Nuol ft. San-E - It's okay to be ugly

I asked my mom so many times already, why am I so ugly? I told her how all the kids in school keep making fun of me and how much this hurts. I tried my best to convince her that I need plastic surgery, said I could get it over break and I’d give her all the money back once I’m finished with school and have a job. She kept saying no and denied my simple request, even after I told her I’d leave the house. She didn’t care though, and so I said I’d go and kill myself, I’d really gonna go die, but still she ignored me.

My biggest enemy, the mirror. I hate them the most in the world. Every time I look into them they show me this rotten reflection of myself. Breaking down after looking at myself has become a daily ritual. I understand why I’m called a loser and I’m sick of it! How couldn’t I be a victim of bullying with those slit across eyes and crooked nose? And then there’s my face, it’s so unbelievable big, and don’t get me started on my skin.

Do you I even have to continue? I’m short. Not even 170cm, and while my friends get surgery for that I have to suffer and life on. Mom doesn’t earn that much, we’re actually quite poor, but still, I’d give everything for a surgery.. Oh, I almost forgot, to top it all off, I’m not even smart, just average..

Mom keeps telling me how the inside is what counts. It’s so annoying, I’m sick of hearing those words over and over again. Did she never hear what I’ve been saying?! Society these days criticize you if you’re ugly, it doesn’t matter what’s on the inside, they don’t care about that. This whole damn world revolves around beauty - especially this country. But I’m bound to life here..

One day I looked it up - There’s this one hospital in Gangnam. A lot of celebrities and singers go there. I want them to fix me, draw a double eyelid on me too. Please, I just want to be the same as everyone else!

There was this one person, told me how it’s okay to be ugly. He said I shouldn’t and won’t die. He kept telling me its okay to cry, but it won’t make anything better so I should just show the world my beautiful smile.

He made me believe that appearance may not be that important. I started to think that maybe one’s charm is more important so I tried hard for that. I built a wall around myself, keeping my feelings locked inside. In front of my pretty friends I was confident now, but in the back, I kept getting stressed.

I lived by power, education and pride. I take the pain medication that is my monthly salary. Men are all stupid - everyone is fixed. They forgive the ugly but consider it a sin if you don’t get surgery..

It’s okay now, I will go to sleep. And when I open my eyes in the morning, I will look into the mirror and I will look pretty... When I have a daughter later, I won’t tell her that she’s the prettiest. With those thoughts, I close my eyes and cry myself to sleep..

A/N: randomly picked Chen for this.. idek :_: