background music: Best Luck - Chen 

I was confused.

No, confused would be an understatement.

I was lost.

I didn’t understand myself.

Lying on my bed at 2 am, the scene of Daehyun and Seohwa hugging replayed in my head maybe a million times and the pain just stayed. I couldn’t cry. As much as i wanted my tears to relieve the pain from me, the tears wouldn’t come and the pain only got heavier.

I never once thought that i actually loved Daehyun. I thought that my emotions towards him were purely professional admiration for his works, but only love could explain this pain.

I hated this feeling. I hated being in love. It brought so much confusion and restlessness and depression and anger. Unfortunately, at the same time, it gave me excitement.

I wondered if i made a mistake in bringing Seohwa to Daehyun, and i determined i made the right choice. Daehyun would forever remain the empty soul that kept everything a mystery and i would have never realized that i fell for him.

Suddenly, at this hour, i felt the vibration of my phone throughout the bed. I picked up my phone and checked the number to realize that it was Daejung.

“Hello?” I did my best groggy tired voice.

“I know you’re not sleeping.” My eyes widened at the voice, because it wasn’t Daejung.

“Why didn’t you just call me with your own phone?” I asked him.

“Would you have picked up?”

“Daehyun, I-” He was right. I wanted to tell him that i would have picked up, but truth be told, i would have avoided his voice as much as i possibly could.

“I want to apologize.”

“What for?”

“I acted really unprofessional in front of you.”

I smiled. “Just because you showed a little bit of emotion doesn’t mean you were unprofessional.”

There was silence on the other line.

“I also need to tell you something.” Daehyun said, his voice much more quiet.

“Go ahead.” I said, looking at the crescent moon hanging outside of my window.

“I don’t know what i made it seem like, but i don’t like Seohwa anymore.” He stated.

I raised my eyebrow, even though i knew he couldn’t see it. “What?”

“I’m sorry i made it sound like i was a victim.” Daehyun sighed. “Think about it this way, if--i hate to bring up his name again--Yugyeom came back to you, would you want him?”

“Well no, but technically aren’t you in Yugyeom’s position?” I said, cringing at the use of Yugyeom’s name.

There was silence again. “You’re right. But i’m sorry to her. I don’t want her to be hurt by me again, and i don’t want to be left by her again.”

I thought about his words, only to come to one conclusion. “Aren’t you basically telling me that you still like her? If you’re afraid of her leaving and if you’re afraid of you hurting her, you still like her.”

“Maybe i’m just worried.”

“You don’t have those worries about people who you don’t like.”

“Ok, fine you’re right.” Daehyun sighed again. “I guess what i’m trying to say is i don’t want Seohwa back.”

I hated this. I hated how Daehyun could put me into such a state of confusion.

“That’s not what it seemed like earlier today.” I stated, referencing the scene of them hugging.

“Listen to me, Sojung.” His voice was much more stern now. “I don’t know how to make this any more clear. I don’t want a future with Seohwa. What happened between us is in the past.”

There may have been 1015 thoughts going through my head at the same time. “Daehyun, i want to believe you, but what you’re saying is contradicting everything i saw and i was always taught to believe what i see and not what i hear.”

“What about what you read?” Daehyun suddenly asked.

“That’s literally beyond the poi-” I began but was cut off.

“Check your email.” Daehyun said, and the little beep at the end told me that he had hung up.

I sighed out of frustrating before opening my email on my phone.

Sure enough, i had one new email from ‘jungdaehyun6’ with no subject. Typical of him.

I opened the email and read it’s contents.

Dear Moon Sojung,

Maybe it’s my pride or maybe it’s my writer’s instincts, but i didn’t know how to say this outloud.

I love you. I love you a lot.

This is why i was so conflicted when you brought Seohwa to me and why i was so reluctant to tell you our history. I don’t want my past to hold me back anymore, and you taught me that.

This isn’t my first time telling you this. That one night, after you fell asleep when you were drunk, i realized that i loved you, and i told you. And why am i so confident in saying this again? Because that night, you said it back to me.

But then, when you woke up, you didn’t remember anything and asked me to tell you. I was hoping that you would remember. I was hoping that you would accept that i said and how you responded, but i guess i was asking for too much.

I dismissed that night as just a dream.

But Sojung… how did you make me fall for you? Maybe it’s me being a romantic. I thought about it for many hours, maybe more than you would understand. I fell for your curiosity, your determination to improve, and your drive to move forward and to never stop. The fact that you’re beautiful made me just sink deeper.

So Sojung, i love you. I can say it a million more times and i don’t think it would be enough. I love you.

And it ended.

Reading that, i felt tears fill my eyes.

Did i really know that that long ago? Was i already aware of my feelings on that night?

Why did i even allow myself to drink?

Questions flooded my mind and all i wanted to do was cry.

That’s when the tears came.

I hated myself. I hated myself for not understanding Daehyun. I hated myself for not understanding me. I hated myself for bringing Seohwa to Daehyun. I hated myself for having feelings more than admiration for Daehyun.

At times like these, i should be happy. I should be happy that the person whom i loved, loved me too. I always believed these moments only happened in fairytales and spun-up stories, but here i was; a victim of it.

All this did was make me more confused.

When did my emotions turn from admiration to love?

When did Daehyun fall for me?

Why did he fall for me?

Was i worthy of him?

Why did he choose me?

But most importantly,

Why did i fall for him?

a/n: Hello readers! i bet you didn't see that coming in todays chapter ;) right? haha jk. i hope you enjoyed todays chapter, and yes tensions are rising between the two ;D

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