“Again?!” I screamed through my phone. The sound of my friend crying didn’t help the fact that I wanted to reach through the phone and punch her.  My brother and her had been dating for a few years now and things started to get a little uneasy between the two of them.

            “Yes,” she stumbled out of between sobs.  In truth, I didn’t feel sorry for her at all.  She made the bright move of having an ex-boyfriend who decided to back pack across the U.S to stay at her place.  I heard my fair share of it from my brother who called me not that long before she did.

            “You want to know what I think?” I asked her.  I was going to be more up front then anything with her.  I had enough of the bull crap she was playing at.  I heard her whimper yes to me.  “You had this coming!  You treated my brother like crap for some time now, and now you want to pull this I’m better than you are crap, AND have an ex in your house who still wants to get into your pants staying there!  YOU CAN’T TELL ME YOU DIDN’T SEE THIS SH….” I was cut off by the phone leaving my hands.  My friend had lost control of the tears, which was killed by my boyfriend ending the call.

            I glared at him; however, Jongup remained calm and stood his ground.  “That was a bit harsh noona,” he said softly as he laid the phone on his nightstand.

            “Well the truth hurts,” I snapped.  I crossed my arms and leaned back on the headboard with the pillows giving me a little cushion for my back.  I pouted, like my dad’s side of the family was known for.  I looked into the kitchen from my bedroom out into my small apartment.  I was just happy that I was on the other side of the world right now, and not having to deal with the two of them bickering in my face. 

            I could hear Jongup sigh and lean over to look into my face.  “I know you’re cute when you pout when you don’t get your way, but I don’t like the ‘I want to kill’ stare that you’re giving off,” he said.  I turned my eyes on him, and then the phone started to go off again.  I made a reach for it but Jongup stopped my hand from going anywhere.  “Noona, you did enough damage for one day.  I’ll handle it now.” My kill stare went back on him.  Jongup handling things was sugar coating everything and trying to get her happy again.  Someone hurting my own flesh and blood was not something that I could forgive lightly on.

            Jongup answered the phone and I could still hear her sobs from where I sat. Jongup had to pull the phone away from his ears because she was crying that hard.  “HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!” She sobbed.  I rolled my eyes hearing that come out from .  It was easy for me to say that, I was feeling that way about her for the past few months, but could never really say it because she didn’t do something stupid to ask for it.

            “She didn’t mean anything by it,” Jongup said calmly.  I glared at him; he knew that every word that came out of my mouth was the truth about her.  She pissed me off, and now it meant war on hurting my brother the way that she did.

            “I know her, she meant every word,” she sobbed.  “Jongup, please tell her that I’m sorry.  I love her brother, but I just need some space to clear my mind a little.”

            “NEED YOUR SPACE?!” I yelled.  “That’s a bunch of BULL if I ever heard it!” Her sobbing started to get harder again, and this time Jongup gave me the death stare.  I wasn’t going to piss him off any more, so I sat back and pouted again.  He was winning this war and I didn’t like it.  He knew how I felt about all of this mess and yet he wanted to be the peace keeper in this whole thing.  He was the only person stopping me to get on the next plane to go home and kick her . 

            “Noona, you got to see this from a man’s point of view.  Having an ex stay with you was a bad move.  I wouldn’t want my noona having an ex stay with her if I knew that he still had feelings for her, and was telling her that I was no good for her.  So for him to act and say the things that he did, it was justified,” he told her calmly.  I turned my head and smiled a little.  He had taken our side. “However, I think breaking up over this is a little too far.  You have to see where he is coming from.  Yes he is a friend, but that friend meant something more to you at one point in time.  And hyung is worried that the feelings that you had for your ex will come back.” 

            My death stare came back. No, the breakup had a good reason.  She was never happy with him for about 2 or so months now.  She was just playing my brother for a fool.  She had claimed she had lost me, but in truth it was the other way around.  I still wanted that friend ship that we had had for so long, but it was replaced.  My brother taking my spot, and I filled her spot with Jongup. I had lost my best friend, but I gained a new one that loved me to no end.  He was always there, never turned me away like she did.  He would listen to what I had to say and give me a direction to go in.  I loved him with all my heart, and the void that she had left was filled with him.

