Cohesion
Colour Me Rainbow
For the next few days Hyukjae remains glued to his phone. His fingers feel numb from the constant pushing of green call button and the inevitable red end he puts to it. When his hand doesn't brush across the screen, his feet take him to the places Kyuhyun might be, only to run back to his apartment, fear of the worst crossing his mind. Not wanting to face the sting of rejection, Hyukjae decides to give it a few days, to let the younger cool off.
He retreats back into his previous life, life which he notices is bleak and gloomy without Kyuhyun by his side. The colours seem to be draining out from his world, slowly and painfully, and he wonders if he'll ever be able to paint them back again.
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Lost in the kaleidoscope of confusion and frustration, Hyukjae decides that his drawing room needs a makeover and paints the wall blue. Hyukjae had never been good with art, and it showed in the messy work, parts of blue overlapping to form dark lines. He steps back to admire the rest of his work and pushes the thought of just calling Kyuhyun and getting over with it to the back of his head. Lying down on the couch, the memories of what happened last time rushes through his head and knocks him over like the wind. Thoughts of how soft Kyuhyun's lips felt against his own makes him shiver and he labels it as a moment of weakness. Throwing out any annotations that he might be missing the younger a little bit too much and replacing it with he's a friend, a very good one, he pushes his head further into the newly brought blue cushion, willing sleep to put him out of this misery.
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As days roll by, Hyukjae decides that enough is enough, and he should man up and talk to Kyuhyun. After much pleading and whining, and the accidental slip of threatening to break his aquarium, Hyukjae gets Donghae to help him with cornering Kyuhyun. That's how he finds himself in the green of the college campus with an anxious Donghae. Donhgae looks frightened, his colours bursting at slight movement or noise, and Hyukjae has seen enough of Kyuhyun's temper to know that anyone in their right mind would be scared of him.
He spots the mush of messy hair bobbing its way through the crowd. There was Kyuhyun, as blue as Hyukjae remembered him. The moment he makes contact with the brown eyes, Kyuhyun freezes in his spot. Seconds, that seems like hours pass and Hyukjae feels his eyes smarting from the intense staring contest going on. Slowly, he takes a step forward. This seemed to snap Kyuhyun out of his trance as his eyes grew wide and his eyebrows were so up in his hair that Hyukjae thought he might laugh if it were some other time. But all thoughts of laughter left his head as Kyuhyun turned around on his spot and bolted out of there. Hyukfae felt his jaw swing open and without a second thought, grabbed Donghae's hand and sprinted after Kyuhyun. The students who had earlier ignored Kyuhyun's mad dash, now all stared at Hyukjae dragging along a confused Donghae.
Hyukjae weaved his way through web of students, thankful for once that Kyuhyun was tall enough to be distinguishable. The rigorous hours of dance provided enough stamina, but Kyuhyun was too fast and Donghae too heavy. The ragged breath coming from his mouth left no doubt in his mind that he'd faint any moment. He was considering chucking Donghae and continue on the hunt himself, when he sees Kyuhyun getting stopped by one of the professors. Bringing himself to a halt and consequently making Donghae crash into him, he stayed a few pace behind the professor, Kyuhyun directly in his line of sight. Hands flat against his knees, he peers at Kyuhyun through the blonde bangs and string of sweat trailing down his eyes. The staring contest resumes, and Hyukjae notices the dark circles under Kyuhyun's eyes and the way his shoulders slouched. The guilt of his rejection affecting Kyuhyun washes over him, as he pictures a crying Kyuhyun up late in the night upset over the scenario. The more logical part of his brain argues that Kyuhyun is a student, so of course he stays up late night studying and not sobbing over Hyukjae.
The professor starts walking away, and before Kyuhyun can make an escape, Hyukjae runs over and grabs Kyuhhyun's arm. Kyuhyun's eyes dart to where Hyukjae was holding him, and Hyukjae gulps down hard, choking out the words, "We need to talk."
Kyuhyun shifts his eyes to Hyukjae, glaring all the while. "Fine," he mutters,"Tell the fish to buzz off," he adds as Donghae appears at Hyukjae's side. One glare from Kyuhyun has Donghae going pale and bowing down low before running off in the opposite direction.
Hyukjae lets out a sigh before facing Kyuhyun. "Do you get high from giving people fright?"
Kyuhyun takes one hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead. "Is this what you want to talk about? Your scaredy cat of a brother?"
Hyukjae opens his mouth to retort back, but stops himself on seeing the violet rage dangerously at the seams.
He lets go off Kyuhyun's arms, which he notices disapprovingly, Kyuhyun swipes at with his other hand as if something infectious just touched him. His lips form into a frown and he hesitates a little before speaking. "I thought we should get cleared up on what happened last time"
Kyuhyun eyes remain fixated on glaring holes into Hyukjae face, and he lets out in a small voice, "Sorry it happened, forget about it ok?". He turns around and starts walking away.
