to write… My hands are still shaking. I’m now in my own room and Minseok might be sleeping already. This stupid hand please stop shaking this doesn’t help…

.

.

.

OK, now it’s already 2.15AM and I’m still awake because I can’t sleep. Damn it, whenever I intent to sleep that Minseok face come up with that… Kris face.

Can’t believe I put his name in this precious diary.

But how can I have any choice? He’s now Minseok’s soul mate do I have the right to stop them?

OK I said it out already, this is so painful but I have to face it with a smile, this is not something to cry on. Minseok found his true love, sooner than I thought. When that Kris guy opened the door I was like, what the hell is this tall figure standing in my house? But then Minseok told me he’s the guy of his life.

Yeah, and he’s 13 and he has the same height with me. And he’s charming. Minseok was preaparing something when I came back and talked to him, he didn’t even look at me, he didn’t even care if I was OK with this. I was just about to go crazy and threw everything up and punched that Kris guy’s face, but Minseok’s attitude made it more clear that there would be nothing change even if I did so, because Minseok didn’t care about me.

My heart died, I smiled and I guess I should let Minseok be with his soul mate rather than disturbing them with my stupid feeling. Minseok’s happiness is also mine, right?

So I talked to Kris. Yes, stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I talked, and smiled, and asked him what brought him to love Minseok. Everything hurted but I guess I just love the way it is. Kris kept saying about how chubby and cute Minseok is, and I swear right then there’s like fire burning in my mind and soul, I wanted to scream but I had no choice but smiling like an idiot.

That chubby figure is mine. That guy with the bright face is mine. Are you there when he sufferer so many bad things in his high school years? Are you there when he’s bashed by his chubby body and plumb cheek? Are you there when people laughed at him because of his height? Are you, Kris?

Then why now you’re here to take him away, from me?

I can’t believe in my writing I’m lying to myself why haven’t I talked about this with Kris earlier? This diary doesn’t help at all.

Ah, also the bracelet. It works? Perhaps it works even well because Minseok did find his true love. It’s just that his true love isn’t me.

Minseok didn’t even smile at me during our dinner time; he was upset because Kris left maybe? When I touched him his eyes were widen and he looked really in a not good mood. He hated me? Is it because of me that Kris left?

And when I pretended to mention about Jieun again to try to cheer me up or else I can’t be smiling like this any longer, you know what Minseok did?

He refused to see Jieun.

Do you hate me that much, Minseok ah?

Nothing can hurt me more than his own words. His words like thousands knifes hit my poor little heart. I want to cry, I want to scream and I want to confess my feeling to him, but I can say nothing more, since I know in his eyes, there’s only one Kris.

Minseok asked me did I know what he has felt. I mean of course I know, he wants me to leave him alone to stay with Kris, I know, because when I said I want more trips like Beijing one but I want longer ones, he even said nothing more. He’s slightly happy about that I know.

Am I a dumb? I guess so. So I tried not to answer his question, I tried to turn it into another story.

Please don’t make me go, please let me stay here with you as long as I can, to take care of you, and to be your dumb friend forever.

Just because… I’m in love with you.

.

.

.

-THE END-

Now this is the end of it ^^ Hope you guys enjoy!