            Now that she had seen that the relationship with me and Jongup was going so well, she wanted the void that I left to be filled again with me.  She had begged me to come back to the states almost every day.  I, however, had turned her down all the times she had asked.  She wanted the friendship back, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  She hurt my brother, and I hated her for it.  It’s hard to get me to hate someone so much, but she managed to do so. Not only her, but her ex that was staying with her was on my hate list.

            I could feel the warmth of my tears as I thought about my brother and how he was hurting.  I had tuned out everything around me; she and Jongup were just mumbles in my ears. The thought of going home to be there for my brother was strong, but I knew if I went home she would be close by and a fist fight would be in order. I got out of bed and grabbed a hoodie.  I could see Jongup go wide eyed, as he watched me start heading out of the bed room.

            “Noona, where are you going?” he asked calmly. 

            “I need some fresh air.  I’m going for a walk,” I half spat out. I was still pissed and I knew that the cool air would cool me off a little.  He was still on my phone and I watched as he reached for his. I knew he was messaging the others to have one of them keep an eye on me.  I sighed as I walked through the kitchen and to the front door.  I slipped on my shoes, unlocked the door and opened it.  I started to head down the stairs to the main floor of the apartment complex, still thinking of where I wanted to go to so that I could cool off. 

            My first thought came as going to the entertainment building to see if Junhong was there practicing, or any of the others.  I looked down at my watch, nope; it was too late at night for that.  He would be back at the dorms with the others.  I sighed as I reached the lobby doors and opened them.  The cool, crisp night air hit my face in greeting to me going out.  I closed my eyes and welcomed it with open arms.  The lobby doors swung shut behind me as I started to walk the streets of Seoul.    

            As I walked, I thought about home more.  I did miss being out in the country were I had been born and raised on.  I was a country girl at heart, and now here I was in a city.  I always felt lost here, I was out of place.  I came up to a park that wasn’t that far from the apartment and went in.  I found the swing set and took a set on one of the swings.  I swung myself back and forth lightly, using it as a substitute rocking chair.  I looked up into the night sky, no stars out, because of all the light pollution from this big city.  My eyes started to water more, I missed being able to look up into the night sky and get lost in looking at the stars to clear my head.

            I swung a little harder, making my feet reach off the ground more.  The thought of my new families here came into my mind.  I wasn’t totally out of place, Jongup and I had started to date a year after I moved here and I was taken in not only by his family, but also the groups’ family.  I had become an unseen, unspoken member of the group.  Not many fans knew that I was dating Jongup at this time.  There have been rumors that he was seeing someone, but no one really went into depth about it.  Yongguk didn’t want Jongup to go through the hard times with what some of the fans could do.

            I was lost in thought that I didn’t hear who came up behind me until I felt the swing stop and hands on top of mine.  My eyes went big as I turned to see who it was. Yongguk’s gummy smile greeted me. “Jongup said you wouldn’t go far from the apartment, so I took a chance that maybe you would be here,” he said. I smiled lightly back and turned my head and stared at the ground.  Yongguk and Himchan were the two that I looked up to the most for guidance when I needed it. They really did become brother figures for me after a few months of me dating Jongup.

            I could hear the crunching of the ground and out of the corner of my eyes, I watched as Yongguk took up the swing that was next to me.  “Noona, you don’t have to keep it in.  Let it all out.  Jongup didn’t give us a lot to go on.  Just that more drama had started up and you are once again in the cross hairs,” he whispered.

            “She is being a retard,” I started saying.  My eyes found the hole that my foot had made when I was rocking slowly.  “She thinks that nothing that she does to my brother has a reaction to it.  She thought having an ex stay with her for a month wasn’t going to be an issue.  I could see that train wreck a mile away.  She still is claiming that she isn’t in the wrong on that!”  I was almost yelling at this point.  However, I was trying to keep my voice down, because I knew that Yongguk hated seeing me mad.  Only he and Jongup had seen me to the point where I went to the gym and used a few of the punching bags to blow of some hard core steam.

