Crimson In My Eyes
Colour Me RainbowHyukjae thought he knew everything there was to know about Kyuhyun. There was the obvious - his addiction to games, his snarky attitude, the fact he was a genius. But what other people didn't see was his dislike for bitter things, his refusal to use honorifics or how Kyuhyun's eyes sparkled when he talked about music.
Hyukjae relished in the fact that he knew Kyuhyun so well. But he would doubt his own knowledge when the talk would come to Kyuhyun's family. The younger would stiffen, and his new colours would vanish, to be replaced by the dark blue. He'd mutter a don't wanna talk about it and walk away. A part of the darkness would linger behind, making Hyukjae feel cold.
When it happened, he didn't see Kyuhyun for three days.
It scared him to see Kyuhyun lose his colours, so he resolved to never talk about it again.
With the latest game console in his hands as a peace offering, he stood outside an apartment. The door opened to a disheveled looking Kyuhyun, starcraft t-shirt and baby blue. With one look at the console he stepped aside to let Hyukjae in. Hyukjae heaved a sigh of relief and was about to mutter a thousand apologies, when a pair of lanky arms wrapped around him. Soft hair tickled his cheeks, prominent chin pressed onto his shoulders. He smiled and his heartbeat grew faster with the words that trickled out next to his ears,
I've missed you.
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Seoul in the evening was a battle of dominance. The weary making their way home amongst the crowd of late night workers, streets covered with the aged, the youth basking in the freedom and the darkness of the night overcoming the light. Hyukjae took pleasure in the little moment, when the sky would be torn between the two powers and in its defence, cast out a magnificent array of orange glow pushed down by indigo.
He turned away from the window, and his eyes landed on a family portrait enclosed in an outrageously bright pink frame, complete with white stars and squiggles. He thought about his parents and how he hadn't talked to them in a while. He made a mental note to call them this weekend.
The long hours at work tired Hyukjae and he decided to call it a day,when the doorbell rang. He figured it must be one of his friends inviting him to the dance club. He was thinking of excuses convincing enough, when he opened the door to a haze of muddy blue . A bleak Kyuhyun stood in the doorway, his usually bright eyes red and swollen, stains of tears evident in his face. Hyukjae's first reaction was to take Kyuhyun in his arms. This broke the younger, and he erupted in sobs. Hyukjae patted Kyuhyun's head, his wails muffled by Hyukjae's shoulders. He felt the tears water his shirt and seep through into his skin. Long, shaky fingers clutched at his back, but he didn't mind. He continued running his hands up and down the youngers back, whispering desperate words of comfort.
After the crying reduced to small whimpering and snivels, Hyukjae pushed Kyuhyun back and took his face in his hands. He traced his fingers along the red puffy face. Kyuhyun's colours were turning into shades of grey. Kyuhyun gulped, and whispered in a hoarse voice, "My parents. They - they called."
Hyukjae bit his lips and nodded. He dropped his hands from Kyuhyun's face and took his hands instead, leading him to the couch. Kyuhyun intervened their fingers together and didn't let go even when they sat down. Hyukjae brushed out a strand of hair sticking to Kyuhyun's forehead. The younger closed his eyes to the touch and rested his head against back of the couch, facing Hyukjae. He let out a sigh and explained to Hyukjae about his parents. Hyukjae learnt about the over achieving family Kyuhyun was born in, about the high standards that were expected of him ever since he could walk, and how every single time he let them down. How Kyuhyun thought he could never be as great as his parents, how he was overshadowed by the success of his siblings, and how he was a disappointment in his parent's eyes. He told him about the fights, the shoutings. The urge to hurt himself, because the physical pain was so much better than the emotional cuts.
His blues were slashed across by red with each word he spoke. Drops of crimson smudged the colours. Hyukjae ran his fingers across Kyuhyun's arms, scars etched across the smooth skin and stopped at the slight bump of a wound.
Kyuhyun opened his eyes and let out a small smile. "They called today. The college sent them the tuition fees. My parents, they- they don"t pay the money. They refused to pay for my college - for me - ever since I left the house. I got in by scholarship, but I - God I messed it up," he shook his head in exasperation, "well the point is, I have to pay for my college now, and my parents weren't happy with the fees addressed to them, so they called to tell me that they don't want anything to do with me, and-" his eyes started glistening, the tears threatening to fall, "-to remind me that I brought shame to the family.That I'm the constant reminder of their failure." He took in a long breath and whispered, "And that they never want to see me again."
