Recycled Boyfriend

The reviewer: Gen (ClairDeLune)

The tittle:

It makes me curious. The first time I see it, I keep guessing around. I am the type that likes guessing the plot of the story through its tittle. I vaguely guess that this story about the girl who has an on/off relationship with the guy because “recycled boyfriend” mean a boy who you dated before but now, you and that guy come back together. And you prove me wrong. Based on your definition about “recycled boyfriend” I think that the tittle pretty much relates to your story. It suits to the tone of the story. Nothing is heavy or serious in the tittle.

The first impression:

Your description is pretty good, not too wordy and it’s straightforward. But in my opinion, it’s not really interesting and captivating much because I see a lot of description like this on AFF. I’m thinking about something like this:

“Have you ever heard about ‘recycled boyfriend’?

Let Lee Chaerin tell you about it.

Believe me, no one can tell you about it better than her.”

It’s just my suggestion though. I think if you write in this way, you can save the information about your story pretty much better.

Your foreword is interesting but honestly, it turns me off a little bit because I am distracted by the grammar. As I said before, I am not a Grammar Nazi but you made some basic mistakes which I feel hard to ignore. I will turn back to this in the grammar part. I appreciate that you tried to portrait the characters’ emotions like how they act, how their emotions change etc. I’d love to read more about the way you describe how they act and how their expressions change on their faces. Show me, don’t tell me. If they’re sad, describe how sad they are through their faces, their reactions, even if it’s possible, you can describe how their mood by writing about the view around them like how gloomy it is, how sad it is.

Since you don’t have a poster, I won’t talk about your poster. The background doesn’t distract me when I read your story, which is good. Your choice for the font is good because it’s easy to read and you keep it simple, not go crazy like pouring the box of crayon in your description and your foreword.

Plot:

Talking about the plot, I think it’s fun and entertaining. What you wrote suits to the genres you chose completely. I don’t feel heavy or confused about the plot. I have some small thoughts for each chapter:

Chapter 1: I like how you lead the story. I enjoy the way you describe how Jiyong changes his habit and the way he acts to Chaerin. You give the readers hints that something bad will happen soon. Although I know that he would break up with her, I still keep reading. Why? It’s because I want to see his reactions. When I read stories, I often focus on how the authors describe their characters and how they guide the readers through the story. You do a good job on describing Jiyong’s expression and how Chaerin feels about Jiyong’s odd actions. But I really wish that you can dig it little bit deeper and more details. The interactions between Chaerin and Dara, Chaerin and Cheondong are nothing much to say.

Chapter 2: Isn’t it little too fast for Jiho decides to hit on Chaerin? I mean, look, he’s Chaemi’s admirer (or Chaemi’s lost puppy) and then, he suddenly turns to hit on Chaerin and ask her for a date. In my mind, there are two possible reasons: first, he pretends to be Chaemi’s admirer just to approach Chaerin and second, you write the way too fast. The plot is okay, it’s just little bit awkward to me.

Chapter 3: In this chapter, I find it’s hilarious in some parts. I like that you build up the scenes and stuffs.

Chapter 4: Okay, so I guess that Jiyong has an arranged marriage, right? Please tell me that I’m wrong. Because if it is… I’ll scream. Just make Jiyong go cuckoo or something, but try to not get into an arranged marriage because it’s not really realistic, hundred years ago, yes, it’s very realistic but now, I don’t think so. I love how much Dara loves her friend, especially when Chaerin said that she wetted Dara’s favorite jacket and Dara replied that she loved Chaerin more. I love that part. It’s short but it brings to me a warm feeling.

Characters:

About Chaerin, based on what I read through your story, she is a tough and confident girl outside but she has the soft and sensitive heart inside. When she falls in love, she falls hard. Her love for Jiyong is really big that although they broke up and she swore that she would not cry for him, she still cried for him and missed him. Because your story just begins so that’s what I can tell about your character. For me, it’s realistic. Yes, I think that I can meet someone like that in the real life.

About Jiyong, honestly, I can’t say much about him. I just have a feeling that he’s not a jerk. You didn’t reveal much about his thoughts and his emotions so it’s hard to judge him anything. Through Chaerin’s words, he’s a bright and cheerful guy. He likes teasing her and he’s little bit careless.

About Dara, I like her. Her personality is cute and warm. Her personality is very believable. She is not the air-head or some girls who are too hyper as they’re on crack.

About Jiho, you make me feel little annoyed to him. Haha, maybe it’s because I don’t like that type of guy so when I read about how he reacts, I feel annoyed and I keep thinking “, Chaerin, just walk away! There you go girl, walk away! He’s not your type!”

Writing style and Language:

Okay, it’s grammar time!

Like I said before, I am not a Grammar Nazi but when I read your story, although your plot is interesting, I feel distracted and little bit turn off.

The first thing that bugs me a lot is your choice of tenses. When you write a story, you should stay constantly with one tense either present tense or past tense. Normally, people usually use simple past when they write stories but in newspapers or magazines, sometimes, you will see that people use simple present, too. Why? It’s because the simple present will make their articles livelier and more truly as the readers are watching that scene by their own eyes.

I will correct some typical sentence, then, I hope that you will read your story again and fix some similar mistakes.

“I chewed my bottom lips, hoping he was lying. Hoping he was just fooling around.”

Correction:

“I chewed my bottom lips. I hoped he was lying, hoped he was just fooling around.”

Don’t capitalize the beginning of the conversation in the sentence. If you want to capitalize it, then you put the period before it.

I mustered all of my courage to ask him, “Is there another girl?”

Correction:

I mustered all of my courage to ask him. “Is there another girl?” or

I mustered all of my courage to ask him, “is there another girl?”

There are some run-out sentences.

Thankfully, we were driving using our car today.

Correction:

Thankfully, we used our own cars today.

It will be shorter and make more sense.

But there are just times when I think she is more a lot like my mother than a friend.

Correction:

But there are times when I think she is much more like my mother than my friend.

The workers there are mainly consist of women…

Correction:

The workers mainly are women.

There is a confusing sentence:

“I am, Sandara. I am going to have a better boyfriend than him, but not finding one. I’ll just let him come to me naturally, you know? Just how Jiyong come to me naturally.”

Correction:

“I am, Lee Chaerin. I am going to have a better boyfriend than him. Not finding one but I’ll let him come to me naturally, you know, just like how Jiyong came to me naturally.”

Didn't I misundertand something? Chaerin says this quote, doesn't she?

Changing from the direct quote to the indirect quote:

… without asking me whether there’s anybody or not

Correction:

…without asking me whether there was anybody or not

There are many more mistakes which are similar to those mistakes which I pointed out. I hope that you will read your story again and correct them or you just simply put them in Word, I’m pretty sure that it’ll help a lot.

Flow:

As I mentioned above, I think that Jiho’s decision is too fast, otherwise, your story has a good flow and it’s smooth. But I really crave for some transition. I know that the red dots thingy are for changing the scene but you should challenge yourself to use words more.

My Thoughts:

Your story is still on-going and things happening are interesting. Your writing is not bad, to be honest, but you need to improve your grammar skill. I can understand in general what is happening in your story, it’s pretty simple to understand though and I can see a lot of people supporting for your story. I can understand that English is not your language but keep improving your grammar skill because it’ll make the readers understand what you want to say more and they’re not distracted when they read your work. Keep on writing, okay.

Have a good day and thank you for requesting at the Coffee, Books and My Thoughts

Gen

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