            “Oh, and the best part is, she told my brother that it was HER that lost me.  I know for a fact it is the other way around.  I lost her first!” my tears couldn’t be held back anymore as I spoke to Yongguk.  I looked up at what little stars I could see out in the night sky.  “I hate this oppa, I feel so out of place in my own life.  She has hurt my brother and I can’t come to terms to forgive her.  I can’t mend the bond that was broken with her,” I was sobbing at this point in time.  My life had come crashing down with all of this, and the only ones that could fix it were here.  No one back at home could help me.  Not my mother, my brothers, my sister-in-law, no one there could.  The six people that could help me were all close by and knew me better than I knew myself.

            Yongguk came into my line of view as he rearranged the swings so that we were face to face with each other. “Something like that shouldn’t be lightly forgiven. However, it still needs to be forgiven.  Bonds break and new ones are formed.  You have six strong bonds here that are going to be hard to break.  I don’t see you or Jongup calling off your relationship with each other. Both of you are loyal to one another, and that bond is going to be a hard one to break. I can’t tell you what you need to do, but just remember, that everyone needs to be forgiven no matter what the wrong that has been done,” his deep voice was soothing, he never wavered in tone.  I cried harder and hid my face with my hands.  Yongguk was right, but to forgive her almost felt like saying what she did was in the right.  I didn’t want to betray my brother, I didn’t want to let her think that nothing she did was wrong. 

            I felt Yongguk kissed my hands; I knew that he wanted to kiss the top of my forehead on where he had kissed.  “Go back to Jongup, get some sleep noona,” he whispered softly.  “If you feel like blowing off steam in the morning you are more than welcome to come to practice with Jongup to use the workout room."  I lowered my hands, my tear stained face had a small smile on it as I nodded.  Yongguk let go of my swing and went back to the starting point to the side of me.  He got up off of his swing and walked over in front of me and held out his hands. “I’ll walk you home noona,” he said softly.

            I smiled and took his hands as he pulled me off the swing.  “Thank you,” I said to him.  He looked at me with a puzzled look.  “Thank you for being here, and for helping me through all this oppa.  I know you must already be sick of all this drama too, and I’m sorry that all of you have gotten into this family drama of mine.”

            “You are family to all of us, it was bound to happen at some point in time noona,” he said as he turned his head forward as he walked.  “I don’t blame you for something that followed you here, but I don’t blame them for how they want to run their life either. And you shouldn’t either.”

            I was puzzled by what he said.  I did blame them for having their issues on me and me being in the middle of all of this.  Why should I not blame them?  They hurt me in more ways then I could count, and yet she still wants me to be her friend after all this drama.  Yongguk’s words came back, bonds are broken and new ones are formed.  He did have it right, I had six strong bonds here, and nothing would be able to break them.

            We entered the lobby of the apartment complex, and started claiming the stairs to my floor.  We both stopped in front of my door, Jongup’s voice was soft, so I knew he must still be on the phone with my friend.  I closed my eyes and sighed.  “Just go to bed noona,” Yongguk told me.  “Just let Jongup handle what he can but you just go to bed and let it all drowned out.”

            I nodded and kissed Yongguk on the side of the cheek.  “Thanks again oppa,” I told him as I opened the door slowly.

            “If you need me use Jongup’s phone,” he said as he turned to head back down the stairs. I nodded and entered the small apartment.  Jongup was walking back and forth across the small apartment, and I could tell that he had almost had it with this whole thing.  He looked up to see me come in as I locked the door and kicked off my shoes.  I walked over to him and kissed him softly, I could hear my friend going off on how I was a bad person and that Jongup could do so much better than me.  I took the phone and hit end call before turning the thing off all the way.  

            “I think you had more than your fill on that oppa,” I said softly.  I could tell that he had been fighting back the tears that were building up with her rant on me.  He pulled me in close and kissed me deeply.  I couldn’t help but put my arms around him and get lost in the kiss.  There was passion in it, and I knew that he hated the words that slipped out of .  They were poison to the both of us, because we both knew, and so did Yongguk, that there was no breaking this bond that Jongup and I had.  We were both in this together, and that was how it was going to be.