"Wait!", Hyukjae again grabs for Kyuhyun's arms. The younger continues to glare daggers and Hyukjae uses all his will not to scream and run away like Donghae.
"I'm all for forgetting. But you ignoring me, that's-that's not cool," he finishes lamely.
Kyuhyun lets out a snort and rolls his eyes. "Hyung in case your memory is weak, let me remind you that it was you-" he swings his arm making Hyukjae's hands fall off "-who was ignoring me and not the other way around."
Hyukjae opens then closes his mouth. He feels his blood boiling and has to hold himself from punching the smug grin off Kyuhyun's face.
"Well," Hyukjae says in the calmest tone he can, "I thought you might be mad at me so .. "
"What!" Kyuhyun's loud voice booms through, making several people turn their head in his direction.
Hyukjae flinches slightly, scared that Kyuhyun might lash at him. The younger immediately softens, his colours calming down and the violet slowly seeping back. He shakes he head and doesn't speak for some time. He takes Hyukjae's hands in his, playing with his fingers. "I thought that you might be mad at me, for doing that , uh, you know .. "
The shock makes Hyukjae thinks his eyes might pop out from his head. Controlling his expression, he manages to squeak out. "I thought you would be angry because I rejected you and I don't want to lose you as a friend and .. "
Kyuhyun squinted his eyebrows , his lips forming a thin line, before bursting into laughter. There's the strip of red again, but this time a yellow dances around the blues and Hyukjae thinks that the trinkling of Kyuhyun's laugh is just like the yellow; warm and happy. So he doesn't mind when a cheerful Kyuhyun ruffles his hair and mutters a you're so weird hyung and I don't think about you in that sense before waving Hyukjae goodbye, signaling to his watch to show he's late for class. Hyukjae stands there feeling accomplished for getting back his friend, but there's a sinking feeling in his stomach. There's the inkling that lot of things were left unsaid, and somewhere in his head, a fleeting disappointment passes through. But all thoughts are left behind as Hyukjae looks forward to meeting Kyuhyun again.
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Their friendship resumes to normal, and Hyukjae finds his world a little more colourful and lively. They go back to their routine of video games and chinese take out, and Hyukjae thinks he can never get tired of it. However, normalcy can never ignore the attraction that strangeness brings, which Hyukjae starts noticing. Whenever he makes any attempt at physical contact with Kyuhyun, the younger brushes him off. At first it didn't bother him, but it happened too often to make it difficult to ignore. Hyukjae thinks that maybe Kyuhyun just needs some personal space and resolves to keep his distance from the younger, which if Hyukjae was not wrong, seemed to make the younger's mood more sour.
It was not just Kyuhyun; Hyukjae had caught himself many times staring too long at Kyuhyun, or getting nervous when Kyuhyun accidentally presses himself against Hyukjae. He thinks his colours would be bright pink, from the numerous times he's blushed because of Kyuhyun. And Lee Hyukjae had never blushed in his life.
Hyukjae thinks that the embarrassment from last time still hasn't wore off, as Kyuhyun pointedly refuses to go back to Hyukjae's apartment. Bribing Kyuhyun with video games and countless taunts of you're such a baby, he finally gets a reluctant Kyuhyun to come to his place.
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He never thought he'd turn red from humiliation on seeing Kyuhyun's knowing smirk when he noticed the amount of blue in the room. A I didn't know you painted your feelings hyung and missed me too much? makes Hyukjae wish he had never forced the younger to come. Even the punches he throws at Kyuhyun doesn't make any impact, Hyukjae notes sadly.
"Its not even that much," he says, crossing his arms,"You're just exaggerating."
Kyuhyun raises one eyebrow in response and mutters,"Of course not. Its not like I'm blinded by blue everytime I turn around."
Hyukjae ignores the dramatic rolling of eyes and proceeds to take out the latest Halo CD. The brightness Kyuhyun's eyes shows makes Hyukjae realise how much of a child Kyuhyun can be, when he's not throwing snarky remarks .
Making themselves comfortable on the couch, they dive into 4 hour long of mindless screaming and jumping. Hyukjae laughs harder then he's ever before, the colours themselves seem bright and cheerful. In the middle of getting their butts kicked by aliens, in which Kyuhyun sternly ordered Hyukjae to stay behind him, the younger's phone starts ringing. A Super Mario soundtrack blasts from his phone, making Hyukjae raise his eyebrows to which Kyuhyun replies with a shrug. Pausing the game, Hyukjae turns around to face Kyuhyun, only to see the later frozen with the phone in his hand. One look at the caller ID clears the doubt in his head. Kyuhyun's fingers linger at the end call, but he never pushes the button, instead letting the song play on. As soon as the song ends, Kyuhyun tosses the phone to the side and picks up his console. Hyukjae presses his lips together, pondering whether its right to cross over the boundary or not.