Tears gushed out and Kyuhyun covered his mouth with his hands. Faint sounds of weeping were heard and Hyukjae pulled the younger to his chest. Kyuhyun clutched on to the front of Hyukjae's shirt and let out in small whimpers, " Im scared. I have no one left." Constant cries of Im so alone left Kyuhyun's mouth. Hyukjae tried telling Kyuhyun that he was not alone, but the younger wouldn't listen. Hyukjae tried to think of ways to make him understand that he would always be there and in a desperate attempt, placed a kiss on top of Kyuhyun"s head.
Kyuhyun pulled back from Hyukjae, his eyes hazy and his colours bubbling with red. He lifted his hands to touch Hyukjae's face, tracing it down his cheeks, landing at his lips. Hyukjae tingled from where Kyuhyun"s fingers were touching him. Everything from Kyuhyun's colours to his eyes triggered a warning, but he couldn't place it . Before he could say anything, Kyuhyun bent forward, their cheeks brushing, and whispered in his ears, " You're the only one I have hyung," and pulled Hyukjae in for a kiss. Hyukjae opened his eyes in shock as Kyuhyun moved his lips hungrily against his own. Kyuhyun's one hand was on his face and his other hand was roaming around Hyukjae's sides. He tried to pry Hyukjae's mouth open with his tongue, but Hyukjae wouldn't budge. So Kyuhyun bit his lips instead, earning a gasp from the older and slipped his tongue in. The scarlet red of Kyuhyun's erupted like flames and engulfed him in hot fire. Kyuhyun slipped his hand underneath Hyukjae's shirt, and his touch burned. Hyukjae's back arched to Kyuhyun and his own hands were tangled in the brown locks. Half of him wanted to give in to his body's cravings, the other half wanted to push Kyuhyun off of him. The younger went on to latch his mouth onto Hyukjae's throat, and he let out sounds that would otherwise have embarrassed him to death. The want to feel, to touch, to be touched intensified tenfold. There were red alerts going off in his head, but Kyuhyun's soft lips moving against his skin shut them up.
Hyukjae opened his eyes, his vision cloudy and red, when the picture of a sobbing Kyuhyun popped into his head. He snapped out of his trance and pushed Kyuhyun, making him fall on the ground. The younger yelped out in pain and glared at him. Hyukjae sat up straight and ran his hands through his hair. He looked down to see Kyuhyun give him a questioning look. He shook his head and placed his hands on the younger's shoulders. He looked straight into Kyuhyun's eyes and said, "Look . This is not right. What we're doing is not right. You're an emotional wreck right now, you're looking for comfort, but this is not correct. I can't take advantage of you."
Kyuhyun shifted to sit on his knees. He placed one hand on Hyukjae's knees and drummed his fingers on his thigh. He looked down at the ground and said in a low voice, "What if - what if I want you to take advantage of me?"
Hyukjae shook his head again. "Its not right."
"I'm offering myself to you."
"I don't want it."
The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. All wrong. So wrong.
Kyuhyun lifted his head to look at Hyukjae, the red stains running parallel alongside his tears. All his colours had vanished, even the blue. Only the filthy dark crimson blazed across.
"You're like everyone else," Kyuhyun said, his glares unable to hide the hurt in his eyes, "Damn me for thinking you were any different."
Hyukjae wanted to say something, to tell him that was not what he meant, how this was not the right time, how he wanted Kyuhyun, how he longed for him right now. But no words would form.
With quivering lips, came out the most shattering thing Hyukjae had ever heard.
I never want to see you again.
Hyukjae remained frozen in his place as the younger got up and made his way out. The last rays of the sun flittered through the window and danced across the wall, leaving its last traces before dying out. A loud bang of the door made Hyukjae jump, and only the darkness was there to welcome him.
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A/N: This is a bit longer than the previous chapter. I tried writing this differently so let me know if you liked it! Comments are appreciated!
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