Kyuhyun remains silent, the battle sounds and the harsh pressing of controls serving as the only background music. In the dark of the room, the light of the screen sets an eerie celeste on the younger's face, compiling with the paleness almost making his face glow.
"You know it'd be a lot more helpful if you'd pick up the controller instead of staring at my face," Kyuhyun says, eyes staring at the screen in front.
Hyukjae doesn't miss how Kyuhyun's teeth graze over his lips a little too hard or how the brown eyes are not entirely focused, dazed in another world.
"You should have answered the call Kyu ... " Hyukjae says, the words coming out more forcefully than he hoped for.
"What? and miss my chance to kick some alien ?", Kyuhyun's attempt at a snicker is brought down by the slight crack in his voice.
Silence envelops them again, where Hyukjae forms the words carefully in his head and prays that it comes out right, "It might be important Kyu."
Receiving only a snort as response he continues, "Have you ever talked to them? Told them how you feel -"
"There's nothing to talk about," Kyuhyun cuts off abruptly.
"Then how would you ever work it out if you don't tell them? I know its seems hard but-"
"I meant there's nothing to talk about on this subject hyung," Kyuhyun lets out between clenched teeth, tossing the controller and running his hands through his hair.
"Oh." Hyukjae feels that he should stop now, ignore the conversation and go back to being like before. But in his head he knows that wont make things right.
"Look I know its not my place to mess around with but-"
"Then don't!" Kyuhyun stands up, making the controller crash on the floor. His fists are clenched tightly at the side , his body shaking slightly. The red pierces out like a beast, gnashing at the other colours. Hyukjae gets up slowly, and reaches out to touch Kyuhyun's shoulder. Kyuhyun slaps away Hyukjae's hands and the pain bites at his heart. Hyukjae tries not to show the hurt in his eyes, but Kyuhyun catches it. He lets out a groan and puts his hands on Hyukjae's shoulders, his head bend down.
"Hyung don't do this," Hyukjae pushes back the hair falling in the younger's eye, "Why do you do this," he whispers against Hyukjae's neck.
Hyukjae lifts Kyuhyun's chin to make him look up, his other hand resting on his cheek. "You're so special, you know that."
Kyuhyun eyes grow wide in surprise. He presses his forehead to Hyukjae's and closes his eyes, tears trailing down his face.
"I can't do this hyung."
Kyuhyun's breath ghosts over his face, and Hyukjae finds himself leaning in closer. Hyukjae feels his knees growing weak and thinks he might have fallen down, had it not been for the younger's hands on his waist, clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt. A part of his brain understands, and at the same time does not. Though at the moment, the only thing that matters to him is Kyuhyun.
Hyukjae closes his eyes to the fiery red pouring from the touches, burning his skin while the blue numbs his senses from the cold. Hyukjae finds himself losing his mind from the insanity edging under his fingers, but he doesn't pull away. Instead he leans in closer till their lips are only widths apart.
"Let me in Kyu,"
Kyuhyun lets out in a choked whisper, "I'm scared."
"So am I."
And that's all it takes for Kyuhyun to close the gaps between them and press his lips against Hyukjae. The blue and silver erupts in flames, and Hyukjae finds himself engulfed in Kyuhyun's embrace. The red blazes across, but this time it embodies warmth and hope and something else that Hyukjae couldn't place . The kiss is slow and soft, nothing like the last time but so much more than that. Kyuhyun tastes like chocolate and mint,and there's hint of saltiness as Hyukjae delves deeper into the kiss. Moving apart to catch their breath, Hyukjae sees the puffy eyes sparkle, the tears still streaming down his face. Hyukjae kisses them away, muttering idiot, who cries while kissing in between kisess. Kyuhyun lets out a small laugh, and Hyukjae thinks he's never heard anything so melodious, before claiming his lips again.
Hyukjae finds himself lost in Kyuhyun's colours, the blue and red mixing in with his silver, and as they make their way to Hyukjae's bedroom, he thinks that maybe his palette has found the missing colour after all.
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A/N: I know I said I'll update after sep, but my Kyuhyuk feels were all over the place and I couldn't help myself. And guys, your comments are the best! it gives so much more motivation to write. And I love hearing your thoughts on the story and how the characters are feelings. It makes my day! ^^
Im a little unsure about this chapter, since it seems all over the place. I thought it was ok, but i dont really know. Also I think I messed up the tenses maybe? Please let me know if you liked it and if theres any mistake!
Thank you so so much!
Note: Cohesion is a programming, chemistry and painting terminology. basically means how the molecules(modules prog. wise) hold together in a coating(forces of attraction).
Celeste is this very light blue colour, a little brighter than sky blue I think.
Just thought id write it in case anyone is confused. Hehe
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